Chapter Two: I Won't Let Go

I had hoped that when I woke up from my dreamless slumber that I would miraculously find myself next to Eric, that the battle in the warehouse had never happened. Sleeping wasn't even the word to describe it. I had simply closed my eyes, fell into a black pit of nothingness, only to wake up in this hell. Except it wasn't hell. Hell would have been a welcome sight compared to the pool of grey sounding me. I sighed as I cracked open my eyes, taking in the lack of features around me. There were no walls, not even a floor. There wasn't an end in sight. There was only the bed that I was lying on and myself. That was all.

Unfortunately, not for long however.

I yelped in surprise when the Reaper had suddenly appeared at the end of the bed, a smirk wide on his face. I scowled at him and pulled my legs up to my chest and circled my arms around them. He looked so smug as he sat down on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving mine. I wanted to yell at him to leave, to slap him and hit him as hard as I could. But I couldn't. I didn't have the strength to do so. I just felt so week and helpless. It was such a far cry from how I felt last night as I killed Hallow, burning her alive until she was nothing but dust in the wind. I had felt so strong, so powerful. And now I just felt weak.

And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Not until I faced the truth. But I was too scared to do so. I didn't want to face the fact that I may truly not want to return, that I did really want to leave Eric all alone to suffer. So I pushed the thoughts out of my head and focused on the Reaper before me.

"What do you want?" I snapped at him.

"What, no hello?" he snickered. "That's no way to greet a friend."

"You're no friend." I narrowed my eyes.

"Oh but we'll be spending so much time together. You might as well get used to me." He winked before standing and pressing down the wrinkles in his dark grey pants. He glanced over his shoulder at me before snapping his fingers. I opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing, but was soon met with the answer when the bed beneath me just suddenly vanished. I winced as my body fell onto what felt like hard concrete. I grumbled, cursing at the Reaper as I glared up at his smug face. Oh how I wanted to burn him alive as well.

"That's not a nice thought." He tilted his head to the side.

"You can read my thoughts?" I demanded to know.

"Something like that." He looked back straight ahead. "Hurry up, Phoenix. You're slowing me down."

"Where are we going?" I scrambled to my feet before the reaper could do anything else and crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"We're going to visit a friend of yours." He answered simply before waving his hand carelessly in the air.

My mouth dropped open as the greyness was whisked away, only to be replaced with a familiar bedroom; my bedroom. My face fell as I stared around the room, taking in every detail. It felt like we were really standing here, before my bed. I reached my hand out to run it over the comforter, but I was only met with air. I frowned and yanked my hand back, not liking the idea that I was almost like a ghost.

"Why are we here?" I cornered the Reaper. "Why are we in my old bedroom?"

"You'll see." He nodded to the door as it was thrown open.

I fell silent as I watched Eric storm into the room, his clothes still torn and stained with blood. Blood was dried all over his face from the tears he had cried, and that alone made my heart lurch. But then I realized that Eric was carrying my lifeless form into the room, and my heart just ached some more. I looked dead. I looked just as lifeless as I felt standing there, like a ghost, unable to reach out and grab Eric and just kiss him. And that's all I wanted to do at that moment. How was it that my heart wasn't sure what it wanted when the desire to be in his arms again was so great?

"Eric, you need to stop this." Godric entered the room after a broken Eric.

I could see stained tears on his face, but he remained strong in front of Eric. I was glad Eric had someone like Godric in his life. He would desperately need the ancient vampire if he was going to get through this at all.

"She's dead, Eric." Sookie was the last to enter the room as Eric gently laid my form on the bed, brushing the hair out of my face. "We need to plan things. Like a funeral and..."

"Don't." Eric snapped, twisting around to glare darkly at her. Sookie gulped and took a tentative step back at the terrifying look on Eric face.

"Eric, my child, this isn't healthy. She's gone. We need to bury her." Godric tried to reach out to Eric.

Eric bared his fangs down at his maker however, looking ready to attack at any moment. "She is not dead."

"She is, Eric." Sookie said sadly, tears in her eyes. "We lost her. We have to come to terms with that. What are you going to do, keep her up here, locked away? She's dead, Eric, and she's not coming back."

"Don't you dare say that." He growled so low, a look of pure fright crossed Sookie's face as she took another step back.

"Eric, calm down." Godric laid his hand on Eric's arm this time, ignoring Eric's attempts to knock it off. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But she's gone. And no amount of wishing will bring her back."

"We all wish it wasn't true. But it is. We need to give her a funeral to honour her memory." Sookie tried to reason.

"Say another word and it will be your last." Eric threatened.

Sookie's breath was caught in her throat as she sent a look of worry to Godric. "I-I think I'm going to just go."

