I drove home from the deserts outside Twentynine Palms.
I felt an eerie confidence I never felt before.
I was always a fucked up child. I never listened to my parents. I would never play with toys or go outside.
I would always kick back, read books, and cut myself.
My mom once saw me cut myself. She brought me to the psychiatrist.
I remember him telling me, "This is not normal. You're not normal."
"Who hurt you, Yuri?"
I never felt hurt. I wasn't hurt. I hate people who asked who hurt me. Even worse was people who told me I don't belong here. I should off myself.
I was so hurt by these comments, I dreamed of killing those who said them. Then I realized I would pay for it in the end. So I shut my mouth and didn't talk to anyone.
Nobody would know how fucked up I am.
I like to imagine things. How I would be if I were normal. I'd be a normal girl living a happy life. I wouldn't chop myself just to see how much it bleeds.
I understand deep down this isn't want Sayori would've wanted.
Sayori could've have gotten better.
Actually, nevermind. She probably would've killed herself, anyways.
I hate to be the bad guy. But I just wanted our story to have a happy ending.
I feel like the world has turned and left me here. I feel ashamed there's just emptiness.
This is not what Sayori wanted. This is not what Sayori wanted.
My conscience fades in at certain times for a few minutes. I push it down.
I only wanted to give her a happy ending.
A few hours later, I meet Natsuki at the Literature Club.
"What were you doing all day?" Nat asked.
"Um... housework... gotta keep a house clean, you know?"
She reads Parfait Girls. I read for a bit with her.
"Manga is pretty cool, isn't it?" I ask her.
"What? You always hated manga!"
"Well, I may not hate it so much anymore..."
At this moment, rage builds in my chest and stomach.
I process in my mind everything she's done to me. She's been so mean, shitting on everything I do for poems. She told everyone I cut myself.
I may as well cut her.
I want her to die quickly and painlessly, however.
So I just stab her and run off.
I drop the knife in the trash and run to a nearby supply closet. I laugh. Her blood is on my hands. I smear it on my face and laugh.
This never felt so good!
But this can't go on.
So with a little water in my purse, I clean my face.
