The Enterprise's latest encounter with the Borg very nearly saw the end of all humanity but none of her crew had suffered like Captain Picard, and Lt. Commander Data. Picard had nearly been forced to sacrifice the Enterprise, and was again confronted with the trauma he'd suffered when he'd been assimilated into the Borg Collective six years earlier. Naseema and Data were captured by Borg drones, and since neither of them could be effectively assimilated, the Ambassador was drugged with a powerful mind control compound, and used in an attempt to seduce the android into surrendering the critical encryption codes to the Enterprise's main computer.
The Borg Queen had been ruthless and cunning, tempting the android with promises of bringing him closer to humanity than he ever thought possible. She had her drones graft organic skin to his endo-skeletal structure, enabling him, for the first time, to feel physical pleasure...and pain.
He had attempted to escape, and even though the captain's orders told him to leave the ambassador behind, he'd tried to take her with him. When he grabbed her hand he felt something powerful happen, and her demeanor suddenly changed. She stared at him now with a look he'd never seen before. A look that both disturbed, and intrigued him simultaneously. The Queen seized her opportunity, and offered the beautiful ambassador to him. Instructing...or encouraging Naseema, he couldn't tell which, to back him into a corner where she'd pushed up against him, while the Queen questioned him about his experiences with physical pleasure. He'd managed to weakly confirm that he was programmed in multiple techniques. Techniques that hadn't been used since Tasha Yar had seduced him nearly nine years before. Then Naseema kissed him, and to his own shock, he kissed her back. Data had been weak for exactly zero point six eight seconds, what felt like an eternity for the android. Although tempted by the Queen's promises, and the nagging loneliness he felt, he did know that Naseema's affection wouldn't be authentic while she was under the hold of the Borg, and he regained control of himself, formulated a plan, and played along, finally defeating the Queen, rescuing the captain, the Enterprise, and Naseema. They thought him a hero, but Data could not remove from his vast memory banks, the feeling of selfishness for not being able to sacrifice her for the sake of all humanity, even though in her right mind, she would have gladly laid her own life down in exchange for those of the humans. He remained especially haunted about giving in to his temptation, as brief as the instant was, and then using the ambassador as a pawn while she was so heavily influenced. He knew by her behavior now, that she retained the same terrible memory.
Once his duty shift was complete, he left the bridge, and headed for his appointment with the ship's Betazoid counselor, Deanna Troi. Prior to the emotion chip, he'd only sought the counselor out when he required advice but he found that he needed advice more often than before, and now maintained regular sessions with her. Deanna had been attempting, for the last several weeks, to encourage Data to open up about what had happened at the hands of the Borg, but he found he struggled to do so. Today he felt different. Today he felt ready to discuss it, he needed to discuss it. He wanted to resolve these feelings that had been gnawing at him since his friendship with the Feeonix had become so unhappily complicated.
"Hello Data!" Deanna smiled as he entered her office.
"Hello Counselor," he replied. She motioned for him to sit and with a nod, he accepted, and took the chair opposite hers.
Wanting to start the conversation flowing in the right direction, Deanna began, "So, Data, how have things been going for you this week? Do you feel any closer to resolving your feelings over your recent experience?" Unlike many of her other patients, Deanna was able to be completely straightforward with the android, and he seemed to prefer it that way. Nuances and subtle lead-ups confused him. He'd always expressed appreciation that she got right to the point with him. She knew that when he was ready to talk, he would.
Data folded his hands in his lap. "I have spent considerable time this week accessing my memory banks on this issue, to attempt to resolve the feelings I have regarding my captivity. I realize that I have been hesitant to discuss it."
"That's entirely understandable considering what you went through," she said.
Despite his emotional unpredictability, Data was probably her easiest patient since the concept of lying was still fairly foreign to him, and even his emotion chip didn't seem to affect that aspect of his personality. He usually spoke with her freely about his feelings, and while he outwardly appeared fine, his hesitance to discuss this particular issue confirmed for her that he had suffered a deep level of trauma. Due to the fact that his memories would never fade, she was unsure of how a traumatic event would ultimately affect Data in the long term, but her instincts told her it would be better to resolve his feelings, rather than ignore them. Deanna also realized that emotional turmoil was something Naseema would have normally helped him sort out, but after observing their behavior together since their captivity, and sensing Data's emotions, it was clear to her the Feeonix was part of the problem. Deanna just didn't know how.
"Did you and Naseema spend any time together off duty this week?" she asked.
