AN: Second chapter for the day! Woot!

Max's eyes scrunched against the bright, cheerful sunlight streaming in. He groaned and absently made to flip off the source of light as though it would make any difference. He heard scuffling and scurrying as something (or someone) got closer to his position.

He cautiously opened his eyes.

And stared deeply into the soulless, black eyes boring into his own.

…

"Mwak."

"Get off of me!" He tossed the platypus aside. The marsupial hopped on its tail, hissing and brandishing its poison-tipped hind legs before resorting back to laying lazily on its stomach.

"Whatever, dipshit." He mumbled, walking towards the door. He eyed the damage around him. The tables and chairs were beyond repair and surprisingly the windows and walls were all intact despite what was probably a massive drop.

He finally stepped out of the main doors, blinking in the harsh sunlight as he surveyed-

"What the actual F*CK!"

This was not Lake Lilac; Hell, this couldn't even be Earth!

The sky was a cheery bubblegum pink and cotton candy blue with wispy white clouds drifting by. He was surrounded by houses in the brightest pastels and purest whites with little accents that almost made it like a gingerbread house with icing. The plants were unnaturally green without a hint of any yellowed leaves and the surfaces were glossy like glass or sugar candy. The flowers were candy-bright colors and bizarre mixes of stripes, streaks, and polka dots in every shade of the rainbow.

Then there were the 'locals'.

"Dolph?!"

There were an army of tiny Dolphs.

They were big-eyed and rosy-skinned with swirly, ridiculous haircuts that looked more like prosthetics than actual hair. They came were about chest-height to Max (so barely shorter than the real Dolph). They wore everything from robes, trousers, suits, to even dresses. All in the same bright and painfully cheery color palate as the rest of the place.

The one nearest him replied. "Nein, good sir! I am Schnitzel! Ve are der Liliputs!"

"Lilli-puts?" He mimicked.

"Jaja! Und ve have much to celebrate!" The tiny Dolph (Schnitzel) jumped up and clicked its heels together causing an enormous round of applause to sweep across the whole village.

"Uh, why?"

"Because you have arrived!" Another mini-Dolph answered. "It is wunderbar!"

Cynicism immediately took Max's brain down dark paths. "Ummm… Okay, is this the part where you eat my face off? Or throw me in some f*cking volcano?" The cheers died down to confused murmurs. "If that's the case, then let's get it over with."

He held his arms out, waiting for the restraints and the long march to some probably-candy-themed Guillotine in the town square.

"Look, The Good Witch approaches!"

He opened his eyes as the cheers renewed themselves and followed the townspeople's excited pointing to an object in the sky. He peered at it until it came into view, it looked like a giant floating soap bubble. From the distance, he heard a faint echoing voice singing.

"And have adventures everyday-"

"Oh, Jesus Christ, No!" Max wailed, grabbing his hair.

The soap bubble approached closer and closer to the collection of Liliputs. "I know it sounds hard to believe~! But guy's and gal's it's-"

Suddenly the surface of the bubble popped on a weather vane. A shrill, feminine screech resounded through the square as a lanky figure fell into the street.

The figure slowly got up-

"No." Max whispered.

It looked around-

"No!"

And beamed happily.

"F*cking No! Why?!" Max cried angrily. "What are you doing here, dipshit?! Where did you get a f*cking magic bubble? I knew it! I actually did die in the fall! And now I'm in Hell!"

"Stranger, I know you are unaccustomed to our lands, but that's very rude language in these parts." The tall, lanky David look-alike frowned momentarily before smiling again. He was wearing a long salmon-pink robe (the one wearing them frequently argued that it was not 'rose-pink' or 'sugar-pink' it was 'salmon-pink' with 'tickle-me-pink' accents and it was most certainly not a dress) and a small crown ("not a tiara!") of sparkly white diamonds vaguely in the shape of a tiny Native American headdress. In his hand was a small wooden stick that looked like a shrunken version of the stupid Staff of the Sparrow from the bonfire.

