James sped through the seventh floor corridor and practically leapt down three flights of stairs in his effort to get to Professor Dumbledore's office as soon as possible. If James was worried before, it was nothing to how he felt now. Lily was known for providing support and comfort to her friends, and also often to people she barely knew – simply because that was how kind she was. But James knew that this often meant she rarely received the same treatment. It was evident that though they loved her immensely Marlene and especially Dorcas would be happy to make Lily feel better, but even they often assumed that Lily was always strong, always okay.
And James couldn't blame them either, because Lily let her guard down so rarely that the only way James knew about it was because of his tendency to follow her around in his invisibility cloak when she was alone. He didn't dare tell anyone about it though, it sounded creepy enough in his own head. But really, he was just looking out for her. Lily was one of the mere eight muggle-borns in the castle and with one quarter of the school Slytherins, she was in danger all the time.
It was in the moments alone where Lily would let herself fall apart. To cry, pull her hair and kick the walls. And James would linger a few meters away, shaking in anger – at whatever the cause for Lily's anguish was and also the fact that he was unable to comfort her.
And now, to think of Lily by herself at home grieving the loss of her parents with only a snobby sister to blame her – well it only made James run faster. Finally reaching the gargoyle, he hurriedly spoke the password ("Jelly Slugs") and briskly opened the door without waiting for the Professor to beckon him inside.
"Professor, I'm afraid I've got to go to Lily. We just received a letter from her – "James began quickly, looking for the occupant. He stopped talking when he realised that no one was inside.
"Professor? PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE?" James yelled, now very frustrated. He didn't have time for this.
"Quieten down young man! Aren't you supposed to be Head Boy?" Many of the portraits hung around in the circular room had now woken up and were muttering angrily.
"Entering the Headmaster's office without permission, causing a scene and about to leave school grounds. I told Albus that this boy would be bad candidate – spending too much time causing havoc with my idiotic nephew. But would he listen? Of course not," scoffed a particularly nasty looking portrait.
"Where's Professor Dumbledore?" James demanded, ignoring the rude man.
"That is none of your business Mr Potter" The same portrait answered him once more, which only resulted in James' irritation increasing. "Your Headmaster has very important work to do, and I'm sure he would not care to listen to your tedious demands" He remarked disdainfully. The other portraits nodded, with disapproving expressions.
Deeming the portraits completely unhelpful, James looked around the Professor's office, trying to find a way to leave the school. His eyes caught the welcoming fireplace behind the desk. Could he Floo out of the castle? James couldn't see how, or else that group that called themselves 'Death Eaters' would easily break into Hogwarts. Then again, knowing Dumbledore, he'd have found a loophole. As though confirming James' assessment of his headmaster, he found a small pot on the desk, containing red powder. For anybody who didn't know the headmaster as well as James did, might have ignored it, assuming it to be some form of powerful and dangerous artefact. James however, smirked briefly: this had to be a special kind of Floo Powder; perhaps one that only allowed those that were trusted to exit the office.
Taking a small pinch, James threw it into the flames. He hesitated for a brief moment as the fire turned red instead of the usual green, but the thought of Lily's distress gave him the courage to speak with confidence ("The Three Broomsticks") and step into the flames. To his immense relief, James' leg simply felt a pleasant warm sensation.
"Excuse me! You're Head Boy! You can't just leave the school. You have responsibilities!" One of the old witches shrieked unpleasantly. But James didn't bother responding. "No Head Girl, no Headmaster, and now no Head Boy," She muttered, shaking her head. No headmaster? Did that really mean that Dumbledore had left the castle? James had assumed that the old man was somewhere in the castle, perhaps enjoying a cup of tea with Hagrid. He had supposed that the portraits were simply chastising him for being impolite, but apparently not.
James didn't have much time to ponder this revelation, because he soon felt his body turning wildly. He was lucky that he hadn't had much to eat, or the food would have been swirling around in his stomach. Making sure to tuck his arms in and shut his eyes, James travelled along the Floo channel. Just as he thought his head might explode, he fell out with a loud thud. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, James stood up. He felt the cinders coat his entire form, including his glasses (which he fixed and cleaned with a simple spell) and so quickly brushed off the residue.
