Sitting at the bar, Kaidan waved at the bartender. Doran nodded as he slowly made his way toward Kaidan. Doran was the sometimes bartender, sometimes bouncer and sometimes dancer at Flux. Kaidan and the volus had become good friends since his time with Shepard.
"Commander Alenko. It's good to see you." Doran filled a glass of Kaidan's usual and set it before him. Smiling to himself, he toyed with the glass as he thought about Shepard. Kaidan smiled as he took a long sip of the drink before setting the glass on the bar. A light touch on his shoulder startled him causing him to tip his glass spilling some of his drink on the bar. Looking over his shoulder, he could see Jena giggling. She always had a way to fluster him.
"Commander, haven't seen you in awhile." Jenna wicked smile, teased him. Kaidan felt his ears and cheeks redden. Jenna's flirtations always made him feel tongue-tied.
"Thanks. Just killing time." Kaidan examined the mess he made. Seeing the spill, Jenna handed him some napkins.
"You should come by more often." Jenna winked as she softly bumped him with her hip before walking away. Nodding in response, Kaidan began to wipe the mess be made as he continued to think of Shepard. Lost in thought, Kaidan didn't notice Garrus fall into the seat next to him.
"Thought I'd find you here." Kaidan nearly spilled the rest of his drink when he heard Garrus' voice. Setting the drink upright, Kaidan gave Garrus a harried looked. Chuckling to himself, he set the wet napkins on the bar before turning to Garrus.
"It's good to see you." Garrus nodded in response. Leaning backward, Garrus motioned to the person sitting next to him. Kaidan noticed a man Garrus was referring too.
"Kaidan, this is Thane Krios, another member of Shepard's team. Thane, this is Alliance Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko." Glancing around Garrus, Kaidan examined Thane. He had received reports that Shepard had recruited a drell assassin but he hadn't thought he would meet him. Thane's brown leathers off set the vivid emerald hue of his skin. Thane's onyx eyes stared evenly at Kaidan. Reaching past Garrus he extended his hand. Thane looked at Kaidan's hand before shaking it. Thane's grip was firm and even. Kaidan shuttered at Thane's touch wondering how dangerous of an assassin the drell could be.
"It's good to meet another member of Shepard's crew. How was it passing through the Omega 4 Relay?" Garrus cleared his throat as Thane looked impassively at Garrus before looking at Kaidan.
"Difficult. Garrus and I accompanied Shepard through the Relay then we were with her during the attack on the Collector base. We helped her destroy the base." Thane then gave him a slight bow before waving at Jenna. Taken aback by Thane's quick explanation, Kaidan realized that Shepard must trust him. Kaidan and Garrus were with Shepard when she fought Saren. She would only take those she trusts or... The memory of the night he and Shepard spent together before Ilos flashed in his mind. Looking from Garrus to Thane, he wondered. Did Shepard...? Unable to finish the thought, Kaidan looked away quickly. Suddenly he began to worry. He watched as Thane ordered him and Garrus a drink from Jenna. Kaidan watched the barmaid as she placed a two glasses of tea, one turian the other human before his companions. Turning back to Thane, he was surprised to see the drell studying him. Kaidan sighed as anxiety tightened his gut.
"It must have been one hell of a fight. I should have been there." Garrus set his fist on the bar with a loud rap.
"You made your choice. You also said a few things to Shepard before you made that choice." Garrus's words cut Kaidan. The memory of the argument he had with Shepard on Horizon was fresh in his memory. Kaidan nodded as he breathed deeply.
"Don't think I haven't regretted my words or actions." Kaidan glared at Garrus. "Besides. It's Shepard, you know as well as I go, nothing can stop her. You're here. She made it back." Shaking his head, Garrus glared at Kaidan.
"So it's 'Shepard' now? Are you sure, because last time, you weren't very sure." Kaidan sat quietly as he gently pushed his glass and wet napkins to the edge of the bar. Garrus took a sip from his drink before he looking at Kaidan.
"Commander's waiting for you." Kaidan nodded silently in response. Standing slowly, Kaidan glanced at Garrus and noticed the scars on his face.
