Chapter Two: Trying

There was never any closure.

Nothing was ever explained to him. To anyone. People who might have been the cause would not speak up-never admit to it. Then again, he could be the cause, or at least one of them, and he didn't know. He'd never get the chance to.

It was that thought, that question of why, hitting him like a truck at random times on random days, that sent Percy Jackson's gut-wrenching shrill screams shaking up the entire apartment building.

He craved closure.

But more than that, he wanted her back. He craved her presence, her everlasting smile, those intimidating stormcloud eyes that he had finally learned to love. He simply missed her. One would say he only missed the memories, their shared bond that he could not let go yet due to grief but would be able to eventually.

Percy snorted without humor. What was scaring him the most? Not that he couldn't forget about the memories, but because he was actually starting to forget them. He had this realization when, just a few weeks ago, he'd visited this same diner he was currently at-he was with his friends then-and one had to ask if he was okay about it. Percy hadn't understood then. One of them, Jason Grace, pointed out that that was the diner where he had first met the girl that was about the ruin his entire mental stability.

His heart clenched then. There was a tiny squeak in his voice when he replied, the breath he was withholding seeping through just a little bit. "Oh."

Maybe they all knew, but didn't comment on the obviously constricted smile he had forced on himself that time.

Percy leaned back in his booth with a spiteful smirk. He was back at the diner, this time though alone. The place was remarkably peaceful, with it being Wednesday afternoon and only a few people coming in and out of the glass doors.

He heaved a heavy sigh as his meal was laid down by a girl he had come to recognize due to his frequenting there. "Thanks, Pipes," he mumbled like he always did, making the mistake of looking up at the girl who gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I know I'm a vegan, but for once I actually approve of someone eating some meat." She dusted her apron and faded jeans with her hand, and patted him awkwardly at the back. He regarded her coldly. "Oh don't give me that look, Jackson. I know what you're doing. That innocent visage thingy doesn't work on me. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to stop eating just salads here. Eat the gods dang steak. It's on me."

Percy blinked. Had he been ordering the same thing here for weeks? He couldn't possibly tell-see, his brain was fuzzy enough as it is. He also didn't particularly care.

He shrugged. "Well then." Not like the stubborn boy would eat much anyway.

Piper shook her head slightly. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn't disappointed in him like everyone else was, just sad.

"I got a new hairdo today."

Percy frowned at the random comment, looking back up again to finally notice it. And sure enough, what used to be Piper McLean's long, cinnamon colored hair had been cut to a shoulder-length, a single purple streak running across the side of it. Even her eyes were different. Naturally, they were kaleidoscopic, the different shades entrancing you to them and then consuming you until you couldn't look away. Now, she probably hid them with those new blue contact lenses.

When did this happen?

He flinched when she spoke as if she had read his mind. "I dyed it a week ago, felt the need to change somehow." Her gaze was somewhere out the hazy glass windows, though her vision didn't really seem to focus on anything.

A week? He had been here the whole time, and he did not notice a single thing? He blamed it on his grief stricken self. He always did.

"Perce," Piper paused, meeting his cloudy green eyes with her own worn-out pair. He tensed at the mention of his name, and at the exhaustion in her tone. "I'll tell you something. I know you're trying to remember things that your guilt and sadness hid at the back of your brain," she slid into the opposite booth, leaning forward. Percy cautiously examined her. "let me enlighten you. I only know so much, but I was a friend of Annabeth's and I feel the need to tell you this: we're just as tired as you are. This may sound insensitive, but we really are. Seeing you like this for three months have been stressing everyone out. Did you know Rachel calls me every night, crying, because of constantly worrying about you? Sally comes in here frequently to look for you whenever you're gone off somewhere. Did you notice her greying hair? The bags under her eyes? Did you even notice that Annabeth stopped eating salads, and got a haircut four days before her...her death?!"

The long rant was followed by a thick and dreadful silence, cut through only by Piper's ragged breaths. She had her eyes shut tight. Percy knew well enough how hard it must have been for Piper to get the last word out.