As he walked past the tables towards the door, he saw the barmaid cleaning up the counter. She looked up as he walked past and nodded, as though he was expected.
"I'm assuming you're heading for Miss Evans, Potter?" she asked.
"Hullo Rose, sorry I don't have an expl – hang on, what you know about Lily? Is she okay?" James asked urgently.
"Didn't you hear about Miss Evans awful predicament? I'm sorry to tell you this, but her parents have been killed," Madam Rosmerta spoke solemnly.
"Killed?" James asked with confusion. "They were very ill the last time I saw them, I thought Mr and Mrs Evans had passed because of it,"
"Oh no, I'm afraid it's far more sinister than that. Professor Dumbledore came through just a couple of hours ago in a mad rush. He'd said – from what I could decipher, that Miss Evans' parents were actually on the mend," James gaped, and Madam Rosmerta nodded sadly.
"Who would do something like that?" James roared furiously.
"I heard the Minister talking just earlier with Professor Dumbledore – apparently the Aurors found remnants of magic at the scene, which leads me to believe – "
"Death Eaters," James whispered, what colour he had in his face now completely drained out. Madam Rosmerta nodded again, and went back to wiping the counter. James thanked her swiftly and reached the door as quickly as possible, which was difficult considering the customers who were huddled inside from the cold.
The wind rushed and the grey clouds loomed over James as he found a quiet place where he could apparate undetected. Having learned to apparate in their sixth year and the plenty of practice that he and Sirius had, James easily thought of the town where Lily lived, Cokeworth whilst pulling his invisibility cloak on. With a sound crack James disappeared. The uncomfortable feeling of apparation still lingered, but he was far too preoccupied to be deterred.
A sidewalk appeared beneath his feet, and James instantly recognised the streets. He'd been here to visit Lily every summer for the past three years. He and Sirius would make an outing of it, visiting Lily. She'd always scream at them, and demand they leave, but somehow on every occasion, Mrs Evans would find the boys and invite them in for lemon cakes and tea. They would spend hours chatting with Mrs Evans, James occasionally glancing at Lily who would be growing redder each second. Mr Evans was less friendly, but that might have been influenced by Sirius' leather jacket and tattoo (though minimal, the skull was very visible on his middle finger). They'd run into Marlene and Dorcas the first time they'd shown up early one morning. James could still remember Marley's face when she saw Sirius – he'd been suspecting that she was harbouring a crush for his best mate. She'd gone bright red, and yet managed to retain her dignity and pride as Sirius noted her bright blue cupcake pyjamas. Dorcas had simply laughed along with Sirius, but had soon stopped when she realised that she herself was wearing green monster shorts with a singlet. And then when James saw Lily, he had almost mistaken her head for a tomato. If he could read her mind, James might have heard Lily thanking any and all gods that she'd decided to get dressed before breakfast. James probably should have thanked his own lucky stars that Lily had received a prefects badge that morning; hence her incredibly good mood (that became slightly worse off) stopped her from hexing both of them out of the house. All, well seeing as Lily had already received a warning from the Ministry for previous misconducts.
The streets had looked a lot more pleasant when they'd come to visit – but that was because of the sun shining bright and the children running around. Today it was dark and not a soul could be seen in the cold weather. Curtains were closed and the wind howled like a dying banshee. With a resigned sigh, James lightly jogged past two streets until he arrived at Lily's. He spotted Lily's house straight away. It was two stories high, with vines growing on the white walls. There was a balcony at the front, the rails completely covered in plants. The front garden sported a bird bath, and even in the cold weather there were trees filled with flowers (*). All in all, the exterior of the house still retained the magic and homely security it always held. The fairy tale scene of the house easily deceived any passing neighbours of the trauma and loss of its inhabitants.
