Author's note: Okay first of all, thank you to everyone who was kind
enough to send me their thoughts about the first chapter. Feedback is
always appreciated, good, or bad. Anyway, some of you out there may not
like where I'm taking Harm, but I'm
trying to put Harm where I think TPTB are going to take him. Other than
that, enjoy.
2102 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
Its over. My Naval career is over. I can feel the smooth wood grain of my desk as I sweep my hand over it. My empty desk, my former desk, my former office. I managed to get everything of mine into the three boxes sitting on the desk in front of me. I never thought it would end like this. No Sadik, no Mac, and no more Tomcats. I've effectively struck out. I feel like I've been kicked in the gut by a mule ever since the Admiral refused to take me back. Even one out of three would've been acceptable or at least would have made this more bearable. Sadik probably jumped off the train as soon as we lost sight of him. Now he's still out there and I'm sure he'll come after me. I won't have help either; the Navy doesn't concern itself with civilians in that regard. As for Mac, we spent the entire time together throwing sarcastic remarks back and forth at each other. I guess I just couldn't help responding in kind. At least we... she came to a definite decision regarding us. In some ways I'm glad, I can move on now. I'll miss the Tomcats though, there's nothing like hitting Mach 2. I'll miss the Navy pension I would've qualified for in two more years too.
I can see the Admiral talking to one of the administrative officers out in the bullpen. Not a team player my ass, I'm the only one who even gives a damn about the team. None them came to visit me when I was locked up like an animal; no one else risked it all to bring Mac back home. How many times have I put it all on the line for the people I work with, for the clients I've defended? Apparently doing more than the next guy is actually my one-way ticket out of here. I've given the Admiral everything he asked of me when we first met. Yeah I'm driven by my emotions, but still I gave him the results he wanted, the positive image the Navy needed, and it still wasn't enough for him to give me the same courtesy he afforded Mac when she left for the greener pastures of civilian law. Its obvious who he favors, who he's always favored. Hell, maybe Brumby was right; maybe he is a little bit in love with her. I think Mac's grown too accustomed to me saving her ass as well. I've got a pile of evidence to prove it too. The aforementioned hillbilly poachers who shot her, Coster, Hodge, the nuke bearing down on the Sea Hawk, and all of Paraguay. There's a litany of others I could add to the list, but I'm too depressed to even care any more. Who's she going to look to when she finds herself in the next jam? Well, that isn't exactly fair. She did save me from the Russians and their damn ass backward torpedoes. And she did pluck me out of the Atlantic two years ago. Of course, if it weren't for her upcoming wedding I wouldn't have been in that position to begin with. I have never been that eager to leave a carrier for any reason before. That would've been no different. Especially with a storm on the way and Tuna and Skates there with me. I know I would've stayed put.
The knock on my door brings me back to the present, its Sturgis. I wave him in. "Hey Harm..." He's having a hard time deciding what to say to me. I'll save him the trouble.
"Could you close the door behind you? What's up?"
Sturgis lightly shrugs his shoulders, "Thought maybe you could use a hand carrying your stuff out".
I smile; at least he's trying. No one else has had the guts to come in here since I tossed my cover to Tiner and retreated back into my office. "Thanks. How was your tour of the Jimmy Carter?" Sturgis has been out in San Diego for the past three weeks trying a case out there against a Lieutenant who drove a loading crane over the edge of the pier and smacked it into the hull of the Jimmy Carter. He was high, smoking marijuana at the time. Sturgis left the day after Bud's replacement council managed to clear him of his defense of Lieutenant Dunkin and only returned a few days ago to learn the news about me, Mac, and my retirement. And right now, he's hesitant to tell me about his trip. "You can tell me now or I can read about it in tomorrow's paper. It's not exactly classified information."
Sturgis sighs, "He's getting five years in the brig, the Jimmy Carter's paint job is ruined, and I've just found out one of my best friends is leaving the Navy."
"Not voluntarily."
"I know. Do you want me to talk to the Admiral?"
What's he going to say that I haven't already? "No, its over Sturgis. He shit canned me."
"So where to now?"
"Vacation." Both of Sturgis' eyebrows shoot up, that's not what he expected I take it. "I going to spend a few days with Mom and Frank. Then I'm going to Grandma's."
"And after that?"
"I don't know yet. I'm hoping for some clarity by then."
"You ready?" Sturgis asks opening the door before picking up two of the boxes.
"No, but I have to be don't I?" Sturgis walks out first and waits for me. I grab the last box, take one last look around, and shut the door. Drawing even with Sturgis, we walk out together. I can see Mac in her office, she knows I'm leaving, but she can't even respect me and what I've done for her enough to look me in the eyes. Several people have come up to say their good byes, but not her.
"Sir?" Sturgis and I both turn around. Its Jen, wringing her hands in front of her.
"Sturgis, could you give us a moment?"
He nods, "I'll be over by the elevators".
Jen watches him duck behind the corner, he won't eves drop, nor will he let anyone else. When she looks at me I can see the shiny look of unshed tears in her eyes. She's taking several deep breaths to compose herself. "Sir I just want to say what... what an honor it was to serve with you. You are the one of the few people who have ever cared about me, about my decisions." As she goes on about our relationship and the things she says I did for her, I can feel the tears building in my own eyes. I haven't cried since I was assured Bud was going to live. I haven't been this touched in so long, a simple thank you from Jen and I'm ready to turn on the water works. Yeah I know, not in my nature, but this on top of me in the act of walking out of JAG for the last time is too much to deal with. Mac has never thanked me, I've gotten a few thank you's from all the people I've ever helped over the years, but never from her. Those examples I cited earlier? Not one thank you for any of them. As far as partners go, Meg was by far the best at it. I'd thank her too, it usually took me a little while, but it was always heartfelt and sincere and she knew it. Jen's tears have fallen by the time she finishes. As we embrace, I can feel my own tears rolling onto her face and she laughs lightly.
