"Alex?"
Trevor sounds like he can't believe she actually answered, and she's already regretting it because hearing his voice is something she really isn't ready for. She can't imagine what it's going to be like to face him in court after this. God, she can't even think about it.
"If this is about the stuff you left at my apartment, I'll drop it off at your place after I get back, but that won't be for about another week because–"
"Alex, please–"
"–because I'm actually on vacation right now, Trevor, and I'll thank you not to bother me any further."
"Yeah, uh, I called your office, and they told me. Where are you?"
"Somewhere you're not," Alex responds curtly. She'll admit that when she took Trevor's call, it was a moment of weakness, but actually talking to him is serving to strengthen her resolve that she really does want this to be over.
"Alex, come on, it was one time, okay? It never happened before. It was a stupid mistake, and…"
"How dumb do you think I am?"
"Excuse me?"
"I said how dumb do you think I am?" she repeats, mockingly slow and spitting out the syllables. Her voice is perfectly calm – ice cold, in fact – but the venom in her words comes through loud and clear.
"Look, maybe you need some time to think about this, but I really don't want to lose what we had together and I promise I'll never–"
"I'll leave your things outside your building when I get back," Alex cuts him off brusquely. "Don't answer the door."
She slams her phone closed with a snap, staring at it in disbelief for a second as she realizes she's shaking.
xXx
A cool thing about Jane's apartment is that there's a remote in the bedroom that controls all the shades on the windows – one of the mod-cons the other woman must have been referring to when she said she lavished extra money on it in the absence of a girlfriend. What's even better is that the shades are the heavy-duty kind, so when they're drawn, not a speck of light can pass through even at high noon. Alex swan-dives into the plush double bed, presses the remote, and pulls the covers over her head.
xXx
When Alex awakens, the luminous numbers of Jane's bedside clock inform her it's dinnertime, and she kind of forgot to eat today so she's pretty ravenous. A cursory glance outside reveals that the snow has stopped falling and is now lying in peaceful, fluffy drifts already marred by passing muddy feet. She's been cooped up inside all day and is pretty desperately in need of some comfort food, so she ventures out in her big coat and snow boots, the vapor of her breath dancing ethereally in the cold winter air.
Against her better judgment, she finds herself making the short trek to the diner. If Liv's there, she promises herself that she'll turn right around and give the woman her space, but when she peers through the window she doesn't see the detective's chestnut locks anywhere. The coast is clear, she says to herself, trying not to feel too disappointed. She gives in to the sentimental part of her that wants to sit in Liv's booth, rationalizing the decision with the fact that it's one of the few that are empty.
She eats slowly, watching out of the window as a dull, drizzly rain sets in, turning the snow on the ground outside to slush. She wonders how Jane's doing back in Boston – if she's finding everything okay, whether Maura forgot she was staying there and tried calling the landline again. She'll give the detective a call later, she thinks, just to check in. The storm will most likely be heading up Massachusetts way later tonight or tomorrow, and she should double-check that Jane knows where the shovels are. The guy from downstairs usually does the sidewalks anyway, but when Alex is trying to avoid dwelling on something, it's her nature to fuss over this kind of stuff.
She's not sure what she was thinking, coming to the diner and expecting Liv to be waiting, her dark eyes and honeyed voice straight out of some kind of fairytale. If life was a fairytale, she wouldn't be here right now – she'd be back up in Boston, cuddling with Trevor and eagerly anticipating her Christmas day off so they could spend more time together. She signals the waitress and asks for the bill, trying her best to keep the bitterness out of her voice. So much for fairytales.
xXx
It seems especially cold and dark outside in comparison to the bright, bustling diner, and the wind's kicked up too, whistling around the edges of buildings to tangle in Alex's hair. She pulls her hood up and braces herself against the icy drafts, deciding it's definitely justifiable to take a cab back to Jane's place, when she hears a voice behind her calling her name.
"Alex? What are you doing here?"
Liv's wrapped in a huge white parka that makes her look like a marshmallow, and her nose is bright red from the cold. Alex wants to wrap a scarf around her face and tell her to dress more warmly. She shrugs.
"I wanted something familiar."
She'd intended for that to come out sort of flippantly, a this-is-pathetic-and-I-know-it kind of deal, and she would've managed it if her voice hadn't wobbled in the middle.
