Disclaimer : Once again, I DO NOT own LOTR. Sadly.
Author's Note : I'm exhausted. Eeep ! Please review, fave, and follow for more of Boromir's idiotic antics.
*SPLUD*
Boromir swore. The ring had swerved wildly half-way through and was now on a direct course with the Caradhras mountains. It collided. Scratching his head nervously, Boromir turned to address the less-than impressed fellowship which now rounded on him furiously.
«Nice shooting, faggot. You fired it into the fucking mountains!»
Gandalf was white with rage, and the wizard raised his staff menacingly as he yelled, making Boromir's ears bleed.
«Damn.» He muttered absently, glancing sideways at Aragorn, who looked seriously pissed about the whole thing. «Frodo's going to have to go get it back.» He was about to walk away when Aragorn punched him in the arm, a look of impatience on his husky face.
«You fired it, wonderboy. YOU go get it!» He shook his head, wondering who let the blithering idiot in front of him become a freaking warrior in the first place. Aragorn eyed Legolas (who had been silent the entire time, a look of pure confusion plastered to his elfin face) with a look that suggested they ditch as soon as possible, and went back to his sulking.
«Gaylord.» Boromir stormed off, swishing his travelling cloak around him dramatically as he went. I'll show you!
Legolas nodded at Aragorn, pleased to see that the ranger was suffering as well. Turning, the elf followed Boromir's retreating back until it had reached the limits of his vision. However, the warrior was no yet out of earshot, and Legolas found himself wishing he were deaf for the first time in his 5000 years of life.
(To make your reading experience less revolting, I have simply written a small fraction of what was uttered by the almighty son of Denethor whilst we was retrieving the ring.)
Stupid *Ngh* Ring... Fellowship my ass... Fucking rangers and their fucking cockiness... Moronic hobbits... Stupid wizard... Son of bitch! What the hell's with all this fucking snow!? ...Ahh, there it is!
LATER STILL...
A day (and most of the afternoon) had gone by before Boromir returned from Caradhras, the one ring loped around one gloved finger, which he twirled repeatedly, muttering words like «trajectory», and «hobbits» under his breath. Something that small... hmmm, it's really quite hard to follow... the thing really needs some sort of guidance system.
Realizing that most of the Fellowship had ditched, he swore to slaughter the lot of them before being confronted by a wary-looking Frodo (ever loyal, bless him!).
«Umm, Boromir? The ring please?» Frodo was seriously beginning to hate and fear the mad man in front of him, but there was nothing he could do about it, and the poor hobbit figured Elrond would be angered if he ran away as well. He was after all, the ring bearer.
Boromir however, suddenly seemed to have put two and two together. He glanced first at Frodo, then at the ring, and finally at the empty catapult, then back at Frodo again. A very wicked smile spread across his face as he forced the ring into Frodo's hands (which had begun to shake in realization). Boromir had found his perfect guiding system.
FIVE AND A HALF SECONDS LATER
(Because Frodo kicked Boromir in the groin area and he spent half a minute swearing like hell before succeeding in tying up or poor hobbit.)
«Shut up! It'll be easier for you!» Boromir was beginning to loose his patience with ring bearer, having just received a swift kick down below, he was not the least bit sympathetic when Frodo had finally been tied up and placed accordingly inside the catapult. «... and for my head.» He added as an after thought, trying to blot out the high-pitched screaming emitting from said hobbit's throat.
«HELLLLP! SAAAAM! GANDAALF! STRIDEER! ... Smeagol?»
Massaging his aching head, Boromir pulled back, firing Frodo straight towards the great eye of Sauron. He spent the next three hours nursing a severe headache and occasionally glancing up to watch the tiny, flailing, hobbit hurtling away form him.
«My god, it's finally over.»
Author's Note: Not too pleased with this chapter, but hey- I tried and therefore nobody should criticize me! Review, fave, and follow or else Boromir will catapult you to your death. I'm so done for today.