Data shifted in his chair uncomfortably before responding, "I assume that you have noticed the change in my relationship with the ambassador, is that correct Counselor?"
Deanna nodded. "Yes I have, Data. Would it be alright if we talked about that?" she continued. "I've noticed that you and Naseema seem distant toward each other since your captivity, and you two are normally very close. Is everything alright between you?"
Data sighed as he replied, "I am not sure. Naseema was heavily drugged, and forced to...do things to me." He was visibly embarrassed by this revelation, and Deanna knew she'd struck the nerve she'd been looking for.
"Data, you seemed very uncomfortable talking about this, so I want you to go as slowly as you need to," she said.
Data nodded. "Thank you, Counselor," he then took a breath, and decided to continue before he lost his nerve. "I believe I am feeling anxiety, and it is very unsettling," he admitted, adopting a matter-of-fact tone that made him feel more comfortable.
She knew she needed to be cautious of how she responded. Data would take anything she said, and carefully analyze it. The android had a way of harshly judging himself against his colleagues' words.
"It's alright, Data, just relax and take your time," she reassured him. "I know that no matter what happened, you acted in the best interests of the ship, and her crew."
"I do not believe that I did," he began.
"Why would you say that?" she asked, crossing her legs.
"I had the opportunity to escape, and I attempted to take Naseema with me. As a result, I was overpowered, and re-captured. I ignored the best interests of the ship, and I disregarded the captain's orders because of my personal desires. I did not want to leave her behind." He seemed dismayed by this revelation, and his tone confirmed for the Betazoid that he was judging himself very harshly indeed.
"Naseema is a very powerful being, Data, and you are the one the captain charged with the responsibility of ensuring her safety. He knows how seriously you've taken that responsibility, and you did what you were supposed to do, and have done, very successfully, for nearly ten years." Deanna insisted. "If the Borg were able to control her, and if they discovered how to use her abilities as a weapon, well I don't even want to think about it." She shuddered at the idea. "You did the right thing by doing what you've always done, and kept her close to you. I also know that Naseema is important to you in ways outside your duties, and I completely understand why you wouldn't leave her," she continued. "Once Captain Picard learned that you were both still aboard, and alive, he also refused to leave without attempting to rescue you, at great risk to himself, and any of the rest of us would have done the same. You may have defied one of the captain's orders, but he defied it himself. You did nothing wrong."
The android sighed again. "That is not all of it, Counselor," he added.
While it was clear he wanted to discuss the situation, his resolve seemed to be wavering, so Deanna led him back to her original inquiry about the ambassador. "Data, why don't you tell me what happened with Ambassador Naseema?" She knew the root of his anxiety had more to do with Naseema than his defiance of the captain's order. If she couldn't get him to open up about her, Deanna worried she wouldn't be able to help him.
The android drew in a slow, determined breath, and exhaled. "The organic skin the Borg grafted to my endo-skeletal structure is a matter of record, but that is not the whole story."
Deanna nodded for him to continue.
"While I did not lie in my report, I did not reveal the entirety of the situation. The Borg Queen was able to re-animate my emotion chip after I had deactivated it, and the sudden rush of...fear, clouded my judgment. As I attempted to escape, I took a hold of Naseema's hand, and I felt something," he told her.
Deanna furrowed her brow. "Like what?" she asked, "an energy surge or an emotion?"
She secretly hoped it was the former. The last time Data had felt an emotion he was unsure of, and hesitant to reveal, it had been a pleasurable reaction to brutally killing a Borg drone.
The commander shook his head. "It was neither...and yet both. I cannot effectively describe what it felt like, Counselor. The most effective analogy I am able to articulate, is that it was comparable to instances when I download large amounts of information from another computer, except in reverse. Naseema downloaded information from me, but it was not just information. She downloaded thoughts, emotions...images from my dream program...she accessed my unconscious. It was more than a transfer of information. It was as if she were...inside me, and I could feel her inside me," he explained, and he was as awestruck as Deanna.
She hadn't been expecting a revelation of this magnitude but she knew what had happened.
"Data, you know Naseema is a telepath, and while I'm aware that the Feeonix are only able to communicate with one another telepathically, she is able to function as a conduit for telepathic energy. It's possible that whatever she was drugged with broke down some psychic walls, and expanded her ability, so when you touched her, you inadvertently created a connection that allowed her into your mind, possibly even your unconscious mind," Deanna theorized. "It must be a possibility, if she was able to communicate telepathically with the Borg Queen."