"Jen do me a favor?"
"Anything sir."
I pull out my handkerchief, wipe my eyes, and hand it to her to wipe the tears from her own face. "Call me Harm." Jen smiles, "You have my number, and you know where I live. If you ever need anything, even if it's just someone to talk to promise me you'll look me up okay?"
"Of course I will... Harm." Her smile matches mine as she hugs me again, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and lets me rejoin Sturgis at the elevator.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine." I will be fine. Not today and not tomorrow, but someday I will be fine. Its a quiet ride elevator ride down, Sturgis is being great about all of this. I'd rather not talk right now; I need time to sort some things out in my head.
"You want these up front?" Sturgis asks, opening the passenger door.
"No put them in the trunk." My vette doesn't have a lot of trunk space, but it'll fit these three boxes in it. Sturgis slams the trunk shut as I put my box in.
"So..." Sturgis is shuffling his feet, he doesn't want this to end, I don't want it to end, but it must.
"Sturgis?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't be a stranger. Stop by anytime".
Sturgis breaks out into a small smile. "Sure".
"I better go, I'm sure you've got things to do."
"Nothing that's more important than this. Take care Harm, I'll see you soon."
"You too buddy." Sturgis shakes my hand, but pulls me into a hug anyway. After a brief moment, we pull away. I drop down into the vette and Sturgis waves as he watches me drive off.
0116 ZULU
VIETNAM WAR MEMORIAL
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA
"Hey dad. Happy Birthday." I finally got around to unpacking my boxes three hours ago and then ate dinner. Mac stopped by and dragged me to the hospital. She said Webb wanted to see me. Of course, the first words out of his mouth proved that she'd lied to me. I played it off, but I was pissed, what the hell did she bring me here for? To gloat, to watch the two of them flirting with each other in front of me? She managed to thank Webb for what he endured for her. She has yet to thank me at all. And Webb, all he can say is 'wow'? Son of a bitch can't thank me either. After watching the two of them together, I just left. I went to see Catherine's mother, but she was asleep so I left her be. For the best really, don't need to lead the poor woman on any more than she already is. Finally, I was getting so bored waiting for Mac that left her there and I took a cab here. Thought I'd spend a little quality time with dad. You know, had he made it back home we'd be celebrating his 62nd birthday next week. June 10th, that was his birthday. I remember the picture I drew for his last birthday we celebrated when I was five. It was a picture of him and his plane. Dave raved about it all day, I felt ten feet tall. Dad took it with him when they shipped out October 13th, his second tour on the Tico. They sent the picture back along with the rest of his personal effects a week after he was shot down. Mom still has it around somewhere, but I haven't seen it in over 12 years.
He did what I asked him to do. He watched over me, maybe I should have been a little more specific about what I wanted. Sadik's head on a plate and chance to kiss Mac before Webb showed up would have been nice. The wall is cool as I lean my head against it. I've got to stop thinking like this; Mac's made her choice. We'll both have to live with it. It shouldn't have surprised me like it did that Mac's superstitious. Based on the evidence I'd say she's a walking black cat. The low blow was the comment about her past relationships. She didn't deserve that. Other than the conversation in front of the taxi to the airport, the worst for me was when she listed the things; I'd done to get to Paraguay. While she was rattling them off, all I could think about was Mic Brumby. Gave up his job, his country, and moved, 5,000 miles to be near her. I'd become Mic Brumby, and I can't tell you how ill that made me feel. At least he got to sleep with her; I didn't even get a thank you.
"What do you think Dad, should I become a civilian lawyer or find some alligators?" I can almost hear him laughing at that. I wonder if I should move back home. There's plenty of opportunity in California. I could always test the waters at the CIA or FBI too, become a lawyer for them. At least I'd still be serving my country that way. I don't think I would like defending the scum of the Earth in civilian court. I remember what Manetti said about it, how she needed to join up with the Navy after Kemper. How long would I last in that circus rink?
0006 ZULU
HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
FIVE DAYS LATER
Sturgis just looks at me in question, "What did you do?"
"I'm sure he just wants to yell at me for everything I did down there."
"Or thank you." Not likely, no one else has.
"Doubt it."
"So how's your folks?" I just got back today from a three day visit out there. I told both of them as much as I could. I think part of mom was somewhat relieved I was out of the Navy and far away from the Tomcats. The rest of her was mad at Mac, I don't blame her for that. She's just trying to protect her son from being hurt as always. If she feels Mac hurt me, and she did, then mom isn't going to like her anymore. I didn't tell her everything, just that we wouldn't be dating. Moms can sense their child's pain. I'm sure of it. Strange for someone to like and then dislike someone they've never met before like that.
"Good, they're good. Mom says hi."
"Send her my regards would you?"
"Sure, oh that reminds me." I get up, head to the freezer, and pull out a bag. "She wanted me to give these to you."
Sturgis takes the bag and looks inside. "Chocolate covered peanut butter balls!" Mom makes them, they're one of Sturgis' favorites and one of his few vices. Sturgis offers me one, but I have to decline. I ate way too many of them at home.
