Shikamaru and Temari

The window was locked when Shikamaru got to Temari's apartment. He listened for movement inside as he scaled the wall, and wondered if she had noticed his presence yet. Their meetings were always competitions– one-upmanship is part of the appeal, but he didn't have the patience for it tonight. Breaking any attempt at stealth, Shikamaru hung on to the ledge as he effortlessly used his shadow to unlock the window from the inside and slid in.

As he padded out quietly from the kitchen, he frowned. She must have noticed him by now, but she still hadn't come to meet him like she normally did with a hand on her hip, and a smirk that sends chills up his spine. Instead, Shikamaru went on to find her, following the lone light that was emanating from her room down the hall.

"Tem?" He called out as he pushed the door open, allowing the light to pour into the hallway. He found her standing with her arms crossed, and eyes like murder. Shikamaru hesitated before walking fully into the room.

"Temari, what's wrong?" He asked as he made her way toward her, but she backed away from his advance. When he tried again, she angled herself away, making the space between them another party in the room, their movements a three-way dance.

"No," she said simply. Shikamaru would be lying if he said his heart didn't sink to the floor at the sound of her voice.

"No?"

"No," she repeated. The space between them grew heavier, larger. Too much for the little room, and Temari's anger seemed to be forcing him back out the door. "You don't get to do that. What do you expect from me? From us? How can you just do that?"

"I- I don't know what you're talking about-"

"You wouldn't abandon your village-" So she had heard. Of course she had, Shikamaru realized. Her brothers would tell her everything – she most likely knew before he did.

"I'm not! I'll be the ambassador…"

She snorted derisively. "Yeah, sure. Don't expect me to owe you anything for being here. You still have your village, and I have mine."

"What is with you sand nin and owing people things? Can't you believe that I just want to be here with you?" In hindsight, he should have known this would be her reaction, if his conversation with her brother were any indication. But unlike with Gaara, this talk was more personal. And Temari wore her emotions like her brother didn't.

Temari was red in the face. "You're going to expect things. Things I can't give you. We were equals before… Now? I have no idea."

"We can talk about it you know. Instead of assuming you know what I am expecting from you. Sometimes we have to talk about tomorrow."

Shikamaru knew he had stepped over a line. The rules were never acknowledged between them, but they were always present. In the ninja world they lived in you couldn't make some promises – you didn't know if you would return, you didn't know if you would be safe, and you didn't know when a truce would be broken. He snuck into her apartment when he was in Suna, but there was never any expectation for reciprocation. And she didn't wait for him to come again. Their encounters were rough and rushed - passionate if only because it was something they both needed.

They lived in their islands of individual encounters, devoid of strings. At least that's what they had told themselves – their lips told other stories each time they kissed goodbye.

Shikamaru sighed. "I'm tired of this," he admitted, taking a step back. "This can't be all that we can be."

"Stop talking like we are something that exists. There is you, and there is me. Sometimes we fuck, and that's just great, but we don't bring it outside. What makes you think I want it to be anything more?"

"Your little brother seemed to catch on," Shikamaru drawled. "I don't see him hanging around your bedroom, so I think you need to revaluate. Say what you really feel."

That seemed to get her angrier. "You're still so naïve – to believe that this… arrangement… will change anything. We are ninja, Nara, and if you let your emotions for a girl from another village get in the way of your life, you will die."

"Is this you caring about me?" Shikamaru said dryly.

"No, this is me saying exactly what I did when I first met you. You are still such a child!" Temari was shaking as she turned away from him. Shikamaru knew he couldn't get much further in the conversation with her in this state. He yearned to reach out to her, soothe the tension that he could see in her neck, but she wouldn't even let him within a few feet of him. Reaction of a distance fighter, he reckoned. So he gave her the space, and exited into the hallway.

Laziness, when put in a positive light, was patience. For her, and for himself. He didn't feel a need to leave anytime soon, and he would wait for as long as it took for her to seek him out again. She would, eventually. She always did. But in the meantime, he had indulged his interest in the cracks in the ceiling, and thought about how they had ended up like this.

