Part II: Something Stupid
"So… Are we going to walk…? Or are you going to let me ride in your car?" Marissa turned to ask with a smile on her face.
She tugged my arm gently pulling it towards her. Hooking her own, she leaned to me whispered.
"I could use some privacy with you…" She mumbled. Her goofy grin changed into a warm, passionate smile.
Did I just think passionate?
I turn my head towards the path that we were taking. I was repeating a certain mantra in my head, fearful I must be imagining things. Too much imagination can lead to a very painful heartache.
I am not obsessed.
I am not obsessed.
…
Not…
I should turn myself in a psychiatric ward. I'm totally hopeless.
I let out a breath bowing my head. Marissa tugged my arm making me turn to her confused.
"What?"
"You don't look so cheerful today. Problems at work?"
"None. Everything is fine."
Except the things I feel about you.
"You don't look alright to me." She stopped walking.
She turned and forced me to face her. I blushed, noting the closeness she has put us both into. She was unmoving though. Carefully looking at my eyes, searching for a particular clue once more.
Suddenly, she put her right hand on my forehead, her other hand seemingly letting her index finger feel her chin. She looks cute when she's curious. I let out a nervous smile, watching her examine me.
"You seem alright, by your body temperature." She mutters.
She drags her right hand on the base of my neck, still looking rather worried. I feel fine though. I'm just flushed by her touches and motherly behavior. Motherly… Geez. I don't want her to be my mother.
"What's the verdict, Doctor Cooper?" I finally mustered up enough strength to grin at her.
Unfortunately, she shot me a death glare.
Yay Me.
"If you may want to know, I did have experience on first aid. Kaitlin is after all a nurse. I don't have to be a doctor to know you need a break from work. You work too hard." She frowns turning away from me.
She releases me from her grasp. The regions that she touched felt utterly cold. I draw out my hand, taking hers. She stopped but didn't turn to face me.
"I'm sorry. I promise to take breaks this time…"
"Only if you spend them with me…" I hear her whisper.
"What?" I asked still in disbelief to the words I was hearing.
"Nothing. Let's just go." She replies, dragging my hand as we walked towards the coffee shop.
Although she didn't repeat them, the words still lingered in my head. Was I imagining things? Could this be THE HINT?
There was a time where I spent about five hours on a car taking Marissa's sister, Kaitlin home. We talked about work, school, Marissa and why she decided to go back to school instead of working already. There was a point in the conversation where she asked me, "Do you really care about her?" Of course my reply was a big yes. She then asked me again. "Do you really, REALLY CARE about her?" She repeated but with emphasis on the word really. I just replied a simple yes.
I had no idea what that certain conversation was about. I didn't let it linger though. I didn't have the heart to anyway. I still lacked the courage to just go out there and tell the whole wide world.
I'm in love with Marissa Cooper.
"Would you like Starbucks or Seattle's Best? There one's just across the street." Marissa whispered tugging my arm then letting it go.
She took me off another so called daydream or to be more specific, my thoughts about her. I turn around to see the big sign of Starbucks etched on a window. Slowly I took my gaze towards across the street. Why was it difficult to choose?
It took Jodie three or five years before having the thought or the heart to call me again. We haven't talked that much either when there were gatherings. We both got drunk and so on but we still didn't sit down and talked about it out in the open. We chose the hardest road to take. Deny each other's existence.
But now…
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took it out and saw a number on my caller id. Probably Jodie's.
"Problem?" Marissa asked looking at me curiously.
"No. Just a miss call. We'll take Starbucks." I smile holding out my hand, letting her walk towards the door first.
We entered the coffee shop in silence. There were already plenty of people there even though is was almost lunch time. I guess people still need their fix of coffee before having lunch. Just like me.
"Latte?" Marissa asked walking towards the barista.
"Yes. Thanks." I reply taking a seat near the window.
Suddenly I don't feel too good about not replying to Jodie. I haven't returned her call. Only God knows how much courage she has put up just to give me a call. I know I would have needed more courage than I have now to do what she did.
I took out my phone and dialed the number that remained nameless.
It rang.
I waited till the other line picked up. And sure enough it was Jodie.
"Hey… You called?"
Um… Yeah. I was wondering if you're free for lunch.
I look at my watch then I turned to Marissa who was already walking towards me.
"I… Today's not a good time. But we could tonight."
Did I just say that? Talk about being utterly nervous and stupid.
Uh… Sure. Am I going to pick you up?
"Uhhh… No. I'll pick you up. Call you back later ok? See you." I flipped my phone hurriedly to end the call.
Marissa was just about to sit down.
"Going out tonight?" She asked, with a serious look directed towards which cup is mine and which is hers.
"Yeah." I reply taking hold of the cup with precisely latte on it.
"Can you pick me up on the beach tonight?"
"Sure." I reply, almost choking on my latte.
I agreed to two things today without checking out the details. And I feel I wouldn't have the courage to tell either of them that I can't give in to the request. Whipped much?
What time would I go after having dinner with Jodie? What time is dinner anyway?
What time could I arrive to make sure Marissa's going to be safe in the beach?
Stupid. Me.