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Morgan was unsure of what to say. Should he tell Hotch what was happening to Reid? As his boss, Hotch had a right to know if Reid might be possibly mentally or physically ill.
But still, Reid confinded in him-trusted him not to say anything. Morgan watched Reid lay on his bed, fast asleep. He knew how furious he'd be if he confinded in Reid about something and the kid let it slip.
He ran his hands over his head. He had no idea what to do, so at the moment he decided not to do anything. He'd play it by ear.
Reid groaned when he woke in the morning. The bright sunlight making him feel like he wanted to vomit.
"Morning," said a familiar voice. He groaned again as he rolled over.
"Morgan?What are you doing here in my apartment?"
Morgan grinnd at him as he handed him some orange juice.
"You don't remember last night do you?"
Reid struggled
"Kind of...but it's a blur."
"You the kid with the eidentic memory is having trouble remembering what happened." Disbeleif was in Morgan's tone.
"I didn't make a fool out of myself did I?" Reid suddenly feared.
"You almost did but I saved you in time from doing so." Morgan sat down at a nearby chair as Reid drank from the glass.
"I really can't remember anything, except blurred images and barely any at that." Reid was not liking the idea of that at all.
Morgan whistled.
"How many times have you gotten drunk Reid?"
Reid shrugged.
"Not very often."
He did once when he had to send his mother away. It wasn't legal and he had to sneak it, but he didn't give a damn. He wanted the pain to go away.
And again after he was kidnapped and trying to resist the dilaudid and when he saw the kid shot in front of him.
But he wasn't much of a drinker and had trouble holding it.
"I think you're having what people call a blackout, Reid," Morgan said kindly. Reid looked at him.
"A blackout? You mean where you don't remember anything from that time when you were super drunk?"
Morgan nodded.
"It's rare, but it happens. It happened to me once."
"I didn't even think I drank that much."
"You were pretty drunk when I found you at the bar."
Reid groaned.
"I wish youd didn't have to see that," he mumbled.
"I'm glad I did," Morgan said quickly. "So I was able to make sure you got home safely.
Suddenly fear filtered through Reid's eyes.
"What did I tell you when I was drunk?" He could tell he had said something, the way Morgan was acting.
Morgan paused, unsure of how to answer.
"WHAT did I tell you, Morgan?"
More fear crawled inside of Reid as he wondered what he had confessed during his time of weakness.
"You admitted you went to the doctors," sighed Morgan. "And you're worried it might be...schizophrenia."
Reid cursed at himself.
"Damn it."
"Reid, there's nothing to be ashamed of-"
"PLEASE don't tell Hotch, Morgan, PLEASE."
Reid was begging now, with his voice and with his eyes. Morgan had never seen Reid beg. He couldn't say no.
He swallowed.
"All right, for now I won't say anything-but if it gets worse I won't have a choice..."
"It wont GET worse," Reid said with fake confidence.
Morgan nodded.
"I really hope that's true."
Reid looked at the clock.
"What day is it?"
Morgan gave a soft laugh.
"It's Saturday, you don't have to go in."
"Good."
Reid collapsed on the bed.
"Don't tell anyone else either...that you ran into me that wasted."
Morgan smiled.
"Don't worry, I won't say a word," he promised. He knew what a privet person Reid was, but right now he might not have that privilage.
"Remind me never to drink like this again," Reid muttered and he laughed.
"It's just best to sleep it off," he adviced the kid. He paused and wanted to say something more but was unsure of how to say it.
"Reid..."
"Don't want to talk about it." It came off as a mumble but Morgan presisted.
"How long have you had these headaches?"
Silence.
"REID-"
"About a week now," sighed Reid. "Got tested a couple days after it happened."
"Why didn't you say anything to Hotch or me?"
"You know why...no way would the FBI allow someone with a mental illness to work on the team. My career would be over, and still might be."
Morgan closed his eyes, knowing the truth in Reid's words.
"But Reid...you also know why they wouldn't allow someone with a mental illness on the team..."
"Yes, because I might put myself in danger or the team, especially if I was schizophrenic and had an episode or something like that on the case."
"Exactly, which means you can't keep it a secret forever."
Silence greeted Reid.
"I know, I just want to pretend it's not happening-at least not for a little while. Please Morgan, let me pretend for a little while longer. And if the signs are still happening...if it's clear...that I have something...some kind of mental illness...I will speak to Hotch about it."
Reid's voice sounded so broken when he spoke that Morgan hated himself for bringing it up.
"All right," Morgan's voice was quiet. "Reid you know you're not alone in this, right? You have friend who want to help.
"I know...I'm just...terrified right now." Reid's voice shook when he spoke and Morgan hated seeing the kid look so alone, upset, in pain, and scared to death.
"Terrified?"
"Of turning into my mother...of forgetting things..."He looked up and stared at Morgan. "Of forgetting you, all of you. Even for a little while."
Morgan closed his eyes.
"If you do forget, I promise I'll do whatever I can to help make you remember," Morgan promised. "You're not going to go through this alone."
Reid blinked back tears and nodded and they sat there unsure of what to say but knowing they didn't have to say anything at the moment.
Just sitting there next to each other was enough, for now.