It wasn't as if he fell for her. If he were to put it in that sort of a metaphor, it would be more of a long stroll downhill full of occasions where he embarrassed himself by tripping over his own feet. When they were planning the chuunin exams together, she had picked on him, calling him a crybaby in an official meeting of all places. Later, he had returned the favor by trapping her in a verbal battle with one of the village elders, with his only contribution was his assertion that maybe you're just being a bit emotional right now. She didn't talk to him for a week.

Realizing that it was in both of their best interests to work together peacefully, he invited her to dinner. The dinner had ended in a fight, which ended in a desperate kiss in a back alley, which ended back at her room in the inn she was staying in. They never actually could cooperate without shouting at each other, but now at least they had a way of venting their frustration. And sometimes, the fights were worth it if only for that dangerous smile she gave him when she thought she was winning.

Somewhere between the status quo of closed-door affairs, and (semi) professional working partners, Shikamaru had to admit that he had grown too attached. There was a point, when he was walking back from Suna before the war, that he realized that he already missed her. The loss was felt not because he enjoyed her company or was looking forward to seeing her again – that would be adding to a full self. No, he needed her, and it terrified him.

Once – there had only been one time – that he had seen her cry. It was only a couple weeks after Gaara had been rescued, and he noticed how much tighter security into Suna was. He was on an official mission sent by the Hokage, and because of Konoha's involvement in the rescue effort he was granted passage, but he felt the distinct unease of seeing another village's weakness from within.

When he visited Temari's place that time, she was jittery and distant. He never asked, but she eventually opened up to him about her emotions when Gaara had died. About his troubles controlling his chakra and his sand after coming back to life. About how she didn't feel like she did enough, could do enough, even though she's his older sister and she needed to be there for him. He hugged her close as she confessed her villages' secrets – things that would make them vulnerable – knowing that she trusted him never to tell. She cried herself to sleep, and Shikamaru watched her, knowing that this was it. There was no going back.

But he didn't do anything. Because he was lazy, because he was patient, because he was a coward. He was scared of exactly this – of her saying no to him. Actually stating that this is the last time, and she doesn't want him. Because the good thing about never saying see you soon, is never saying I don't want you to come back.

He heaved himself off of the couch, making his way to the kitchen. Another routine that they never discussed was that Shikamaru always cooked. Not that Temari didn't know how, or Shikamaru was any better at it. It was just that this is how it was done, and they never questioned it.

The smell of the meat and vegetables must have finally lured Temari back out into the open, and Shikamaru handed her a bowl as walked in. She sat down at the small table and ate silently, avoiding eye contact, and not commenting on the taste. Shikamaru eased himself into the chair across from her.

"I'll be stationed in Suna for five to seven months out of the year," he said casually, as if this was just another one of their dinners. "I take missions directly from Gaara when I'm here, or if there are Konoha missions nearby that need my assistance, but most of my time will be spent on deskwork and advising Gaara on issues relating to Konoha." Temari played with a bone she had extracted from the meat. She made no indication that she heard him.

After a couple minutes of silent eating, Shikamaru resumed his one-sided conversation. "When I'm in Konoha, my job will be advising Kakashi on peace negotiations having to do with Suna, or treaties that also involve your village. Because of that, I'll be making frequent trips here even in the months I'm living in Konoha." More silence followed. Shikamaru searched Temari's face for some reaction, but she was as stone faced as ever.

As she finished her meal, she placed her bowl in the sink with a loud clatter, and made a move to go back to her room. Shikamaru reached out with his shadow and caught her before she reached the door.

"Let me go," Temari said, finally acknowledging the other nin.

"Don't walk away again."

"I know you've been practicing since we last did this," she sneered. "But there's only so long you can hold me."

"It's dark in here, it might take a while." My territory, he was saying, even though it's her house. Therefore, my rules. Temari's domain will always be where there is lots of room, outside where nature does her bidding. Her jutsu was loud in every sense of the word. His was just the opposite. "I don't want to have to hold you. Why can't you talk to me?"

"Because there's nothing to say," she said, almost in defeat. "This isn't you… this isn't us."

"Well I can't seem to figure out what you mean, since you're being pretty clear about the fact that we don't exist."

"I don't think we can go back to how we've done things," Temari tried explaining. "You should just forget about it."

"What?" He exclaimed. She had stopped struggling, but he still bound her because he was unsure of what she would do if she were given her freedom back. "I can't believe you would give up that easily."