He shifted in his seat.

"Did you know?" It was a mere whisper, a calmed question this time.

Noticeably Percy had straightened.

The grief-stricken boy tried to rack his brain for any memory of Annabeth getting a hair cut. He briefly stepped into that past, four days before her departure, and he found hinself back at her house, playing Cards Against Humanity with their small circle of friends. Percy took a careful look at her brightly smiling face, taking in all the features hers that seemed different. He noticed it. It was definitely was not a small change. Curls that had dropped down to her waist had been cut to her shoulders, much like Piper's. That drastic change...

And then he looked at the past him, barfing, simply having fun like most teenagers.

That boy from the past missed the momentary drop of his girlfriend's smile, the quivering of her lips. The slight smear on her makeup that was caused by a single tear on her cheek. And all of a sudden, when the boy turned, her face automatically lit up.

Percy gaped, mouth parting a little. He didn't even know Annabeth wore makeup.

He was too selfish to have noticed anything.

"No." It was intended to come off coldly and nonchalant. Instead he stretched out the one word slowly like it was more a question than a statement.

Piper wrung her hand. "Trust me when I tell you I don't mean to put a heavy weight on your conscience again, Percy."

"I know." And it was a genuine response.

The girl had her lips pressed into a thin line. "I'm sorry for ranting. I know full well how the three months had been for you. You can talk to me always, you know that."

He knew. "I'm sorry."

He cringed. There it was, the one thing he should have told Annabeth but would never be able to now.

Piper nodded. She lingered there a little longer, unsure of what else to say, but decided to stand up. She gave Percy another awkward pat on the shoulder this time, and she then walked off to another booth to serve a couple.

He stared at his food. Not quite certain with what to do with it.

We're just as tired as you are, Piper had said. The words rang in his ears.

He peeked over his shoulders to see Piper staring at him expectantly.

Groaning, he raised his fork and knife and slowly started cutting the sweetly smelling steak. After the first small bite-a wary one at that-he had started digging in, going from the large meat to the fries at the side. Slow turned to a beastly speed, and even then his stomach couldn't get enough. It had grown so used to emptiness, only mere salad filling it, that the change was shocking his system. For the first time he felt full. He licked his lips, relishing the cloud nine taste of a cheap diner steak.

Then, he perked up. He scanned the surroundings, eyes wide, entirely awake now.

His gaze was fixed on the outside of the floor to celing glass window. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

The snow covered the roads and roofs out. His eyes wandered up to the billowing clouds that painted his entire view a striking gray.

The first snowfall had started, and small flakes danced gracefully in the stillness, pitter-pattering on the surface.

He hung his head to the side, watching and drinking in the beauty of every single pattern and frost that clung to the glass.

Annabeth hated snows.

When they first met, on a winter Wednesday at this same place, she had judged his fancying of the snow. Outwardly declaring him a hopeless romantic who believed too much in the 'lovey-dovey' movies where people would kiss in the rain or even worse, she spit in disgust, the snow.

"What's so romantic about eating someone's face out in the cold where they'll probably die or get frostbite?" She'd huffed and relented, throwing younger Percy a piercing glare. "Do those people romanticising it not care if little girls follow the same hopeless romantic path, not thinking about their poor health?"

Percy had hated her then. He didn't understand why this random girl, after he told his Mom he loved the snow, suddenly walked up to him from the booth behind theirs and started screaming at his face. They were twelve.

He found her annoying. How her chin turned up higher, how she snobbishly wrinkled her nose whenever she walked past him. How she could assume of people however she wanted.

They hated each others' guts and for a year, he dreaded the snow and going into Olympus Diner because of her.