He cleared his throat and started speaking. "Now, I am the-"

"Der Good Witch David!" A Lilliput exclaimed.

David winced. "Er, no, guys, I'm not-"

"Der Good Witch!"

"Praise her wisdom and kindness!"

"Hurray for she who brought peace!"

David sighed helplessly as he turned away from the cheering mini-people. "Ignore them, I'm the Good Warlock David."

"Yeah, how's-about I keep calling you Witch?" Max snarked happily. David groaned before perking back up, if with a tiny bit of a forced smile as the Lilliputs kept praising 'her' accomplishments.

"Well, Stranger-"

"Max."

"I'm sorry?"

"My name is Max."

David's grin widened exponentially, "Well, that's wonderful, Stra- I mean, Max! Everyone, this is Max the Liberator!" He proclaimed to the tiny people causing another round of cheers.

"Wait, what? The Hell did I do?" Max shouted over the celebration.

"Your arrival has now freed the Lilliputs and the surrounding lands from the clutches of the Witch of the East! The third-most evil Witch in the Land of Oz! You are her vanquisher!"

Max protested. "Hey, I may talk up a big game, but I didn't kill anyone-"

"Hey, I'm still alive down here!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

Max's attention was drawn to a figure half-crushed under the camp's Mess Hall. She wore a black robe and the stupidly-cliché black witch's hat from what he could see, given that her lower half was still under the house. But her face-

"Gwen?!"

"Oh, you do know her!" David said cheerily. "Max, I'd like you to meet my Neighboring witch, Gwen the Peeved of the Eastern Lands!" He waved a hand down at the witch, who flipped him off with her free hand.

"Uh, sorry for crushing you?" Max ventured. Normally he didn't apologize for shit, but dropping a house on someone seemed like something worth it.

The witch under the building squirmed angrily, "Yeah, sorry's not gonna do it kid! I'm a powerful witch, here! If you think I'm just going to sit here for the next five minutes you'd better think again! You hear me!? I'm- Ooooh."

Max took the opportunity to quickly go inside, pull out Gwen's iPad and set it up in front of Witch-Gwen's face. The second Infinite Netflix was on, the announcer shouted through the speakers.

[We now return to; Prison Mom Wars!

'My baby's gonna shank yours, bitch!']

The Witch's pupils grew enormous as she soaked it in. "Oh my God! I have no idea what this is, but I love it!"

David glanced at the now placated Eastern Witch and grinned. "Great! Well, that went better than I thought it would! No messy violence or anyone shriveling into dust!"

"Yeah, whatever Witch-man." Max grumbled. "So, that is the 3rd most evil person in this place?" He pointed to the zombified young woman drooling over trashy TV violence.

"Yeppers! I'm the least evil in the land of Oz, but given there's only a four of us right now, it's not much of a contest." He admitted. "Then, there's Miss Priss of the South. But she's usually pretty… um… 'busy' to be much of a threat."

"What do you mean 'busy'?" The younger asked.

"She… tries to look younger than she is." He admitted. "Lots of beauty spells and stuff… and some substance abuse, but I applaud her dedication to her personal upkeep." He tried spinning a positive on this woman towards the end.

"That bitch is 5000 years old," Witch-Gwen called out from under the house. "She's waaaay beyond Elderweed cream treatment by now."

"Her assistant is pretty diligent these days." David countered.

"You mean the fashion-creep, 'Can-I-Make-Your-Skin-Into-A-Dress' Jen? Yeah, that Witch is a few ingredients short of a potion." Gwen replied, tuning back into the next episode.

Max turned back to the Warlock-Witch, "And the last one? Witch Number 1 on the Evil Scale?"

"Well…" David hedged.

"LOOK!"

In town square, there was a sudden eruption of black and purple flames as a lone figure rose from the darkness. Its smile was like bleached bones. Its form was lanky like a spider. Its eyes glowed an icy blue. Its hair like dying grass.

The flames died down to reveal-

"YOU!" Max shouted.

"Hello, Maxwell." Said the calm voice of Daniel.

AN: Happy Halloween everyone!