Disclaimer: I do not own. Written on a whim and checked only once, so please (PLEASE!) pardon any grammatical errors made on my part.
And last of all, please review! :D
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The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Kazuha knows that.
She had thought that, if earning more money meant spending less time with Heiji, then he would be glad. (He wasn't.)
She had also thought that, if earning more money meant she had to work night shifts and come home at 3 AM every night, then he would be proud. (He wasn't, stupid girl, she tells herself. He wasn't, and he never will.)
She had also thought that, if earning more money meant frazzled nerves and short tempers, then they could work it out. (Fire and fire don't mix well, Kazuha-chan, she remembers someone saying to her. Well, the advice obviously came too late, she thinks bitterly before pushing the whole matter aside.)
She had also thought that she deserved more than just a short phone call, sometimes none, informing her of his whereabouts whenever he ran out for some case or another. (She knows he does, but she also knows he forgets-and even though she tells herself countless times that it isn't really his fault that he's so brilliant that he forgets about her, and that the whole thing is actually her choice, she can't stop herself from blaming him and yelling at him. And, true to his nature, he always yells back.)
She has never been one for patience or forgiveness or kindness. She has never loved to hear the slamming of the door whenever he walks out and she goes into her room to cry. She has never wanted-never even wished for-a life like the one she's living.
She bites her lip suddenly, in a futile attempt to stop the tears from gathering in her eyes. If loving someone means you hurt inside, is it better to not love at all? (And somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knows that she will continue to love, forever and ever, but now she can't think, can't talk, can't breathe, because it HURTS and it BURNS and she doesn't know what to do.)
It's not enough. It's never enough. She's always been content with being second place, but now she can't stand it at all. For him, she has always been something to do between cases and eating, and it tears her apart, leaving an empty spot where her love for him used to burn.
She's tired of being cast aside like a rag doll. Tired of being the last resort. Tired of his impatience and his arrogance and his carelessness and his anger, because she knows now that he's never truly cared about her, never truly loved her like she loved-loves-him.
And that's what hurts the most: not his lies or empty promises or fake laughter, but the knowledge that he will never care for her the way she does, that he'll never open his heart to her.
That she'll never find a way in.
She's tired of getting lost.
But as Kazuha signs the divorce papers with a shaking hand and a tear-streaked face, she can't help thinking that maybe-just maybe-they were never meant to be.