"To invent an airplane is nothing. To build one is something. But to fly is everything." ~ Otto Lilienthal
15 years ago
Zoro stares out at the people all dressed in black, glaring at them all.
He feels angry. But then again, he's been feeling angry ever since he heard the news. It hasn't gone away either, and all he wants to do is scream at all these people and tell them to leave, to go, to never show their unworthy faces here in front of this white coffin, because Kuna was too good for all of them.
As Zoro thinks Kuina's name, and it rockets around his skull a few times, he only feels the anger swell up too…can only think how horribly unfair this whole fucking thing is.
Zoro isn't sure who he's mad at even. Maybe its Koshiro for the way he told Zoro, in that stupid unfeeling way he has. Calm and silent and without a trace of emotion anywhere.
It might just be Kuina herself.
It feels like only seconds ago he'd been racing her in their plane. She'd been fifteen and already allowed to fly. Kuina had gotten the better time in their race. Every time.
Zoro had asked Kuina to fly at night, thinking he'd be better at it, but of course he hadn't. Of course not.
Kuina had won, like she always did. Fifteen and the best flyer around. And Zoro was never going to catch up.
They'd made a promise to each other, to make sure that one of them became the best in the world.
And then she had broken that promise. And now she's dead.
She had fallen. Fallen in her plane and left them all alone.
And fuck it, what had she been thinking!? Flying in that storm! What had she been doing!?
And maybe Zoro is mad at the world that made Kuina feel so shitty because of her gender. Maybe Zoro is angry that Kuina had thought she wouldn't get anywhere as a female pilot. Maybe he's pissed off at the fucking storm for blowing her into the ground when all she wanted to do was fly!
Maybe he's angry at himself for not being there for her. Maybe he's pissed at himself for thinking he could ever beat her. Angry because he still wishes she was around because he selfishly wants to cry on her shoulder and let her convince him that she is alive and whole, and everything will be alright.
He doesn't know which it is. All he knows is that he's angry.
The priest is done speaking now, and what a bullshit speech it was. About how Kuina is in a better place, about how they can all hope to see her in the next world.
Zoro might not know why he's angry but he knows it's not at God. There's absolutely no point in being mad at God because he doesn't exist, and nothing threw Kuina down from the sky but herself. Without a God, the sky had always been for Kuina and Zoro to take for their own ... and now it's just Zoro alone to do the taking…
And now the people are throwing dirt on the coffin.
Koshiro walks up first grips a handful and mumbles something. Zoro can only catch a few Japanese like syllables but not the whole thing. He throws the dirt and it makes a hollow sound when it lands on the pristine white surface.
Then everyone is staring at him. Waiting for him to put some dirt on Kuina too.
He takes a step forward and imagines her again. Black hair with a hint of blue, dark eyes, a soul full of desire, and always ready to fly.
And now she won't ever do that again. She's stuck six feet underground. The opposite of flying. It's the last thing she would have wanted.
And they want him to help bury her.
Well like fuck he's doing that.
He instead turns away and throws the dirt, letting the wind catch it as it pulls away from the circle of people.
They all grumble but he ignores them and stares at her coffin.
"I'll be the best for both of us," He mumbles, and then he's racing away, after the dirt he threw in the air, because he can't take looking at the white coffin anymore and thinking of her.
He runs down the cemetery's green hill and isn't surprise when he doesn't hear Koshiro coming after him.
He's relived that no one else decided to either. He wants to be alone. He has to get used to the feeling.
He stumbles down the hill and finds a tree sticking up next to the fenced in cemetery and stops beside it. The tears are already flowing hot and thick down his face. He places a hand on the tree to steady himself as he bends over as if he's going to throw up.
The sounds of footstep on the soft grass alerts him that he was followed after all.
He gulps back the sobs and wipes his face. He straightens up to growl a whoever it is and is pulled up short when he sees the last person he expected or wanted to see.
It's that damn cook. And fuck it all he can't believe that the shit cook out of everyone is here.
And then Zoro is suddenly unbelievable relived that it's the cook. Because, holy fuck, he's so angry right now, and if there's anyone he wants to kick in the face it's this absolute bastard.
"Hey," the cook says uneasily to Zoro. "You alright?"
