'So... what have you been doing?' Chloe typed out her text to the best friend she seldom spoke to anymore. It was her best attempt of being casual, and not coming off as desperate as she felt. Yeah, okay... so she was failing miserably.
But there was always a nagging ever present thought that was at the forefront of her mind whenever she got up enough courage to get a conversation going with her former co captain.
What if she doesn't respond, like last time?
Her thumbs danced over the screen, eyeing the send button but having no intention actually touching it. That is, until the blue bar at the top of her messaging screen began to load ridiculously fast. Who knew she had such good service while driving across the country?
Dang, dang, dang, dang... Her heart fumbled in her chest as she frantically swiped up to reveal the screen that had 'airplane mode' as an option, and pressed it repeatedly until she was sure the message had, in fact, not delivered.
She shook her head, feeling stupid that she got so worked up about a stupid text– but she typed out the question with no intention of sending it. The brunette on the other end almost never responded to things she sent anymore.
The moment Chloe woke up she'd glance at her phone, often seeing "no notifications" in her iphone's classic font or, on the off chance she got a single snapchat notification, it would be Stacie, telling her to get her butt back down to Atlanta ASAP– for no other reason than saying that Aubrey was being especially mental that day. Even without contact with Beca, she'd spend most mornings trying to come up with something cute or fun or just generally response worthy to show to her former co captain, though it rarely worked.
She knew Beca wasn't ignoring her, though. She'd 'like' her occasional instagram post and made a point to keep their snapchat streak going, even though the only thing the redhead ever saw was a blurry photo of the girl's computer or a pitch black photo.
Something told her that the brunette was simply just busy; LA was a big place and she was trying to find a way to make herself known. Another voice told her that it was simply because they didn't have anything in common anymore; the Bellas had long since been over and maybe the two former best friends really didn't get along as well as everyone thought.
Why was Chloe bothering to think about the dormant brunette anyway?
It all went back to that laugh. She'd heard it amongst her struggles when she first boarded this suffocating tin can that she'd have to be on for the next few days until she reached Atlanta. Her suitcase, being the only one she could find when she'd made the decision to come visit some of her former Bellas for the weekend, was ridiculously oversized for the trip, considering almost half of it would be spent right here, on this stupid bus. At least she'd splurged for the trip home: buying herself an airline ticket for a much more pleasant ride back to her rainy city.
For a sunshine girl like Chloe Beale, it kind of amazed everyone when she chose Seattle as her semi-maybe-permanent-she-didn't-know-home. The decision was also currently biting her in the ass as this was her second bus trip, and she still hadn't really bothered to change from her Bellas sweatshirt and classy pj bottoms at the station, running late, as usual.
But as she struggled to find her last minute seat on the only partially full bus (it was a Wednesday, afterall) and that girl's laugh had brought her back to the entire situation with Beca.
It had been 5 years. Why couldn't she let this certain girl go?
She hardly knew anything about Beca's 'new' life, or even how the brunette was doing. And maybe, one day soon, she'd ask.
She glanced back down at the undelivered text. But today is not that day, she thought, powering her phone down. So she rolled over in her seat, facing the window but taking care to not to rest her head on the vibrating window pane (she knew from her previous ride that that did nothing but turn her brain into a smoothie with a splitting headache) and did what the brunette that was on her mind was best at: avoiding her problems with sleep.
"B-Becs?" Chloe's eyes were still heavily hooded from sleep when she was able to finally grasp the name of her former co-captain sitting across from her.
The brunette smiled, actually smiled at Chloe. The older girl furrowed her brows, a bit dazed by that response. Beca never smiled. Well, okay. She smiled when she was drunk. She smiled when she had been offered that big new fancy job up in LA. And nothing made her smile like when Chloe brought her chicken nuggets when she was cooped up during finals week, studying. But how could little old Chloe Beale be deserving of such a gift like a Beca smile?
"Um, uh," Chloe used her arms to position herself so she was more upright, head spinning with questions this early in the... Wait, was it even morning?
Beca seemed to sense the girl's still tired state, saying, "It's about 5am, Chlo," There was that nickname. Ah! "You can go back to sleep," Beca finished gently, soft smile still apparent. Maybe this was the new Beca. Afterall, they hadn't seen each other in how long?