"So how's the Admiral treating you these days?"
"Like a incompetent child." He's a fool, Sturgis is a seasoned pro who happened to have an ass for a client who made a stink about his attorney as a last ditch stunt to stay out of the brig. Sturgis has also retracted his offer to talk to the Admiral for me, I don't blame him for that.
"Can I give you some advice?"
Sturgis takes a swig of his water. "Sure".
"You have to watch your own back. Those people in there... there's two kinds; those who are unable to help you." If I had to name names, I'd say that's Bud and Harriet. "And those who won't help you." That's the Admiral and Mac. Years ago I'd never have had a reason to say that. Both of them would've bent over backwards for anyone, but not anymore, and not for a long time. Both of them are no longer willing to risk everything for someone else unless it affects them personally. Sturgis looks shocked, and he should be, but if he'd look closely enough over the events of the past two years, he'd see the truth in it. "I mean it Sturgis, don't be like me. You could be the next JAG if you keep your nose clean and stay on the straight and narrow."
"I think Mac'll beat me there buddy."
"With her record, not a chance." It's unfortunately all too true for her. A Senate committee would never overlook her article 32 hearing, her Admiral's mast, her affair with Farrow, and her gross misconduct after looking through that mishap report to even consider promoting her to General. Yeah, I've got a lot of crazy shit on my record too, Captain Johnson among others called it colorful. But I'm a decorated war hero, of two different conflicts no less and have seen action in others, that sort of thing tends to stand out in peoples' minds. I probably would have made Admiral. That's why Sturgis could go all the way, he's been decorated and has the clean record to go along with it.
"Harm that's not true."
"No? How many times have I gone to the mat for my clients and my friends? And look what it got me."
Sturgis waves me off, "Not that, I mean our friends. They'd all be there to help."
"Name one besides you who's even bothered to help me lately?"
"I know one."
"Who Mac?" What are you thinking Rabb? Yeah she really stood up for you in the Admiral's office didn't she?
"No, Petty Officer Coates." That makes sense; she's got more guts than most anyone at JAG.
"Really?"
"Yeah she told the Admiral how unproductive she thought it was that he let you go."
"Who told you this?"
"I saw her do it late one night." I can feel the smile coming to my face. Nice having someone like Jen in my corner.
"Speaking of Mac, what's going on with the two of you?"
Normally I'd side step this topic, but not today. Today I'm going throw it all out there. "What do you really want to know Sturgis?"
He looks a little embarrassed to be asking this. "Are you dating now?"
"No."
"Were you ever?"
"No."
"Did either of you want to."
"Yes." That doesn't seem to surprise him as much as I thought it would, and he's waiting for me to continue. "Both of us at various times, but not at the same time."
"So, why haven't you worked it out? I'd think after saving her life the two of you would come to an understanding."
Oh we came to an understanding alright, but it wasn't pleasant. "Sturgis have you ever gotten to a point with a woman that you didn't understand your relationship anymore?"
"What?" Yeah I guess that didn't make a lot of sense to me either.
"Mac and I... we've been friends for so long, she's one of my best friends. And at some point it seemed like becoming a couple was simply the next logical step in our relationship. But we've been at that point for so long that I think its hurt us instead. It seemed only natural that we would progress into something more, but we haven't and I think that says something about us. Does that make any sense?"
"Yeah, some I guess. So if waiting this long hurt the two of you, was there ever a point where you thought a relationship like that would have worked out?"
That's easy, "Before I tried to make a career out of flying again. That's when we were the closest."
"So why didn't it?"
"I was seeing someone and I guess I was a little more ignorant back then than I am now."
"And what's keeping you apart now?"
"Various things. We both want to be in control for one."
"That's something almost everybody can claim Harm."
"Fine, I tend to get obsessive about things like flying, JAG and my father, she has issues with trust, her past, and the men in her life."
"That's it?"
"No, but it's a good sampling. There's a reason why we haven't gotten together and as much as it hurt I'm glad we've come to that conclusion. We can both move on from here."
"I take it from your last statement it was her idea."
"Yes, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the right one. I can see that now."
"Sounds like your just giving up." That's bullshit, I don't give up. I just know when to pick my battles and this isn't one I can win.
"And what would you suggest I do? Fight to win her back, to make her see it my way? No, she made a choice and to be honest it's actually quite liberating."
Sturgis shrugs, "Well if it helps you, then I'm glad for you buddy."
1524 ZULU
DEPUTY DIRECTOR KERSHAW'S OFFICE
CIA HEADQUARTERS
LANGLY, VIRGINIA
Is this guy for real? What else do I do? He knows damn well I was pilot before anything else. Actually, he's pretty damn clever. He knows I'll rise to this bait. I ooze pride about being a fighter pilot as much as the next guy and he knows I won't hesitate to tell him all about it. A fighter pilot's ego is big target; I can't fault him for going after it. "Well I'm sure you're well aware that I was a Naval fighter pilot as well."
"You want to fly? We're always looking for good pilots."
"I'd be interested if such a position was available." Interested, hell I'd jump at the chance.
"And if I told you there was?"
"Then I'd say yes."
Kershaw simply sticks out his hand, "Welcome aboard Agent Rabb". Now that's going to take some time to get used to.
"Thank you sir."
"Catherine here will get you started on the paper work and your security clearance." I suppose his job's over now. "If you need anything let me know."