" Luffy tell you to come after me?" Zoro sneers at the cook ignoring the question, and already guessing what might have happened. Luffy was there, and Luffy probably would have come after Zoro. But maybe Luffy had sent Sanji knowing the Zoro needed a punching bag. Luffy could have taken it, but Zoro actually likes Luffy. He hates fucking Sanji.
"No," Sanji says calmly, his icy blue eyes stare at Zoro carefully, as if Zoro is a wounded animal that might attack him at any moment.
"Well then fuck off," Zoro snarls, hoping instead Sanji will attack.
But he doesn't do either. He just stands there, his icy eyes drilling into Zoro.
"Look, Zoro- " Sanji starts to talk again but Zoro interrupts him.
"Oh, its Zoro now? You call me Moss head and Marimo and all sorts of insults, but when my sister dies it's my name? What the fuck is wrong with you? You think I can't take the insults now?"
Sanji looks a bit bewildered by Zoro's sudden tirade, and Zoro is also surprised to find that he took a step towards Sanji, his anger simmering beneath his skin like a fire. He clenches his hands into fists to stop himself from just attacking the blonde right then and there, like he really, really wants to do.
Sanji pauses and seems to really think about what he's about to say before he starts talking again.
"You can hit me if you want."
Zoro … is not expecting that.
Sure, Zoro wants a fight, but he thought Sanji would sneer at him and kick him himself. They'd never really let each other have free shots.
And sadly, Zoro feels very insulted. So Sanji thinks he can take Zoro's hit? He thinks that Zoro gets a free grief punch or something?
Well, hell no is Zoro going to take a free shot, a pity shot. That won't do anything. He wants to earn his hits and beat the cook in a bloody fight.
And he wants the cook to attack first so he has an excuse to do so too. So that he can say the shitty cook attacked him at his sister's funeral and so he beat him half to death.
Yes, the anger is real now. Half to death sounds good. That shitty cook has had it coming for a while now.
He just needs to say some things to get it to happen.
"The fuck is wrong with you?!" Zoro snarls, taking another step forward. Sanji doesn't back down. He never does. "Why are you even here cook? You trying to pretend we're friends?! We both know we hate each other! You think I really want to see you after someone I loved died!? You think I want to have you here?! Of course, I wouldn't want a fucking sexist idiot at my sister's funeral! She was braver then any man in the world! She could defeat me and you without batting an eye! I know how you think women are! And my sister would have hated you! I'm glad you never knew her! I'm glad you didn't stink up the room with your fucking ugly stench of machoism and patriarchal superiority! I wish that she was alive, and YOU were dead instead!"
As soon as the last words leave Zoro's mouth, he realizes he's gone way too far. Half the stuff he said wasn't even true. And that last one... shit that was the immense anger talking.
But he can't take it back now, and the words echo through the cemetery. Zoro stands there, fists clenched and breathing hard, staring at the cook.
Sanji doesn't seem fazed by Zoro's harsh words. His stance is still relaxed, his hands shoved into his black suit. No blue shirt today though, black shirt, grey tie. Grief in style.
Sanji's blue eyes are crystals in a pale face. They seem to glow and spark and are solid and just won't break... harder than the sky but just as encompassing and just as endless...
"Just hit me Zoro," Sanji says again. " It will make you feel better."
And Zoro's guilt disappears suddenly, and the anger comes back tenfold. He sees red and with a scream he leaps forward, and does what the shit cook told him to, and punches the guy in the face.
Sanji stumbles but stays standing, which isn't what Zoro wants at all.
He goes to attack him again, but apparently one punch is all he gets.
And Sanji fights back.
And soon they're fighting like they always do, and yet totally different.
There's no holding back on Zoro's part right now. Every punch he throws is filled with all his anger and all his hate. Not really at the cook. He doesn't really hate the cook at all. No, he finally starts to understand as Sanji fights him.
He's really angry because he has to live in a world where Kuina is gone.
When Sanji manages to kick Zoro hard enough for Zoro to land heavily on the ground, winded and sore, Zoro's anger finally begins to fade, and he finds he's not blindly angry anymore. Just… tired.
Much too tired to fight anymore. So instead, he stares up at the sky.
