AN 5 story alerts! I do feel quite special i have to say, and two reviews! Thank you guys so much! Unfortunatly though, i might have to have lots and lots of short chapters because i can't do longer ones xD
Do i need to say who the characters and blah belong to? Because we all kind of know its not anyone writing on fanfiction because if these were our characters, we'd get the story published. So yeah. I hope you guys like it and im sorry its short.
If you haven't already guessed, i do know the subject of self harm quite well, 4 years practice, and i'm trying to convey how twister your perception of life becomes, your entire world revolves around it and its hard.
I hope you like it :)
'Edward!' I say, feigning happiness as I slip onto the bed next to him and cuddle into his rock hard chest. 'Did you want to watch a movie tonight? I fancy some Ben&Jerrys, can I get you anything?' I ask as I leave the room.
'No thank you Bella,' he says laughing, even though he never takes me up on the offer, its polite to ask. When I leave the room, I start to shakily walk down the steps, this cut hurts. More than my previous ones. I breathe heavily when I walk into the kitchen, and try to leave my leg in the freezer to calm it down, another plus of having Edward, he cools down fresh cuts.
Cookie dough or Phish food?
How did I get like this? I can't even remember being happy, I don't remember a life without cutting, and it scares me- it scares me how much I love it. I can't imagine my life without it, and I don't want to. It's a part of me now; it's like having a diary carved into your body. Edward's going to get suspicious soon, there's no doubting it, I do want to have a proper relationship with him, a physical relationship, but I can't, not anymore. I can't have both worlds, it's either cutting or Edward, and it will be cutting; every time.
'Bella, what's the matter?'
Why does he have to care so much? It would be so much easier if he just hated me, then I wouldn't care about him.
'Huh? Nothing, I was just off in a day dream' I tell him with another fake smiling tickling my lips. I curl into his body and sigh, my leg is underneath his, and his cold body feels so good, my head starts to rush and my breathing becomes shallow.
'Bella?' I can hear the panic in his voice from my uneven breathing.
'I love you Edward,' I say and turn his body over so I can straddle him, he's so predictable, he won't ask me about that now, I just have to feign being horny, it's so easy. I touch my lips to his ever so slightly, giving him a nice view of my chest when I lean towards him. I can feel his hot breath against my skin and it makes me want to gag, but my cut is still getting the cold pressure of him, so I can still pretend, at least for a while.
I can hear him growl underneath me, it makes me sick. I lightly nip at his bottom lip, before I start to trail butterfly kisses along his prominent jaw line, moving slowly to his ear.
'I want you so much Edward,' i whisper provocatively in his ear before tugging his earlobe in-between my teeth.