"Jesus, Alex," Liv says quietly, coming up and putting a hand on her shoulder. "Let's get you home, okay?"
xXx
Jane isn't sure whether she's expected to show up to the bar again for a repeat performance, but there's a snowstorm coming up from the south and judging by the footage on the news from New York, it's going to be a big one, so she lets it make the decision for her. The forecasters say it'll hit around ten, so she orders in and puts on one of Alex's DVD's – this chick flick Liv would tease her for watching, but she enjoys a good romantic comedy once in a while.
She's just getting to the part where the guy realizes what he's lost and goes after the girl to tell her he loves her (she's never seen this movie before, but these things all follow a formula) when her cell starts to vibrate against the coffee table. The caller ID shows an unfamiliar number with a 617 area code – a local call – but the only person she knows from Boston is Alex, whose details are already saved in her contacts. Frowning, she picks up.
"Hello?" she says guardedly.
"First big Nor'easter of the season – how are you holding up?"
The voice is familiar, but it takes Jane a second to place it. "Missi?"
"The one and only. I was in the neighborhood. Found your card in my pocket, wondered if you wanted some company."
"I never gave you the address of where I'm staying," Jane responds smugly.
"Boston's a small city," Missi retorts. "I'm probably in the neighborhood regardless."
"Do you always make it a point to check up on women you've had trysts with in the storage room at work?"
"Only on days when I have to close my bar due to inclement weather and the trains are so delayed that by the time I get home I'll have to turn around and come back again," Missi counters.
Jane senses there's more coming. "And?" she prompts.
"I was wondering if there's any room for me to crash?"
"I'll make up the couch."
xXx
Jane's very serious about having Missi sleep on the couch. She may not be exactly sure what this thing with the other woman is or where it has the potential to go, but if Missi can play hard to get she sure as hell can too. That's not to say she doesn't have second thoughts when Missi turns up on the doorstep all covered in snowflakes, hair delightfully tousled and plastered to her forehead, but she stands firm. She doesn't realize until they get back upstairs that her movie is still on pause from earlier, and Missi says "Oooh, I love this one!" before following that up with "Do you have any popcorn?"
"I… think there's some in one of the kitchen cabinets," Jane replies, making a mental note to replace it before Alex comes home, and that's how she and her lesbian hookup end up sitting side by side on the couch, watching a heterosexual love story.
xXx
"I wish she would've paired up with the best friend," Missi says as the credits roll. "That girl was cute. Way more compatible with her than that fuckin' British guy."
"Maybe it was the accent," Jane says drolly. "What time do you have to go in tomorrow?"
"To Merch? I usually try to get there around two. Why?"
Jane shrugs, rising and heading for the bedroom. "If you play your cards right, I might make you breakfast."
Missi tilts her head. "You were serious about the couch?"
"Goodniiight," Jane sing-songs, and closes the bedroom door behind her.
xXx
Jane wakes up to a sea of white outside the window, unspoiled snowdrifts stretching across the entire expanse of gardens separating the buildings on Alex's street from the ones it backs onto. The flakes are still falling, eddying down in a whirling flurry that makes Jane shiver just to look at it, and the clouds are pure white and weighted with more. She tugs on her slippers and wanders out into the living area to find Missi channel-surfing with a cup of coffee in one hand, looking like she owns the place.
"Good morning," Jane says archly, and Missi gestures to the TV with her mug.
"Nine inches and still coming. They shut all the schools down, and public transportation's at a standstill." She grins. "Guess you're not getting rid of me just yet."
Jane blinks at her, bleary-eyed, and dimly registers that she looks good without make up on before shuffling off to make some toast.
xXx
It's a little strange acting like Suzy Homemaker with someone she'd hooked up with at a bar a couple of nights before, but Jane thinks she's handling it pretty well, all things considered. Missi's tactful enough to compliment her on her cooking even though she burns the eggs a little, and even strikes up some small talk over breakfast.
"Can I just ask one thing?" Jane interrupts, and Missi quirks an eyebrow.
"Shoot."
"Are you asking me this stuff because you're interested, or do you think you need to act like you should be? Because really, it's no trouble letting you stay while it's fuckin'…" She trails off and gestures to the window. "…Snowmageddon out there. You don't have to pretend to care just because you feel obligated."