He hadn't expected to fall. Especially not for that know-it-all brat. They were literally the walking contradiction of each other. She was blonde, his hair was ebony. She had a natural tan that strikes people as Californian even though she wasn't, while he was as pale as a white sheet little boy. He liked meat and junk food and she, fruits and salads. Annabeth Ridley Chase was born into a wealthy businessman family, was bound for greatness from her birth and whose grades were all consistent Straight As since kindergarten. A talented child with the gift in arts, Mathematics and Science. Percy was...well just Percy Jackson. Born into a wonderful mother but a pretty shitty dad. And pretty horrible step dads until Paul Blofis. There was nothing remarkable about him, unlike that girl who wore the most expensive clothes and donned the newest version of IPhone with her to school.

But, as the romantic movie he was actually just forced to watch says, 'the more you hate, the more you love'. Yet he wanted to retain the hopeless romantic image Annabeth had of him just to annoy her, and that turned into an irritating throb in his chest that he couldn't wrap his head around at the time.

It kept him up all night.

Suddenly, he loved the snow again. And for the same reason she hated it: her eyes. They gave off the same vibes, the same striking gray color. Annabeth loathed the eyes she inherited from her mother.

On the contrary, Percy grew to love them.

"Perce?"

He stiffened. The small smile tugging at the corners of his lips dropped...he didn't even notice he was smiling.

A grumble hummed at the back of his throat. He was aware of the reality now, remembered where he was. His heart dropped at the same time his vision refocused to reality.

He glared at the person who forced him out of his flashback. Did not bother to tone the intimidating face down.

It was Rachel. She looked like she passed a storm with her red, stringy hair going off all places. He rolled his eyes. "What are you doing here, Rache?"

Her arms crossed. "I was aiming for your salad," she huffed indignantly.

"As you can see," Percy began with a hint of sarcasm, showing off his empty plate, "no salad. Bet you didn't come here to mooch off of me?"

Bet you and Mom were worried sick about this ungrateful fucker. He didn't say it.

Rachel scanned the table. She blinked twice.

"No salad?" She asked incredulously. She cupped his face in between her warm hands and tilted her friend's face side to side. Months ago, horrified neighbors fled at the sound of his disturbing screams. Months ago, he looked at people with green eyes which light died out. For three months, he had come to love vegetables so much even Rachel, a meat enthusiast, almost turned into a vegetarian.

Was this the same person?

Percy chuckled lightheartedly, putting back her hands to her sides. She still had her eyes marginally wide. Though to be fair, nothing else surprised her more than her best friend laughing. Seventeen years, he was the light in everyone's lives. Three months of detrimental grieving extinguished that out easily. Now? There was hope. One Rachel Elizabeth Dare had been ready to forego when she found him that time, cradling Annabeth's gravestone and crying out unstoppably.

There was still hope.

Unbeknownst to Percy who busied himself with playing with the tall glass of milkshake-a customized blue vanilla, his favorite-Rachel smiled. Her vision clouded with tears. Her eyelashes wet with them too.

Maybe no one noticed but there had been a change over time. Little changes perhaps, yet indespensible ones. Percy, a few weeks ago had stopped screaming at random. He never stopped visiting the cemetery but never stayed and slept there either. He forgot a lot of things, talked and fiddled absent mindedly most of the time. It was all better than his monotonous 'Yes' and 'No's three months ago.

These small things led to this: a momentary laughter. Genuine. The most missed sarcasm. And finally-Rachel sighed inwardly-no goat food (aka salads).

When she made herself comfortable opposite Percy, he spoke, "I can remember some details now."

Her breath hitched.

"I can't exactly remember some things vividly like I used to..." he gave her a lingering, sheepish glance. "I'll try my best from now on."

She released the breath she was withholding.

And she let him talk.

Warmth spread through her heart. There was another smile threatening to break out of her, another batch of tears. She held them back even if it was like holding back thousands of soldiers alone.

Speaking helps. Rachel learned that three months ago. People only reprimanded Percy for his behavior, almost no one caring to hear his side of the story. Maybe that was what drove Annabeth to her decision. No one cared enough to listen; they only looked at her outward appearance and made the decision she was fine. She showed them she never was.

