Chapter 2: The value of love

It wasn't long before Cora had arrived and Carson was telling them that lunch was ready. Since the men of the house had deserted them, it was just the ladies together, which they didn't get very often. Once they were sitting down and had started eating, Cora said, "You two are being awfully quiet today. What are you keeping from me?" Of course, both Edith and Mary knew perfectly well that they were keeping the fact the Mary could possibly be pregnant away from their mother, but they both knew that they wanted to keep that fact away from her for as long as possible – at least until Mary knew the verdict and could tell Cora herself. Edith protected Mary, whom she could tell was beginning to get quite agitated, wondering what to say without causing suspicion. She said, "Nothing, mama. Mary just fell off Diamond this morning when we out riding, that's all." Mary said 'Thank you' to Edith through her eyes, looking at her in relief, while Cora said,

"'That's all?' What do you mean? Why didn't you tell me you'd fallen off? Are you alright?" Mary looked at her mother, resisting the temptation to roll her eyes.

"I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter. I've bruised my leg, that's all. It's not going to kill me, mama. I'm not a child, I can deal with my own life." Edith said nothing, but thought to herself, Good going! Speak up for yourself! Cora clearly felt offended by this when she said,

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a crime to look out for my eldest daughter." This seemed to pull a heart string on Mary's side. She remembered the real reason why she was less-than-talkative and immediately apologised for being so harsh to her mother. She knew there would come a time at some point in her life – even if it was in a good few years – when she'd be a mother herself. She had only realised since suspecting her own pregnancy what her mother had been through thirty years previously. She was beginning to find a new found respect for her mother that she never knew she could have. She'd never realised what children could do to emotions, but now she was experiencing it herself and her eyes were being opened to a different kind of life. It wasn't long before the three women were talking as they normally would, forgetting about the short-lived dispute between mother and daughter.

Cora didn't stay around for long once they'd finished lunch. She went to see Isobel at Crawley house, so Mary and Edith were left to their own devices. "You're right, I should just tell Matthew and have him come with me to see Doctor Clarkson," Mary agreed with her sister.

"Do you know when he'll be back?" Edith asked.

"No, but he shouldn't be too long, now. I'd be surprised if he weren't back in time for me to tell him and for us to walk to the village."

"You're planning on walking?" Edith asked, rather surprised.

"Yes, it's a gorgeous day, and I think I'll need the fresh air, anyway. And walking will give the pair of us more time to think," Mary said.

"More time to think about what?" Edith replied, beginning to get a little harsh now.

"Oh, I don't know, but no doubt Matthew will try to protect me from everything and I'll have to try and calm him down, and I know enough about him to know that it will take longer than a car journey to get him thinking straight again."

"I suppose," Edith said, in a softer and more understanding way. As if on cue, Mary saw Carson walking past the door of the sitting room, walking towards the front door. It took mere seconds for Mary to realise that Matthew, Tom and Robert were probably back. Mary and Edith both knew that Mary's appointment with Doctor Clarkson wasn't for an hour or so, but that once Mary had told Matthew about the possibility of a child on the way, that the hour would go remarkably quickly. Mary froze, but Edith walked over to her, hugged her and said quietly, "I'll send Matthew in to talk to you and I'll get out of your way." Mary smiled at her sister's kind words, but inside was screaming with both fear and elation. Mary stood completely motionless and Edith walked out to the great hall. She smiled at Tom, who was heading towards the stairs, probably to see his daughter, and said to Matthew, "Matthew, Mary wants to speak to you alone in the sitting room."

"Alone? Is she alright?" Matthew asked, as he put his hat on the hat stand.

"She's fine," Matthew looked at her with concern, still. "I promise! She's fine!" Edith reassured. Her father then looked at her in a similar way, which urged her to say, "I'm not lying. She really is fine! There's no need to look at me like something disastrous has happened!" Robert started walking across the hall, as Edith took a deep breath until he turned on his heel and asked,

"Do you know where your mother is, to save me from trekking around the whole house?"

"She's not here. She went to see cousin Isobel. And before you ask; no, I don't know why, and no, I don't know how long she'll be." Robert sighed, obviously thinking it typical that she happened not to be there when he needed her, but he made his way into the library anyway, planning on doing some work. Edith wasn't quite sure what to do, but decided in the end to walk around the gardens with Isis, due to the weather that she couldn't stop marvelling at.

Mary was absolutely terrified of what she'd say to Matthew, although she didn't know why. She loved him more and more every day, and knew that he wouldn't be angry or upset – perhaps speechless, but never cross with her; but even so, she was dreading him coming into the sitting room, but he did come in – quite happily at first. He entered with a smile on his face and greeted his wife with a kiss. "Edith said you wanted to speak to me," he said, holding Mary's waist, waiting for something to happen. Mary didn't protest to his touch – in fact she quite enjoyed the comfort that his warm, large hands could give her in times like this.

