Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or anything associated with it. Gainax created this world, I just play in it.
Originally I thought this would just be a two chapter story, but it stretched itself into three.
So, here's Chapter 2, I hope you enjoy it.
Thirteen
Chapter 2:
Shinji squinted his eyes against the glare of the sun as he awoke and struggled to sit up. He was exhausted and his head was filled with an ache that could only be described as feeling like it was heavily overstuffed with wet cotton balls. His mind had been forced to assimilate so much that it was a wonder he hadn't gone insane from the overload.
"Ugh," was his appropriate commentary as he massaged his temples and took a few deep breaths. He froze for a moment when he suddenly realized that he was naked.
'Why is this not a surprise?' he thought.
Before him, the gigantic head of the Rei/Lilith entity was slowly dissolving into the red-orange liquid of the LCL sea, and was surrounded by the petrified remains of SEELE's mass production Evangelions. It was a disturbing sight that sent a shiver up his spine and only added to the fear and uncertainty he was feeling.
Even so, despite the disturbing nature of the view and with the only sound being the gentle lapping of the LCL against the shore, it was kind of peaceful. In an eerie, disturbing, apocalyptic sort of way.
"You deserve better than this Rei," he whispered. "You deserve a chance to live for yourself."
During Instrumentality she had guided him through a replay of what had been his life, showing him all of the things that he blamed himself for and showing him why they weren't his fault. She also showed him the things that were, and why they were. She was brutally honest with him. He had to be exposed to the cold, unvarnished truth if he was to make the decision she was going to leave in his hands. He needed to know if he was ever to have a chance for a better life if he chose to keep living. She thought he deserved no less.
At first he had been very angry with himself and it had all left him feeling rather foolish and humiliated. He felt like he had been on the wrong end of a bad joke for a very long time and everyone else had been in on it. When he was given the choice to decide the fate of mankind he had been ready to flush it down the cosmic toilet at first, but Rei had made him calm down and see things with a greater degree of clarity.
Of course, that was no easy thing when you were naked and flat on your back in a strange, red tinged world, with an equally naked Rei quite literally joined into one being with you, and at the hips no less. All while essentially being at the end of your mental rope. Even so, she helped him to see a great many things so clearly and helped him to understand the nature of his life and human life in general. She saved his sanity, and quite likely his soul as well.
In the end he decided to reject Instrumentality. He realized that it was better to remain as individuals and have both pain and happiness in life, each being necessary to define the other, than for all to be one entity that had no awareness of anything at all.
He knew deep down that it was the right decision, but he was very scared and he knew that his life would not suddenly become wonderful and joyous. He had been through far too much, lived with too much stress and strain on his mind and his soul for that to ever happen. He knew that he would struggle until he could get his legs under him and be able to stand on his own, something he had never been able to do before.
The first test came when he saw his mother just before he came back. He had missed her so much and seeing her again was almost more than he could handle. She told him that she loved him and was proud of him, that he had made the right choice and that everything would be alright. She told him that he had a bright future ahead of him and that all he had to do was grab onto it and make it his. It hurt badly that she wouldn't be going back with him, but at least this time when they parted ways he got to say goodbye and tell her how much he loved her.
"I promise Mom, I'm going to really try and live this time," he vowed to the blood sea. "I know it won't be easy but I'm going to try my hardest to make it work."
In truth, anything less was not an option and he knew it.
He yawned mightily and vigorously shook his head in an effort to try and stay awake. He was so tired, completely spent both physically and mentally, and he could think of little else but laying back down and letting sleep overtake him. At least until he caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye that is.
It was a naked foot.
He froze, not sure if he really wanted to turn and see who had came back with him. Rei had said that anyone who wished to return could do so, but he really wasn't ready for company right now. He really just wanted some time to sort himself out and pull himself together before having to deal with anyone else.
'Agghh, for crying out loud, stop being so pathetic!' he mentally derided himself. 'Just calm down and go see who it is. Besides, they might need help.'
Steeling his resolve, but unable to quell his nervousness, he turned and looked back to his left, his eyes going wide and his mouth hanging open at the sight before him. There, slightly behind him and just as naked as he was, was the girl from the containment tank. He found himself staring at her for a long moment before his brain re-engaged itself.
"Gah!" he yelped as he quickly turned away, breaking into a full body blush. He was definitely awake now.
'Naked on a beach, with Misato's original body, which is also naked.' Panic threatened to overtake his brain. 'What the hell do I do now?'
