The Problem With Hope

Part Two

Josslyn burrowed farther into her bed, not wanting to get out and meet the day. She knew that it would just make everything so real. She'd have to face the fact that Oscar was dead and he was never coming back to her. Yesterday had been hard, but she knew the coming days would become even harder as things became more real.

The door to her bedroom opened and she heard someone quietly step inside her room and sit on the side of a bed. A long fingered hand brushed back her hair and she peeked out from the blankets to see Michael staring at her sadly.

"Hey." He said softly. "I came by yesterday but you were asleep. How are you doing?"

Josslyn sat up at that and leaned into him. She shrugged. "As well as can be expected, I guess. How's Monica?" She asked, feeling bad for the woman in question. She'd seen how devastated she was yesterday morning and new she must be remembering Emily and AJ.

"She's doing okay. She's trying to be there for Drew and Kim. She's spending time with Leo, Scout, Danny, and Jake which distracts her a bit. I know when they leave, it's going to hit her hard, though." MIchael answered carefully, wrapping an arm around his sister and rubbing her back comfortingly.

"It doesn't seem fair. What did Oscar do to deserve this? It's the same question I asked myself when Morgan died and when Jonah...when Jonah died and when Kiki was murdered. They were all so young and had their whole lives ahead of them." Josslyn said in disbelief, shaking her head.

Michael kissed the side of her head. "I don't know what to tell you, Joss. Except that we need to live our best lives. We can make them proud. And I can tell you you're allowed to grieve however you want. You can be angry. You can be hurt. Just...let yourself feel."

"Can I tell you something?" She asked, turning to meet his eyes. "I think Oscar knew he was going to die. Shortly after the first trial, I went to see him and he...he tried to tell me not to get my hopes up. I was sitting in bed with him, talking about college and everything and he asked if we were getting a little ahead of ourselves. I told him that he was still there. I...I had to believe he'd be okay. I had to hold on to that hope. That love would win out. But there were hints all along the way that things weren't working out the way we wanted them to."

Her brother didn't say anything for a few moments as he mulled it over. "Hope isn't a bad thing to have. I'd guess Oscar wanted you to keep that hope."

"I just can't help but think of how scared he must've been. I wish I could've helped him more."

Michael gave her a sad but reassuring smile. "I think just being there for him helped him. He knew he wasn't alone."

Josslyn was eating the food Michael had picked up for her from Kelly's when there was a knock at the door and her mother went to answer it.

"Josslyn?" Her mother said softly, coming back into the kitchen moments later with Cam by her side.

Josslyn froze as her eyes met Cam's. She hadn't really heard from him in weeks. She'd seen him in school, of course but things had been awkward since she'd gotten back with Oscar to try and help him get better. She knew Cam's discomfort was her own fault and had told him as much which was why it shocked her for a moment that he was here. "Cameron?" She whispered softly, standing to her feet. She didn't care that she was dressed in her pajamas or that her hair was a mess.

Carly quickly busied herself grabbing up dishes and putting them in the sink before excusing herself from the room to give them privacy.

The boy in question walked farther into the room, awkward air about him and his hands stuffed in his pockets. "My mom told me about Oscar. I'd have come to see you yesterday, but I figured you'd want to be alone. I'm so sorry Joss."

"It's nice of you to visit." Josslyn said, staring down at her feet, voice so soft she could barely hear it herself.

Cameron stepped toward her, raising a hand to her arm before letting it fall. "How are you doing, anyway?"

She gave him a look of disbelief.

He winced. "That was a stupid question, I know. Just...look...talk to me, Joss. I know I've been avoiding you but that doesn't mean that I don't care."

"You wanna know how I'm feeling?" Josslyn asked, crossing her arms over her chest and stepping closer to him until their toes touched. "I feel guilty. I convinced Oscar to go through with the trials. He did it for me. I was an idiot who thought standing by his side and giving him hope would save him. But in the end, that didn't happen. In a few days, he's going to be buried in the ground and I'm never going to see him again."

"That's not true, Josslyn Jacks." Cameron said, voice firm and filled with conviction. He reached out to put his arms on her shoulders, to make her look at him. "You made Oscar happy. You made him want to fight. Hope is a good thing, even if things ended badly. I was upset at you before, but I understand why you went back to Oscar. You're a good person. You wouldn't be the Josslyn I know and care about if you didn't fight for what you believed in."

She stared at him with tears glimmering in her eyes. "I don't know how I'm going to get through this, Cam. I just keep thinking about losing Morgan and when Michael lost Jonah. I never wanted to go through this again."

Cam wrapped his arms around her tightly, burying his face in her hair as she wrapped her arms around him, crying into his neck. He'd promised Oscar that he'd look after her and that's exactly what he was going to do.

Josslyn let her fingers trail over the flowers at the flower shop, her mother by her side.

"You know honey, we could've just called and told them what flowers you wanted. We didn't have to come all the way here." Carly told her carefully.

The teen shook her head negatively. "That's too impersonal. Oscar deserves the best. He deserves to know how much I care about him." She picked out a bouquet of bright daisies in every color. It was a flower he'd always been fond of and she thought it suited him. "I want to get some flowers for Monica, Kim, and Drew too." She said to her mother, turning toward her mom, needing her help for this.

After they'd told the florist where Oscar's flowers needed to be sent, Josslyn and Carly carefully grabbed the bouquets meant for his parents and grandmother and began their drive to their destinations.

Carly reached out to squeeze her daughter's knee as they parked outside the Quartermaine mansion. She smiled at Josslyn reassuringly. "I'll wait out here. Take as long as you need."

Josslyn nodded and grabbed the bouquet gently, walking determinedly to the front door.

It swung open and she was met with Monica.

"Josslyn?" The woman asked in confusion, looking worst for wear.

The teen smiled timidly. "Hi Mrs. Quartermaine." She said softly. "Can I come in?"

The woman's eyes looked her over and then at the flowers in her hands, softening as she nodded and stepped aside.