Hi guys

Here's the second part of this fic. I know I named the fic after "milk and toast and honey" but once again I have to wait before I start using it. You will probably first see it in part 4 or 5.

And I wanna dedicate this chapter to Sarah! Thanks for being my beta reader :D

Chapter 2: The road home

The road in front of her seemed longer than any road she'd ever driven on. When she and Rory had taken a road trip year back just after she broke up with Max, they had just driven and driven without thinking.

Now she was just driving again after another broken engagement. But this time it wasn't because she wouldn't try on her wedding dress every night, she had... months ago.

It wasn't because she didn't feel like getting married... she did. For the first time in her life she really wanted to get married.

She wanted to have everything planned and then be nervous until she had said "I do". She wanted to wake up five times in the middle of the night wondering if she was doing the right thing.

But then she would look at her wedding dress and smile. It was the right thing, she would know. And then she would get ready. Dress together with the bridesmaids.

She wanted to be happy, but now she had thrown it all away. She had screwed up so bad.

It was hard for her to believe that her life could get so messed up within 24 hours. The day before she had woken up at Sookies house. There she knew that things would go wrong, but she never meant for them to happen like that.

She didn't mean to go to a Friday night dinner where Christopher would show up. She didn't mean to go to the rest room and then just a few seconds later see Christopher storm in. She didn't mean to have a session with some weird lady called Linnie.

She didn't mean to assault Luke that evening, she never meant to burst out on him like she did.

But she had done it. She gave him an ultimatum. An ultimatum? Her of all people should know that he wasn't that kind of man that could make a decision right away. It had taken him eight years to kiss her. It was hard for her to believe that they had actually known each other for ten years now. It was ten years since she walked into the diner the first time. Ten years, a decade...

Inside of her questions just waited to be asked.

How could he keep his daughter away from her?

Why didn't he want to marry her?

Did he really love her?

But she knew she would find no answers to that on her own. She needed to ask him but she couldn't find the courage nor the strength inside herself. And she wasn't sure she ever would be able to.

Somewhere down the road

There'll be answers to the questions

Somewhere down the road

Though you cannot see it now

Not after what had happened between her and Christopher. She could still feel his hands on her skin, his soft touches. She could still feel his lips on hers and the digust of his breath against her neck.

But there was nothing she could do to turn back time, no chance. No matter how much she wanted to run from the worst day in her life it would always be there in the back of her mind. It stuck in her mind and everytime she would think back to this very moment pictures would return to her head. She didn't need a picture to confirm that this had happened.

Why was life so damn screwed up? What had she done to get such a life? A life without any kind of love and every time she thought she had found it, she lost it. Just like sand running through your fingers. Her life was like an hourglass. The sand ran through way to quickly and she had no chance to catch up on the lost time. Why had she and Luke waited so long? They could have been married for years, but now it was never going to happen.

The word "never" resounded in her head. She found it hard to belive that she had just thrown the only chance she would ever get for a normal family life away. The only chance to get married and have another kid. The last time she had that chance was when she was 16, yet still a kid herself. Back there she had been so far away from being ready to get that life. She hadn't been able to be a good wife and she knew that. She refused to break her child's heart by getting divorced after just a few years of marrige.

But with Luke it had been different. She knew that there would be no broken hearts, no divorces. At least that was what she thought until it was her own heart that had been broken. The day she proposed and he said "yes", she really counted on him. She thought it was going to happen. When she sat there staring at him when he showed how much he cared about Rory, she knew that there would never come another guy that cared as much for the both of them. Not even Christopher.

Ever since she had brought Rory to the diner the first time he had cared for her. And then she just said it.

"Luke, will you marry me"

It had just felt so right at that moment. Saying it there, she knew it had been the right thing to do. At least she thought so there, but now she doubted it. What would have happened if she hadn't asked him to marry her? Would he have asked her? Would they have broken up when he found out about April?

She had no idea and she would probably never know.

"Luke, will you marry me?"

"What?"