The first thing he did was to take a deep breath and try to calm down, since panicking wasn't going to get him anywhere. Besides, after living with Misato for a year and his recent experience with Instrumentality, a little nudity shouldn't be much of an issue for him. But, he was still Shinji Ikari after all…
"Does this mean that her soul got put back into her real body?' he hoped so, because life just wouldn't be the same without her around. He also remembered all too well the vacant eyes of Rei's soulless clones and he never wanted to see something like that again. Unfortunately his line of thinking only made him more nervous. If he saw that same vacant expression in her eyes he was sure he would go mad.
"But I have to make sure she's alright," he told himself. He could always wait until she awoke on her own, but he had no idea how long that could take and he would only become more of a nervous wreck the longer he waited.
Taking a deep breath, he got up and cautiously approached her, shielding his…parts…with his hands. She didn't need to wake up after this ordeal and be confronted with his male accessories and he didn't really want them to be seen. Especially not in their current state.
'Oh why now dammit!' He sighed. "Asuka was right, I must be a pervert.'
As he knelt down next to her, not too close, he noticed a few things that weren't obvious on his initial look. First, she was wearing the cross that adult Misato had always worn. Second, she had several round, red marks on her body. After a moment of puzzling on it, he realised that each spot corresponded with where a tube had been attached to her body while she was in the tank. Each spot had the look of a wound that was in the final stages of healing and disappearing entirely.
He glanced at her abdomen and was surprised to see that the once jagged, ugly, fish-belly white patch of skin that marked her like a brand, now looked like the other healing wounds. He could tell by the slight difference in colouration around its edges that it had gotten smaller.
'That should make her happy,' he thought, knowing how she felt about the scar.
While some would have taken advantage of the situation by taking a good look at what lay before them, or worse yet, getting hands on about it, Shinji did not. He was having a tough enough time already. It wasn't just his usual fear of seeing and being near a naked girl, but also his respectful nature. So while others may have let their eyes or hands wander to places they shouldn't, he was content to simply look at her face.
She looked peaceful lying there, with her long purple locks spread out around her head and her bangs ruffling in the gentle breeze that had kicked up. Her face looked so relaxed and untroubled, unlike any other time he had ever observed her in sleep. His eyes were drawn to her lips which were slightly parted and he felt himself becoming somewhat mesmerized.
"She's so pretty," he whispered aloud, his fatigued mind not realizing what he had just said.
She began to stir and let out a low groan, like one would expect from someone who was just waking up, but wasn't looking forward to it.
"But I don't wanna get up," she muttered, her voice sounding rough and strained.
He couldn't help but laugh, which made her eyelids flutter open.
"Sh…Shinji?" she rasped.
"Eep!" he squeaked as he turned away a little, trying to better conceal himself. "I'm right here Misato," he answered.
"So that was Instrumentality huh?" she said thickly as she struggled to lift her head and look around. "You went to an awful lot of trouble just to get me naked on the beach didn't you?"
Shinji's brain locked up like it was running on an old version of Windows and he uttered something that sounded like 'urggkh' , before toppling back onto the sand. Of all the things he thought she might say when she woke up, that wasn't one of them. Though, he supposed he should have expected it.
"And it looks like you're really happy to see me too," she added. She just couldn't resist.
Horrified, he quickly rolled away from her to hide the offending appendage. "I'm sorry," he apologised, his brain obviously having rebooted into default mode.
"That'll be enough of that," she scolded. "If you hadn't had that reaction, I'd have really been worried about you. And a little offended too."
He groaned and pounded his head against the sand a couple of times. 'Everything we just went through and she's teasing me already just like nothing happened.'
"Hey!" she exclaimed. "What the hell…my boobs got smaller!"
"Your whole body got smaller Misato," he told her, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "You're back in your original body."
"Unhhh," she groaned, causing him to turn and look at her. She was trying hard to sit up. "Damn it's hard to move. Give me a hand here would you Shinji?" She could see the reluctance on his face about approaching her in their unclothed state. "Please?" she asked softly, looking him in the eye. "It's okay, and I won't tease you anymore."
Trying his best to keep his man parts concealed, he made his way over to her.
"I can't sit up by myself. I'm actually surprised I can move as much as I am since this body hasn't moved on it's own in fifteen years."
He shakily placed his hands under her shoulder blades and helped her to sit upright. He then had to grab her shoulders to steady her and keep her from toppling over.
"Thanks Shinji." With her limited mobility, she began to give herself a quick once over. "What's with these red blotches?" she wondered.
"That's where the tubes were stuck in your body," he explained. "They're almost completely healed." He hesitated for a moment be fore quietly telling her, "Even your scar looks like it's healing."