"Thank you again sir." Catherine leads me out of his office and down the hallway before I stop her. "Thank you for doing that for me." I understand why she pushed me as hard as she did back there to get me in. Kershaw was going on her recommendation. If I don't play ball it makes her look bad in front of him, but that didn't factor into my decision. I'm glad I resisted their efforts for a while. I'm just not cut out for wet work. Lord knows how much of it they would have had me doing if I hadn't taken a stand on the issue. At least now, I have some protection from Sadik as well. The CIA will know if he's a threat to me long before the Navy would have.
Catherine turns and smiles at me. Great smile. "Anything for my darling husband." Catherine continues down the hall, I think she likes the sound of that as much as I do.
After I finished my paper work Catherine brought me to see Webb again. She wanted to tell him the good news. I was little irritated when I found out he got his old job back, lucky bastard. How can he screw up everything and get his old job back when I can do everything right can't get the same? However, Clay was good enough to welcome me into the CIA. We talked about what I'll be flying. I damn near drooled over the list of planes they want me to be familiar with. Some were boring tanker and cargo planes, but some of them were skunk works planes and host of fighters. I can't wait to climb into the new Joint Strike Fighter and even though it is Air Force, the Raptor's going to be a lot of fun to fly. I can't wait to start my flight training. I'm going to look up Keeter and let him know what's going on, Sturgis too. I'll let Webb tell Mac if he wants to. I'm sure he'll tell her about Catherine too.
"Why don't you kids leave me here and go out and enjoy your honeymoon?" Catherine and I look briefly at each other before locking eyes on Webb.
"What?"
Webb's face breaks out into a big smile. "You need to get better at lying Rabb. You're terrible at it."
"I don't know..."
Webb holds up a hand as he interrupts, "Save it Harm, when I heard that Catherine's mother was here I paid her a visit. She told me all about how her daughter had married this wonderful Naval Commander. And since I didn't know Catherine had been seeing anyone, I asked who that was. You can imagine my surprise when she told me it was you."
"He did it to find you and Colonel MacKenzie." Catherine informs him.
Webb scowls at me, "So the blushing bride didn't even get kissed on her wedding..." Clay trails off as he sees Catherine's deep blush setting in. "Oh never mind, it must have been a hell of a kiss." It was, it was a great kiss. Lots of promise in that kiss.
"Yeah, well she turned down my idea of honeymoon."
Catherine smiles at me, "Harm you offered me a cup of coffee".
Webb immediately starts laughing so hard that he eventually grabs his side. "Get out of here you two before you put me in traction."
Both of us get up to leave, but I can't resist one last poke. "I thought laughter was the best medicine."
Webb just tosses one of his pillows at my head. Missed by a mile. "Out, both of you."
Catherine takes my hand and drags me towards the elevator. "Come with me."
"Where are we going?"
"I'm going to cash in on that favor you owe me."
"Already? Don't you think you should save it for a rainy day?"
Catherine punches the button for the third floor, "Not when my mother wants to see you again."
"She's feeling better?"
"Some, but not enough to get her upgraded from serious condition."
"Well the ceremony seems to have helped out her quite a bit." That was unbelievable to witness, how that kind of happiness in her life could bring her back from death's door like that.
"I'd have your children Harm if that's what it took to get her out of here and back home."
I can't help the enormous smile that brought out. "This from the woman who didn't want kids?"
Catherine shakes her hips at me smiling, "I thought that's why God gave me these."
Grabbing said hips I pull her close, when I feel her hands on my chest another thought comes to mind. "Um, exactly how are we going to explain your absent ring? I can't order Bud around anymore."
"Oh, thanks for reminding me", Catherine pulls back and digs through her purse producing a diamond ring with a rock on it big enough to choke a horse. Where did she get that? "Now remember you felt compelled to get me a better ring after the ceremony alright?"
"Where did you get that?"
"It belongs to the company." Good lord, I don't want to know how they got it. "Oh and something for you too." Catherine produces a pair of gold wedding bands. She grabs my hand before I can think to say anything, "With this ring, I thee wed". Feeling that ring slide on to my finger is... I don't what the word for it is. A bit odd and out of place perhaps, but I like it. I didn't have a ring before. We could be out of sight, but this ring would remind me of her presence in my life. I really like this. I like it a lot.
"I wanna do that." Catherine was about to put her own ring on. "With this ring I thee wed." The band slides on like a dream over her slender finger. Her hand's trembling; I think she's feeling it too. I wouldn't mind waking up to this kind of dream every day of my life. "Is it me or did Bud's vows really suck?"
Catherine shakes her head, "Way to kill the mood Harm". She was expecting a kiss.
I've got her around the waist and close to me before she can even react to it. "I'll show you the mood." It's more of a brushing of lips before anything else, her arms move up around my neck, and we've only begun the kiss when the doors open up and we have to break away.
"We'll have to table that for now, come on." Catherine takes my hand and leads me down the hall. They've moved her mom since the last time I tried to visit so I'm willing to let her lead and not just to her mother. I can let someone be on top if I want to. Dad, its me again, and this time I'm going to be specific about what I want. As always, I'm asking you to watch over me. I have no idea what kind of crazy stunts the CIA's going to ask of me. With their attitude towards helping agents in trouble, I may need all the help I can get. Lastly, help me find my way with this woman. She's really starting to mean something to me dad and I don't want this act we're about to put on for her mom to be one forever. In the past few days, my life's done a 180. My emotions have ranged from sheer depression to one of elation. This path's a bit unstable at the moment, but I'm determined to make the best of it.