"Luke, will you..."

"Yes!"

"You don't have to answer so..."

"Yes!"

"We could take a minute to..."

"No!"

She heard their voices in her head. The whole evening from her entering the diner, just after her parents went behind her back. She had felt betrayed by her one and only daughter. So she went to Luke and found the strong, supportive man she had always needed. He was solid and would always be there to help he bear her burden. Not like Frodo had carried the Ring as a burden alone. Sam had always been there to help him, be by his side, but Frodo kept fighting the fact that he might need some help. If it hadn't been for Sam the world of men would have been destroyed. And then there would have been no King Aragon.

Luke was like Sam, but Lorelai wasn't like Frodo. In the end she realized that she needed help and that she couldn't do this on her own. But now she was alone again. She only had Rory, but she had Logan...

Out in the dark

Alone and lost

I'll try not to destroy

Any more of what we had

Because we got it wrong

Rory dialled the phone number of her mother's cell phone for the fourth time within an hour. She listened to the beeps and sighed heavily when she reached the voice mail instead of the real Lorelai.

"You've tried to call me, Lorelai Gilmore the owner of this phone. If you want to talk to me call me some other time when you've decided whenever you have a life or not, because people who call and wait until the voice mail, thay have no life... Just like my mother."

She sighed and pushed the red button. Another beep followed, allowing her to know that there was no longer connection to the other phone. She promised herself that if her mother didn't pick it up the tenth time she tried, she would drive straight to Stars Hollow and search high and low. Even if she had to barge into Taylor's house, she would do it. Right now she didn't exactly feel too well. Logan had just left for London. And he wasn't just going to stay there over the summer.

One year, they were going to be apart for a whole year. A part of her thought that they could just as well have broken up. Yes, she did love him, but she wasn't sure if she could stand to hear his voice saying that he'd accidentally run into some hot British girl. And that he was going to stay in London.

Once again she dialled her mother's phone. The beeps returned, and just as she was about to hang up again she heard somebody answer.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end did not in any way sound like her mother, but Rory couldn't think of anyone that sounded like that. The voice sounded tired and like the person had just cried. Deep inside Rory knew that this was going to be a tearful conversation.

"Mom?"

"Hey Hon... are you okay?"

"He's gone" Rory murmured. She could feel the tears coming and she closed her eyes to hold them back. She knew it was still early in the morning, but she had been up ever since Logan left. He'd called her and told her to go back to bed, get some rest. But she just couldn't sleep. The apartment seemed so big and empty without him. It was way to big for one person. She knew he used to live there by himself, but for her it seemed weird. She was sure she would never adjust to the feeling of being alone. Soon she would start talking to herself and when people asked what was going on with her, she would make some story up about an earthbound spirit. Then people would laugh and call her a freak.

Rory looked around. The apartment was pure luxury for a girl like her who didn't exactly swim in money. She looked at the big flat screen TV. She used to fancy it, she used to love watching some of the crazy movies her and her mom used to watch when she was younger. Many times when Logan had been on some "Life and death brigade" event, she had been sitting in front of the TV wishing her mother was there to watch "Casablanca" or "Gone with the wind" with her.

Her eyes then fell on the computer. She had gotten her first computer at her 16th birthday. It was a blue Macintosh laptop. And now there was standing a gigantic computer just waiting to be used. Maybe she could invite the intire Yale Daily News over and then they could write the intire newspaper there.

Her eyes then fell on the stereo. It could play her music so loud that everybody on the Yale campus could hear it. She didn't deserve to be able to play U2 so loud.

Rory then returned to the "conversation" she was having with her mother.

"Gone?"

"Logan, he left for London."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, honey."

"And he payed for the entire apartment for a year, a whole year! I can't live by my self for a whole year, mom. Not without him."

"Hon, I'm sure it'll be alright... for you at least, whereas my life is ruined."

"What? What happened?"

"It's a long story, so better get yourself prepared."