"That would be wise. I'll see you soon." Godric nodded before watching the blonde sadly leave the room.

It was hard to watch this and I wanted to turn away. But I couldn't. The Reaper was behind me, his ice cold hands grasping my shoulders and holding me to the spot, forcing me to watch this.

"My child, please, just let us bury her. You can't keep her up here." Godric sighed.

"She. Is. Not. Dead." Eric growled each word like it was his last. There was so much anger and pain behind those words that it just sliced through my heart.

"She isn't coming back to us. She can't. She's gone now. You need to understand that and just move on."

"Do not talk to me about moving on, Godric." Eric snarled. "1400 years and you're still not over the death of the woman you love."

Godric sighed and looked down, ashamed that Eric was right. "I made a mistake. I should have moved on too many years ago. But I bore that pain for over a millennium. I wish I could take it back. Things would have been different. I wouldn't have pushed Elizabeth away like I had. But I can't change the past. You can, however, ensure that history does not repeat itself."

"She isn't dead, Godric. She's not gone." Eric clenched his fists. "I can feel her. I can still feel her."

"Maybe so but..."

"I can feel her soul, Godric. I can feel it like it's inside of me. She's not gone. She's not." Eric's voice began softening, his features breaking apart at the seams. "She can't be."

Godric looked like someone had just stolen his puppy dog. "Eric..."

"She's a Phoenix, she can't be dead." Eric reasoned, grasping for straws now. Though a part of me was ecstatic to know that Eric was still fighting for me, fighting until his last breath. He wasn't giving up on me, and that just sparked more need to come back.

"The impossible happens every day. Even with such a strong spell like the one placed on you two."

"What does that spell have to do with this?" Eric's anger returned.

"The bonding spell was much more than that. It was a heart's desire spell. It drew Elizabeth to her one true love, and that was you." Godric explained, Eric's face lighting up before falling into a million pieces. "But that spell forged you two together. You were one. Which mean that should either of you die, so would the either. Perhaps the spell was broken before her death occurred..."

"Or she isn't dead." There was a glimmer of hope in his beautiful eyes. "She isn't gone, Godric. She can't be."

"Maybe the spell was..." Godric tried to point out before Eric interrupted him.

"The spell wasn't broken until afterward, Godric. Which meant that if she truly did die, I would have as well. And I'm not dead." More and more hope began floating into Eric. "She's not gone. She can't be."

"Then where is she?" Godric sighed.

"I don't know. But she's not dead." There was a look of determination on Eric's face. "I know she isn't dead. I can feel her."

I so wanted to reach out to him then, to tell him that I was still there, that he was right. But the scene disappeared before my very eyes before I could even open my mouth, and soon the grey nothingness returned. I sighed and dropped my gaze to where the ground would have been if there appeared to even be one. It wasn't like I would have been able to communicate with him. But I still liked being in his presence, even if he didn't know I was there. I still felt comfortable and safe around him, even now.

"You've done a number to that one." The reaper shook his head with a snort.

"You're an ass." I glared up at him. "Why did you show me that?"

"Just trying to push you in the right direction so I can get through dealing with you." He replied with a long sigh. "Dead seems to think it would be amusing if I nudge you along."

"Death can go fuck himself." I muttered darkly.

"I wouldn't let him hear that, if I were you." He warned, a frown on his face. "He doesn't take lightly to unpleasant tones."

"I don't take lightly to jackass Reapers, but I don't see you disappearing." I shot back.

"Such a moody Phoenix." The smug look was back on his face. "I have a job to continue. Farewell for now, little girl."

And just like that, he was gone.

The bed had appeared shortly after the Reaper had disappeared, and I found myself curled up on it for hours. Or it could have been days, I wasn't sure. Time wasn't exactly important anymore. All that mattered was what I was now faced with. I had to decide, between life and death, and I knew I had to do it soon. I couldn't stay here, stuck in this In-Between for the rest of my life. I couldn't take dealing with that Reaper, and I would always feel like I was holding onto something that may not be there. It wasn't fair to Eric. If what he said was true, then he could still feel me. He could still feel that I was alive, no matter where that may be. If I stayed here for years, decades, maybe even centuries, he would forever feel that, knowing that I was still alive but hadn't returned to him. I needed to either go back home to him, to live our lives together, or just move on to my afterlife and let him live in peace.

But which choice was it going to be?

That I didn't know the answer to. I wanted to say it was to live, because I loved Eric so damn much. But that would be a lie. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. As much as I loved Eric, there was still a small part of me that just wanted to rest in peace, to see my parents and brother again, and to just be happy. I could be happy living a lifetime with my family, with the people I had lost so suddenly. I could be happy without pain and heartache and everything in between.

