Author's Chapter Notes:

From the shrew: This chapter would not be done without the magic writing skills of my ficwife. When it got too much for me to write of Bella's pain, she stepped in and wrote virtually all of this, so major fucking kudos to her. She really is fabulous, and that doesn't even begin to say it all.

Thanks to the readers for taking on a story that starts off with such tragedy and angst. I promise we will make it better eventually. Lemons, and Jane Austen endings are what I live for, so rest assured the soul mates shall not be separated forever.

In a time when there are so many mutt stories out there, or Edward never returning bullshit (no offense, but that just jumps the fucking shark for me), we are happy to provide a twist on Twilight that re-examines the dynamic of self-sacrifice and pure, true, timeless love.

Psst, Emm? Is it okay that I almost went all subtext and "real" with the notes? Do you think the readers will forgive me that slip into almost coherent thought?

Additionally, please note that this chapter draws heavily from canon. We did not wish to rehash or paraphrase what SM wrote about transformations, but canon was used as a guideline (like a 'code' one could say) about how one becomes a vampire. It is, after all, based upon her universe. No intent to infringe on SM's words. We just tried to explain a transformation within this AU.

Emm, does that cover our butts for peeps that might get huffy? Wait, we don't have huffy readers. We're good. We 3 our readers.

Thanks for reading and please enjoy.

From jakeward: yeah, that.

I was so excited to be on my way home. It had been such a momentous day for me, and I couldn't wait to get home to my Edward. I mean, I loved Jake. He had been like a pseudo-brother to me growing up, but I was ready to leave his birthday party as soon as I got there. I just had other things on my mind.

I wanted to get home so badly that I couldn't wait around for Jake to ride with me. He had guests and party clean up to see to, and I really just wanted to get home as soon as possible. I needed to tell Edward the good news. Plus, it would have been uncomfortable if Edward and I weren't alone when I told him. This needed to be just the two of us.

In hindsight, I wondered if it would have made any difference if Jake rode in the truck with me. But when they took me back to see the wreck that was my car, I knew that he wouldn't have lasted as long as I did, so I was glad that I was alone. I didn't want to be the cause of anyone's death. That statement is full of irony for me now. I am a vampire. I became a vampire three days after that horrible night.

I am not supposed to remember much of what my life was like as a human, but since every vampire is a little different, as well as each transformation, I am the exception to that vampiric rule. I remember everything. True, a vampire's senses are greater than a human's, so there is a particular sort of murkiness to what my senses perceived as a human, but what remained crystal clear was the importance and significance – the human meaning – of my memories. There are certain memories that remained closest to me. Most of them involved my husband. My Edward. And I remember my last day as a human. The emotions of that day were so strong that they seared themselves into my brain as the fire seared through my veins.

Three days of excruciating pain and scalding fire. The agony of my transformation blended with the debilitating injuries from the accident. I remember the black ice that my chains proved ineffective against. I remember the car tumbling over itself down the hillside, seeming to never stop. I remember the horrific symphony of crashing glass and metal groaning as my car slammed into a gully of rocks and boulders. I remember feeling a cold start within me, and a numbness that led to slipping away. I tried to find my cell phone, but it was nowhere near my reach. And I thought of Edward, the love of my life, and my sole reason for breathing. I focused on him and felt the darkness descend.

I heard a sound. My eyes fluttered in reaction, and there were voices; voices I'd never heard before. They spoke quickly, so quickly I almost couldn't understand, of 'not enough time', and 'nothing that could be done'. I found my voice, using what was the last of my strength and tried to speak. I was sure they couldn't hear my near-silent whisper.

" . . . Edward …can't leave him . . . please, God . . . can't leave him . . . baby . . ."

The voices were silent; I felt a hand press against my leg, tightening something. They spoke of only one option. I heard a fierce ripping, I felt something solid against my back and legs, and I become weightless. I was leaving Edward, I could feel my life ending, and the angels had taken me. I had failed him. I had failed us. I'm so sorry, Edward.

The fire raged for three days. I was told I managed the pain well. There were fears my broken back and crushed pelvis had taken too much of a toll; the healing of these injuries was amongst the worst pain I felt. I was told the gash on my leg and head had been hard for a few members of my new family to be around. That pain was nothing compared to the new pain that took over.

Excruciating pain presented in various forms of red; searing through my broken body. Moments of agony that seemed to stretch on for eternity, but only the constant tick of a clock noted the actual passage of time. That metered tick became the way I measured the periods of red then black. Black was the comfort from the onslaught; it was the small peace my body clung to. The red was the most horrific pain imaginable; far worse than limbs being ripped from a body, acid burning through tender flesh, . . . losing one's beloved. It was all of it and more.

I fought against the darkness; I wanted to be with Edward, not in this horrific place. I clung to the image of his face, the scent of his body, the warmth of his touch. I clung to the idea of seeing him and sharing what I had waited the entire day to share. I clung to the single thread that connected me to living, not wanting to slip to where he couldn't find me, couldn't hold me, and couldn't fix me. He would fight against the darkness for me; I had to fight for him. For us.