Missi takes a long swig of orange juice. "You done, sugar?"
"Uh… yeah?"
"I asked because I was interested. I'm really not the type of person to blow smoke up people's asses, no matter what they think I owe them."
Jane suddenly feels embarrassed. "In that case," she says sheepishly, "I grew up in Brooklyn."
Missi nods, accepting Jane's attempt at papering over the awkwardness. "Southie."
"Excuse me?"
"South Boston. Pretty working class, lot of Irish people. It's technically more southeastern, but that's not as catchy, is it?"
"I guess not," Jane responds, and Missi laughs, swiping her tongue across her lip to catch an errant drop of juice. She's getting that predatory look about her again, and her gaze dips to the tight tank top Jane's wearing. Jane feels her throat getting dry and clears it.
"Siblings?" she inquires.
"Just me. What about you?"
"Two brothers. Hey, is this… weird?"
Missi meets her eyes unblinkingly. "Not on my end."
"Well, do you usually…" Jane squirms, frustrated by Missi's lack of comprehension. "You know, talk about your family history with a random hookup you met at your club?"
"What makes you think you were random?" Missi counters with a smile.
xXx
"You don't have to walk up with me," Alex insists. Jesus, like Liv hasn't done enough for her already, even after she'd screwed things up with the kiss.
"Oh, you're right, I should just leave someone who isn't from around here on her own in the middle of the sidewalk at night. That sounds like a great plan. I'll be sure to do that."
Alex rolls her eyes, amused by how protective Liv's being. "You act like I come from a village in the Midwest or something, not the capital of New England. I know how to look out for myself."
Liv shrugs. "This is the Big Apple, babe," she says flippantly, but Alex can tell she's testing the waters, waiting to see if the offhand endearment makes her balk.
"Liv…"
Liv holds up her hands. "It's okay. I won't do that again."
"No… it doesn't bother me," Alex says slowly, and it's the truth. "It's... I like it."
Liv's expression softens. "What about your boyfriend?"
"…My ex-boyfriend," Alex corrects, barely missing a beat, "and that's over completely. Jane told you about that?"
"She said a friend of yours called your place and mentioned a breakup. That's all I know."
Alex winces. It's not that she's been hiding it from Liv exactly, just… things are complicated and undefined enough between them without adding Trevor into the equation.
"Damn it, Maura," she says under her breath, staring down at the slushy sidewalk for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at Liv again. "You'd better come in."
xXx
Alex has a little trouble with the lock on the front door at first, but then Liv says, "Oh, it gets all screwed up when it's cold. Jane's been bitching about it for years but the landlord's too cheap to fix it. May I?"
Alex is about to move her hand and let Liv try the key when Liv's gloved palm slides on top of hers. Her breath catches in her throat as Liv guides her into jimmying the lock until it clicks open, then holds the door so she can walk inside.
"Thanks," she murmurs, strangely disappointed when Liv's hand leaves hers, and this is all new territory for her. She's not sure whether she's supposed to respond in kind once they get up to the apartment, or if Liv's being the guy in this… whatever this is, so after they get to the top of the stairs she ends up awkwardly standing beside the door after she unlocks it, hoping Liv will make the decision for her.
"After you," Liv says with this muted sort of grin on her face like she wants to laugh but is trying not to.
Alex crosses the threshold in relief.
"Would you like some tea or anything? Hot chocolate?"
Liv smiles. "I know where to find it." She strides over to the couch, sits down, and pats the space next to her. "Now, c'mon over here and talk to me."
Alex follows reluctantly. She's tempted to ask "About what?" just to stay the inevitable, but while she knows Liv will be patient with her, she has no real excuse to act evasive. It's not like she's an abused child or the victim of a sexual assault. Nothing terrible has happened to her, at least not in comparison to what Liv more usually deals with. She's just… she's just a little messed up right now.
"There's, uh. There's this defense attorney," she begins, feeling kind of self-conscious, but then Liv wrinkles her nose in exaggerated derision, making her laugh. Before she knows it, she's spilling the whole sorry story, biting back the lump that rises in her throat as she gets to the night the relationship came to an end.