He hears Sanji shuffling around, but when Zoro doesn't get up, Sanji doesn't attack.
Instead Zoro sees him out of the corner of his eye sit down beside Zoro's sprawled out figure.
He turns his head slightly to view the cook and sees Sanji looks scuffed up and his lip is bleeding and there's a bruise blossoming on his eye where Zoro punched him.
"I'm really sorry about Kuina," Sanji says into the calm quiet they'd created. "It's not fair and it's not right. Its shitty and I'm sorry she died, and I'm sorry you're sad and angry about it."
Zoro stares, shocked, at Sanji's head, his blonde hair obscuring his face.
Sanji turns towards him then his blue eyes dancing and a small smile on his face.
"She really did sound amazing. I'm sure I wouldn't have been worthy to be in her presence."
And for once, Zoro must agree with Sanji's over the top language about women. With Kuina it fits, and Sanji doesn't sound silly or stupid, but sincere.
Sanji stands up, brushing off his pants and glances down at Zoro.
"Look, I'm not a complete asshole alright? If you want to fight me again, and if it makes you feel better, I can take it. Just let me know. "
And then he walks away.
Zoro sits up and watches Sanji go. He scowls at the cook's back.
He isn't sure if he feels better exactly but he does feel less angry. That tiredness is set deep in his bones, but...
Fuck. Did the cook just help him out?
And Zoro turns to look at the sky once more and thinks that the cook's eyes are that shade of blue and kind of beautiful.
8 days from now.
"Bro!" Franky yells almost as soon as Zoro gets into the cabin.
Franky is standing in the entry way, which also includes the kitchen, and the makeshift living room as well. To the right are two doors for the bedrooms and to the left is the door to the bathroom. Small, practical and home to Zoro.
Franky is holding a phone in his hand, his eyes wide and his expression mixed between surprise and restrained happiness.
"BRO!" He yells again walking up to Zoro with a slow shake of his head. "I have the others on the end of this line! They have crazy news!"
"Is it about the idiot cook getting divorced?" Zoro says, trying to sound nonchalant. He crosses his arms and scowls to make sure Franky knows not to bug him too much about it.
Apparently, the message was lost or ignored though as Franky nods his eyes widening further.
"How'd you know that!?"
"Koshiro told me. Nami told him."
"Oh man! Isn't this insane!?" Franky says with a shake of his hand.
Zoro shrugs, "The shit cook always was fucked up with relationships."
Franky then stares at Zoro opened mouthed and shakes his head. " No bro, obviously Koshiro didn't tell you the whole story-"
Suddenly the voices on the phone get rather loud and with a frown Franky listens for a moment and then nodding holds it out to Zoro.
"They want to talk to you about it."
"Who is they exactly?" Zoro asks suddenly a bit wary. If its Luffy he'll portably yell some... well random stuff or spot on stuff that will make Zoro feel uncomfortable. If its Ace it will be some sleezy comment about sex, and if its Robin or Nami they'll probably pressure him into something he doesn't want to admit.
"It's Robin. And everyone else is there except for Nami and Ace. They're with Sanji."
Zoro sighs heavily but takes the phone. He should have known it'd be Robin, since she's Franky's wife now. It's still weird to think they're married after they'd been friends for so long.
Zoro takes the phone carefully and places it up to his ear.
"Hello?" He grumbles out.
"Well, hello Zoro, I hear you've already heard the news," Robin's voice says calmly.
"Yeah I heard from Koshiro, Nami told him."
"Ah yes I believe you owe her some money now," Robin says, amused.
"Whatever," Zoro grunts angrily. " Franky says you wanted to talk to me."
"Ah yes," Robin says silkily. " I thought you should hear the story from a less… enthusiastic source. My husband can be quite dramatic. "
Even as she says that Franky sits down shaking his head, tears falling from his eyes.
"It's so sad, " He sniffles and pulls out his guitar from behind the couch.
Zoro sighs and decides to head outside as far as the old cord phone will stretch so that he won't have to hear Franky's music right now.
"You got that right," Zoro mumbles.