"I had considered that, Counselor, since my brain waves, similarly to those of the Borg, occur on a different frequency than organic life forms, and the only telepathically enabled species that have been able to hear my thoughts, are energy based entities...like Naseema, but even then, they have only been able to access my conscious thought. I have been unable to discern how the Feeonix are any different, and I cannot find any compound in our records that would allow a telepathic being to temporarily read a positronic unconscious," Data replied. "It would seem unlikely that the drug was responsible."
"Perhaps you're right, but you are probably the only artificial life form in the known universe with an unconscious, Data, and you haven't been aware of it for that long. There's also a lot about the Feeonix we don't know. They don't even know much about themselves. They have no organized society, and no recorded history, everything they know has been passed down by word of mouth. Isn't it possible that this is simply the first occurrence? " Deanna added.
"It is true that there is not much information regarding Naseema's species in our data banks, and I suspect that much of what is there, is not based in fact," Data agreed, "but I cannot come to any reasonable conclusion as to how she would be able to suddenly, and only temporarily enter my thoughts," he added.
"Then is it possible that Naseema has been able to hear your thoughts all along, and has simply not told you for one reason or another?" Deanna asked.
The android tilted his head as he mulled the idea over, and nodded. "I would not like to think that is true, but it is not outside the realm of possibility," he replied, a little dismayed.
She could see why the experience had unnerved him, but still she had the nagging suspicion that she had not yet reached the true cause of Data's disturbance.
"Does the idea of her hearing your thoughts upset you?" she asked.
"The prospect of her hearing my thoughts does not disturb me. However, I am not fond of the idea that she has been able to do so all along, and did not feel that she could tell me," he replied.
"I'm afraid that is likely something that you'll have to sort out with Naseema at a later date, but for right now, tell me what happened after you were re-captured," Deanna continued, pressing him a little further, but he was silent for a moment.
What happened next had completely blindsided him, and remembering it made him uncomfortable.
He fidgeted slightly. Deanna leaned in, and touched his hand. "It's alright, Data, I'm not here to judge you," she assured him, her expression softening. He swallowed hard, and Deanna was briefly distracted as she noticed how far Data's human mannerisms had come in the time she'd known him.
"The organic flesh on my arm was injured in the escape attempt. I have never felt pain before, and the sensation overwhelmed me momentarily. In that time, Naseema communicated something to the Queen. Something she heard inside me," he said, and Deanna silently motioned for him to continue. "I do not know what it was, but she became different...aggressive," he searched for the right description. "She became sinister," he finally said. "I did not know how to react. I was afraid of her," he admitted. "I allowed her to back me into a position where I could not get away from her. Then she put her hands on me in a very affectionate manner, and attempted to exert her sexual energy against me. Then she...she kissed me...and even though I was morally revulsed at the situation, a part of me...liked it."
There it was. As soon as he'd said it, she understood what had happened. With all the facets of human behavior that Data had learned to grasp, and even master, the concepts of love and sexuality were still completely confounding to him. Being able to initiate programs to flirt, and perform sexual functions didn't mean that he would understand the feelings behind those actions. There was no way he would've known how to react in a situation where someone used sexuality as a weapon against him, especially if that someone was Naseema. She knew as well as the rest of their colleagues that Data had a strong affection for the Feeonix and that they were close friends, but there had always been something in the way he looked at Naseema that told Deanna it was deeper than friendship for him. Once his emotion chip was active, she knew for sure. She had, perhaps foolishly, assumed that he would work it out for himself, especially now that he was capable of emotion, but to have feelings he didn't fully realize or comprehend, thrust in his face in such a fashion must have really thrown the android for a loop. No wonder he felt confused and humiliated.
"How did it make you feel when Naseema kissed you, Data?" Deanna finally asked.
"I am unsure," he replied, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I knew it was not really her, however, a part of me was intrigued by her sudden attentions, while another part feared what would happen if I did not submit."
"It's perfectly normal to feel violated. What happened to you, and to Naseema, would certainly be considered a violation by most standards," Deanna assured him.
"That is what I cannot resolve, Counselor. She was not of her right mind, and I was ultimately the one who did the violating."
With that statement, their conversation took a sudden, dark turn.
Oh my god, Deanna thought. What is he trying to tell me? She remembered all too well when Data's demented brother, Lore had menaced her while she, Captain Picard and Geordi were his prisoners. She also remembered Lore implying that he, and possibly Data as well, had already carried out the same terrible actions he'd been threatening her with, on Naseema.