Days I'll remember all my life

Days when you can't see the wrong from right

You took my life

But then I knew that soon you'd leave me

Rory listened carefully to her mother's story. She told about the way she had avoided Luke for the past few days and how she told her mother she and Luke weren't going to get married. Then she told about the sleep over at Sookie's. And when she got home, she had Miss Patty tell Luke that she wasn't there.

She explained the Friday night dinner in every little detail. She described the subjects they had discussed during dinner. Then she confessed that she had had a session with some lady called Carolyn or Lynnie. She explained how she had told the stranger about her love life and how she had never loved a man before Luke.

When she came to the part she confronted Luke, Rory could hear that she was crying. The sobs Lorelai let out was not to be mistaken. She told every word she attacked Luke with and then how she had left him on the street. She cried hard when she told her that he hadn't tried to stop her.

When she told Rory about the time she knocked on Christopher's door and then what happened after, Rory was in shock. The confession her mother had just made scared her. She had never thought that was going to happen again, not after Lorelai started darting Luke.

When she told her about the morning's event, Rory couldn't bear it anymore. She could feel the disappointment she felt for her mother, but still she couldn't get herself to blame her. Not after what she'd been through the last few months. Instead she decided to blame it all on her dad. She even decided to hate him. But she cared too much about her mother to be able to hate her.

As Lorelai ended the story Rory had made a decission. She knew she couldn't just sit back and watch her mother suffer, though Rory didn't feel too good right now.

"Mom, I need you to go back to Stars Hollow."

"Rory, that's probably the last place I want go right now" But Rory refused to give in.

"Go home. I'll call Sookie and have her come over."

"But... Luke..." Lorelai was now crying again.

"I know you feel you have to tell Luke everything, but you'll just end up screwing things up. He needs a little time"

"I've given him time! That's all I've been doing for the last four months. I don't want to wait for him anymore."

"Mom, listen. What you just said there is the reason you ended up with dad. You seriously need to digest this, okay? Remember the last time you didn't give him time. You ended up crying in your bed saying things like "he could have been the one". Don't let that happen again."

"Rory, sweety. It is going to happen again. Except that this time I'll be saying "He was the one" and I'll be crying in our bed, our! Me and Luke's"

"Mom, I beg you. Go home and get a little rest. Sookie will be there when you get home. And if you don't feel like your own bed, take mine."

All I know is I'm lost without you

How am I gonna live

How am I gonna be strong without you

I need you by my side

And there it was. The little sign pointing in the direction of Stars Hollow. Lorelai hesitated for a moment before she turned left and followed the small road. Only within a few minutes she passed the sign saying "The Dragonfly inn". For a minute she considered if she should go to work and pretend that nothing was wrong, but she decided to do what Rory had told her. As she approached town, she felt a lump in her throat. She turned right and there it was.

The town square. The gazebo was looking like it had around a year ago when her and Luke toasted. Things had been good back there. Good, but not great since Rory had just made the decision to leave Yale.

Lorelai slowly drove through town. She passed Doose's market, Miss Patty's and at last she passed it. Luke's diner. She almost stopped the jeep. It was hard for her to believe how badly she really wanted to go in and explain her breakdown, but she couldn't even get out of the car.

There he was standing inside the diner, cleaning the counter as he always did. She looked at his face and knew right away that he was miserable. She had never really seen him like that, so to see the pain in his eyes was unbearable for her, especially when she knew she was the one who caused it. And then it happened. He lifted his head and looked right at her. They got eyecontact for a few seconds, and then she was gone. She looked up in the mirror and saw him standing in the street behind her. He had come after her after all!

Lorelai parked the car in front of the garage like she had done for years. For some reason it had never occurred to her to park inside the garage. As she turned of the car, she heard Sookie's voice.

"There you are!" She ran over to the car and almost pulled her out of the car. When she embraced her friend, the break down came. Tears left Lorelai's eyes as quickly as a waterfall. Sookie managed to pull her inside, just in case. You never knew if Babette was awake.