She froze for a moment. She knew she wouldn't be able to see all of it without a mirror since it was high enough up her abdomen that her sizeable breasts would conceal it from view. But, she should be able to see the bottom third of her ugly reminder of Second Impact.
She took a deep breath and looked down, seeing what he had noticed earlier. The scar looked more like a shrinking, fading wound, than the patch of deadened flesh that it been.
She took in a shuddering breath. "Wow…it's been a part of me for so long…" Her voice trailed off and she looked out into the LCL sea and to the slowly disappearing entity. "Thank you Rei, or Lilith, or whoever you are now. And thank you Shinji."
"For what?" he asked.
"For choosing to live. You've given us both another chance to live and to be happy." She smiled at him "This may not be the afterlife, but at least we're here together."
Tokyo 2, Two Years Later:
Shinji slapped his hand down on the alarm clock, killing it's infernal racket. He yawned loudly and rubbed his face with both hands.
"Another restless night," he sighed irritably. "I hope things finally get back to normal after today because I can't take much more of this."
'Today', was the second anniversary of Third Impact. Over the last month he had been pestered by members of a committee responsible for unveiling a memorial in the city's central park. They wanted him to be part of the dedication ceremony and they seemed to have a great deal of trouble with the word no.
There had been no ceremony for the first anniversary, people were too busy trying to survive and restore order, but some people were determined to make a big deal this time around. He would be there, as would every other school kid in the city, but he refused to be put on display as part of it. He was still pulling himself together and the importance of this day in his life was going to be hard enough to deal with as it was. He didn't need any extra pressure, but others were determined to make sure he had it.
Most nights for the last month he had been having dreams about fighting the Angels. Last night, and for the third time this week alone, he had dreamt about his time in the LCL sea and his awakening on the beach. Instrumentality may have changed his life and pointed him in the right direction, but he didn't feel any great need to be reliving it so often.
He knew he wasn't the only one affected by the meaning of this day, it was hitting everyone, but it was particularly hard on those who had been in the middle of the fight and who had suffered the most.
Misato had been acting weird for a few weeks now, definitely not her usual playful self, and he knew it wasn't just because of the upcoming anniversary. Things had become a bit awkward and strained between them and he couldn't seem to find the words or the courage to talk to her about it. Then this whole mess about the memorial came up, bringing its own set of problems.
Otherwise, they had been doing alright, but it was Asuka who was probably in the worst shape of any of them. Her recovery was slow, but she was getting there and she was finally learning to accept the help of her friends. Still, she was refusing to go to the ceremony and he couldn't say that he blamed her. She wasn't ready for something like this and he wasn't entirely sure that he was either.
With a groan he rolled out of bed and shuffled off to the bathroom for a quick shower, which made him feel a little bit wider awake. He put on his school uniform and after putting the kettle on for his usual morning tea, he walked across the apartment and opened the curtains that concealed the balcony door.
The apartment was small, but it was nice, and was situated on the third floor of a three storey student residence building. Across a small courtyard was an identical building that housed the girl's residence where Misato had her apartment, also on the third floor. The occupants of both buildings went to the nearby high school and most of them were on their own, their families still out there in the LCL sea.
He knew he shouldn't, but he felt a little bit guilty about it. Though the decision to come back was up to each individual, he was the one who had been given the choice to make it that way. He knew what it was like to lose his family and he didn't wish it on anyone.
He stepped out onto the balcony and took a deep breath. The early morning air was still cool, but he could tell it was going to be another hot day. He looked across to the other building and saw that the curtains were still closed at Misato's. He smirked. If they weren't open by the time he finished breakfast he would likely have to call her and wake her up again.
'Then again, I don't think she's been sleeping any better than I have,' he thought. He smiled. "At least we're still together and, current troubles aside, we can still count on each other," he said aloud. "Neither of us would be here without the other."
The second test of his new shot at life had been in looking after Misato. With her body in stasis for nearly fifteen years, the nerves hadn't fired and the muscles hadn't moved. Initially, she could barely move and couldn't take care of herself. He helped her work her arms and legs to regain her strength and mobility, and through his fear and nervousness, not to mention embarrassment, he helped her look after her more private needs until she was able to move well enough on her own. It was something that still left him red faced even now if he thought too much about it.
It had been up to him to forage for food, water and clothes, and fortunately he was able to keep them reasonably well supplied. He did his best to outfit their shelter so that it was comfortable and safe, at least as much as a barely habitable corner of a partially destroyed house could be.