Just as James walked past a neighbour's house, he saw what looked like a shadow. It was odd, there was no body, just a black shape that flashed for a second as though moving at top speed. But when the door to Lily's house slowly opened, James panicked. He was sure that if the intruder was friendly, they wouldn't have tried to be so discreet. Then again, James thought, he himself was concealed well. He looked up at the window by the balcony, footsteps increasing in speed, and was startled when he saw a flash of auburn-red hair. Lily.
Now running as fast as he could, still making sure to stay well hidden, James made his up to the door and slipped inside. The interior also looked the same, if not tidier than usual. James assumed that either Lily or her sister had cleaned up when they arrived. The inside was cold, hardly any warmer than out. Running to the stairs, James heard Lily scream. It took him all his strength to not shout her name just then. If there really were Death Eaters in Lily house, they wouldn't dream of coming alone. Even if they were only targeting a Muggle-born, they were too cowardly to come in a group of less than three.
Climbing the stairs 3 at a time, James reached the top within seconds. His Quidditch training had done well for his physique as all the running had had barely any adverse effects on his strength. Walking as quietly as possible while still retaining speed, James saw one of the death eaters standing guard at her door. With a grimace, James whipped out his wand and silently stunned the masked man. He added a quick silencio on the body, and it landed without a sound. James' clear advantage was the element of surprise and he was glad it was still in place.
Inching closer, he heard the Death Eaters growling, and Lily's weak protests. It had seemed that in the short time it had taken for James to arrive at Lily's door, the foul men had managed to silence and crucio Lily. One of the Death eaters laughed cruelly, and as James opened the door cautiously he saw the other use his wand as a knife to carve a message on her right arm. Both had their backs to him. Lily might have seen the movement if she wasn't desperately trying to kick her way out of the man's tight grasp.
Watching Lily so weak and hurt made James see red. He started to shake violently and without wasting a single second, he brought his wand up and stood in an offensive stance, cleanly cutting through the Death Eater that was hurting Lily, at the neck. It was so clean that the only response that could be observed in that second was his sudden relaxed grip on Lily's arm, before it completely fell limp. His companion's sneer faltered for a moment, as he looked up in confusion. If James could see his face, he would have seen utter panic as blood started seeping from the other Death Eater's neck in a steady stream. James watched in sick satisfaction as the man fell to ground, head clearly separated from body. "James, the first rule to an honourable man is to never attack whilst your opponent's back is turned" The words of his father rang loud and clear in mind, but James paid it no compliance and instead widened his sneer. That may be so father, but waiting for an evil man to even the playing field is simply foolish. Lily's terrified and piercing scream cut through his reminiscence as she watched the dead man's neck – blood was spurting from his neck now as his arteries continued to pump it in vain.
Flicking his eyes away from Lily, he found the Death Eater still alive looking around in alarm, trying to find the one responsible for such a gruesome death. James was ready for him though, murder gleaming bright in his eyes. As though he were a predator, James almost sensed the sheer amount of dread in his prey. He could almost hear the erratic thumping of the Death Eater's heart as his panic drove him to paralysis. James knew that the adrenaline would soon take effect though, and swiftly threw off his invisibility cloak. With a quick flick of his wand, James easily disarmed the terrified man and caught the offending object in his left hand. His right gripped his own wand tightly as it now was aimed at the man's heart. He cocked his head slightly, wondering what spell would do him justice to the cruciatus curse he was certain the Death Eater had performed on Lily. James had often heard that it felt as though every bone, every particle was up in flames.
Wiping the smirk off his face, James furrowed his brows in concentration and deep willingness. He wouldn't crucio the man. Oh no, it would be worse. Making sure to have a very clear image in his mind, James whispered "Incendio". Immediately the man burst into flames. But there wasn't just one flame – there were hundreds, each hell bent on a single part of the man's body. The man's piercing screams grew louder and James' lips curled. With one last flick, James made the flames suddenly stop – but the damage was done. All that was left was to do was watch as the man burnt away from the inside – every organ turn into ashes, as his brain fried, and heart burst open.
"James!" Came a soft whimper. Instantly, James was knocked out of his reverie and he made his way to Lily. The vicious glint in his hazel eyes faded away and was replaced with concern – but evidently Lily did not see it. Because when he took a step towards her, she promptly drew away, fear eminent in her own bright green ones.