Liv, to her credit, barely blinks throughout. At times she makes vague encouraging noises to prompt Alex to continue, or asks short, open-ended questions like "What happened after that?" Alex knows she's trained to do this – that it's part of her job – but she can't help feeling comforted anyway, because Liv's really good at it. When she reaches the end she leans back against the couch, emotionally wrung out, and Liv touches her arm sympathetically.
"So where do you go from here?" she asks softly.
Alex fingers the embroidered edge of one of Jane's cushions.
"Alex?"
"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," she blurts, horrified the second the words are out of her mouth. Liv doesn't say anything and she continues only to break the horrible silence, admitting, "Whenever he called, I was always disappointed it wasn't you."
"I didn't stop calling because I didn't care," Liv tells her gently. "That wasn't the reason. I just wanted to give you space so you could figure things out."
"I know that." Alex shakes her head. "I swear, I'm not usually like this. I…" She shrugs. "I'm a strong woman. I'm an attorney, you know? You kinda have to learn how to hold your own to get anywhere in this field."
"Same with being a cop," Liv says wryly, and they flash quick grins of understanding at each other before Alex drops her gaze.
"I think…" she begins. "No, I know," she corrects herself, but that's not right either. She's been tossing this around in her head for days now, as much as she's been trying not to think about it, and she's fairly certain that what she's about to say really is what she truly wants. "Well, maybe I'm just pretty sure, but… I am reasonably confident that I want to try this."
"Okay," Liv says calmly after a beat, and Alex envies the other woman's ability to remain so outwardly unruffled. Although she's pretty damn good at affecting a calm demeanor in court, Alex knows there are some telltale signs that give away when she's pissed or scared or losing her patience: the visible clenching of her jaw, the increased pronouncement of this one vein in her neck. It was Trevor who'd told her that.
"So what does that mean?" Liv continues tentatively.
With some degree of hesitation, Alex lifts her hand and brings it to Liv's face. She's half afraid Liv will flinch away, but the detective stands her ground as Alex's thumb delicately traces the curve of her cheekbone, and although she inhales sharply as Alex's fingers reach the corner of her mouth, she never blinks. Alex would feel silly doing this with Trevor or any other guy, but there's something about Liv's femininity that makes it feel okay to. She cups Liv's face in her hands, and Liv grins crookedly.
"Do you feel this between us?" Alex whispers. She knows the timing's weird, what with the rebound crap and all its associated vulnerabilities, but she's ninety-nine percent sure this is more than that.
Liv lifts a hand and places it on top of one of hers. "Yeah, I do."
Alex feels a tremor run through her whole body at the admission. It's a thrill she hasn't felt in so long that she'd almost forgotten how to recognize it.
"May I kiss you now?" she manages to ask.
Liv answers in a husky timbre that makes Alex's heart flutter in her chest. "Please."
xXx
It feels a lot different than the last time, now that Alex is sure of this going into it rather than acting on some crazy, spontaneous whim. Liv's lips are soft and her skin is smooth, a pleasant departure to what Alex is used to. She deepens the kiss cautiously and Liv's mouth willingly opens to her, allowing their tongues to tangle languidly. Liv slides her fingers through Alex's hair, and how did she know Alex loves that? When Alex moans against her lips, she does it again.
They kiss on and off for a while, Liv pulling Alex close so that whenever they stop to catch their breaths, Alex is cuddled up against her. At one point Alex kisses her neck, and the groan this elicits makes Alex feel so powerful, so sensuous. She goes back for more but Liv puts a hand on her shoulder, gently holding her back.
"That's enough for tonight," she says, voice scratchy and strained like she can't quite catch her breath. A timid, inexperienced part of Alex wants to ask if she did okay, but the light pink flush staining Liv's cheeks makes the inquiry unnecessary. "I, uh. I have to work in the morning."
Alex wonders how much of Liv shutting things down is really out of concern for getting enough sleep and how much is a necessary precaution to stop them from going too far too quickly. The thought both thrills and terrifies her. She'd never seriously imagined what it would be like to sleep with a woman before, but now she can't think of anything else.
Liv's fingers brush through her hair again, but it's a different touch this time, more intimate. "Are you okay with all this?"
Alex nods.
"Good."
Liv stands, extending her hand to help Alex up, and when they reach the door she turns and presses a kiss to Alex's lips.