They spent a lot of time talking, finding things out about each other that they hadn't previously known, and those talks kept them sane. They needed someone to share their thoughts and feelings with and it helped them so much to do so. One could only keep their pain to themselves for so long and they trusted each other enough to share it. They didn't judge one another, they just listened and comforted each other when it was needed, as well as kicking each other in the ass when it was needed too.
As more people came back, things began to get rough, with fights over food, water, and other supplies. Though he had little real skill or desire for fighting, he made sure that they always had what they needed, and that no one stole what they had or got near Misato. He was successful, but he paid a price for it and had the scars to prove it. He wasn't proud of it, but necessity made one do whatever was required in order to survive, and he had proven that Unit 01 wasn't the only one who could go berserk when things got tight.
Once order began to be restored, they quickly sought help and got out of their crumbling shelter. She was still weak, but doing okay. He on the other hand had a couple of broken bones that needed to be properly reset and a couple of other wounds had become infected. Not to mention that they were both malnourished.
Of course, they were questioned extensively by UN investigators and they cooperated fully, though there were a few things that couldn't be verified until the MAGI's records were examined and they were held at a UN compound until then. It wasn't bad though, they were well looked after and got good psychological and medical care, and with little else to do, he got to catch up on his education. Besides missing a lot due to his duties as a pilot, the quality of what had been taught during that time wasn't very good.
While she didn't need to, Misato had decided to join him. She wanted to go to high school with him when they were finally released. She had never had that experience since, in her previous life, the rest of her education before entering college had been handled by tutors as she recovered from the trauma induced by Second Impact.
It was during their stay at the UN base that they discovered that Touji, Kensuke, Hikari, and Asuka had all came back as well. Due to an administrative error, they had all been put into the same remedial class together while waiting for accommodations in Tokyo 2 to become available.
It was a rather uncomfortable situation for the UN, since they wanted to keep the news of illegal cloning from becoming public knowledge, especially since they had supplied so much of the funding to the organizations that had done it. And, they had no other way of explaining how the formerly twenty nine year old Misato was now a teenaged girl.
Misato herself provided a solution. Tell them the truth, but make them sign secrecy agreements. In exchange for those agreements, the UN would pay for all living expenses for the group and supply full college scholarships. Considering the outcry that would come if the cloning issue came to light, the UN thought it a cheap price to pay.
It had been hard for the others to take, especially for Asuka. She wouldn't believe that the purple haired teen who was practically glued to Shinji really was Misato and she refused to have anything to do with her. It hurt Misato badly and Asuka went into one of her periodic funks that required a few extra visits to her therapist, but she eventually accepted it and began to slowly build a new friendship with her former guardian.
To say the least, he had been shocked when Asuka finally admitted that she really had liked him despite her behaviour towards him. She was a little jealous of how close he and Misato seemed to be, but she didn't want to lose either of them as friends. They were important parts of her life and she had a lot to make up for considering how she had treated them, and she wanted the chance to try.
For him, life now was as normal as it could be and for the most part he was enjoying it. He was just a regular teenager now, going to school and having fun with his friends. There were no Angels or Eva's, no abandoning fathers or uncaring overseers to make his life miserable. It was a life he never thought he could have.
He knew he still had a long way to go yet. He could do without the nightmares and bouts of post traumatic stress, but unlike earlier in his life he was actually trying to live, he wasn't content to just merely exist anymore.
'Don't look back Shinji. Keep going forward.' Those were the words Misato said to him shortly before they were turned to LCL. It became his new mantra and the way he wanted to live. He was trying his best to do it.
As the tea kettle began to whistle he took one last look to Misato's apartment and saw the curtains slide open, followed by the balcony door. A moment later Misato stepped out, dressed in her usual sleeping attire of a pair of his boxers, which she had liberated from his laundry basket, and a short grey tank top. She yawned and stretched her arms above her head causing her short top to rise to a level just short revealing her assets.
He returned the wave she sent in his direction before she went back inside. It was like this every morning, except for the ones where he had to call her to wake her up. It was a little thing, but it was one of those normal, mundane things that made him happy. With a smile, he turned and went to make his tea.
After waving to Shinji, and ignoring the two dozen drooling gawkers who tried to get a glimpse of her every morning, Misato shuffled back inside. Mornings never had been her thing and it didn't look like that would be changing any time soon. It would be easier though if she could get a decent nights sleep.
"Wark!"
"Aaaah!" she yelped in response. "Geez PenPen, do you have to scare the hell out of me every morning?"
The penguin cocked his head to the side. "Wark?"
"I know, I should be used to it by now. But you always ambush me when I'm half asleep."