2102 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA
Its over. My Naval career is over. I can feel the smooth wood grain of my desk as I sweep my hand over it. My empty desk, my former desk, my former office. I managed to get everything of mine into the three boxes sitting on the desk in front of me. I never thought it would end like this. No Sadik, no Mac, and no more Tomcats. I've effectively struck out. I feel like I've been kicked in the gut by a mule ever since the Admiral refused to take me back. Even one out of three would've been acceptable or at least would have made this more bearable. Sadik probably jumped off the train as soon as we lost sight of him. Now he's still out there and I'm sure he'll come after me. I won't have help either; the Navy doesn't concern itself with civilians in that regard. As for Mac, we spent the entire time together throwing sarcastic remarks back and forth at each other. I guess I just couldn't help responding in kind. At least we... she came to a definite decision regarding us. In some ways I'm glad, I can move on now. I'll miss the Tomcats though, there's nothing like hitting Mach 2. I'll miss the Navy pension I would've qualified for in two more years too.
I can see the Admiral talking to one of the administrative officers out in the bullpen. Not a team player my ass, I'm the only one who even gives a damn about the team. None them came to visit me when I was locked up like an animal; no one else risked it all to bring Mac back home. How many times have I put it all on the line for the people I work with, for the clients I've defended? Apparently doing more than the next guy is actually my one-way ticket out of here. I've given the Admiral everything he asked of me when we first met. Yeah I'm driven by my emotions, but still I gave him the results he wanted, the positive image the Navy needed, and it still wasn't enough for him to give me the same courtesy he afforded Mac when she left for the greener pastures of civilian law. Its obvious who he favors, who he's always favored. Hell, maybe Brumby was right; maybe he is a little bit in love with her. I think Mac's grown too accustomed to me saving her ass as well. I've got a pile of evidence to prove it too. The aforementioned hillbilly poachers who shot her, Coster, Hodge, the nuke bearing down on the Sea Hawk, and all of Paraguay. There's a litany of others I could add to the list, but I'm too depressed to even care any more. Who's she going to look to when she finds herself in the next jam? Well, that isn't exactly fair. She did save me from the Russians and their damn ass backward torpedoes. And she did pluck me out of the Atlantic two years ago. Of course, if it weren't for her upcoming wedding I wouldn't have been in that position to begin with. I have never been that eager to leave a carrier for any reason before. That would've been no different. Especially with a storm on the way and Tuna and Skates there with me. I know I would've stayed put.
The knock on my door brings me back to the present, its Sturgis. I wave him in. "Hey Harm..." He's having a hard time deciding what to say to me. I'll save him the trouble.
"Could you close the door behind you? What's up?"
Sturgis lightly shrugs his shoulders, "Thought maybe you could use a hand carrying your stuff out".
I smile; at least he's trying. No one else has had the guts to come in here since I tossed my cover to Tiner and retreated back into my office. "Thanks. How was your tour of the Jimmy Carter?" Sturgis has been out in San Diego for the past three weeks trying a case out there against a Lieutenant who drove a loading crane over the edge of the pier and smacked it into the hull of the Jimmy Carter. He was high, smoking marijuana at the time. Sturgis left the day after Bud's replacement council managed to clear him of his defense of Lieutenant Dunkin and only returned a few days ago to learn the news about me, Mac, and my retirement. And right now, he's hesitant to tell me about his trip. "You can tell me now or I can read about it in tomorrow's paper. It's not exactly classified information."
Sturgis sighs, "He's getting five years in the brig, the Jimmy Carter's paint job is ruined, and I've just found out one of my best friends is leaving the Navy."
"Not voluntarily."
"I know. Do you want me to talk to the Admiral?"
What's he going to say that I haven't already? "No, its over Sturgis. He shit canned me."
"So where to now?"
"Vacation." Both of Sturgis' eyebrows shoot up, that's not what he expected I take it. "I going to spend a few days with Mom and Frank. Then I'm going to Grandma's."
"And after that?"
"I don't know yet. I'm hoping for some clarity by then."
"You ready?" Sturgis asks opening the door before picking up two of the boxes.
"No, but I have to be don't I?" Sturgis walks out first and waits for me. I grab the last box, take one last look around, and shut the door. Drawing even with Sturgis, we walk out together. I can see Mac in her office, she knows I'm leaving, but she can't even respect me and what I've done for her enough to look me in the eyes. Several people have come up to say their good byes, but not her.
"Sir?" Sturgis and I both turn around. Its Jen, wringing her hands in front of her.
"Sturgis, could you give us a moment?"
He nods, "I'll be over by the elevators".
Jen watches him duck behind the corner, he won't eves drop, nor will he let anyone else. When she looks at me I can see the shiny look of unshed tears in her eyes. She's taking several deep breaths to compose herself. "Sir I just want to say what... what an honor it was to serve with you. You are the one of the few people who have ever cared about me, about my decisions." As she goes on about our relationship and the things she says I did for her, I can feel the tears building in my own eyes. I haven't cried since I was assured Bud was going to live. I haven't been this touched in so long, a simple thank you from Jen and I'm ready to turn on the water works. Yeah I know, not in my nature, but this on top of me in the act of walking out of JAG for the last time is too much to deal with. Mac has never thanked me, I've gotten a few thank you's from all the people I've ever helped over the years, but never from her. Those examples I cited earlier? Not one thank you for any of them. As far as partners go, Meg was by far the best at it. I'd thank her too, it usually took me a little while, but it was always heartfelt and sincere and she knew it. Jen's tears have fallen by the time she finishes. As we embrace, I can feel my own tears rolling onto her face and she laughs lightly.