"Yes, I do. This afternoon I have an appointment with Doctor Clarkson at the village hospital, and I need you to come with me, because if I get any news while I'm there I want you to hear it at the same time as me." Mary had come straight out with it. She wanted to tell him straight off with no second thoughts and no need for explanation, but she hadn't planned what to say, so it only occurred to her that she hadn't mentioned anything about a pregnancy when Matthew said,

"News about what? And why are you going to the hospital anyway? You never told me something was wrong," he was beginning to sound worried, but he kept calm and didn't retract his hands from Mary's waist at all, and wasn't planning to any time soon.

"I didn't tell you anything was wrong because nothing is wrong. And I'm going because I think I may be pregnant and I want you with me to hear the words when I do, whether they're what we want to hear or not." Mary's heart had slowed, and sped up at the same time. Her heart had practically stopped, yet it was pounding in her throat. She was a whirlwind of emotions inside, and she knew that Matthew was too when he did nothing but kiss her. It wasn't a quick peck on the cheek, but a full-on, I love you and want to be with you more than I've ever wanted to be with you before! type kiss. And Matthew's tongue managed to push Mary's heart back down her throat, which Mary didn't object to at all. She'd completely misjudged what her husband's reaction would be. She thought he would be – well, she didn't know what he would do, but she never thought he'd give her a kiss that was quite that passionate. She broke away slowly to say, "I thought we could walk into the village instead of take the car, so we can get some fresh air?"

"Sounds perfect!" Matthew said back, agreeing completely with her suggestion. Mary really did miscalculate Matthew's reaction. He kissed her again, quickly, before saying, "Why don't we start off now? When's the appointment?" Mary was completely dazzled by Matthew's ability to keep his head screwed on straight, but replied anyway with,

"The appointment's in about an hour, so I suppose we could get on our way, but I'm not really dressed for it, and if we go now, we'll get there too early and just have to wait around for ages."

"Well then, in that case, why don't you get changed now and we'll stroll around the grounds for a while before we go to Ripon?" Matthew suggested, thinking on the spot, but thinking rather logically.

"You're perfect!" Mary stated, as she gave Matthew a kiss of love and affection. Matthew returned the kiss without another word and lead Mary up the stairs, only planning to leave her once Anna had arrived, ready to help Mary change. It didn't take long for Anna to arrive in their room with a change of clothes, so Matthew paced up and down outside his bedroom door. He loved his wife, and didn't know how much until a few moments ago. It didn't actually take long at all, but to Matthew it felt like a lifetime waiting for his wife to emerge, but as soon as she did he breathed a sigh of relief. He kissed her quickly and began to walk her down the stairs and out of the front door with a protective hand around her back.

They began to weave their way in and out of trees and shrubs – find a path that nobody had taken before, that they could take together. Mary knew that they'd be taking a lot of new paths in the next decade. Why knew what the 1920s would bring to them? But, if there's one thing she knew – one thing that the 1910s had taught her, it was that she had found her true love. It had taken her years of searching, and deaths (that she shouldn't have had anything to do with) and mistakes and engagements and arguments and more trials and tribulations along the way, but she had managed to find a way of re-lighting the fire between herself and her husband that never really went out, and she was glad of it. She was happier now than she thought she ever could be. And the same went for Matthew. He's the one person who she could trust. The one person that she could be sure would always like and love her. She'd only ever known one other soul who always liked her and never criticized her, but that sweet girl was Sybil, who could no longer love her elder sister. Mary often felt that Matthew was the only thing she had left in the world. Yes, she had a house and food and books and family and servants and clothes and company and horses and dogs and entertainment and never ending gardens, but when she fell in love with Matthew and finally married him, she realised that she had nothing really. All this time she had so much, but none of it meant anything because she didn't have any love before, but she'd found love. She had her Matthew, her husband; and Matthew was the one who gave her life meaning and substance of any kind. She missed him all the time. Even if it was just because she'd gone to bed earlier than he had, and had to spend some time alone, or because he'd gone to look at some cottages on the estate, she still missed him. Those little moments... when she knew he'd be back soon, or knew he'd pop his head around the door at any moment... those little moments were when she yearned for him the most. She was head-over-heels in love, like a lovesick puppy, but she didn't care. She only had eyes for him, and he only had eyes for her, and everybody knew it.

I'm too tired to write much here, but I have enough energy to say sorry for the wait. I've been bogged down with stuff - work and horses and just stuff in general. But I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter might be a while in coming - sorry for that.