I felt the darkness pull me closer, and I fought against it. It wasn't enough. I tried to think of the sharp line of his jaw, the shimmer in the deepest depth of his green eyes, the softness of his hair, but the images were blurred – I was terrified. How could the darkness block him from me, my ever - shining light?

I felt the shroud close around me – there was nothing to hold on to. The darkness enveloped me, and the heat claimed me.

I thought of Edward, certain he was the source of the warmth I felt spreading though my body. I had felt the heat so many times with him; when he told me he loved me, every time we made love, the day he asked me to marry him. Yes, the heat that surrounded my heart, which coursed through my body, was familiar and I cherished it. I found a new hope I had somehow survived. Then the treasured warmth became hot. So much hotter than any heat I had known, it was hard to believe it was real.

It seared within me, singeing my soul and every cell of my body. I wanted to rid myself of the intense heat, but I was helpless to stop it.

I felt a panic take over, wondering what level of hell I had been sent to – how could the angels have left me? My fear, confusion, and sadness ripped what little was left of my soul apart – and the fire raged with all the anger of the gods.

My heart was the first to ignite, and I wanted rid my body of the burning that was far worse than the pain when I hit the boulder. I wanted to scream, to beg my angels for mercy, to have them free me from the raging fire within my body. What wrong had I committed to be tortured so cruelly?

I wanted to beg for death, but death would take me further away from Edward, and I couldn't leave him.

I felt the fire leave my chest, and it started it's slow, painful path throughout my body, and my screams followed.

I felt a light pressure against my cheek, and the voice of my one angel speaking softly, "Be strong, Bella. You can do this."

Yes, the angel was right. I could do this – for Edward. I bit down on my lips in my best attempt to stifle the need to scream. It lasted four ticks of the clock.

"Shhh, Bella. I'm here. I won't leave you until it's over," my angel whispered.

Yes, it was coming. The end of my life was near, and I couldn't stop it. The pain was so great, so complete; death was a much better option to the horrifying pain.

My body burned for countless ticks of the clock, I wasn't sure how much time had passed, and I wasn't sure it mattered. I had come to understand the pain as something which was necessary to pass to the other side. I stopped wondering where the white light was and listened to my angel's constant words of encouragement. He was the constant, right along the pain, and rarely left my side. I heard muffled conversations, all involving my progress, and while the fire still racked my body, I could feel a shift within me. My heart started to beat faster, pounding into a frenzy and burning with the heat of a thousand suns. I was sure it would explode; it wasn't possible for it to beat this fast.

"It's almost over, Bella. Be strong, the worst is almost over." My angel's cool hand pressed against my cheek, and the fires subsided with his touch. He removed his hand, and the blazing heat returned.

I felt relief wash over me; it was almost over. I knew the few screams I had not been able to control never helped, but I knew my angel had.

And still my heart raged.

I felt the heat retreat from my hands and from my feet, all pooling back towards my heart. For the first time in over a million ticks of the clock, I felt no heat in my body. The trade off was the agonizing pain of all that heat now focused in my heart.

"Should I get Jasper?" a light, pixie voice asked.

"Yes, that might be helpful for more than just her new state." My angel seemed concerned.

"You don't think she has full memories of before, when she was human, do you?" the sweet, angelic voice asked.

"I'm not sure, but we can't risk it."

I wanted to ask what couldn't be risked, but my heart went into overdrive. It was the loudest noise I had ever heard; far louder than any noise the accident had made. It was frightening and a relief all in one.

I felt a hand squeeze mine. "I'll be right here, waiting for you when this is over. Be strong, Bella."

I wanted to scream; the ferocity of my pounding heart was torturous. I needed to scream, to release the intensity that was leading to a crescendo in my chest. No, my angel had asked me to be strong. I couldn't live for Edward, but I could make sure my last moments alive were valiant and strong.

My heart hammered with the force of a thousand horses pounding their hooves against the earth in unison. I was sure my heart would burst out of my chest. The fire flared again, centering the last flames in my body around my heart in the most horrific pain of all. I felt my breath sucked from my body in response, my back arched, my body writhed in agony. And suddenly, without warning, my body dropped back to the surface I had been placed on, my heart fought its last fight. My body had been charred, nothing left to burn, and the flames ravaged my last connection to Edward. I felt the last few beats of my heart as if they were the only beats it ever knew.

The fire tightened, squeezing my heart, and forcing it into its final beats. There was a final swell, which was followed by a vacant thud. I felt my last remaining organ hesitate, and then it fell silent with one final beat.

The sounds were gone, the fire disappeared, and there was not a breath to be heard. The lack of the constant pain I had suffered was stunning, and my mind only wanted to focus on that solitary fact.

Then, without any effort or thought, my eyes opened.