"Don't over-think it too much," she murmurs, the tingle of her breath hot against Alex's mouth. Alex clasps her hand and squeezes.
xXx
When Alex wakes the following morning it takes a few moments for the recollections of the previous evening to come rushing back, but when they do she suddenly feels energized. She remembers the experience from outside herself, looking down on the two of them as if they were in a movie, but the sharp tactile memory of Liv's fingers in her hair and Liv's mouth on her lips grounds her enough to know it was really her that this happened to. She's not sure where to go from here, what etiquette is employed with regard to who contacts who first when both parties are women, but it's a good kind of cluelessness, a dearth of knowledge she never knew she had and is looking forward to filling.
It sounds cheesy but when she steps out of the apartment building, it feels like a whole new world outside. There'd been some more snowfall overnight; nothing compared to the previous day, but just enough to give everything a glistening sheen of white so pure it almost hurts to look at. She catches herself just before descending the stairway with a bounce in her step, remembering Liv's warning about ice, but when she reaches the salted sidewalk she can't seem to help herself.
She spends the morning taking in artworks at the MoMA, the slight heaviness of the phone in her bag fueling her impatience to talk to Liv again. When she emerges from the museum she finally cracks, but just as she's about to dial Liv's number, her phone starts ringing. Her first thought is that Trevor still hasn't taken the hint, but then Liv's name comes up on the screen and she feels an unbearable lightness inside her.
"Hello?"
"Hey, how are things?" comes Liv's familiar voice down the line, warm and friendly as always.
"Great, actually," Alex responds, soft and serious – then, in a flash of boldness, "What are you doing for lunch?"
"Tracking down every Carlos Ramirez living on this damn island," Liv says forlornly. "We're hoping to find our guy in time for El to go say goodnight to his kids. The diner's open pretty late, though. You sick of the food there yet?"
Alex laughs delightedly. "Not even a little bit."
xXx
By noon, the ploughs have rid the streets of Boston of the worst of the snow, and Missi's in the bathroom taking a quick shower before work. Jane can't believe she's going in today, when all the kids are off school and most of the Commuter Rail lines still aren't running, but Missi insists on it. Jane washes up from breakfast and listens to the faint strains of singing coming through the bathroom wall until the water stops running, which she takes as her cue to wipe off the dishes and place them on the draining rack.
"Hey, Jane?"
"Hm?"
She looks up to find Missi peeking around the bathroom door, hair dead straight and a darker blonde than usual, dripping onto her bare shoulders.
"D'you have a spare towel I could use?"
"Oh, of course!"
Jane hurries to the closet and removes one from atop Alex's neatly folded pile. Missi accepts it gratefully, winking at her before disappearing back into the bathroom.
xXx
"Hey, Jane?" Missi repeats a few minutes later, and Jane rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, you can use my make up," she calls preemptively. "Not that I have a wide variety, but."
"No," Missi purrs, opening the door again and standing there with the towel wrapped around her. "I can wear the pants I came here in last night again, but do you have a shirt I could borrow?"
"Uh… sure!" Jane responds, trying to keep her eyes on the other woman's face. She wouldn't be surprised if Missi was doing some of this on purpose, but she's a guest after all and should be accommodated. "Why don't you come look at the stuff I brought with me, and we'll see if we can find anything."
"Fantastic," Missi says breathily, padding across the floor in her bare feet as she follows Jane into the bedroom. "See, I knew you'd let me in here eventually."
Jane looks up from the array of clothing to meet Missi's hungry blue eyes. "I, ah, don't have much of a selection, but if black is too boring for you, I think the red would look nice."
Missi nods decisively. "I'll take it," she asserts, then drops the towel to the floor.
xXx
All Jane can do is stare for a minute. Missi's body is all angles and curves, her long, elegant neckline tapering into the broad cut of her shoulders. Jane follows the lines of her body down past her full, firm breasts to the flat plane of her stomach.
"You have to work," she says faintly, and Missi shrugs.
"The trains aren't running. How the hell was I supposed to get here?"
Jane grins in spite of herself. "Jesus, you're a piece of work."
"Try me," Missi shoots back, fluid and comfortable in her nakedness as she rests a sassy hand on her hip.
