The injection of reality turns to poison and Cat watches her world rip gently at the seems. She turns corners and monsters wait for her, or she steps on a crack and convinces herself she broke her mother's back. The sky turns dark, dark, dark as if nearing a sundown.
She supposes her two classes with Jade weren't enough, because Beck has four classes with Jade. And Cat stares, stares, stares, but Jade doesn't turn her head from her conversation with the boy.
/
Cat's dad asks where Jade is one Saturday night and Cat says that she doesn't know as she helps Rubin put together a puzzle on the floor of the living room.
Except she does know. Jade's with Beck at the theatre. They've started dating.
/
Cat trains herself to stop thinking about Jade and to lock away her Candy and Lollipop world under her bed. Her Doctor thinks she's Going Through Something and puts her on these tiny green pills that make her toes itch and her hair grow so fast that she stays home from school the next Monday morning.
At least that's what she tells her Concerned Father before he leaves for work with a kiss on her forehead.
But before he gets home and after Cat spends the day sleeping, Jade shows up at the Valentine household with snacks.
They watch a movie in Cat's room, on her bed, under her covers, and Cat sweats because last week she had a dream the two of them were in a similar position. Minus the movie and minus their clothes.
But Cat's a Great Actor. Jade told her that herself. She even casted her as a lead in two of Jade's original plays at school. So Jade doesn't suspect that Cat suspects the world revolves because of the brunette.
When Jade leaves that night, she hesitates before pulling Cat into a hug, somehow sensing awkwardness even though Cat's a Great Actor.
The pink sheets of Cat's bed smell of Jade for the next week.
/
Cat's hope of being with Jade flickers like a dying candle when Jade and Beck break up, get back together, break up, get back together. It goes like that for the rest of the school year and into summer.
Cat feels grateful that she isn't the only one put off by the couple's relationship. She makes great friends with Robbie, Rex, and Andre. She hangs out with them sometimes and eats lunch with them and has classes with them. Their friendship is her saving grace when Jade is being too stupid and angry with Beck to even look at anyone, least of all Cat.
So Cat laughs, laughs, laughs with Andre, Rex, and Robbie during lunch while Beck and Jade glare at each other across the table and it almost makes her forget that her heart jumps when Jade's thigh grazes hers under the table.
/
Tori is the new addition to their Group the following September and Cat watches Jealous Jade watch Beck and Tori become friends. So Cat makes friends with Tori, but Jade doesn't care at all. This makes Cat's blood boil and slow down to glacial pace at the same time and she hates, hates, hates Jade! She scares herself with the hate and she cries that night on her bed because no, she loves Jade. She's sure of it.
She thinks about the Candy and Lollipop world stashed under her bed and about her mom before she goes downstairs to retrieve her medication for the night. She falls asleep thinking about her mom's light brown hair and without brushing her teeth.
/
Cat hangs out with Tori for the first time the next weekend. They bake spaghetti cake, a Valentine family recipe that Tori thinks she got off the internet. When they finish eating, Tori puts away their plates. She sits back down across from Cat and asks, "You seem like you're in a funk, Cat. Is something wrong?"
Cat looks at Tori with wide eyes. She likes Tori a lot. She's genuine and the Perfect Friend. Cat wonders at how Tori can ask if she's alright but Jade hasn't asked that question in months. She thinks it might have something to do with people thinking Jade is Scary and people thinking Tori is Friendly. But Jade is friendly. At least to Cat. Maybe Jade didn't ask because, because, because...
Cat puts her head down on the table - something she knows is probably bad manners - and mumbles back, "I don't know. I'm just not happy." Those words don't match Cat's mental state, but she can't think of any other way to word her feelings. Her head hurts. She feels Tori touch her hand in comfort.
"Hey! Maybe I could introduce you to my cousin Toby! He's really cute and I bet -"
"No!" Cat blurts out. She sits up, then stands up. She runs her hands over her face and takes a few breathes to steady her swaying figure. Tori is beautiful and wonderful and she likes all of Cat's jokes, but she doesn't understand.
"OK," Tori says calmly. It sounds final and she stands too, pulling Cat in the direction of the TV where they watch trash on MTV for the rest of the night.
/
Cat, Rex, and Robbie go see a talking animal movie after school one day. They buy tons of junk food and laugh, laugh, laugh at the film. When it's over and they're walking out of the theatre, Robbie spots Beck and Jade across the lobby and drags Cat over to them.
And it's awkward because Beck says something akin to a question if Cat and Robbie are at the theatre on a date and it flies over Robbie's head while he keeps talking. But Jade doesn't miss it.
She stares at Cat, who looks around like everything in more interesting than this conversation. And even after they continue on their way, she feels Jade's eyes on her.
/
One Saturday morning, Cat gets super determined and puts everything she owns that reminds her of Jade into a great big cardboard box. She shoves it under a pile of clothes in her closet.
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