Chapter 2: Revenge (Part 1)
Dan had put the slice of pie, rose, and letters back in the box, and made his way over to Chris' home in his, now damaged, car. Once he was inside he plopped the pie on the kitchen table and waltzed over in front of the tv, where Chris happened to be watching that weird pet butler show he seemed to like.
"Hi Dan." Chris said, knowing he'd probably be dragged off on another one of Dan's crazy revenge schemes yet again.
"Chris I brought you a slice of pie, it's banana cream."
Chris was in shock. Dan had brought him pie. Sure it wasn't one of his favorite flavors but that didn't really matter at this point.
"Wow Dan. That's really nice of you, what's the occasion?"
"Shut up. I need you to hurry and eat it so you can help me get revenge on a Jane Doe." Dan explained with an evil grin on his face.
"So... you don't even know who it is?" Chris asked.
"Not exactly; however, I do know that it is indeed a woman, and that I am supposed to meet her tomorrow night at that one peak where teenagers go to make-out." Dan cringed at the thought.
"Wait, so it's a secret admirer?" Chris was surprised about this more so than about Dan giving him pie. Without realizing it a smile had found its way onto Chris' face.
"Yeah. She's ruined my car's windshield with her stupid arrow. It's got a gaping hole in it!" Dan complained.
"And that rose attacked me Chris; it drew blood." Dan held out his index finger, revealing the small scab on the tip.
"Wow, you could have really died." Chris replied sarcastically.
"I think you should give her a second chance. When are you ever going to get an opportunity like this again?" Chris prodded.
Dan glared at Chris, clearly offended at the last part of his so called, 'encouraging' remark. Dan thought for a moment.
"Fine. I'll go, and if she agrees to fix my windshield then I am hers for as long as I can tolerate her."
"That's the spirit Dan!" Chris was excited.
"By the way, if she doesn't agree, you're fixing it." Dan stated bluntly.
Chris sighed, agreeing that he'd chip in for half of the repairs. Dan was satisfied with that; Chris would most likely still end up paying the full amount though. Dan allowed Chris time to finish the life threatening pie; and a few minutes afterwards Chris made a suggestion.
"Dan, do you want to head for the Valentine's Day Festival?"
"Chris, it's like a sauna wherever we go. How am I supposed to enjoy myself if I am sweating buckets per minute?" Dan angrily crossed his arms over his damp chest.
"They're having it inside this year because of the heatwave." Chris explained.
"Well why the heck didn't you say that in the first place? Let's go!" Dan yelled. Some excitement present in his voice. It was, after all, the only time of year he could get lactose free gourmet chocolate.
Chris simply smiled and drove to the park's recreation center. They exited the car to be greeted with a complimentary heart shaped balloon. They walked in and were assaulted by the smell of chocolate. Chris led the way to a stand a few yards ahead. Dan let him lead only because, while Chris may be a complete buffoon, his nose certainly knew where to find the best tasting junk food from burgers to even chocolate (lactose free when needed).
"Chris are there any more stalls that have chocolate just as tasty, or is this the best one?" Dan inquired of his only friend; making sure Chris didn't let him waste his money on one stall if there were other good ones.
"Yeah, this one's most likely going to be the best." Chris answered, slightly out of it. He was taking in all the chocolaty goodness.
They reached the booth and were able to squeeze through the crowd to the front. Dan called out, "I'll take twenty boxes of your best assorted, lactose free, chocolate!"
"Here you are sir, that will be one-hundred dollars please."
"What! One-hundred...great." Dan grumpily got the money out of his pockets and paid the lady.
"Have a wonderful day!"
"Don't you tell me what to do!" Dan yelled as he walked off with his bags of chocolate. Chris followed in pursuit soon after he had made his purchase. They walked out of the building hurrying to the car. The last thing they wanted was they're precious cargo melting. Chris cranked the AC full blast as he drove Dan back to his house. Dan had claimed that if he took his candy to his abode they would melt due to lack of air conditioning...plus he didn't really have space for all twenty boxes.
"Gah, what are you doing? Stop it Chris!" Dan angrily yelled.
"You need a bath Dan. You can't go meet someone, that could actually love you as long as you'll live, as dirty as you are." Chris argued. Elise had assisted in tying Dan's hands and feet together.
Dan was sitting on the toilet and Chris at the edge of the tub, making sure the temperature would be okay for Dan.
"You do know I'm not a cat right? You have no right to bathe me!" Dan inquired; a grumpy look on his face.
"Well with the way you're acting you might as well be a cat. You won't get yourself clean if I let you do it yourself." Chris stated. He wasn't going to compromise this time.
Dan glared at Chris, shaking his head sadly. The tub filled up a few minutes later. Chris grabbed some scissors and proceeded to cut Dan's shirt and pants off, because there was absolutely no way he was going to untie him. Dan started spouting insult upon insult, complaining about how that was his favorite, and only, shirt. Chris got fed up with that pretty quickly and once he had removed everything, he grabbed Dan by the stomach and dropped him in the tub. Immediately the water turned a tinted, brown color. Dan resurfaced gasping for air.