Jane hesitates for a second, then grabs her waist and kisses her.
xXx
As intense as Jane thought the other woman would be in bed, Missi somehow manages to exceed her expectations. She tears Jane's clothes off in record time, pinning her against the sheets before she even has time to take stock of what's happening. Usually Jane would resist more, try to take the leading position herself, but she's enjoying Missi's raw energy and domination as she writhes beneath the blonde, gasping quietly as Missi's teeth sink into her neck. She tries to buck upwards in a futile attempt at gaining some friction but Missi holds her hips down, biting along her clavicle to leave a fine red flush.
Jane gasps as Missi's tongue flicks expertly over the velvety softness of one of her nipples, bringing it quickly to a point before grazing it with her teeth just hard enough to hurt. Whining, Jane tries to grind against her, but Missi restrains her firmly, kissing down her stomach to the insides of her thighs.
"Please," Jane murmurs, so turned on it feels like she's dripping. Missi lets her writhe in delicious agony for just long enough before pressing her tongue to the warmth between her legs.
xXx
"Oh, God," Liv moans, collapsing into a booth at the diner – their booth, Alex thinks a little giddily, then pushes the thought out of her head. "It's so good to sit down."
"Long day?" Alex asks sympathetically.
"Impossibly." Liv runs her hands through her cropped hair and regards Alex with tired eyes. "We think this Carlos guy might know something, but we can't track him down. We were at it for eight hours before our captain told us to pack it in and continue in the morning."
She's exhausted and obviously frustrated, but still manages a smile for the waitress who brings her hot chocolate. She grasps it gratefully in her cold hands, takes a small sip, then asks, "How was your day?"
Alex loves that she's so attentive. Even though Liv has problems of her own to worry about, she doesn't let herself get wrapped up in them at the expense of showing an interest in other people, and that's something truly admirable. Alex knows it isn't fair to keep comparing Liv to Trevor, but in this aspect – as with most of them – the detective comes out way on top.
"Decidedly less stressful than yours," she answers mildly. "I went to the Museum of Modern Art earlier."
Liv smiles. "You're really into this sightseeing thing, aren't you? The MoMA, Central Park…"
"I suppose." Alex shrugs. "I figure I should see stuff while I can. I'll be leaving in a week."
They're both quiet for a moment, contemplating the idea of having such a distance between them, and then Liv breaks the somber silence.
"Have you been to the top of the Empire State Building yet?"
Alex shakes her head, and Liv looks at her watch.
"Wanna change that?"
xXx
Alex honestly can't believe she's doing this. It is literally close to freezing outside and yet here they are, stepping out of a cab at the corner of Fifth and West 34th St.
"You're sure they're still open?" she presses, and Liv just rolls her eyes.
"Completely. The observation deck doesn't close until two."
"This city really doesn't ever sleep," Alex murmurs, allowing Liv to pull her towards the skyscraper's front doors.
xXx
Alex's ears pop on the elevator ride, but she doesn't get a real sense of how high up they are until she sees a scale model of the tower and its surroundings inside the interior portion of the deck and reminds herself that she's at the top of it.
"This would probably have been a good thing to ask before we got up here," Liv begins wryly, noticing her expression, "but you're not afraid of heights, are you?"
"No," Alex reassures her. "At least, I don't think so. I've never been up this high before."
Liv smiles. "You'll be fine," she says confidently, zipping up her big white coat and holding out a gloved hand. "Ready?"
Alex accepts it with a squeeze and takes a deep breath. "Ready."
xXx
They step outside and the wind slices across them, sharp as a knife. If Alex thought it was cold at street level, that was nothing compared to being eighty-six floors above the ground. As they walk towards the edge more and more of the city comes into view, spread out like a magic carpet of a million twinkling lights, the Chrysler Building spearing the sky with its distinctive silver spire. Beyond Manhattan, glittering bridges loom from the water's inky blackness, giving way to a faraway patchwork of streetlights and billboards, lamps in living rooms, fluorescent storefronts and office strip lighting.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Liv asks in hushed tones, and Alex whispers an affirmative. It would feel disrespectful to speak at a normal volume in the presence of such a view, and she's glad Liv understands that. Liv wraps an arm around her, holding her close, and Alex thinks how lucky it was that their paths crossed. She'd never imagined this trip would result in her sharing something like this with someone, and it's crazy to consider that if Jane hadn't seen her ad online, she wouldn't even be in New York right now. She and Liv's connection was born of such a fragile chain of circumstance that it's hard to believe this was all a coincidence.