But would my heart truly be content?

If I never saw Eric's face ever again, would I truly be okay with that? I already knew the answer to that. I loved him, more than I've ever loved anything else before in my life. It was an endless love that consumed every ounce of me. It didn't make any sense, for a Phoenix to fall in love with a vampire. But it just happened. I had never expected it to, but it just did. And now I had to live with that love, the guilt if I chose to leave Eric behind. I had been so sure that if Eric had died, I wouldn't have been able to take the pain and would have died also. I never once thought about being the one to leave him, to put him through that pain.

"Decisions, decisions." The Reaper suddenly appeared beside me on the bed.

I yelped and threw myself off of it, glaring down at the Reaper as he crossed his arms behind his head.

"Why hello there, Phoenix." He flashed me a smirk. "Have we made a decision yet?"

"Fuck off." I spat.

"What have I said about being nice?" he shook his head. "You're lucky Death has a soft spot for you. I think he just enjoyed the way you smoked the annoying witch."

"I might do that to you soon." I threatened.

"You can try, but your powers don't work here." He shrugged carelessly. "But please, do try; it'll amuse me when you fail."

I screamed out in exasperation, grabbing onto my hair and turning away from him. I tried to storm away from the bed, to get away from him, but he only appeared in front of me, driving me absolutely insane.

"That isn't very nice, you know, walking away." he grasped onto my chin, turning my head from side to side. "You aren't the worst thing I've dealt with here, you know. If you want to pass the time..."

"Gross." I shoved his hand away, a look of disgust on my face.

"Oh come you, you've fucked that vampire." The Reaper shook his head with a smirk. "I'm not any worse."

"You're much worse." I shuddered at the mere thought of doing anything with this Reaper besides killing him to get him out of my hair. "Can't you just leave me in peace?"

"Sadly no." He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I would if I could, Phoenix. Believe me, you're not exactly what I want to be doing right now. There's a few souls I'd rather take a ride with..."

"You're disgusting." I groaned, turning back around and moving towards the bed. It was gone before I could reach it however, forcing me to turn and glare at the Reaper. "You are such an ass."

"Oh I know." He smirked. "But no time to doddle, Phoenix. We have things to do."

"What now?"

"You'll see."

I watched as we appeared inside of Merlotte's, though it looked nothing like I remembered. Or really, the mood didn't remind me of the happy bar I had worked in briefly so many years ago. Instead, those I could remember from the war were sitting in booths and at tables, looking solemn as they drank their beers. Sookie was behind the counter, trying to not break down, while Sam was keeping his distance. I could tell he wanted to reach out to her, to pull her into his arms. But he looked afraid and instead just looked away with a sigh.

"Who died?" The Reaper joked with a snicker before falling silent when I sent him a dark glare. "Just a joke."

"Not funny." I grumbled as I moved further into the bar, my eyes falling on everyone. It was the middle of the day, so only the Weres were here. Some still looked bruised and battered, while some actually looked like they hadn't been a part of a war at all. I sighed as I walked over to the bar, getting a good look at Sookie.

She looked so sad. She looked like she just lost her best friend; and she had. I wished I could have hugged her, promised her that everything was going to be alright. But I couldn't do that. I was nothing but a ghost at the moment. I couldn't do a damn thing except watch the people I love suffer. You would think that would make my decision even easier. But it didn't. It only made it harder. None of them would have even been put through this madness if it hadn't of been for me. It was because of me that all of these men and women were sent to war, some not coming back alive. If I had never been found in Chicago, than perhaps this would have happened. Maybe if I had died in that car crash, things would be different. Maybe if Godric had just passed by me that day outside of the bookstore in Dallas, than none of these people would have met me. Their lives would have been simpler.

"Do you really believe that?" the Reaper sat at the bar, gazing over at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Stay out of my head." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"A bit hard to, Phoenix." He rolled his eyes. "You think way too loud."

I shook my head and glared at the ground, wishing he would just disappear so I wouldn't have to deal with him.

"Oh I'm not going anywhere; you might as well just come to terms with that." He assured with a smug look. "Now, back to the matter at hand. Do you really think your life meant so little to these people that you could have not existed to them and all would be fine?"

"They wouldn't have lost lives in a meaningless war. They wouldn't feel like this." I nodded at Sookie, it physically hurting to see the pain she was in. "Eric wouldn't be in this much pain if he had never known me."

"You really are an idiot, you know that." The Reaper shook his head as he slid off the stool and came towards me. "No matter whom you are, your life means something to someone. Even if I don't like you at all."

"Can you just keep your opinion to yourself for once?" I replied bitterly. "Can we go? I don't want to see this anymore."

"Yes, let's go." I didn't like the look on his face. "I have something else to show you."