Jay knew it was a long shot to change Erin's mind about her new job. Unless she actually wanted to stay her, she was leaving. No one, not even him, could change her mind about that.

But maybe he could change her mind about the whole 'long distance' thing.

He held her hand tightly and pulled her with him, away from the bar. Most people were drinking, talking or laughing, but there were a few other people who'd decided to leave their drinks and dance the night away. But even if there was no one on the dance floor; he just wanted to hold Erin in his arms before she left.

She smiled at him and he laughed. Something as simple as her smile could light up the entire room and it made him so incredibly happy. What happened around them didn't matter anymore, they were just voices in the background. Nothing more.

"What?" she asked, still smiling.

"Nothing," he replied, lifting up their hands and letting her spin around.

She laughed, out loud this time and let go of his hand, before she started dancing. Crazy dancing. As if she didn't have a care in the world and that was all he wanted for her. He only knew half of her background story and even though he really wanted her to confide in him, he also wanted her to do so on her own time. Until then he just wanted to make her happy.

Before he could join her, the music changed and an actual ballad came on. Talk about luck.

"What a cliché," she said, as he held out his hand again and she took it.

"Yeah, but I'm not complaining," he answered, pulling her closer and putting on of his arms around her.

"Neither am I."

They both only had one drink, but Jay felt lightheaded. An effect Erin had on him, one he wouldn't want to miss for the world. Ever since they'd partnered up he'd admired her. Sure, she was a very beautiful woman, but it wasn't just that. It was mostly her personality. Her sense of humor, her sarcasm and the way she did her job. She wasn't someone who needed protection: she was the one who did the protecting. And she'd actually saved his bacon twice already.

"Whatcha thinking about?" she asked, smiling at him again.

"You," he answered truthfully, smiling as well.

"Well, that was straight forward."

Jay shrugged. "Since you're leaving, I figured I could say whatever I wanted. Voight's not your boss anymore so he can't tell me not to… dance with you. Or think about you. Or flirt with you."

"Oh, is that what we're doing here?" she asked, clearly joking.

"Hey," he laughed. "Don't mock me, I'm trying to be honest with you here Erin."

"I know, I know. Force of habit, I like teasing you, you know that."

"Unfortunately, I do."

"Please, don't act so innocent, as if you've never teased me before."

Over the past year they'd proven they were both equally good at it, teasing each other about food, dates, clothes… almost anything they could think of. But now he had the feeling their teasing had always been a way of dealing with their feelings for each other. It had been for him anyway. And it was safe to say that Erin usually covered up her feelings as well with snarky comments; another thing they had in common.

"Okay, I'll admit that part's true," Jay started, still holding one of her hands while he held the other on her back. "But if there should be anyone crowned winner, it should be definitely you."

"I didn't realize it was a competition," she grinned, shaking her head and moving her body with his on the rhythm of the music.

"Oh, it was. And you've won. I just don't have anything to crown you with, sorry 'bout that."

She shook her head again, letting go of his hand and swinging her arm around his neck. It seemed like she didn't care anymore either. As if this was the way it had always been between them. This is how it should've been all along. So much time wasted, thinking about what others wanted instead of what they wanted. His other arm slipped around her back as well and he pulled her closer, the warmth of her body flowing into his.

For a moment they just stood there, closer than ever, dancing on a stupid ballad Jay didn't even know the name of. But this moment? This was all he ever wanted. Well, maybe not all. Of course he wanted more, of course he wanted everything with her, but this? This was a good start.

Until Erin broke the silence.

"Jay, I…"

"What?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. This feels nice, it really does. I like you, a lot. You know that. I care about you, I have…" She didn't finish her sentence, because he did it for her.

"You have feelings for me?"

"I guess if you put it that way…"

"I just did," he smiled, reassuring her that this felt nice for him too.

"Okay, yes. Yes I have feelings for you, but I'm not good at this. I haven't been in that many relationships and the last one? With Severide? I almost never saw him, especially not after Shay's death and… I'm leaving, Jay. I can't do this."