"Jen do me a favor?"
"Anything sir."
I pull out my handkerchief, wipe my eyes, and hand it to her to wipe the tears from her own face. "Call me Harm." Jen smiles, "You have my number, and you know where I live. If you ever need anything, even if it's just someone to talk to promise me you'll look me up okay?"
"Of course I will... Harm." Her smile matches mine as she hugs me again, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and lets me rejoin Sturgis at the elevator.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine." I will be fine. Not today and not tomorrow, but someday I will be fine. Its a quiet ride elevator ride down, Sturgis is being great about all of this. I'd rather not talk right now; I need time to sort some things out in my head.
"You want these up front?" Sturgis asks, opening the passenger door.
"No put them in the trunk." My vette doesn't have a lot of trunk space, but it'll fit these three boxes in it. Sturgis slams the trunk shut as I put my box in.
"So..." Sturgis is shuffling his feet, he doesn't want this to end, I don't want it to end, but it must.
"Sturgis?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't be a stranger. Stop by anytime".
Sturgis breaks out into a small smile. "Sure".
"I better go, I'm sure you've got things to do."
"Nothing that's more important than this. Take care Harm, I'll see you soon."
"You too buddy." Sturgis shakes my hand, but pulls me into a hug anyway. After a brief moment, we pull away. I drop down into the vette and Sturgis waves as he watches me drive off.
0116 ZULU
VIETNAM WAR MEMORIAL
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA
"Hey dad. Happy Birthday." I finally got around to unpacking my boxes three hours ago and then ate dinner. Mac stopped by and dragged me to the hospital. She said Webb wanted to see me. Of course, the first words out of his mouth proved that she'd lied to me. I played it off, but I was pissed, what the hell did she bring me here for? To gloat, to watch the two of them flirting with each other in front of me? She managed to thank Webb for what he endured for her. She has yet to thank me at all. And Webb, all he can say is 'wow'? Son of a bitch can't thank me either. After watching the two of them together, I just left. I went to see Catherine's mother, but she was asleep so I left her be. For the best really, don't need to lead the poor woman on any more than she already is. Finally, I was getting so bored waiting for Mac that left her there and I took a cab here. Thought I'd spend a little quality time with dad. You know, had he made it back home we'd be celebrating his 62nd birthday next week. June 10th, that was his birthday. I remember the picture I drew for his last birthday we celebrated when I was five. It was a picture of him and his plane. Dave raved about it all day, I felt ten feet tall. Dad took it with him when they shipped out October 13th, his second tour on the Tico. They sent the picture back along with the rest of his personal effects a week after he was shot down. Mom still has it around somewhere, but I haven't seen it in over 12 years.
He did what I asked him to do. He watched over me, maybe I should have been a little more specific about what I wanted. Sadik's head on a plate and chance to kiss Mac before Webb showed up would have been nice. The wall is cool as I lean my head against it. I've got to stop thinking like this; Mac's made her choice. We'll both have to live with it. It shouldn't have surprised me like it did that Mac's superstitious. Based on the evidence I'd say she's a walking black cat. The low blow was the comment about her past relationships. She didn't deserve that. Other than the conversation in front of the taxi to the airport, the worst for me was when she listed the things; I'd done to get to Paraguay. While she was rattling them off, all I could think about was Mic Brumby. Gave up his job, his country, and moved, 5,000 miles to be near her. I'd become Mic Brumby, and I can't tell you how ill that made me feel. At least he got to sleep with her; I didn't even get a thank you.
"What do you think Dad, should I become a civilian lawyer or find some alligators?" I can almost hear him laughing at that. I wonder if I should move back home. There's plenty of opportunity in California. I could always test the waters at the CIA or FBI too, become a lawyer for them. At least I'd still be serving my country that way. I don't think I would like defending the scum of the Earth in civilian court. I remember what Manetti said about it, how she needed to join up with the Navy after Kemper. How long would I last in that circus rink?
0006 ZULU
HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION, VIRGINIA
FIVE DAYS LATER
Sturgis just looks at me in question, "What did you do?"
"I'm sure he just wants to yell at me for everything I did down there."
"Or thank you." Not likely, no one else has.
"Doubt it."
"So how's your folks?" I just got back today from a three day visit out there. I told both of them as much as I could. I think part of mom was somewhat relieved I was out of the Navy and far away from the Tomcats. The rest of her was mad at Mac, I don't blame her for that. She's just trying to protect her son from being hurt as always. If she feels Mac hurt me, and she did, then mom isn't going to like her anymore. I didn't tell her everything, just that we wouldn't be dating. Moms can sense their child's pain. I'm sure of it. Strange for someone to like and then dislike someone they've never met before like that.
"Good, they're good. Mom says hi."
"Send her my regards would you?"
"Sure, oh that reminds me." I get up, head to the freezer, and pull out a bag. "She wanted me to give these to you."
Sturgis takes the bag and looks inside. "Chocolate covered peanut butter balls!" Mom makes them, they're one of Sturgis' favorites and one of his few vices. Sturgis offers me one, but I have to decline. I ate way too many of them at home.
"So how's the Admiral treating you these days?"