"Hey," she murmurs. When Liv turns to look at her, she kisses the other woman on the lips.
xXx
"Can I ask you something?"
Jane and Missi have been in bed all day, mostly kissing and fooling around, but while they're waiting to get their breaths back, they talk. Jane's surprised at how easy the conversation flows now that they're not dancing around each other's flirtation. Missi's still blunt and confident, but no longer aggressively so.
"Mm?" the blonde murmurs drowsily next to her.
"Why the fuck didn't you ask me to stay and help… you know, 'clean up' the night you met me? I would've. I think you know I would've."
Missi opens one eye. "The thrill of the chase," she says lazily. "If you got me too easily, you wouldn't have been as interested."
Jane's about to protest when she realizes that's probably true.
"Besides," Missi continues, "you totally pulled the same thing on me when you made me sleep on the couch last night."
"…Can I plead the fifth?" Jane asks laughingly, caught at her own game, and Missi rolls over and kisses her, slipping a hand underneath the covers.
xXx
Jane's never been this intimate with a hookup before; not in terms of sex, of course, but familiarity. She really isn't one for one-night-stands, but they're a way to blow off steam between failed relationships. Whenever she tries to pursue something serious, the other person turns out to be either crazy or closeted or something else that's a deal-breaker, so near-anonymous sex with Missi had seemed like an ideal temporary solution – except for the fact that it had evolved into something more.
She regards the woman now sleeping beside her. If they lived in the same city and didn't work totally different hours, maybe… maybe she'd let herself want to pursue something. But she's going home in a week, so if Missi's up for it, they'll have a few more days of being fuck buddies – an arrangement she assumes is what they both want until Missi wakes up and asks her to dinner.
xXx
"What?" Missi asks, face falling at Jane's expression. "You don't want the pleasure of my company?"
"It's not that," Jane begins awkwardly, "just… what are we doing here?"
"Lying down?" Missi says innocently, and now – now she chooses to be cute? Jesus.
"Just… we hook up, okay, and it's very firmly… that," Jane tries to explain, indicating the space to the right of her. "And then you come here and you stay, and suddenly it'sthis." She points to the bed. "You know? And I'm not sure how we got from that to this, but we can't stay here even if we both want to, because I have to go back… there."
Missi doesn't respond immediately, and her brow is furrowed like she's trying to decode what Jane just said. "…Meaning New York?"
"Yes."
"You make it sound like it's Africa, Jane. It's, what, one hour to fly, four to drive? My daily commute is an hour. I think I could handle it."
Jane stares at her. "You'd want to?"
"Would you?"
"I…" Jane flounders. "Long distance relationships don't work, Missi."
"That wasn't what I asked you."
"I can't even make short distance relationships work." She frowns at her wording. "I mean–"
"I know what you mean," Missi interrupts. "And, okay, so things go sour when the other person's local. This could be a good solution for you."
Jane laughs in spite of herself. "No."
"No, what? No, it definitely, one hundred percent won't work, or no, you don't even want to bother trying?"
"Missi…"
"Did you graduate from the Police Academy because you didn't want to bother trying?"
"Huh?"
"Is the reason you're a detective instead of still just a beat cop because you didn't want to bother trying?"
Jane can see where she's going with this, and it's infuriating because she's actually making a good argument.
"No…" she concedes grudgingly.
"So, what, you just don't think I'm worth it?"
Jane sighs and stares down at the rumpled bedclothes.
"I do think you're worth it," she says quietly. "You really think we can do this?"
"Hey." Missi reaches out to touch her chin, tilting her head so they're looking at each other. "I think we can try."
xXx
The tone of things between them is different after that. It's softer somehow, more relaxed and comfortable, but not without the glimmer and excitement of a blossoming new connection. They lie in bed for a while longer, then Missi actually does take her out to eat, and pays for it (Jane is floored). There's a subway station near the restaurant and Missi talks about going home, maybe seeing each other tomorrow or whenever Jane feels like getting together, but that doesn't make a lot of sense to Jane because the other woman has to come right back into the city the next day anyway and besides, she doesn't want her to go.