For a second he looked away, at nothing in particular. He just didn't want Erin to see the look of hurt in his eyes, because he couldn't deny that her words hurt, even though he knew it hurt her saying them as well. She was far from happy.

It looked like their cozy, happy bubble just burst.

"Jay? Would you please look at me? This isn't easy for me too, you know."

He sighed, and looked back at her, smiling again. "I'm sorry, I know."

"I wish I could say this changes things, but I'm still leaving and…"

"And what?"

"If we do this now, if we really do this, it would hurt more than if I never saw you again. Because then I knew what I'd lost and I can't do that. I just can't."

He was losing her, he could feel it. She was already trying to push him away, after a couple of minutes. And for what? For sparing his feelings? Or hers? They were already hurt, both of them. He because she was leaving while he didn't want her to go, she because he told her more or less how he felt about her and made it more difficult to leave.

"But if we don't," he spoke softly, pulling one of his hands back and touching the soft skin of her face with his fingers. "We will never know. Wouldn't you regret that? Wouldn't you want to know if it felt right? If it felt… I don't know, pure?"

Erin didn't answer him and Jay started to wonder if this was the wrong place to talk. Maybe they should've gone outside instead. Everyone could see them, everyone would know what was going on as soon as they saw them standing there together.

But it didn't matter if everyone knew, right? Not anymore. Because Erin was leaving… That thought was so horrifying that it felt like a kick in the guts every single time it crossed his mind. And it'd crossed his mind a lot these last few days. Jay didn't want to lose her, but it seemed like he had no choice in the matter at all.

What had he been thinking? A little dancing, talking and laughing wouldn't change anything. She wouldn't change her mind all of a sudden and decide to stay her instead. Erin wouldn't do that.

"Don't make this any harder than it already is, Jay," she said eventually, and he felt the guilt set in immediately.

This was supposed to be a party in her honor, because she made a big career switch and she would kick ass for the government. But he only made it worse by putting his feelings in front of hers. What were you thinking, you idiot? This isn't gonna make her love you any more, or make her stay. No, nothing was going to make her stay and the sooner he came to terms with that, the better.

"Erin…" was the only thing he could say, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't what he wanted to say, but it was all that came out.

She looked at him again, her eyes watery. He'd never seen her this vulnerable before and it broke his heart. She was struggling with her own decisions and this was the first time he actually saw it. She wanted to go, she wanted to take that job and do great things, but she also didn't want to leave this place behind. Her friends, her family…

"You won't lose me," he promised her, "no matter what happens. No matter where you are. I won't let it happen, you are too important to me."

All she did was nod, while the corners of her mouth crept up a bit, in a faint smile. Her way of saying thank you now that she couldn't get a single word past her lips. It didn't matter because Jay knew her and he knew how she was. He knew exactly what she meant.

They stared at each other, for only a couple of seconds but it felt like forever. And then she moved in on him. Without warning, without any cause.

Her lips were soft and warm, and kissing her felt better than he ever could've imagined. A warm feeling spread from his lips through his entire body and all he could think of was her. She placed both of her hands on his face… And then the feeling was gone. Erin pulled away, shaking her head again.

"I'm sorry, that was a mistake," she said under her breath.

"No, Erin…" She was backing away already. Letting go of him, making him loosen his grip on her. She was on the verge of crying and strong as she was, she wouldn't want anyone to notice until she was alone, but he noticed and he didn't want to let her go.

"Yes it was. Goodbye, Jay. I'm sorry."

It felt as if his legs had turned to stone, his body didn't move an inch, even though he wanted to run after her as she started to walk away from him, towards the exit where someone helped her get her coat. He wanted to say something, to scream her name, to stop her, but his whole body was numb and he didn't.

And then she was gone.

OH GOSH SORRY THIS TURNED OUT WAY SADDER THAN I IMAGINED. It gets better, I promise!