"Like a incompetent child." He's a fool, Sturgis is a seasoned pro who happened to have an ass for a client who made a stink about his attorney as a last ditch stunt to stay out of the brig. Sturgis has also retracted his offer to talk to the Admiral for me, I don't blame him for that.
"Can I give you some advice?"
Sturgis takes a swig of his water. "Sure".
"You have to watch your own back. Those people in there... there's two kinds; those who are unable to help you." If I had to name names, I'd say that's Bud and Harriet. "And those who won't help you." That's the Admiral and Mac. Years ago I'd never have had a reason to say that. Both of them would've bent over backwards for anyone, but not anymore, and not for a long time. Both of them are no longer willing to risk everything for someone else unless it affects them personally. Sturgis looks shocked, and he should be, but if he'd look closely enough over the events of the past two years, he'd see the truth in it. "I mean it Sturgis, don't be like me. You could be the next JAG if you keep your nose clean and stay on the straight and narrow."
"I think Mac'll beat me there buddy."
"With her record, not a chance." It's unfortunately all too true for her. A Senate committee would never overlook her article 32 hearing, her Admiral's mast, her affair with Farrow, and her gross misconduct after looking through that mishap report to even consider promoting her to General. Yeah, I've got a lot of crazy shit on my record too, Captain Johnson among others called it colorful. But I'm a decorated war hero, of two different conflicts no less and have seen action in others, that sort of thing tends to stand out in peoples' minds. I probably would have made Admiral. That's why Sturgis could go all the way, he's been decorated and has the clean record to go along with it.
"Harm that's not true."
"No? How many times have I gone to the mat for my clients and my friends? And look what it got me."
Sturgis waves me off, "Not that, I mean our friends. They'd all be there to help."
"Name one besides you who's even bothered to help me lately?"
"I know one."
"Who Mac?" What are you thinking Rabb? Yeah she really stood up for you in the Admiral's office didn't she?
"No, Petty Officer Coates." That makes sense; she's got more guts than most anyone at JAG.
"Really?"
"Yeah she told the Admiral how unproductive she thought it was that he let you go."
"Who told you this?"
"I saw her do it late one night." I can feel the smile coming to my face. Nice having someone like Jen in my corner.
"Speaking of Mac, what's going on with the two of you?"
Normally I'd side step this topic, but not today. Today I'm going throw it all out there. "What do you really want to know Sturgis?"
He looks a little embarrassed to be asking this. "Are you dating now?"
"No."
"Were you ever?"
"No."
"Did either of you want to."
"Yes." That doesn't seem to surprise him as much as I thought it would, and he's waiting for me to continue. "Both of us at various times, but not at the same time."
"So, why haven't you worked it out? I'd think after saving her life the two of you would come to an understanding."
Oh we came to an understanding alright, but it wasn't pleasant. "Sturgis have you ever gotten to a point with a woman that you didn't understand your relationship anymore?"
"What?" Yeah I guess that didn't make a lot of sense to me either.
"Mac and I... we've been friends for so long, she's one of my best friends. And at some point it seemed like becoming a couple was simply the next logical step in our relationship. But we've been at that point for so long that I think its hurt us instead. It seemed only natural that we would progress into something more, but we haven't and I think that says something about us. Does that make any sense?"
"Yeah, some I guess. So if waiting this long hurt the two of you, was there ever a point where you thought a relationship like that would have worked out?"
That's easy, "Before I tried to make a career out of flying again. That's when we were the closest."
"So why didn't it?"
"I was seeing someone and I guess I was a little more ignorant back then than I am now."
"And what's keeping you apart now?"
"Various things. We both want to be in control for one."
"That's something almost everybody can claim Harm."
"Fine, I tend to get obsessive about things like flying, JAG and my father, she has issues with trust, her past, and the men in her life."
"That's it?"
"No, but it's a good sampling. There's a reason why we haven't gotten together and as much as it hurt I'm glad we've come to that conclusion. We can both move on from here."
"I take it from your last statement it was her idea."
"Yes, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the right one. I can see that now."
"Sounds like your just giving up." That's bullshit, I don't give up. I just know when to pick my battles and this isn't one I can win.
"And what would you suggest I do? Fight to win her back, to make her see it my way? No, she made a choice and to be honest it's actually quite liberating."
Sturgis shrugs, "Well if it helps you, then I'm glad for you buddy."
1524 ZULU
DEPUTY DIRECTOR KERSHAW'S OFFICE
CIA HEADQUARTERS
LANGLY, VIRGINIA
Is this guy for real? What else do I do? He knows damn well I was pilot before anything else. Actually, he's pretty damn clever. He knows I'll rise to this bait. I ooze pride about being a fighter pilot as much as the next guy and he knows I won't hesitate to tell him all about it. A fighter pilot's ego is big target; I can't fault him for going after it. "Well I'm sure you're well aware that I was a Naval fighter pilot as well."
"You want to fly? We're always looking for good pilots."
"I'd be interested if such a position was available." Interested, hell I'd jump at the chance.
"And if I told you there was?"
"Then I'd say yes."
Kershaw simply sticks out his hand, "Welcome aboard Agent Rabb". Now that's going to take some time to get used to.
"Thank you sir."
"Catherine here will get you started on the paper work and your security clearance." I suppose his job's over now. "If you need anything let me know."