"Lily," James spoke cautiously, slowly lifting his arm to reach out for her. Unfortunately, his wand was still in his hand, and Lily eyed it with fright and continued to scramble away.
"Get away from me you … you monster!" She'd screamed the last word loudly and with conviction. James' eyes flashed with anger. Did Lily just call him the monster? He had just saved her – both her pride and life. How dare she look at him as though he were about to harm her?
"Lily," James repeated, trying to keep his voice steady. "Those Death Eaters were about to kill you. They'd already tortured you god damn it! What did you expect me to do? Pull up a chair and laugh?"
"I know what they did to me James," she snapped. "That doesn't mean you become a murderer! You killed a man, and another is dying in front of our fucking eyes! This isn't the person I knew. I thought you were kind, and thoughtful and a fucking good man!" Lily was breathing heavily now, the strength she'd mustered to scream was taking a toll on her. "Clearly I was wrong. You James Potter, are just as bad as any Death Eater." She whispered the last sentence, but James heard it all too clearly. It rooted him to the spot, and his eyes widened behind his glasses.
His throat went dry as he looked around the room. The man he'd literally cut open was now dead, but the blood was still oozing out and staining the carpet. The other man was lying across from him, unmoving. James shut his eyes tightly. Oh. He heard Lily shakily get to her feet. She scoffed angrily as she stumbled past, and James made no move stop her, or to apologise. He'd realised what he'd done, how terrible his deeds really were. He felt sick with disgust, but it was because he didn't regret it. Not one bit; even though he should. He knew that if another pair of Death Eaters came in right now and even touched a hair on Lily's head, he'd repeat his actions without hesitation.
James slowly made his way out of Lily's room, not knowing what to do – how to make things right again. He and Lily had finally started to get along. It had taken him months to convince her that he was responsible and mature, and now she thought of him as the son of Satan. As he moved out the door, James spotted the Death Eater he had stunned. He stood in front of the masked man, wondering what he should do with him. However, following a small twitch, James noticed with horror that the man was waking up. He instinctively pulled out his wand again, but Lily's voice, whispering that sentence stopped him. James looked up, desperately trying to find Lily, but she was already down the other end of the hall, probably going to clean herself up of the blood.
James heard the water run and internally groaned. Now what? Deciding that stunning the man again was probably the best thing to do, he looked back down. The five seconds James had allowed the man was enough for him to get up quickly and pull his wand out. Before James had any time to react, he felt his throat constrict painfully. Instinctively, his hand flew to his neck, trying to remove the feeling of being choked. In the brief moment, the lack of oxygen took effect. The Death Eater was holding him up by his throat now, and as he tried to use his wand, he felt the feeling leave his lower part of his body – effectively dropping his wand onto the floor. His last resort was to somehow make enough noise for Lily to hear, but as much as tried, his fingers or legs wouldn't move. James could feel his heart thumping loudly, but also heard it slowly failing. This was it, he thought. With one last whimper, James' eyes fell, and he knew no more.
Walking away from James was surprisingly easy. Lily's anger, disappointment and also fear drove her to push out any good thoughts she had of him. She was grateful that he had come, he did save her life – that much Lily accepted. But if a line was ever drawn between the good and bad, James was dangerously close to crossing it. Shutting the bathroom door with more force than required Lily washed her face. It did no good though, because her arms now felt even dirtier. She had droplets of blood all over her clothes, and a deep cut on her forearm, which was made up of half an 'M'. Deciding to just have a shower, Lily turned the tap on and started removing all the stained clothing. However, just as she was about to step in, Lily heard a loud thud down the hall.
Startled, she quickly turned the water off, only to hear a short deep laugh – a laugh that sounded nothing like James'. Fuck. Grabbing the towel of the rails and quickly wrapping it around her, she picked up her wand and ran out the door.
"Get away from him!" Lily shouted in panic. James was lying on the ground motionless, and a large Death Eater was looming over him. The man looked up and snarled. He pointed his wand at Lily, ready to throw a deadly curse, but before he had a chance to even think of one, Lily had put up her shield. Her pride and joy, as well as her personal gift, was the strength of her shields.