Robin laughs lightly, as Zoro sits down on the front steps. It's very peaceful out here, with the faint chords of Franky playing the guitar and the crickets singing in the bushes. Moonlight spills on the soft grass and a night breeze pulls at Zoro's hair softly.
"So, tell me what happened to the idiot," Zoro says and leans back against the door.
Robin hums thoughtfully. " I suppose I should begin with what I know. And from what I know is mostly from Ace. Without you here, he is probably Sanji's closest friend, besides Luffy. "
"Yeah, yeah I know group dynamics fascinate you or whatever but get on with it," Zoro snaps out impatiently.
Robin doesn't seem offended and keeps talking.
"Apparently about six months ago, around the time you left, Sanji came to Ace's apartment and informed him that Pudding was cheating on him."
Zoro sucked in a breath of surprise. Shit. Well that was just about the worst thing Pudding could have done to Sanji. Sanji had been cheated on multiple times in horrendous ways. And Zoro is sure Pudding knew this, and yet she'd still done it. It makes Zoro angry just thinking about it. Very angry.
"Sanji stayed with Ace for a few days, telling him not to inform us," Zoro can feel Robin's disproval at that decision in her voice, even if its subtle, and he agrees with her. The shitty cook should have told them right away. But of course, he wouldn't want to bother them with his problems. He was stupidly 'noble' like that sometimes.
"I believe Sanji was still willing to try to make it work with Pudding. But after a few months he ended up getting another apartment by himself and that's when he told us things were not going well with Pudding. And then today he told us that they had just finalized their divorce. There was quite an uproar and he then became very drunk and Ace drove him home."
"That's all you know?" Zoro asks disappointed. He'd expected more details from Robin like who Pudding had slept with or the exact facial expression Sanji had made as he told them. Things like that. Things Zoro didn't really want to know but at the same time had to know...
"Sanji was rather secretive about the whole thing," Robin says with another sigh. "As I'm sure you've noticed, he does do this. He takes care of his problems behind the scenes. Much like you as well."
Zoro avoids the analysis of his actions entirely and says, "So that's it then? He's done with her?"
"I assume so, yes. That is what divorce means." Robin states smugly.
"Alright, don't be a bitch," He snaps. "So, he's... not doing so well then?"
"Hm. Well tonight was rather rough. But we were here, I'm sure he'll be fine in the long run. It might even be for the better."
Again, this seems dangerously close to talking about his own feelings, so he diverts the conversation swiftly.
"Yeah, the shit cook is always fine," Zoro grunts. "But I haven't talked to you guys in a while. How are things?"
He doesn't want to discuss Sanji anymore with Robin if she's going to just tell him to make his move now. Not that he'd listen. Sanji is broken hearted and Zoro can't do that. Although it seems Sanji is always broken hearted, or in a relationship. But whatever, he won't. Not this time, probably not ever.
"Yes, we're all fine. I'm sure we'll inform you about our lives when you come and visit, and when you give my husband back."
"Tch. He wanted to come," Zoro points out to her.
"I suppose. But I will love to see him again and tell him so. Something you might also think about doing when you see Sanji."
Even though Zoro was expecting something about his feelings for Sanji, he wasn't sure he excepted Robin to be so blunt about it. And he feels a bit taken aback she'd just come out and say it. But he's also a bit impressed she managed to come right back to the subject he'd been trying to avoid. She was as bad as Nami sometimes with the whole meddling witch thing.
Zoro says nothing for a while. Not sure what to say, and a bit tired of this conversation. He doesn't know how many times he has to say no before his friends will give up on him and Sanji. They seem to want them to be together as much as he does. Well almost as much...
"No," Zoro decides to settle on.
"Just no? That isn't very much of an argument."
"Well we've had this argument before. And I think it was you who suggested I should move on at his wedding right? And I agreed. So how is confessing my feelings for the stupid cook moving on Robin?"
"That was before he was divorced. And I doubted that marriage would last."
"Then why'd you say it!?"
"Because Zoro, you are my friend too. And although I had a feeling Sanji wouldn't stay with Pudding and although I want you two to be together, I think Sanji has had more than enough opportunities to see that himself. At his wedding I assumed if he didn't see you as a potential romantic partner by then he never would. And at the time I thought it would be much better for you to move on then to pine after someone who would never return your feelings."