Who would ever know the answer why?

Thinking about it drove her mad. She could imagine how worse for her best friend this was when she would literally bang her head against the table at night wondering. Pondering. Trying to help Percy get the closure he needed.

Rachel peered at the counter where Piper McLean was. The other girl was observing them, nodding once. Rachel returned it.

"I don't know," Percy started and Rachel's eyes immediately went back to him. "but I went here couple of times. Still couldn't remember how we met." He gawked at the snow falling outside, a far away look in his eyes.

"Do you now?" It came out as a cracked whisper that cut in the ever hanging silence.

It was hard to read his expression over the dim light. Slow music started playing. Percy looked outside again, at the night embracing the whole of Manhattan. The snowcapped roads and roofs, the moody yellow lights of the lampposts, kids running around chased by their mothers-the diner's current vibe fit with it perfectly.

"Winter is beautiful. I wish Annabeth would see it from this perspective."

The comment was laced with both bitterness and sadness, and most importantly, longing.

Rachel hummed in response.

"The memories were slowly slipping out of my grasp you know?" He spoke again after a while, lowly. "Replaced with made up ones I created unconsciously, to cope. Gods did it take long to realize that. Awful. This is the day we met. I was also eating steak, in this very diner at this very booth, and it was the first snowfall. Maybe I was destined to remember today, on the day it started, to end it here too." A throaty laugh. "Gods would Annabeth kill me for saying such a cheesy thing. That stubborn girl never did quite believe in things like fate. Said they were too...supernatural. Illogical. Ironic how she said that and still believed in an Elysium."

The dark haired boy unconsciously rubbed the pale skin around his wrists. Elysium...

He could just hope she went there.

"That's a nice start, Percy. Sally would be so happy."

Percy smiled. "Thanks, RED."

She returned it. Her lips were trembling; her heart could explode any second now. The old nickname left an unwavering flutter of hope in her chest.

"What if," she stretched the syllables slowly, warily approaching the situation. Percy was like, at least to her, a frail glass that she should handle with care, lest he breaks completely. He leaned forward with an eager stare, hands entertwined with each other.

Deep breaths, Rachel, this is for him. This is for everyone. For Annabeth.

"You don't run from the memories Percy. You go after them. Maybe you'll remember, you just have to retrace your steps like today.

Look at happy pictures of you both. Let her features sink in. But don't do it to reminisce the pain of the past three months. Do it to find the clues you never could during the denial and grieving stage, and look not only for the memory of her, but also of the you, the Percy Jackson before these three months happened. We can start the acceptance stage if we try to actually accept, to let the truth sink into our guts and hurt us until they can't anymore. Until we've come to terms with it enough to move past it. Then, maybe, you'll get the closure you wanted."

She didn't expect all these words to come out the way they did. Rachel commissioned for the safety of animals, had tedious talks about it. Never had to deal with people, though.

Percy fell back down in his seat. "That's...hard."

Rachel sucked in a breath.

The boy's overgrown bangs hung low over his eyes. In a small voice, he said, "But I'm willing to try."

Hi! It's been so long since I've written something on here. As you can see, I made a continuation. I don't know if anyone still remembers this (probably not), but I had a couple of requests to give Percy and Annabeth and this is a sort of a prelude to it.

I honestly can't remember what I was thinking when I first wrote the first chapter. The people who messaged me made me realize: why not give some sliver of hope instead of ending it in utter bitterness? The world needs some light right now, I hope I'll be able to convey it here properly.

I have no idea if anyone will read (as my writing is always shitty lmao) and if the people who messaged me before are still willing to read this, but I'll leave this here just in case.

P.S. This scene took place in one setting, and full of mini trips down memory lane and thoughts by Percy. As I said, this is the 'prelude' to acceptance. Our dear boy needs to take slow steps first. And the living people around has to have an impact on his decisions and coping.

Anyways, thank you all :) I hope your days are good, and if they aren't I know they will be better soon. You're all wonderful.