Dear Editor,

I live in the woods along the outskirts of town, and, unlike that Robin guy and his band of merry whatevers (I'm not judging), I have an actual house there. It's the same place I've lived ever since Regina decided to go completely nutballs and send us all here.

It's not much. I mean, it's not a castle or anything like that, but it is my home, and I really like it. You know what else I really like? I like being able to actually get to my home, which, apparently Regina has something against.

There I was at Mike's Grocery picking up a few odds and ends before swinging through the gaming store to pick up a copy of Deadpool for my PC when I hear people start talking about how Regina is now buds with Emma Swan and the Charmings, which I think is cool. It's great to bury the hatchet, just as long as it's not in each other, you know?

I'm digging on the idea that maybe our resident royals are going to finally chill with each other and, maybe, figure out a way to get rid of Zelena and her flying flea circuses when I hear another rumor come flying through the pipes. Regina is going to teach Swan how to use her magic.

At first, I was like, "F-k yeah! Learn that magic and take that crazy green b-h out!" But then I started thinking about it, and suddenly it wasn't such a cool idea because, let's be real here, anytime someone starts up with magic around here, one of the regular citizens of Storybrooke winds up hurt, dead, or turned into a flying monkey or something.

I like being alive and being human, so I decide to take off from the gaming store and head home because no one ever goes out to my little cabin. In this world, I'm a forester. In the other place, I worked as a barmaid. Guess which one I like more.

ANYWAY, I head back home, and I get to the bridge that crosses this stupidly dangerous ravine, which, honestly, I don't even get what that's about. I mean, when Regina created this town, what was going through her mind when she made that? You guys know what ravine I'm talking about. Was she all, "Oh, if someone pisses me off too much, I can just push them down the ravine… OF DEATH," or what?

Whatever, my point is that my place is on the other side of the ravine, which I now can no longer get to because THE F—KING BRIDGE IS GONE. It's gone.

The only way to get to my place without going, literally, 15 miles out of the way is completely, 100% gone.

What the actual f—k?

So I head back into town and find out that the magic lesson Regina was giving Swan ended with Regina taking out my bridge, and she didn't even bother to fix it. I mean, come on! You have freaking magic. You can fix a damned bridge.

I can't even. I'm all out of cans. Seriously. All. Out. Of. Cans. I, literally, cannot with this BS anymore.

Other people live here, you know? It's not just Regina, the people Regina directly hates, and whatever bad-guy-of-the-week decides to show up to make Regina's life crap.

I called city hall and got Ann Hawthorne on the phone to tell her about the bridge. I swear to God, I think she busted something trying not to sound as pissed off as I'm pretty sure she is. Apparently, it's going to take several thousand dollars and at least a month to put in another bridge, which just sucks.

Regina Mills is the mayor. She should know better. Our taxes are already stupid high, and now we have to pay for magical incidents she caused, which she could fix? What is this crap?

I am so done with all of this. I mean, like, I'm 1,000% done, not even 100%. A thousand percent done. Can't we have ONE week where nothing happens to us? I miss the good old days when I thought I was a forester who had lived in Maine all my life. At least nothing got magically destroyed all the damned time.

I have no f—ks left to give. I'm with Ann. I'm up for signing her petition, and then I'm down for duct taping it to the royals' foreheads.

Stuck in hell,

Kelly Dawson

As always, reviews are appreciated.