Chloe thought about the girl's proposal for a moment, but she was already shaking her head, trying to replay the past few hours to try and find a logical reason why the Beca Mitchell currently accompanied her on this spontaneous road trip.. She cleared the mess of a mane she called her hair from her face. "Hi," she said sleepily, softly, as if this was one of those 'dream inside a dream' scenarios.
"How are you?" she said, lending the girl a smile. Man, if dreams really did reveal your true desires, this one was spot on.
As much as she wanted to hug the smaller girl, she was conscious of Beca's dislike of touch, so she settled for taking Beca's hands in her own, sincerity dripping from her voice.
"I'm- uh, I'm good," She paused, as if she was unsure. "I think." She looked up at the redhead, eyes sparkling.
What was that about? She made a mental note for later, quickly vollying the question back over to the brunette.
"How are you?" The inflection of her voice almost gave the effect they were strangers. But Beca cleared her throat, revising her question.
"How are you, really?"
It wasn't much like Beca to take an ernest interest in someone else's 'personal crap' as she'd deemed it in college. But this was the "new" Beca. The Beca that she hadn't seen in years. The one who had obviously missed her, by her permitting Chloe to take her hand as she spoke.
Oh-man-oh-man-oh-man, Chloe's heart was beating to the rhythm of her thoughts and–
God, she'd been stupid. She'd was stupid to think that right here, right now, after all this time that she could trust herself and her heart for her feelings not to come back. She held the girl's hand, occasionally twitching her fingers to remind herself of the true gift Beca was giving her by maintaining physical contact, answering her question.
'How are you, really?'
She began with what she'd been doing here, on the bus. And then her almost text. It was word vomit from there, for sure, but the brunette let her keep talking, occupying the early hours of daylight with all of her thoughts she hadn't gotten to tell her best friend.
So what you been doing?
I've been loving my life waking up on my own
Are you doing the same thing?
You can say if you like but I don't need to know
And I, I've been wondering why we've been waste all this time
So what you been doing?
I thought that I saw you, I guess I was wrong
The girl opposite of Chloe laughed at that, telling her that she'd thought the same thing with her choice of words when Chloe had first entered the bus.
Are you doing the same thing?
The redhead left off with the question, wanting to know about her life in LA. And, you know, the relationship part. But only because she had the privilege of holding the girl's hand, and she'd feel awful for stealing Jesse's girl.
Convincing yourself you're better alone
It was a hope Chloe had that she had a sudden urge to fix. But among Beca telling her all about her life and small, one bedroom apartment she resided in, Chloe couldn't quite work out if Jesse also occupied the same space. The way Beca's work schedule went, she couldn't imagine having time for another person. And suddenly the dull pain of fear of being ignored subsided, knowing that what Beca had been doing was in no way intentional, and she'd answered Chloes question of: yes, it was Beca not her, and yes– she'd been the worst friend ever. But she'd been an even worse girlfriend.
Beca trailed off, explaining that that was why she was on this 'fucking bus'.
Chloe's thoughts filled the silence, though she chose not to share any of them aloud.
And I could tell you how you never left my mind
"But I'm so glad that it's you on this bus," Beca said earnestly after reworking her courage to continue a conversation with her long time friend. "I really missed you," she lent Chloe one of her sloppy smiles.
Then you tell me that you miss me and I'm like
Oh God, I miss you too
It's all I ever do
I'm coming back to you
And I won't let go
Oh God, I miss you too
We got making up to do
I'm coming back to you
And I won't let go again
Oh, I won't let go again
Beca had soon moved all of her personal belongings from her original seat to her new and improved one, taking only a brief break from what they were talking about (Taylor Swift's social media blackout, of all things) to retrieve her stuff. The topic reminded her and her now very dead phone, but she resisted the urge to beg the patrons around her for a charger they definitely were not going to give her, because man, Chloe's eyes were kinda captivating. And it seemed like a crime to look away when someone was telling her all about the last five years of her life. It seemed like too much, almost, the way Chloe was being so open and honest. She was surprised, really, that after all the brunette had done, Chloe was still her same 'ole chipper self– ready to share and help with whatever Beca needed.
Her mind shifted back to when she'd last seen the redhead. It was spring break and also the last time Beca had seen the girl in front of her in person. She shuddered. How did things go so wrong?
So what were we thinking?
You got me a cab and we said we were done
And I thought I was fine
But the days were so long and they rolled into one
And I, I couldn't believe you were taking it in your stride
Then you tell me that you miss me and I'm like...
(PART 2, "Say Nothing" COMING SOON!)