Naseema had denied that either of them had laid a hand on her, but her appearance, and demeanor implied otherwise, and Deanna had never been totally convinced. She has good reason to lie, if she's protecting Commander Data, Deanna had told Picard in the immediate afterward, but the captain had spoken to Naseema privately, and she must have convinced him that nothing untoward had happened because the issue was dead in it's tracks after that conversation. Deanna had that same sick feeling now, and even though she desperately wanted to believe that Data was incapable of such violence, she knew that if he were not in control of himself, it was physically possible. Deanna steadied her resolve. She was determined to get to the bottom of this no matter how ugly the truth was.
"What did the Borg Queen force you to do, Data?" she asked, and she knew her voice wavered slightly. She hoped Data hadn't noticed.
He frowned at her, perplexed. "The Queen did not force me to do anything, Counselor, but I knew if I was to be successful in undermining her plans, I would have to play along, and pretend that I was accepting her offer." Deanna was doing her damnedest to keep her composure, but her eyes widened involuntarily, and this time Data noticed. His voice fell. "I...I kissed her back, and for zero point six eight seconds, I was very tempted by the Queen's offer. Now, every time I recall that scenario, I feel-" he cut off, unsure of how to define the unpleasant feeling.
"Ashamed?" Deanna offered gently after a few seconds.
He nodded, and she could tell he was fighting back tears. "Yes. I did not want to use Naseema in that manner, but I could not see any other way out. After my escape attempt failed, I had to make the Queen believe she had won, or she would have simply restrained me again, and I failed to think of a more suitable method of convincing her," he confessed.
Deanna felt a wave of relief wash over her, and she let out a huge sigh. "Data, it may have felt like you were taking advantage of her, but you did what you had to in order to save her. It was only one kiss. I'm sure Naseema understands the position you were in. Have you talked to her about any of this? Does she remember anything?"
"She remembers. She has not said so directly, but my observations of her behavior tell me that she does, and I have not found a suitable situation to discuss this with her," he replied, sadly.
Deanna took his hand again. "First off," she began. "I feel you should stop blaming yourself for what the Borg did to you...both of you. I know that this must be very confusing for you, Data, but everything you're feeling is within the realm of a normal reaction to a traumatic event. I also feel very strongly that if you want to move past this, you need to talk to Naseema about how you feel. There is very rarely a good time to discuss a subject so sensitive, so I would suggest that you decide on a time, and then tell her what you want to say. If you like, I can facilitate for you."
Data shook his head and politely declined. "Thank you Counselor, but Naseema is a very private individual, and I believe that it would be better if I spoke with her alone. I appreciate your concern."
Deanna nodded, and held Data's other hand in hers. "Data, do you remember when you told me that you had not excluded the idea of getting married someday?" she asked.
"Of course," he answered.
"Do you still wish for that someday?"
"Yes," he said. "I believe now, more so than ever."
Deanna took a breath and paused briefly. "Have you ever considered that Naseema might be a good choice as a mate for you?" she suggested.
He furrowed his brow as he thought about his response. "The thought had crossed my mind, but I did not pay much attention to it," he finally admitted. "I do not believe I am yet able to adequately fulfill the needs of a romantic partner."
Deanna smiled warmly at him. "I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit, Data," she argued. "You have demonstrated that you are more than capable of love. You don't need to rely on research and sub-routines. Just let it happen. It's about how you feel. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
The android looked confused, but he nodded and replied, "Yes, I believe so."
"Okay. So this week I want you to spend a little time with Naseema, and perhaps we can discuss the outcome next week. Would that be alright?" she asked as she released his hands, and smiled at him. He seemed to be in better spirits, and Deanna sensed less despair in him now, than when he'd first arrived.
Data smiled a small awkward smile, and said, "That would be agreeable." He rose from his chair, and turned to leave but stopped suddenly, and turned back to Deanna, a troubled look on his face.
"Counselor, would you mind if I asked you something?"
Deanna furrowed her brow. "Of course, Data."
He cocked his head to the side and blinked. "When I told you that I had been the one to commit the violation, you appeared quite shocked, and when I admitted that the violation in question was a kiss, you were visibly relieved."
Deanna's face flushed. He had noticed. Damn.
"Counselor," Data continued. "By my choice of words, did you come to suspect that I had done something more unsavory to the ambassador?"
Deanna was the embarrassed one now. "Oh Data, I'm sorry. I-" she began, but he put his hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes, his expression solemn, and his tone serious.
"Counselor, I would never have forced myself on her," he said. "I would rather be destroyed than allow myself to be controlled that way. Not by the Borg...or by Lore." There was a flash in his eyes as he said the name of his malignant brother.