"Wark!" With his mission accomplished, PenPen waddled to the kitchen to await his morning fish.
"Mocked by a penguin," she yawned. "Pathetic."
After serving PenPen his fish, she went to the fridge and reached for her morning cold one, popping the tab one handed and quickly guzzling down the contents. She let loose with a loud, lengthy, and very unladylike belch as she tossed the now empty Coke can into the recycling bin. Being back in her real body, she no longer had the physical craving for alcohol, but she still had to fight the mental one. Her morning Coke mimicked and replaced her old behaviour and actually helped her beat down her too slowly fading mental desire to drink herself stupid.
She had actually managed to get her hands on some beer shortly after she moved into the apartment and had started downing them like she used to. It had not been one of her better ideas. She drank until she passed out and was extremely sick the next day. Her true body had never consumed alcohol and the hangover was worse than any she had ever experienced. It also served to wake her up to the fact of just how close to being a raging alcoholic she used to be.
What hurt even more than that realisation, was the look of hurt and disappointment on Shinji's face as he looked after her. She never wanted to see that look on his face again and she sure as hell didn't want to be the cause of it.
After waking up on that beach with Shinji kneeling beside her, and realising that she was back in her original body, she had vowed to change her ways and be the girl she never had the chance to be before. She had an opportunity that most people could only ever wish to have, the chance to relive at least part of her life with the knowledge and experience she had already gained.
She knew it wouldn't be easy, heck, nothing life had thrown at her so far had been easy and she knew that wasn't going to change. But she could change. She had covered herself in filth to spite the memory of her father and to feed her own self loathing. She didn't want to live that way anymore, but sometimes it was hard to stay on top of it. And just lately it had been a real bitch.
She discovered that her memories of her adult life and experiences had changed. To a degree, they no longer felt like things she had done herself, but more like recollections of something she had been told or had read about. It extended to the way she felt in her body as well. She thought she would feel like a twenty nine year old woman inhabiting the body of a teenager, but that wasn't the case. She actually felt more like the way she looked, like a sixteen year old girl.
But while the way she experienced her memories may have changed, the impulses and urges from her past behaviour hadn't. The psychological desire to drink and act out was still there and she had to fight it constantly. Apparently that was one thing the move back to her real body couldn't fix, but she was determined to beat it.
She didn't want to become the woman she had been, but she knew she could never again be the good, well behaved girl she had been before Second Impact ripped her life apart. The real Misato Katsuragi lay somewhere in the middle and she was having a little trouble finding her. She found herself feeling pretty confused and out of sorts at times, and just lately she most certainly hadn't been herself.
She was confused as to her own identity. Was she really the sixteen year old girl she now saw when she looked in the mirror, or was she still the dirty, desperately lonely woman she had been, now just in a shiny new package? She knew which one she wanted to be, but she had been acting too much like her old self and it scared the hell out of her. Today being the second anniversary of Third Impact, and a big reminder of all that had happened, was not helping her situation at all. And then there was that damn memorial ceremony.
Speaking of which, if she didn't stop spacing out and get her shapely little ass in gear she was going to be late. She quickly made and wolfed down a couple of pieces of toast and washed it down with a glass of milk before heading for the bathroom.
She stripped off her night clothes, leaving them wherever they landed, and stepped into the steaming shower where she let the heat seep into her sleep deprived body for a few minutes before lathering up. She stopped for a moment with her hand over the place on her abdomen where the scar used to be. She certainly didn't miss it, but even after all this time she still hadn't quite gotten used to it not being there.
From the standpoint of pure personal vanity, she was very happy that she no longer had to hide it and that alone was a bit of a boost to her self esteem. It was especially nice now when she went to the beach as she no longer had to wear a hated one piece suit. To celebrate that realisation she had went out and bought a very nice red and black bikini. Poor Shinji, his eyeballs had very nearly popped out of his head when he saw her in it, despite all of the times he had seen her wearing less.
For a long time that scar had been a constant reminder of her pain and seeing it in the mirror every day had fuelled her hatred and desire to kill the Angels, no matter the cost. But now the Angels were all gone and fittingly, so was the scar. She raised her hand to her neck and her new motivation in her new life.
She had given her cross to Shinji and replaced it with a silver chain with a pendant depicting the number thirteen. Feeling that against her skin and seeing it in the mirror every morning was a reminder to her to always strive to be something more than that lonely, self destructing, vengeance seeking mess of a woman she had been in her cloned body. She wanted it to be her constant reminder of what had been done to her, what she had been, and what she didn't want to become again.