She didn't know exactly how strong they were, because so far all the mediocre curses sent at her were easily blocked by it. However, as a bright green jet of light came speeding at her, she was immensely relieved that it completely bounced back and hit the offender square in the chest.
With an air of almost grace, the Death Eater fell back – dead. Lily wasted no time in a brief celebration. No matter how angry she was with James, she wasn't about to let him die. Dropping down by his side, she leaned in, desperately listening for a heartbeat. It was hard to make anything out, because the sound of her own pounding veins were quite overbearing. After a few torturous minutes, Lily head a faint thud that was off beat to hers. He was alive. She wasn't sure how effective CPR could be, but at this point, Lily was ready to try anything. Making sure he was lying straight and prostate, Lily took a deep breath, opened his mouth and blew in. She then used her palms to steadily press James chest, prompting the heart to deliver the new supply of oxygen.
After repeating the procedure, Lily brought out her wand and tried some healing spells – all to no avail. Now shaking with terror and tears streaming down her face, Lily went back to the CPR. Her father was a well renowned doctor, and he had never failed to implement the importance of a good bout of oxygen in the lungs. It had taken nearly 20 minutes, but Lily didn't give up – routinely blowing air into James' mouth, and pumping his heart through rhythmic thumps. She was about to go in for another round, when she heard a small wheeze from James. She froze – not allowing herself to build up too much hope in case she had imagined the sound. But when he slowly opened his eyes, Lily felt a weight lift off her. Her heart felt lighter and she let out a joyous cry.
"Am I in heaven?" James weakly questioned, his voice almost too intangible.
"Don't be silly, James. You're alive," Lily responded, her voice almost as quiet. She brought her hands up to his face – one cupping it while the other brushing away strands of black hair.
"You're lying. Why else would Lily Evans be in a towel about to kiss me?"
"Merlin's pants, I'm naked!" Lily squeaked, jumping back and being sure to secure her towel which was lying loose under her armpits. Face going bright red, she unsteadily stood up and offered a shaking hand to James. Perhaps afraid to pull Lily back to the ground (as she was still looking rather weak), he just raised his eyebrows and slowly sat up on his own, leaning on the wall behind him. Wiping a bead of sweat of his temple James looked up, surveying the sight of Lily clad in nothing but a too-small yellow coloured towel. Feeling his gaze like laser eyes burning through her skin, Lily squirmed uncomfortably, tightening her hold on the fluffy article. Her response didn't go unnoticed by James who smirked and winked cheekily.
Lily flushed again, but this time with anger. He was looking at her like she was some sort of delicacy at a fancy restaurant he couldn't afford – and it only made her want to slap him as hard as possible. Her irritation triggered the events that had occurred less than an hour ago, and the snarl was back. Looking at James with such a level of contempt confused him for a moment, but then the previous hour also dawned to him and his smirk turned sheepish. Lily's frown did not waver though, and James sighed with resignation. Looking straight into Lily's green eyes, that were now darkened and holding a strong glare, he decided he might as well try to make her understand.
"Lily – no wait, before you leave again, hear me out, yeah? Please?" James waited for confirmation, but all he got was a deeper frown. Accepting it, James continued. "Look I freaked out, okay? I lost my head and I'm sorry for not thinking about how you might feel. When I saw you getting tortured like that – and the death eaters about to write, no carve that … that word, it drove me insane Lily. I can't stand the thought of you getting hurt. I know you don't need protecting – you're a brilliant witch regardless of what the prejudice idiots think – but you needed help before. I should've just stunned both of them or something – I know – but I didn't want to give them the luxury of life when all they do is ruin it for everyone else. I'm so sorry for upsetting you Lily."
Lily's expression did not soften, much to James' disappointment and fear.
"So you aren't sorry for what you did to those men?" Lily asked slowly. James' heart sank. He was hoping that she didn't pick it up, but of course, Lily was too smart for her own good. Deciding to just be honest – to hell with consequences, James shook his head.