"What happened?" Thane quiet until now began to chuckle. Garrus glared at Thane. Smiling in response, Thane stared at Garrus as he placed his elbows on the bar and rested his chin on his hands. Thane's eyes were full of merriment at the turians discomfort. Sighing in frustration, Garrus shook his head.
"Damn gunship." Seeing Garrus expression, Thane slapped him on his shoulder.
"Perhaps we should find you a female Krogan?" Garrus groaned as Thane began to laugh. Looking at Kaidan, Garrus motioned for him to leave. Kaidan watched Garrus and Thane as they sat enjoying the joke. What happened? A small flare of jealousy whirled in Kaidan. He remembered times when he, Garrus and Shepard shared private jokes.
Kaidan stood looking at Garrus wondering if his injuries were more extensive than just the facial scars. Seeing Kaidan stare, Garrus hung his head.
"Go talk to her. You've got a lot to discuss." Garrus spoke with finality. Kaidan glanced at Thane. Nodding slightly, Thane turned and motioned again for Jenna. Feeling alone, Kaidan quietly left.
Making his way toward the Med Clinic, Kaidan spotted Shepard as she stood leaning against the railing. She always loved to watch the nebula.
"Shepard." Kaidan called as he approached her. Hearing her name, she turned to face him. Her soft smile beckoned him. Quickening his pace, he rushed to her. Shepard leaned against the railing as he joined her.
"Tell me Staff Commander, do you get much shore leave?" Kaidan laughed softly as he recalled Ashley William's joke. Shepard smiled as she turned back to stare at the nebula. Stepping closer, he studied her face. Her amber eyes twinkled as her ebony hair curled wildly atop her head. Kaidan always thought she was stunning, her eyes contrasted her ebony hair but it was her soft honey beige skin that he remembered the most. Shepard had the softest skin, like living silk when she touched him. Sighing, he reach for her hand. Her fingers were warm and strong as they grasped his. Squeezing her hand, Kaidan gazed into her eyes.
"How are you?" Kaidan studied her face as she sighed and she looked at him.
"Fine. How's your doctor friend?" Shepard's question confused him. Kaidan released her hands as he turned to lean against the railing.
"Last I heard she was fine." Glancing back at Shepard he could see a small smile play at her lips. Kaidan began to wonder why Shepard brought up the doctor. Turning to lean against the railing, Shepard clasped her hands as she stared out the window.
"It's good to see you moving on." Surprised by her words, Kaidan stared her. Standing straight, he touched her arm.
"It's not that easy, Shepard. It's was one thing thinking you were dead. It's another knowing you're alive." Kaidan could feel his world pull hard to port. Shaking his head, he grabbed her shoulder, turning her toward him. Stepping away, Shepard stared at him.
"It has to be." Stepping closer, she gazed into his eyes as the light played in her hair.
"You've spent the last two years mourning my death, not living. It's time for you to start living." Kaidan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Hanging his head, Kaidan tried to think. He needed answers.
"What happened?" Shepard was quiet. Watching her, Kaidan waited patiently as he listened to her breathing. Slowly he began to fidget.
"Kaidan. I need you to understand..." Shepard began to speak but he interrupted.
"I wish I went with you. It nearly killed me not knowing." Kaidan studied her, his eyes pleading. Shepard frowned.
"There is no future for us. " Shepard's words caused Kaidan's world to spin. Moving away her, he grabbed the railing.
"W..what?" Kaidan stammered unsure of what he just heard. Taking a step back, Shepard eyes were emotionless.
"Kaidan, I was dead for two years. You moved on. Your letter hinted at that you wanted us to be together again. I can't do that. I won't. Our paths are different." Kaidan shook his head as he tried to get his mind around what she was saying.
"Shepard, all that matters is us. I love you." Franticly he thought of what he could say to convince her. All the while Shepard continued to stare quietly at him.
"I thought that.. when you wanted to talk that you..." Trailing off, Kaidan felt confused as she turned and stared at the nebula.
"Kaidan. Your message... What you wrote told me you moved on. I'm happy for you." Shepard looked at him, a frown marring her brow. Kaidan couldn't believe what she was saying. He had to find a way to make her understand.
"I want to be with you, Shepard. I want to be at your side. With or without the Alliance, I don't care. I walked away from you once I can't do that again." Kaidan needed her. He needed to be with her and have her in his life. Desperately he moved closer to her but she stepped away. Gently she shook her head.