Shaking off her distracting thoughts again, she rushed through the rest of her shower and hurriedly dressed in her school uniform. She had to admit, she actually looked pretty darn good in the blue skirt and white blouse with blue trim, and, like Asuka, she certainly had enough boys stuffing letters in her locker everyday that agreed with her self assessment.
"Oh crap!" she exclaimed as she looked at the clock. As always, she was running behind. While putting her hair up in a ponytail, because she knew Shinji secretly liked it that way, she rushed through the disaster area that was her apartment and somehow managed to avoid tripping over something before making it to the door and putting on her shoes.
"Damn, I've got to clean this place up before the manager is on my ass again," she groaned. "See ya later PenPen!"
Said penguin waved a flipper in her direction as she dashed out the door.
Shinji found himself in his usual morning location, standing in front of the apartment complex waiting for Misato. She was never too late, but he was always ready before she was.
He ignored the usual stares and the not quite inaudible comments of, 'How the hell does he get to hang with a babe like Katsuragi?', coming from the other students as they passed him by. He heard it even more at school, but like always he just quietly kept to himself and left them to their angst. The fact that he was also often seen around Asuka pissed them off even more and he had to admit that he actually kind of liked it that way.
"One of these days I'm going to get out here before you," Misato told him as she walked up to him.
"I doubt it," he said as he turned to her. Her smile was just as tired as his. "I guess you didn't sleep well either huh?" he asked her as they started walking.
"Not really," she sighed. "Took me forever to get to sleep and I didn't stay asleep for very long."
"I dreamt about Instrumentality again," he told her. "I'm starting to feel almost like I did when I woke up on the beach."
"In that case you're overdressed," she joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"True," he agreed, a small grin coming to his face. They continued on in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. "It's already been two years."
She nodded. "And things were just becoming nicely normal for us. Then they had to start making a fuss about this memorial. I'm not against there being one, but it's too soon and they shouldn't be trying to pressure you and Asuka into being part of the ceremony."
'Wouldn't exactly say things have been normal for us lately,' he thought. "I agree," he told her. "They called me again yesterday and I told them no again. This time it was some assistant to the UN Secretary General. He still has it in his head to have the pilots on stage when he unveils the monument."
"Bastard shouldn't even be there!" she spat. "SEELE's flunkies were operating right under his nose, pushing their agenda, and he's still pleading ignorance about it when he should just do the right thing and resign." She was almost growling. "If I could still carry my gun, I'd shoot him in the ass."
"Then you'd end up in jail and you know I'd be lost without you around," he said, trying to calm her down.
"No you wouldn't," she countered, sounding all too serious. "You've been carrying my ass since the Impact. You'd be fine without me."
He frowned at that. She still wasn't acting like herself and he didn't like where this was going. It irritated the hell out of him when she talked like that, as if she had no worth, especially as of late. They really needed to talk, but they never seemed to be alone long enough for him to gather the courage to bring the subject up. It was frustrating him to no end.
"Not so sure about that," he muttered. He sighed. "I just hope I can get through this without falling apart. I'd really rather just quietly pay my respects later when no one else is there."
"We could just turn around right now and go home, or go out somewhere for the day?" she suggested. It was a suggestion she had made before. She was really worried about what this day might do to him.
He shook his head. "I feel obligated to go, I just don't want to be put on display."
"People want to put their heroes on display," she said. "Though the politicians are probably just looking to score points and have a photo op."
"I'm not a hero," he said a bit testily.
"We're not going to have that argument again are we?" she asked.
"Only if you keep bringing it up," he returned.
"I keep bringing it up because it's true." She sighed. "Even your negative reaction to the idea confirms it. A true hero doesn't seek recognition for his heroism. One day I'm going to make you accept this."
"Whatever," he muttered, dismissing the subject. "I just want to get through this and be done with it."
"I still think we should just go to the movies or something," she said.
"If you want to bail out and go to the movies, then go," he groused, his fatigue and irritation over the whole event getting to him. "I'll be fine going on my own."
"I'm not going to bail out on you!" she shot back indignantly. She would never do that to him. "Geez, you've been so touchy for the last month."
"And what about you?" he blurted out, no longer able to contain himself. "You're my best friend and you've been acting like you don't want to be around me anymore. If that's the case then go and do whatever you want. Like you said, I'll be fine without you."
She stopped dead, feeling very much like she had just been punched in the gut. He kept walking. "Shinji! It's not anything like that." Her voice took on a desperate tone. "Shinji…wait!"