"No. I'm not. They deserved everything they got." He stated firmly. To his immense surprise however, the corners of Lily's mouth twitched and curled up slightly. She nodded almost to herself and then smiled shyly.
"I never did thank you, you know" She said. "If it weren't for you, I'd probably be dead."
James beamed. "Well, seeing as how you saved my own arse just now, I think we're even." To which she softly chuckled.
"Not that I'm complaining, because I'm definitely not – but how come you've forgiven me this easily? You seemed pretty pissed earlier." James queried. Lily looked down, fiddling with her hands. James could swear her skin looked pinker.
"When … when I saw you on the ground – about to die, I realised what you meant. I really do care for you James, I know it's hard to believe – I haven't exactly been your biggest fan in the past. And also… um … well, the Death Eater who attacked you kind of … died." Lily finished very quietly, looking anywhere but James. James simply raised his eyebrows, a small smirk developing on his pink lips. Did Lily really just say those things? They had been getting along reasonably well, what with head duties and all – but now she had basically admitted to feeling something more towards him, something James himself could relate to.
"You killed a Death Eater for me?"
"Technically his curse reflected off of my shield, but yeah, I suppose I did. Besides, I wasn't about to let you die! What else could I have done?"
"Relax Lils, no need to get so defensive. I don't actually care about a Death Eater's life – I know, shocking right? I'm just surprised you did it for me," James smiled.
"Like I said – you mean a lot to me. I just feel so terrible – I mean I know that they are terrible people, the Death Eaters – but they're still people. With families and hopes for the future. And now there's nothing, because we took it away from them," Lily's voice had begun to shake, and James could tell that she was on the brink of crying. He shook his head internally. Only Lily was able to feel compassion for a killer – only she could cry for them even when they'd destroyed what she loved.
"Lily they were killers. They murdered your parents. They go around ruining other people's families and their hopes - for a living. By eliminating the murderers, we've prevented another fifty innocent deaths. That's worth something. We need to make sacrifices if we want to win this war." James said gently.
"I just don't want to lose ourselves in the middle of all this. If we start killing all the Death Eaters, we're just as bad as they are. They kill people who they think don't deserve life … well, aren't we doing the same? Doesn't that make us evil too? I don't want this war to turn into some sort of battle for power. I only want to protect those whom I love, not kill the ones I hate," Lily replied.
"Lines will have to be blurred, Lils. We won't be able to fight without an offense."
"Just promise me you'll stay as the James I know. Promise me you won't kill if you help it." Lily pleaded softly, inching forward. James instinctively leaning toward her, cupping her face softly with his left hand.
"I'd do anything for you Lily," James said, his voice almost inaudible. Their faces were so close now, Lily could practically see the faint smudges on James' glasses. With a sudden burst of movement, before he could back out, James swiftly captured Lily's lips with his own. She let out a small 'Oh' of surprise before melting into the kiss. She felt the heat rise up to her cheeks, his chapped lips felt amazing against her own well moisturised ones. Lily could tell that he was well experienced in the activity. His tongue explored her mouth softy, but it only made it feel more sensual. James was being gentle and tender, going slowly for Lily, and she was grateful. With her parents gone, and Petunia deserting her, Lily was glad to be able to feel free again – if only momentarily. She wouldn't be able to handle anything more – not yet anyway. He didn't want to pressure her into anything. In her fragile state, there was a high probability of her saying 'yes' and then regretting it later.
James had dreamt and wished of this moment for the past four years, and he was no way in hell about to make a mess of it. Lily didn't realise how well James knew her, and it was because of his respect and love that he pulled away. His lips already missed the soft skin, and the fiery feeling running through his veins was ebbing away.
"You should get back in that shower. I might have superhuman self-control, but the towel you're wearing is about to break it," He chuckled, lightly kissing her forehead. Lily blushed even more and giggled softly.
"Where does this leave us then?" She asked.
James smiled widely. "Together," he replied simply, winking.
* The trees are Cherry Blossoms. As I understand, they bloom in Winter months.