When she was lying on the couch with her head in Sookie's lab she started to relax a bit. She was still crying, but not so many tears left her eyes at the same time. After a while Sookie felt like it was time for Lorelai to fill her in. So there she was, telling the story she had already told her daughter. When she came to the drive home from Boston she could feel the lump in her throat again.

"He was hurting. And I caused it" she cried.

"Hon, you've been hurting too"

"But that was different."

"Was it?"

"I was hurting" Lorelai then admitted.

"But it was my fault too! I should have told him how I felt, I should"

It's a heartache

Nothing but a heart ache

Hits you when it's too late

Hits you when you're down

Rory thought back of everything that had happened with her mother and Luke during the last two years. When her mother had said "I think I'm dating Luke!" Rory was certainly shocked, but behind the "What, when?" she had been thrilled. It was the match she had been waiting for. So much had happened ever since. When her mother and Luke broke up the first time, the whole town had been wearing some stupid ribbon. A part of Rory didn't understand why she hadn't made some ribbons that were a combo of the pink and blue. Then people could have supported them as a couple and not as two individual persons. But she hadn't, and they made up anyway. Then her dropping out of school had happened and that had caused her mother to go to Luke and propose.

Sometimes Rory blamed herself for her mother not being married. If she hadnn't dropped out of school they wouldn't have waited to get married. And when she finally found the real Rory again, Luke found out about April. What if she had come back a few weeks before. Then they could have gotten married and then deal with the April thing together.

Rory still wondered why she let Mitchum Huntzburger take her down back then. She used to have the reputation for being a strong girl, but she had just let him walk all over her. It hadn't been the real Rory there. The strong Rory had been the girl who started Chilton and didn't let Paris take her down. Suddenly she started wondering what had happened with the real Rory. When did she disappear? She simply couldn't remember.

She really missed that Rory, and then she decided that is was time to retrieve the old Rory. Take whatever time it would.

She quickly found some clothes in her closet and then went down to her car. She had a lot of work in front of her. She had a feeling that this was going to be a long day.

Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my friend

You have been the one

You have been the one for me

Luke let the cloth run over the counter in the same pattern as it always did. It was early in the morning, and normally he would be tired after the few hours sleep. But this night he hadn't slept at all. He had just been sitting on the bridge of Stars Hollow. That bridge had a story for him. When he was a kid his dad used to take him and Liz down there and tell stories about their mother. Actually that had been the place William had proposed. When Luke was a kid he always wanted to pop the question there, and when he started dating Lorelai, he had a feeling that it was going to happen.

But then she had proposed. And in someway Kirk had been right about her stealing his moment. But he got used to it and was just happy with the fact that they were getting married.

Now he was just doubting it. When she had walked into the diner yesterday he had been so relieved to see she was okay, but then she opened her mouth and the word "elope" left her lips. The talk following wasn't exactly successfully.. And then she walked away, he let her walk away.

Luke wanted to throw a chair or something through the window. Maybe he should just wait until Taylor opened the Soda Shop, then he could use that as an exuse to throw a frying pan through the window. But he had a feeling that people would know why he did it. The rumour about his and Lorelai's fight was probably all over town by now. Why hadn't they talked in the apartment?

Luke's thoughts were disturbed by the sound of a car passing. He looked up and realized it was the familiar jeep, her jeep. And funny enough she was the one sitting behind the steering wheel. They got eye contact for a few seconds. He saw it; the guilt and the pain. The pain he caused. He thought he caused it all, but some of it came from somebody elses hands...

A/N: And that will be all for now. Personally I think this part turned out pretty well, but I can't tell what you think, unless you review. Short or long all appreciated.

Lyrics:

Somewhere down the road, Faith Hill

We got it wrong, Rebecca Lavelle

Days, The Kinks

Lost without you, Delta Goodrem

It's a heart ahce, Bonnie Tyler

Goodbye my lover, James Blunt

Review please, the more reviews the better and the faster I'll update.

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Asta