He didn't break stride as he walked to the next street corner and turned right, continuing towards the school. She was well aware that for the last month she had been acting differently around him, but she had no idea that he was feeling like she didn't want to be around him. That was the farthest thing from the truth that could ever be said. She was also well aware of what had started all of this and it was her fault.
She massaged her temples with the heels of her hands and let out a long sigh. "Way to go Misato," she admonished herself. "He's the best thing that's happened to you in your entire miserable life and you're screwing it up because you can't get your shit together."
With her mind in turmoil and her eyes cast down to the pavement, she slowly followed after him.
Two blocks further up the street, Touji, Kensuke, Hikari and Asuka waited for their friends to meet them, as they did every morning on the way to school. When they saw Shinji drawing near with Misato better than a block behind him, they knew something was up. It was completely out of character for those two not to be all but joined at the hip. It was pretty rare for one to go anywhere without the other, and especially not during the morning walk to school.
"Yo, Shin-man, what's the deal?" Touji called out to him with his usual lack of tact or subtlety. He still had an undeniable crush on Misato.
"Nothing that concerns you," Shinji muttered irritably as he kept walking, leaving his fellow 'stooges' slack jawed in his wake.
"Go with him!" Hikari hissed at them, somewhat more sensitive to how this day was effecting everyone.
"Wait up Shinji," Kensuke called as he started after him. He was a little quicker on the uptake than Touji who had to hurry to catch up lest he feel the considerable wrath of his girlfriend.
"What a wonderful way to start the day," Asuka groused. "I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning."
"Misato?" Hikari called out as the sad and distracted looking girl drew near. "Are you alright?"
"Hmm…oh, hi…I'll be alright," Misato responded, her mind clearly off somewhere else.
"You and the baka have another spat?" Asuka asked as they resumed walking. Misato nodded. "What about this time?"
"I guess I suggested one too many times that we should skip out today," she answered.
"So he's still going?" Hikari asked.
Misato sighed. "He says he feels obligated to go and I can't talk him out of it."
"He's an idiot," Asuka grumbled. "He's no more ready for this than I am."
"Speaking of which," Misato said. "I thought you weren't going?"
"I'm not," Asuka answered. She held up a plain white envelope. "But the principal won't let me get out of it without a letter from my shrink. Der Commandant insisted I deliver it to him in person."
"Do you think he'll be okay?" Hikari asked.
"I don't know," Misato answered.
"If he starts to freak out, get him out of there," Asuka told her, her tone dead serious. "Drag him by the scruff of his scrawny neck if you have to, but don't let him get hurt by this. He's been hurt enough."
It was still strange for Misato to hear Asuka show such concern for Shinji, or anyone else for that matter, but it was a good sign of the way she was changing.
"I will," she promised. "Even if he thinks I don't want to be around him, I won't leave him alone."
"What?" Hikari said, wondering if she had heard correctly.
"Just what exactly did he say to you?" Asuka demanded.
Misato sighed and told them what had happened. She nearly started to cry at the idea that he thought she didn't want to be around him.
"Well what did you expect him to think with the way you've been acting for the past month," Asuka admonished. If nothing else, she could always be counted on to be unapologetically blunt.
"Asuka!" Hikari exclaimed at the redhead's seeming lack of sympathy.
Asuka stopped and looked Misato in the eye. "This all started a month ago after you were sick and missed a week of school, and our beloved baka Shinji went over to your place to help you catch up on all the work you missed. Right?"
Misato could only nod in confirmation.
"I may not have been there," Asuka continued. "But I know the two of you better than anyone else does and I'm pretty sure I know exactly what happened that night."
The fact that Misato could no longer meet her gaze confirmed her suspicions.
"Look," Asuka said, softening her tone somewhat. "You need to take care of this and make things right between the two of you. You and Shinji are two of the most important people in my life and I don't want to see you miserable, we've all had enough of that to last a dozen lifetimes already. You've let this mess go on too long."
"I know," Misato admitted, her eyes becoming moist. "I've been having a lot of trouble lately separating who I was from who I am or who I want to be and it's gotten in the way."
"And you've been acting like I used to by not letting your friends help you," Asuka said. "Don't make the same stupid mistake I did. Once this dumb memorial thing is over the two of you need to find out where you stand with each other. If I've learned anything from my shrink it's that you can't keep the people who care about you at arms length. I doesn't do a damn bit of good."
She turned to resume walking, but stopped and turned back to Misato again. "Oh, and just so you don't think I've gone soft, if you hurt him, or break his heart, I'll rip your lungs out. I did enough damage to him and I don't want to see him hurt anymore."
"I would never hurt him Asuka," Misato vowed, her voice a little shaky. "That's the last thing I would ever want to do to him."