"Please understand, I know you love me but I can't give you what you want." Shepard stared at Kaidan her eyes imploring. No, this can't be happening. He felt lost. Unable to meet her gaze, Kaidan stepped back, pain racing through his chest.
"Is it because of what happened on Horizon?" He asked, pain coloring his voice. Shepard sighed as she looked at him.
"You moved on with your life. I want you to have that." Shepard stood watching him. Her expression tender. Slowly he stared at her, his eyes boring into hers.
"You want me to move on?" Anger began to build, Kaidan could feel his skin begin to tingle. His hands began to glow a faint blue. Quickly he clamped down his feelings, he couldn't let his biotics run wild. Shepard saw the blue glow and stepped back, her hands glowing softly.
"Yes. I know you're hurting and I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you." Kaidan's anger began to suffocate him, he couldn't breathe. Desperately he sought control of his emotions. Suddenly he remembered what Thane told him. Stepping away, he began to pace.
"And what does Thane Krios have to do with this?" Kaidan spat his name. All of a sudden he knew Thane was with Shepard. Kaidan wanted to strangle the drell. Damn him! Shepard looked surprised.
"Thane?" Shepard asked incredulously. Kaidan glared at her, his face twisted in fury.
"Yes. Thane. The assassin. The damn drell assassin! He told me that he and Garrus were with you when you attacked the Collectors Base." Shepard glared at Kaidan, her hands balling into fists.
"What does any of this have to do with Thane?" Kaidan grabbed onto the railing, his hands digging into the metal. He wanted to pull the railing off its mounting and throw it.
"It was me the night before Ilos, was it him the night before the relay?" Shepard crossed her arms and glared at him.
"I see. You want it all, don't you Kaidan? Just like it was before. The only thing is, I offered that to you. Then you called me a traitor and walked away. You left me. Even it is Thane, you made your choice long before I made mine." Kaidan pushed himself away from the railing and sneered at Shepard.
"I love you and you were with him! You're nothing more than a..." Kaidan didn't finish his sentence before Garrus was looming beside him.
"Don't. You. Dare." Garrus hissed. Startled, Kaidan staggered back as Garrus towered over him. Kaidan watched as Thane walked to Shepard. Seeing him approach, she turned to him. Thane and Shepard stared into each other's eyes causing Kaidan to look away. The moment felt too private.
"Siha, Garrus was concerned. It appears he was correct. We came to retrieve and escort you to the meeting." Kaidan watched as Thane stood close to Shepard shielding her from him. Ashamed, Kaidan hung his head.
"Garrus... please... I need... Shepard?" Shepard glanced at Thane. Seeming to read her intentions, he stepped away and gestured for Garrus to follow. Nodding at Thane, Garrus looked at Kaidan and scoffed.
"You of all people..." Kaidan interrupted.
"I'm sorry, Garrus. I let my anger take over. Thank you for stopping me." Garrus shook his head as he walked away. Shepard approached Kaidan, her eyes soft.
"It was never my intention to hurt you Kaidan. You don't have to agree with my choices but they are my choices. I choose Thane because I love him. It has nothing to do with you. I don't regret what we had but our time is past. You need to move on. I have." Kaidan looked at her.
"I love you." Slowly he stepped closer as he gazed into her eyes. Shepard gently touched his shoulder. The armor prevented him from feeling her touch but he could see that she did care for him.
"You have to let me go, Kaidan. The Council, the Alliance, they need you." Shepard voice was steady, her tone calm. Kaidan wanted to pull her to him but resisted. He wasn't sure what Garrus or Thane would do. Instead he tried to think of something that would make her want to stay. Softly he laid his hand over hers as he brought it to his chest.
"I need you." Shepard shook her head as she delicately touched his face.
"Everyone needs me. You need me, the galaxy needs me. I don't want to be needed. I want to be loved, wanted." Looking away, she stared at Thane. With a soft touch, she crushed any hope he held.
"Did you ever love me, Shepard?" Kaidan asked quietly. Shepard looked back to Kaidan, her eyes bright with anger.