"Are you trying to kill me!?" Dan screeched.
Chris ignored Dan's protests and his teeth that were attempting to bite his fingers, grabbing a scrub brush.
Elise was in the kitchen making some of Dan's favorite things to eat, to maybe suppress his anger towards them just a little bit, for after the bath was finished. She suddenly heard a lot of splashing and yelling coming from the bathroom. She smiled, Chris was going to have the hardest time. But if he can manage to finish bathing Dan when they have kids that will be a piece of cake.
"Ow, Dan stop struggling!" Chris yelled as he tried to scrub Dan's back.
"I won't! You can't make me do anything." was Dan's reply.
Chris couldn't take it anymore. He called for Elise. She walked in a minute or two later, letting out a giggle. Chris was just as wet as Dan and he looked almost as grumpy.
"Elise, he's not complying, I need him to stay still!" Chris whined. Elise liked this side of Chris, it was so cute.
"Well, what do you expect me to do about it?"
"I don't know! Knock him unconscious or something!" Was Chris' answer.
"How dare you even suggest that!" Dan said.
"Sorry Dan, but it's your own fault." Elise stated bluntly. She pulled a bottle and rag out of her back pocket.
He would have gone on ranting but Elise knocked him out in the end with some of the chloroform they had found in Dan's pants.
"Better hurry before he wakes up again." Elise said, giving Chris a peck on the cheek.
"Yeah, I'll try. There's no telling how many layers of dirt he has on his skin."
"You know, Dan is actually pretty cute when he's sleeping." Elise smiled.
"Yeah, well, that's what I used to think, but the effect wears off after knowing him for twenty or more years." Chris objected.
Elise handed Chris the plates and they both sat down at the table to enjoy their dinner.
Dan regained consciousness at around 5:45 in the evening. Elise and Chris were huddled together watching one of those mushy romantic comedies that Chris likes. Dan slowly sat up, groaning loudly as he did so. Then he remembered what happened. Chris brought him to the house after the festival; then about an hour or so of eating occurred. Dan had stayed the night and he woke up to a delicious breakfast of lactose free pancakes and orange juice. Then they sat around whilst Dan complained endlessly about the secret admirer amongst many other topics worthy of his hateful spite. It suddenly hit Dan like a ton of bricks.
Then at three, yes, that's when Chris held me down while Elise tied me up! Those two will pay! Wait, what's that smell? It smells like... flowers?
Dan sniffed his arm and realized it was soap.
"How dare you bathe me against my will!" Dan complained.
Chris and Elise looked over, showing off their, 'here we go again' expressions. Chris rolled his eyes.
"Dan, I wasn't about to let you go see that person in your current hygienic state. That would have made me a terrible friend."
"Yeah, Dan. You looked like a wreck before. Now your hair is soft and fluffy, and you smell better than you ever have before." Elise added, ruffling Dan's hair.
"Well that's none of your business! I think you are a terrible friend right now." Dan protested, slapping Elise's hand away. Chris ignored that last part and continued speaking.
"Dan, if I am supposed to be helping you then it is my business. Besides, now that you are clean, you'll probably attract more women if this thing doesn't work out." He pointed out.
"Why would I want to attract females or anyone else for that matter! They're nothing but trouble, and an expense I'd rather not have to deal with." Dan stated.
Chris sighed, as Elise held his arm. Dan's complaints and so called, 'facts', went on for another fifteen minutes. Chris interrupted Dan's rant as he began talking about how women and marriage are both scams.
"Dan, we should probably go, it's a thirty minute drive to the peak." Dan glared at Chris for a moment before he let out a huge sigh.
"Fine." Dan mumbled. As he followed Chris out the door, a box of chocolates in hand.
Not much was said between the two friends on the way up; mostly because Dan was still miffed at Chris, but also because the silence was kind of nice. When they finally reached their destination Chris and Dan said their good-byes.
"Well buddy, good luck. You should be able to impress her with no problems!" Chris encouraged. He felt a little awkward.
"Whatever." Dan looked at the ground a little hurt. He honestly felt that Chris was abandoning him.
"Well, see ya' later then." Chris stated sheepishly.
Dan watched Chris drive off down the road, wishing he was in the car with him. Dan suddenly turned as he felt, what he thought, was a sudden tap on his shoulder.
"Oh Danny, you didn't have to get all cleaned up for me! You smell especially lovely tonight. Are those chocolates for me?"
Dan froze. What have I gotten myself into!
Chapter 3: Revenge (FINAL)
What will Dan's secret admirer look like? It almost appears as if Dan knows the person. Find out what will happen next!
Thanks for reading guys! I'll try and get this next chapter uploaded in the next few days. Have an awesome day.