"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Hikari asked, genuine concern in her voice. She had become pretty good friends with Misato after getting over the initial shock of finding out the truth about her. She was willing to do whatever she could to help. Being the kind person she was, she felt so badly for the terrible things her friends had had to go through.
"I don't want to pry, so if you don't want to that's okay," she continued, worrying that she was coming off as sounding nosey.
Misato wasn't sure if she wanted to share what had happened that night. She was ashamed of herself and she was really worried about what they would think of her if she told them. She knew Asuka was right. She needed to talk to Shinji and she had already put it off too long, their tiff earlier confirmed that. She had been so deep in her own self pity that she hadn't seen how her behaviour had been affecting him.
Telling Asuka and Hikari about it might help, but then again it might earn her the scorn she felt that she deserved. If they did react that way, she wasn't sure she could handle it. In the end, their looks of concern and understanding won out and she spent the rest of the walk to school telling them what happened and confirming Asuka's suspicions.
Shinji's head ached and he felt vaguely dizzy as he sat in his front row seat near the still covered memorial. He clenched his fists in a futile attempt to stop his hands from shaking and wished his stomach would stop trying to turn itself inside out. Even scaring the hell out of one of the event staffers earlier hadn't made him feel any better.
Shortly after arriving a man from the committee who had been hounding him on and off for the last month had come up to him to tell him at what part of the ceremony they would be calling him to the stage. He had reminded the man again of all the times he had already refused to be a part of it, but the guy just gave him a greasy smile and said it was going to happen whether he liked it or not.
'No, it won't,' he told the guy, giving him a glare that was part Gendo Ikari, part Unit 01. The guy couldn't get away from him fast enough.
The remainder of the walk to school had passed pretty quietly once Kensuke and Touji realised that he wasn't going to tell them what happened between him and Misato, and the trip to the park had been equally as quiet. Misato had been beside him the whole time, looking even more worn than she had earlier that morning, and he found himself afraid and unable to say anything to her.
As he listened to the Secretary General drone on with his speech, he found himself wishing that he had taken Misato up on her suggestion to just skip the whole thing. Even his therapist had warned him that he should probably stay away, but he thought he could handle it. Maybe he could have if the memorial committee hadn't been pressuring him to be part of the unveiling. It had brought his nightmares out with greater frequency and intensity and he had been having a few flashbacks that he hadn't even told Misato about. He was a wreck, but it wasn't until this moment that he realised just how much of a wreck he really was.
He could almost feel the sense of worry radiating from Misato as she sat to his left and he felt so bad for what he had said to her earlier. They had had little arguments and disagreements before, but neither of them had ever snapped at the other like he had done to her. He knew that she just wanted to help him, but the pressure he felt over the memorial issue and the strain in their own relationship lately had built up within him until he had snapped. He couldn't help but think that his life was starting to drift out of control again.
He was beginning to sweat and it wasn't just due to the heat of the sun as it beat down on him. When the Secretary General began to speak about the bravery and sacrifice of the Eva pilots, his head swam violently and he nearly threw up. His heart was pounding and he was breathing hard, not entirely sure that he wasn't going to pass out.
He wished the man would just shut up, or better yet, turn into a puddle of LCL and dry up under the hot sun. What did he know about what they went through? He was a politician who had sat in his safe little office, thousands of miles away from the conflict, oblivious or uncaring to the fact that SEELE had been using the very organization he was in charge of to fund the ultimate destruction of mankind for their own selfish and deluded purpose.
When he started to talk about the pilots individually, and he heard him speak Rei's name, he knew he had to get out of there. He didn't care if anyone thought he was running away. This man wouldn't know Rei if she suddenly appeared and slapped him across the face. He didn't know any of them or what kind of hell they had gone through and he wasn't qualified to speak to it.
The steel folding chair he had been sitting on clattered loudly against the concrete, knocked aside as he lurched to his feet and took off in a stumbling run. The speech stopped as the Secretary General saw his photo op going down the drain, and a murmur arose in the crowd at the commotion.
With no hesitation Misato was on her feet and following him, straight-arming their protesting school principal out of her way as she ran after the most important person in her life.
A/N: Wow, it only took me three weeks to finish this chapter. I must be shaking off the rust.
I hope everyone liked this and really do hope you leave a review. I always look forward to them.
Within a day or two I should be started on Chapter 3. I know what I want to do with it, so it's just a matter of hammering it out, but I'm not going to rush it.
Until then, enjoy what's here and while you're hanging about, why not check out my other stories and maybe leave a review there too.
You know how to find them.