Disclaimer- I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Kurt Sutter
She Said Yes
TPOV
After a night of the most awful sleep I have had since I first left Charming, left Jax, I pulled myself out of bed. The years of late night studying and interning have prepared me for little to no sleep but this was different. I cried myself to sleep and then when I awoke from the few moments of sleep I could get I continued to cry some more. I'm still confused as to what the hell happened, I never expected Jax to walk out like that.
Knowing I still need to get ready for the day I convinced myself to get up and headed in to take a shower. Looking in the mirror I winced seeing what a night of crying had done to my face. I wonder how much makeup it will take to conceal my puffy eyes and red tear stained cheeks. Just looking in the mirror, seeing someone I don't recognize, had the tears threatening to fall again. How do I face this day? How do I face Jax? Because I'm sure at this moment I will fall apart if I see him. How do I put one foot in front of the other when my reality seems to be slapping me in the face?
Jesus Tara pull yourself together, your so much stronger than this. He may be the love of your life but he is still just a man, screw him! Make a plan and move on, he certainly has; really what was I expecting? I came back to him married and with a kid, did I really think I was so special that he would up and leave all of that for me? He didn't leave with me ten years ago he sure as hell wouldn't now, not with a son. My self-pity had now turned into anger, shit this was going to be a long day. Today Tara you will go in head held high, if you see Jax you will keep it professional. I will only take care of Able when I have to, (which will be an even harder part of my day because I love spending time with him), in hopes of avoiding Jax. Once I know Able is really well I will call Chicago Presbyterian and see if I can get my job back. I will try to pull my life back together and try to never look back at that 16 year old boy I fell irreversibly in love with. It was just teenage love bullshit, the last few days have just proven to Jax he could get me back into his bed. I'm such an idiot, well never again! This time when I leave I'm taking my heart with me and never looking back.
After making my plan, showering and putting on as much makeup as possible to cover my heartache I grab my coffee and head out the door. Making my way into the hospital I see Margaret Murphey, my boss. She is the last person I want to see at this moment, only thing worse would be to see Jax or even Gemma. As if the God's, I don't particularly believe in, were against me today that's exactly who Margaret had with her. When she reached me she said "Dr. Knowles I was just about to page you about Able Teller." I quickly asked, "what is wrong with Able, has something happened?" Margaret told me that Able had a very rough night. His sleep Apnea was happening more often and his blood pressure kept dropping very low. She had paged Dr. Nameid but he has had back to back surgeries, his instruction was to page me.
Gemma, stepping up to me said "what are you planning to do doc, you need to fix this." Jax stood beside Gemma looking more broken then I have ever seen him look. I'm sure the fear of something happening to his son is taking a toll on him. Also not having his wife around to talk to about all of this, since she is in detox, he must be feeling very lost without her. If I wasn't so heartbroken right now I might care about how he is feeling, I guess bitterness is setting in. Truth be told though, I do care how he is handling this. I want the best for his son, Jax really does deserve that. God he makes me weak, I love him so much. Stay strong Tara, I reminded myself.
I looked at Gemma and Jax and said "Mr. Teller and Mrs. Teller-Morrow I will head right to Able now and see what needs to be done. I will let you know, or have someone come let you know the plan as soon as I know anything." Gemma looked shocked and stepped back taking a glance at Jax then back to me and said "what the hell with all the formality doc?" I looked at Gemma, praying my face showed no emotions that would give me away and said "this is my job, I need to check on Able." "As soon as we know anything you will be informed. Jax walked up to me and I swear I stopped breathing for a moment. He went to put his hand on my shoulder, I flinched and he pulled it back. I looked straight at him and said "as soon as I know anything Jackson" and I rushed off.
JPOV
After leaving Tara's I went for a long ride hoping to clear my head, when that didn't work I went back to the club house. I grabbed a bottle of Jack and the nearest croweater, like that would solve my problems, but you do what you know. Once we were back in my dorm room I locked the door and looked at, whatever her name was (I really didn't give a shit), on her knees waiting to service me and my needs. Before even unzipping my pants I realized that the club house wasn't where I need to be. This is what I always turned to while Tara was gone and it never helped and it sure as hell won't now. Taking one last look at the croweater before me I felt disgusted with myself and said "get out". She stared at me like I had lost my mind, when she didn't move I threw the bottle of whiskey at the wall and screamed "GET OUT!"