"Thank you again sir." Catherine leads me out of his office and down the hallway before I stop her. "Thank you for doing that for me." I understand why she pushed me as hard as she did back there to get me in. Kershaw was going on her recommendation. If I don't play ball it makes her look bad in front of him, but that didn't factor into my decision. I'm glad I resisted their efforts for a while. I'm just not cut out for wet work. Lord knows how much of it they would have had me doing if I hadn't taken a stand on the issue. At least now, I have some protection from Sadik as well. The CIA will know if he's a threat to me long before the Navy would have.
Catherine turns and smiles at me. Great smile. "Anything for my darling husband." Catherine continues down the hall, I think she likes the sound of that as much as I do.
After I finished my paper work Catherine brought me to see Webb again. She wanted to tell him the good news. I was little irritated when I found out he got his old job back, lucky bastard. How can he screw up everything and get his old job back when I can do everything right can't get the same? However, Clay was good enough to welcome me into the CIA. We talked about what I'll be flying. I damn near drooled over the list of planes they want me to be familiar with. Some were boring tanker and cargo planes, but some of them were skunk works planes and host of fighters. I can't wait to climb into the new Joint Strike Fighter and even though it is Air Force, the Raptor's going to be a lot of fun to fly. I can't wait to start my flight training. I'm going to look up Keeter and let him know what's going on, Sturgis too. I'll let Webb tell Mac if he wants to. I'm sure he'll tell her about Catherine too.
"Why don't you kids leave me here and go out and enjoy your honeymoon?" Catherine and I look briefly at each other before locking eyes on Webb.
"What?"
Webb's face breaks out into a big smile. "You need to get better at lying Rabb. You're terrible at it."
"I don't know..."
Webb holds up a hand as he interrupts, "Save it Harm, when I heard that Catherine's mother was here I paid her a visit. She told me all about how her daughter had married this wonderful Naval Commander. And since I didn't know Catherine had been seeing anyone, I asked who that was. You can imagine my surprise when she told me it was you."
"He did it to find you and Colonel MacKenzie." Catherine informs him.
Webb scowls at me, "So the blushing bride didn't even get kissed on her wedding..." Clay trails off as he sees Catherine's deep blush setting in. "Oh never mind, it must have been a hell of a kiss." It was, it was a great kiss. Lots of promise in that kiss.
"Yeah, well she turned down my idea of honeymoon."
Catherine smiles at me, "Harm you offered me a cup of coffee".
Webb immediately starts laughing so hard that he eventually grabs his side. "Get out of here you two before you put me in traction."
Both of us get up to leave, but I can't resist one last poke. "I thought laughter was the best medicine."
Webb just tosses one of his pillows at my head. Missed by a mile. "Out, both of you."
Catherine takes my hand and drags me towards the elevator. "Come with me."
"Where are we going?"
"I'm going to cash in on that favor you owe me."
"Already? Don't you think you should save it for a rainy day?"
Catherine punches the button for the third floor, "Not when my mother wants to see you again."
"She's feeling better?"
"Some, but not enough to get her upgraded from serious condition."
"Well the ceremony seems to have helped out her quite a bit." That was unbelievable to witness, how that kind of happiness in her life could bring her back from death's door like that.
"I'd have your children Harm if that's what it took to get her out of here and back home."
I can't help the enormous smile that brought out. "This from the woman who didn't want kids?"
Catherine shakes her hips at me smiling, "I thought that's why God gave me these."
Grabbing said hips I pull her close, when I feel her hands on my chest another thought comes to mind. "Um, exactly how are we going to explain your absent ring? I can't order Bud around anymore."
"Oh, thanks for reminding me", Catherine pulls back and digs through her purse producing a diamond ring with a rock on it big enough to choke a horse. Where did she get that? "Now remember you felt compelled to get me a better ring after the ceremony alright?"
"Where did you get that?"
"It belongs to the company." Good lord, I don't want to know how they got it. "Oh and something for you too." Catherine produces a pair of gold wedding bands. She grabs my hand before I can think to say anything, "With this ring, I thee wed". Feeling that ring slide on to my finger is... I don't what the word for it is. A bit odd and out of place perhaps, but I like it. I didn't have a ring before. We could be out of sight, but this ring would remind me of her presence in my life. I really like this. I like it a lot.
"I wanna do that." Catherine was about to put her own ring on. "With this ring I thee wed." The band slides on like a dream over her slender finger. Her hand's trembling; I think she's feeling it too. I wouldn't mind waking up to this kind of dream every day of my life. "Is it me or did Bud's vows really suck?"
Catherine shakes her head, "Way to kill the mood Harm". She was expecting a kiss.
I've got her around the waist and close to me before she can even react to it. "I'll show you the mood." It's more of a brushing of lips before anything else, her arms move up around my neck, and we've only begun the kiss when the doors open up and we have to break away.
"We'll have to table that for now, come on." Catherine takes my hand and leads me down the hall. They've moved her mom since the last time I tried to visit so I'm willing to let her lead and not just to her mother. I can let someone be on top if I want to. Dad, its me again, and this time I'm going to be specific about what I want. As always, I'm asking you to watch over me. I have no idea what kind of crazy stunts the CIA's going to ask of me. With their attitude towards helping agents in trouble, I may need all the help I can get. Lastly, help me find my way with this woman. She's really starting to mean something to me dad and I don't want this act we're about to put on for her mom to be one forever. In the past few days, my life's done a 180. My emotions have ranged from sheer depression to one of elation. This path's a bit unstable at the moment, but I'm determined to make the best of it.