She says this all calmly and somehow still not out of breath. Her words kind of hurt Zoro as he listens, and he feels down cast and confused. What the hell is she trying to say? Confess to Sanji one minute and get over him the next?
"Ok. Well I'm doing that. Getting over him."
"Zoro," Robin says gently. "You've been trying to do that for the last ten years. It is simply not working."
"But you just said-"
"I told you what I said at Sanji's wedding. But tonight, has been enlightening on many levels. Tell me, did you and Sanji ever make some sort of agreement that you and he would get married in ten years if you were both single?"
Zoro's eyes widen, and his thoughts turn to the napkin he still has hidden away in his top dresser drawer in his apartment in the city.
Of course, he remembers that stupid drunken night. It's the closest he'd ever gotten to Sanji admitting he felt anything more for Zoro than friendship. Zoro used to keep the stupid napkin in his wallet, but with his newer attempts to move on, it had seemed better to hide it away.
And he'd never told a soul about it. And was pretty sure that Sanji forgot about it the next morning.
So how the hell did Robin know about it? And why was she bringing it up?
"How the hell did you know about that?!" Zoro growls sitting up slightly and clenching the phone in his hand.
"Hm," Robin muses. "He brought it up last night."
"Sanji brought it up?!" Zoro practically shouts, surprise coloring every word. Sanji…remembered that?!
Robin laughs again. "Yes. I believe he said something along the lines of 'Now that I'm single and almost thirty I'll have to marry Zoro. It's in the contract."
Zoro drank the words in like a dying man in a desert. Sanji had remembered the contract? Not that it was even really a contract. Zoro had read it over and memorized it long ago. Technically it was written by a lawyer and had legal jargon in it, but it wasn't binding right? Sanji wouldn't be taking it seriously… would he? And Sanji had said he had to. So, did that mean he didn't want to? Or had he just been spewing nonsense? And why was Robin bringing this up?
"Ok, yeah" Zoro admits carefully. "He made it one night when he was drunk, and some chick had just dumped him. I don't even remember who it was. But it didn't mean anything."
"Well Sanji apparently thinks it does. Otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned it."
"Sanji does a lot of shit when he's drunk. He probably just mentioned it along with a bunch of random shit-"
"Sanji talked about two things more than anything else last night," Robin interrupts and her voice sounds a bit harsher than normal. "One of them was Pudding. The other was that contact. He told us in detail what he wrote, he told us it was the first legal contract he'd even written, he says you still had it and proved that by telling us it was in your bedroom dresser, in which he proceeded to tell us the story of how he knew that and-"
"WHAT!?" Zoro explodes and suddenly he's standing up. " He knew I - When did he- oh fuck!" He runs a hand through his green hair. Too many questions! And Robin was blowing his world apart right now! What the hell was Sanji doing?!
Robin chuckles lightly again.
"So, you see, I've decided to amend my previous advice to you. That was what I said when I didn't think there was any hope left. When I believed that Sanji was too blind and too narrow minded to see himself with you. I didn't want you hurt anymore then you already were, but last night has revealed that Sanji has not only harbored some sort of sentiment for you, but also that a contract might bring you two together romantically."
Zoro's heart is racing very fast. He feels hot all over, and his stomach is churning in his gut. Sanji really misses him and admitted it?! He's pretty sure he's never admitted he's missed Sanji to his friends, and they all know he loves him! Or guesses that he does anyways. And Sanji…. Could what Robin be saying be true? Could Sanji somewhere deep down know that Zoro and he belong together!?
"I believe you have a chance again Zoro," Robin says softly. "And I know that Sanji is heartbroken and sad, but you must act. If you do not do it now, I am afraid this might be your real last chance. If Sanji cannot see you after this... I'm certain it will be over."
Zoro finds his breath is coming shorter, and his palms are sweaty. He feels too woozy to think, like he was drugged or drunk or something. He glances up at the stars and the moon and begins to wonder again about fate.
"So, you'll have to decide when you get back, what you'll ultimately want to do," Robin keeps going. "It's your choice."
Zoro says nothing. And they both wait on other ends of the line in silence.
Silence except for Zoro's rapidly beating heart.