"This isn't a game, Shikamaru. If we lose, we die. Or our village suffers. I can't do that to my brothers, and you can't do that to your friends, or your clan."

"Why did you do it at all then?" he almost whispered.

"You came through the window." Her tone made it seem like her answer was obvious. She would have shrugged if she had the ability.

"Anyone could have come through your window," he replied. "You let me in."

"It's convenient," she said simply.

"Don't lie!" Shikamaru snapped, and Temari stiffened. He noticed his hands were shaking, which in any situation was a very bad sign. Not only because all his training was to keep this from happening, but because Shikamaru prided himself on being level headed. Still, his hands were shaking, he could feel the sweat dampening his back, and he couldn't hide the anger from his voice when he spoke. "If it was for a quick fuck, you could have anyone in your village. Why did you let me in?"

Temari didn't answer. She stood, still surrounded by Shikamaru's shadow, stony eyed and silent.

He tried again, "Why me, Tem?"

When he was met by only the sound of her soft breathing in return, he retracted his shadow with such force that Temari stumbled. She caught herself quickly, putting a hand on the wall beside her. Surprisingly though, she didn't choose to take her leave of the small kitchen.

Shikamaru could feel the heat around his eyes, and he turned away in frustration. Of course, of course, he had to cry too. Temari never stopped calling him crybaby, but she knew it was because he cared. She could see that he cared, but she still wouldn't do anything. She wouldn't even leave him now that she was free to. She just watched him as he gripped the kitchen sink until his knuckles turned white, hardly daring to breathe in case it sounded like a sob.

"Because you don't normally have to ask," Temari finally said with an uncharacteristically timid voice. "Because you look at me and you understand. I don't have to explain myself or my family to you, and somehow you still keep coming back. Even after seeing all the shit. Because… I thought you would never get in the way."

"In the way of what?"

"My job and my family."

"Heh, fine, I get it. Your duties are more important." Shikamaru turned back to her slowly, shaking his head. "So, if you really don't want this, then you can tell me to leave and I won't come back. But know that I'm keeping this job no matter what you want, because despite how you feel about me, I still value these alliances. This will be good for my village, as well as yours, and you know that I can do it well. I won't turn down this opportunity."

"But?" Temari was waiting for more.

"What's the point of being so careful, if you don't have anything to come back to anyway? What's the point of trying so hard to make this world livable if we can't enjoy it ourselves? There you go. I'm a hedonist. And often… quite often, I let my hedonism control me. But really, I think it's more than that, don't you?"

"Shikamaru, I-" Temari took a breath, like she was searching for the words. "It took a lot out of us to get Gaara where he is now. Both Kankuro and me. A lot of energy and attentiveness that we still have to give every single day. I don't know how much left I have to give, to you, or to anyone. I don't want to let you stay, and then be disappointed that I can't give you everything. Because… I don't think you deserve that." Shikamaru's eyes softened at her confession.

"I'm not asking for anything more than you've already given me," Shikamaru replied, walking toward her, and Temari let him get close for the first time that night. She even leaned in when Shikamaru hugged her, bringing her arms around him as well.

"You are such a sentimental little shit," she finally said with a warm smile, and Shikamaru relaxed into her arms. "I don't want you to leave. And if you accept it might be selfish of me, we can do… this."

Shikamaru buried his face in Temari's hair. "I'll make sure you won't regret it."

"I just hope you don't," she said. Shikamaru didn't respond, just held her tighter.

"It's late," Temari said, blinking up at the clock. "You should go home, Shikamaru."

"I- I don't think I know where that is," he said, letting her go.

Temari rolled her eyes. "Very cute."

"No, I'm completely serious. I was placed in new housing when my stay was extended, and I don't know where it is."

Shikamaru could see that Temari was forcing herself not to laugh, but in the end she lost the battle. Her laughing was musical, something he wanted to listen to all the time, and he grinned back at her.

"Fine idiot, you can stay with me." She nodded her head to the bedroom. "But you know the rules."

He grinned wider as she reached out to pull him toward the door. "Yeah, yeah, no touching your special pillow. Don't go near your closet… crazy woman."

"But you love this crazy woman," she responded, regaining some of her usual challenge in her voice.

"Yes, I think I do."

A/N: Reviews are lovely and appreciated!