"How can you say that?" His heart clenched at her answer as a lump formed in his throat making it difficult to breath. Coughing, Kaidan tried to find the words to convince her to stay. She sighed gently as she touched his arm.
"I did love you once. It seems so long ago. I do care for you. We have a history, how can I not care for you? I want you to live, to be happy. Our paths are different. I have to go down a path you can't follow." Her words rang like bells against his frozen heart. She loved me. Kaidan didn't know what do, he couldn't move. All he knew was that he was losing her. He lost her once, it nearly killed him. He didn't know if he would survive a second time.
Silence permeated the air between them. Shepard looked helplessly at Kaidan then glanced at Thane.
"I have to go, the Councils waiting. I was hoping to walk with you to the meeting but.. Good-bye Kaidan. Take care of yourself." Shepard turned and began to walk toward Garrus and Thane. Kaidan looked up at Shepard. Unable to let her go, he grabbed for her hand. Stopping, Shepard turned to look at Kaidan. Gently, he tried to pull her back to him.
"Don't do this." Kaidan whispered. Gazing deeply into her eyes, his voice turned frantic. "Don't leave me, Shepard." She sighed as she squeezed his hand causing Kaidan to tug harder.
"I love you." Kaidan pled. Shepard stepped back studying his face. Unable to endure his pain, she looked away. Her voice was unwavering as she replied.
"My crew, my mission, I have to go. I have to follow my path. You have to let me go." Suddenly she turned, her eyes pleading, beseeching Kaidan to understand. Her words stunned him, he didn't know what to say. He wanted Shepard. He wanted her with him, smiling at him, needing him the way he needed her. Feeling Shepard's hand lightly touch his forearm caught Kaidan's attention. Looking at and holding her hand, Kaidan slowly he realized what he had to do. He wasn't sure he could do it but he knew there was no other choice. The pain of his decision was agonizing. Clearing his throat he tried to prepare for what he was about to say. His voice had to be firm, he couldn't waiver.
"I'll wait for you, Shepard. No matter what. I'll be here." Kaidan could hear Shepard sigh as his words washed over her. Softly he kissed her hand then looked into her eyes. She shook her head but said nothing.
Taking one last look at Kaidan, she turned and moved to the railing. Standing side by side they watched the nebula. Feeling lightheaded, Kaidan leaned against the railing. He felt hollow, empty, broken. The only thing he had left was his promise and he would keep his promise. His resolve gave him strength, he pushed himself away from the railing to turn to Shepard.
"The Council's waiting." Kaidan gestured toward the fast transit taxi. Shepard softly smiled at Kaidan. "We have a few minutes, let's walk through the presidium." Kaidan nodded at Shepard.
"I love you, Shepard. I'm sorry. I can't seem to get things right. I really am sorry." Kaidan said as he stepped away from the railing. Shepard smiled as she turned and began walking toward the elevator. Garrus and Thane stood waiting. Walking with Shepard, Kaidan stopped in front of Garrus.
"I need to apologize for what happened. I let my anger take hold." Garrus looked at Kaidan before placing his hand heavy on his shoulder.
"Don't ever do that again. There won't be a next time." Kaidan's shoulder bowed under the weight of Garrus' hand.
"I won't." Looking to Thane, Kaidan watched as the assassin stared evenly at him. Stepping in front of Shepard, Thane approached Kaidan.
"You have a history with Shepard and I will respect it, as I respect her. It is her choice, should she choose you, I will not interfere but since she has chose me, I ask you to not interfere." Thane then turned and walked back to Shepard. Kaidan was shocked by Thane's words, he expected a warning or a threat not a request. Jealousy roared in his head. He's just trying to look good in front of Shepard. Kaidan scoffed at Thane's back.
"Just remember who loves her more." A small smiled played at Thane's lips as he looked back at Kaidan.
"Of course, I respect Garrus and count him as my friend." Turning toward Shepard, Thane walked to her side as she moved toward the elevator. Kaidan didn't know what to say or do. Looking to Garrus, he stammered. Garrus began to laugh as he watched Kaidan.
"Let's go." Garrus and Kaidan joined Shepard and Thane in the elevator. Kaidan looked around the small area feeling awkward. Watching Kaidan, Shepard began to laugh as the elevator doors began to close.
"Shepard and all her men."