When I was finally alone in my room I laid in my bed, maybe it was just the want I have for her but I swear I can still smell Tara on my pillow. I actually cried, and not just for walking out on her a little bit ago but for letting her walk out of my life 10 years ago. For not being the man she deserves, or for being the man she believes I could be. I cried for Able, for not giving him the mom, or life he surely deserves; and for all the mistakes I have made and continue to make. Once I finished crying I ran my hand over my face and sat up trying to figure out where to go next, what to do next.
Going to the club house was a huge mistake, it was beginning to remind me of all my bad decisions. My house was just that, a house not a home, never a home, and has been tainted by Wendy. I swear I would burn it to the ground if I had any other place to take Able when he gets well. Going to my mother's isn't an option, it would just mean a lot of explaining. Tara is where I want to be, she is my home and always has been, but I messed that up. I doubt she has any forgiveness left in her for me and I don't blame her. So I went to the last place I could think of, a place that strangely brings me comfort.
Putting my hand on my father's tombstone I said "hey dad I need you so much right now. I need your guidance, I have fucked up my life and hurt people I love in the process. I wish with all my heart that you were still alive or had left me some kind of handbook to deal with this life. Not just the club life but actual life. I truly believe I have destroyed the most amazing love I've ever had, and will ever have. I also have a son dad, he's beautiful and this amazing women saved him. Yet I'm no good for either of them, they are all I want, but I'm no good. What do I do dad, how do I fix this?" I sat at my father's grave hoping for an answer allowing sleep to come over me.
"Shit", being woken up from the best dream I've ever had about Tara, and I've had a lot of dreams about her, was definitely not a welcomed intrusion. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I was momentarily confused as to my surroundings. The sun was just starting to come up and I realized I was still at my father's grave. My phone, still ringing non-stop, was aggravating the fuck out of me. I quickly snapped it open, just knowing it would be Clay. "Clay, what is so important you need to be calling me this early!?" I said with plenty of irritation. "Mr. Teller?" It wasn't Clay, it was a nurse from the hospital. She went on to tell me that Able had had a really rough night. I didn't even let her finish, I snapped my phone closed and jumped on my bike.
On the way to the hospital I thought and prayed that Able is, and would be ok. I cursed Wendy again for being such a cranked out whore, God I hate her right now. I cursed myself out for also letting my son down, I should have protected him while Wendy was pregnant with him; I should have been at the hospital with him. My next thought though, was I would most likely see Tara. She's an amazing person, and even though I hurt her she would still want to help Able. She already felt like more of a mother to him then Wendy. Jesus, I look like shit, she's probably going to think I drank and fucked someone else all night. Get your head on Jax, make sure your son is ok first and then come hell or high water fix this with Tara.
When I reached the hospital, I was met by my mother and Margaret Murphey, Tara's boss. Margaret filled me in on what had been happening and what was being done now. She told me she had spoken with Dr. Nameid and he was stuck in surgery so she has paged Dr. Knowles. As Margaret spoke, I saw Tara coming through the front doors. The wind was completely knocked out of me as I looked her over. I know her too well, I could tell that she had been up most of the night crying, even though she tried to hide it with make-up. I knew I did that to her, I caused her to feel and look this way.
My heart hurt so bad seeing her, knowing I should have gone back to her last night. I tried to stay in the background a bit as Margaret spoke to her. I was afraid to see the mix of emotions in her eyes, I certainly didn't want her to get a good look at me and think the worst. But what made my heart stop, I swear I thought I was going to have an actual heart attack, was when she called me Mr. Teller. Never, unless she was being playful, has she ever called me that. She was cold and detached, did I really destroy every hope for us? When I reached for her and she flinched from my touch, I saw it, the walls going up. I swear at that very moment all I could feel was my heart stopping, starting and completely breaking.
A/N I was extremely overwhelmed by the wonderful reviews I was not expecting that, Thank you. Obviously this isn't going to be a really long story as it will probably take place over a few days. I have the next few chapters written out but not typed or edited yet, but then I'm stuck as to where I want to go. That's why reviews are always wonderful and helpful. I know the ending, just haven't written it yet so I have my work cut out for me. I'm totally biting my nails on this chapter, I had so many ways I wanted to go with it. I know it's a bit heavy hearted, but I promise this is a J/T HEA. All the seasons I watched the show it always amazed me at their poor communication skills, I guess that's what's coming out in this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoy….