Author's Notes - It's a short chapter this time, folks. But I promise the next part is longer!.
They'd done a pretty good job of getting past their little 'moment' on PX9-757, or so he thought. It had taken him some time to process it all, something he had chosen to do privately, without involving her.
For his part, he was still somewhat shocked by what he'd seen in her face in those last few moments, when they thought they were about to die. Beyond that he had been pretty pissed at himself, not surprised, but definitely pissed.
What sort of CO was he that he would consider abandoning two members of his team just so that he could die with another? Just because he couldn't stand the thought of living without her? Hadn't he promised himself right at the start that he wouldn't let his little 'crush' on Carter affect her or the rest of SG-1? Most importantly, hadn't he sworn she would never know about it? But in those few seconds that stretched for an eternity he had royally screwed up.
Of course, at the time he thought they were about to die, and so letting her see how he felt hadn't seemed so terrible. Except they didn't die (which he was grateful for, honestly). And now she knew. He hadn't mentioned a thing in his report, but that wasn't really the point. He'd been willing to sacrifice himself (and potentially risk the safety of Daniel and Teal'c) because in that moment she was the thing that meant the most to him in the world. Hell, in every moment. Dammit, this was precisely why the frat regs existed! Alright, they hadn't fraternised per se. But clearly his emotions had gotten in the way of the job. He could not, would not, let that happen again.
That said, there was the tiny fact that she'd been looking at him like that. Right when she thought she was going to die, when she thought she could convince him to leave, to save himself. He kept waking up in the middle of the night with that look imprinted in his mind. Those big, blue eyes filling with tears. The fear she was projecting through the barrier. Not fear for herself; fear for him. He wasn't sure what it meant, but it felt just as forbidden, just as dangerous as the look he was sure he was giving her.
Still, he told himself, they'd gotten past it. She hadn't mentioned it. He hadn't mentioned it. They carried on with work with no weird looks, no uncomfortable silences. It was almost, almost, like it hadn't happened at all.
He'd sworn to himself, all over again, that he wouldn't let his feelings for Carter get in the way of the job again. And then the God-damned Tok'Ra had gotten involved.
Author's Notes - Thank you for reading