So he knew about that too. Deanna felt terrible for allowing herself to think that gentle, sweet-natured Data would cross such a line, even at his worst. She was suddenly reminded that he had killed that Borg so brutally four years ago, protecting Naseema from it. "I'm sorry, Data," she apologized immediately. "I don't know why I ever thought you would-"
"It is alright, Counselor. I am not offended," he replied. "I am aware of the manner in which Lore threatened you on the Borg planet, and I do not blame you for having concerns that I may also be capable of such an act."
"Then you know that he also implied that he had already done as much to Naseema, and that you had as well?" Deanna asked him tentatively.
He nodded sadly, this was clearly a terrible memory for him. "Yes. After I...took her with me to the planet, Lore separated us, and would not allow me to see her. She would not tell me what he had done to her, but I suspect that he did hurt her in some fashion." he replied, "I was supposed to protect her then too, and instead I allowed Lore to..." he trailed off.
There was a depth to his gold eyes now, she realized. She wondered if it was very recent or if it had been so gradual, she simply hadn't noticed it happening.
"She and the captain spoke at length about that issue, and she told him that neither of you laid a hand on her, but to be totally honest, Data, I'm not sure I believed her," the Betazoid confessed. She was not confident she should have revealed the existence of that conversation to him, but she felt strongly that for the sake of his long-term emotional health, he needed to resolve these issues with Naseema, and within himself, or she feared he may just decide to deactivate his emotion chip permanently.
She didn't want to see the human condition prove itself too painful for him to cope with. There was supposed to be more joy than sorrow. He'd desired, his entire life, to be closer to humanity, and this is how it happened for him. The whole abysmal scenario was almost like one of Q's cruel social experiments.
Her train of thought derailed however, as Data spoke again. "What I cannot understand is why she did not fight back."
"I think that's pretty obvious," Deanna replied. Data looked at her, completely bewildered, and she was only a little amazed at his reaction. It had never occurred to him that the Feeonix's extreme sexuality could be used as a weapon, both by her, and against her. All he knew was that the creature he didn't realize he loved, had unearthed feelings so intense, and so deliciously alien, that a part of him wanted to hold onto it. He'd been so mesmerized, that even now, he still didn't understand that while she'd been controlled, and drugged, she had penetrated his most intimate thoughts, and then used his desire for her to try and break him. The gravity of that act still seemed to escape him. With Lore, they had each used her weapon against the other, but Data was nothing like Lore. In Data's circumstances, there was no mistaking who the dominant personality was, and it was Naseema. She was the only one wielding a weapon that terrible day.
The captain almost laughed when Data had told him that he'd been tempted for zero point six eight seconds. It was such an insignificant amount of time, that nobody realized just how dangerously close he had been to surrendering to his desires. Deanna wished he never had to know the truth about what Lore had done to Naseema.
What a terrible realization.
"She didn't fight back because she was terrified of what Lore would do to you in retaliation. She did just as you did with the Borg Queen, Data. She did what she had to do to ensure that the rest of us would survive. As long as Lore was busy with her, she knew there was a chance that we would be able to escape, but perhaps most significantly, she refused to abandon you there, even at risk to her own well being. She cares a great deal for you, and you should do everything in your power to hold onto that, because that kind of unconditional devotion is a rare and precious jewel," Deanna told him. He seemed stunned, but she wasn't surprised. She had just thrown a lot of complex, emotionally stressful information at him, and it would take him some time to process, and make some sense of it. This had nothing to do with facts or logic, it was love, and not only in the romantic sense, but also in the way one loves their family, and the way those who have lived, and served together grow to love each other. Love was rarely logical or rational, and understanding the human desire to be loved was not the same as having that desire. As the expression on his face changed from one of hurt and confusion to one of understanding, Deanna Troi felt her heart swell for Lt. Commander Data.
This marvel of technology, and all his child-like innocence, who had seen so many struggles in his relatively short life, would finally get his first real taste of the best humanity had to offer. If anybody deserved to be loved unconditionally more than Data, she hadn't met them, and she knew that Naseema would give that love to him, he just had to open himself up to accept it.
She hugged him suddenly, which surprised him, but he didn't object.
"Thank you Counselor, that was extremely enlightening," he said as he moved to the door.
She smiled at him. "You're welcome, Data. I hope our talk helped to clarify some things for you," she replied, and he nodded,
"You have given me a great deal to think about, Counselor, I will see you next week." Then he was gone, and Deanna hoped she had done the right thing.