Love makes you desperate and feeling a fool

Love makes you ruthless and love makes you cruel

And love makes you crazy

With nothing but lies

Love promises nothing and then your love dies

He got the warning the last time, didn't he? He felt attraction but it only made him messed up. Beside family - his mom and pesky little sister - people come and go so why should he bother to let them near? Like before, it would end badly and like now, when he is a mass of bitterness and awkward words, only an idiot would stick with him and soon get bored anyway.

He doesn't know how to be, except when he's in the water but that gets difficult too when his old friends are near, either physically or in his mind. He's full of sharp edges like his teeth and he can't get away from that sharpness, rarely can hide it when it comes to even simple things like saying "sorry". It definitely is most difficult when he has to deal with the kindness he gets from Nitori.

Rin doesn't really care that his kouhai is like annoying brat. The things about Nitori that doesn't annoy rather scare him. When the boy shows him an honest concern Rin feels restless in a strange way. When the boy's eyes are bright from some feeling that isn't only admiration Rin is close to push him away so hard that it might hurt him. He doesn't need nor want Nitori to care about him because it doesn't do any real good for neither of them.

Rin thinks all these familiar things through as he stares at the big double sandwich on his desk. He really hopes it's not for him, he hopes that Nitori has placed it on his desk only because the boy's own is too full of crap.

He hears Nitori come out from the bathroom. "Matsuoka-senpai, you're back! I brought a sandwich for you."

"That?" Rin mutters like if the room is full of big fat sandwiches.

"Yeah. I didn't see you in the cafeteria so I guessed you were still in the pool working hard and I thought I could save you from some trouble and bring some snack here," he can see Nitori's small and sweet smile. "I hope I remembered you favorite right."

Rin knows he did and rubs his face slowly; ham and cheese and other shit what he likes to have after training hard by himself.

"Senpai?"

He can't look at Nitori in the eye and part of him wants to snap at his kouhai but he feels so exhausted to do anything else but collapse on his bed.

"Are you alright, senpai?"

At any other day he would act civil and eat the sandwich with gratitude, especially when his stomach moans from emptiness but today he is having a hard time not to break down and he honestly wants someone or more like he wants Nitori to grab his arm and say that everything is going to be alright, because maybe he does need that care, that feeling. But he won't because then Nitori would get closer and then everything would turn so upside down that Rin would throw up.

He hates it, the love.

"I'm not hungry. Just let me be."

"But- You know I..."

"No. Thanks, Nitori but not now."

Nitori turns quiet behind him and Rin bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut while the silence stretches.

AN:

The time line sets before Rin's final relay with Iwatobi boys.

This was surprisingly depressing... Hm.
The lyrics are by Garbage - I Hate Love.

Hope you enjoyed.