They're waiting for the check when Jane reaches across the table and puts her hand on top of Missi's. The other woman stops talking instantly, and Jane clears her throat and says, "Stay."
Missi does.
xXx
It's ridiculous how fast the time goes after the night atop the Empire State Building. Work gets pretty crazy for Liv – they find the Ramirez guy, and the case blows wide open – but she and Alex either call or see each other every single day. Before Alex knows it, it's her last night in the city, and Liv calls to arrange going to dinner at a place fancy enough to wear her cocktail dress to.
"If I come meet you at the squad room, don't let me walk in on you screwing one of your colleagues, okay?" Alex jokes, and if she can laugh about the Trevor thing now… well, that has to be a step in the right direction.
"It'll be hard, but I'll do my best to keep my hands off Munch while you're around," Liv says seriously, and Alex hears an incredulous splutter from the detective at the next desk over.
She hangs up the phone with a smile on her face.
xXx
They'd agreed that the night would be about celebrating what they found with each other rather than dwelling on the sadness of the impending goodbye, but Alex can't help getting choked up as she prepares for their big date. She curls her hair into this Fifties starlet style that she loves, selecting the perfect lipstick to match her deep red dress after deliberately leaving her make up for last, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. It's going to break her heart to leave Liv behind.
When she gets to the restaurant, Liv's waiting, looking gorgeous in basic black. They make a striking pair as they're led to their table, with more than a few heads turning to admire them, and Alex can't stop staring at her date because no matter how much time they spend together, she's always surprised by how much more beautiful Liv is in person compared to the picture inside her head. Olivia has the kind of beauty that moves, sparkling eyes and fluid bone structure and the beginnings of laugh lines that crinkle when she smiles, but it's not all physical. She has an aura about her, and that's the best way Alex can think to phrase it. If you saw her on the street, you'd be able to tell she's a good person by the pride she takes in holding her head up, an indicator of the compassionate toughness with which she tackles every case she catches and every obstacle thrown her way. Alex is in awe of her sometimes, and she never felt like this about Trevor – or anyone else, for that matter – which is a big part of how she knows this is so special.
xXx
It hasn't snowed since the storm so they walk back to Jane's building hand-in-hand rather than taking a taxi, and Alex is doing okay with everything until she goes to unlock the apartment door and realizes it's the last time she'll ever do it. In the morning she flies back to Boston, to her job and ex-boyfriend and a world without Liv in it, and, God, she knows she'll be down here most weekends but suddenly that doesn't feel like enough.
"Don't cry," Liv murmurs, but Alex can hear in her voice that she's holding back tears of her own. They move to the bedroom, wordlessly stripping off their clothes as they kiss desperately, clinging to each other like they're drowning, and then Liv's hands are all over her, Liv's mouth, Liv's tongue, and Alex shudders through a more intense pleasure than she's ever felt in her life before gladly reciprocating. Seeing Liv unravel beneath her is something she'll never forget, snapshots of moments emblazoning themselves into her mind's eye: Liv arched in pleasure, mouth ajar, Liv biting her lip, Liv's eyes squeezed shut as she's about to reach her climax.
They fall asleep holding each other, and Alex never wants the morning to come.
xXx
Jane actually ends up spending a lot of great quality time with Missi during her last few days in Boston – something she'd never expected to come out of their relationship the night they'd first met. Dinner dates are out as soon as Merch reopens, but Missi makes up for that by taking Jane to lunch and the movies, even the skating rink on Boston Common, much to Jane's reluctance. She ends up gripping Missi's hand the whole time, which she apologizes for after, and when Missi admits she enjoyed it, Jane may or may not blush.
They spend her last night in Boston together, and in the morning, Missi helps lug Jane's case down the creaky, tilted stairs of Alex's brownstone. She whips out a Red Sox hat and places it firmly atop Jane's curls as Jane yowls in outrage about sworn enemies and Yankees 'til death, but long after they kiss goodbye Jane keeps it proudly on her head, her ponytail threaded through it.
xXx
Alex awakens safe and warm in Liv's arms, languishing in the feeling of being right where she's supposed to be before she catches sight of the plane ticket sitting on the dresser. Her stomach sinks. Christmas Eve is supposed to be filled with anticipation, not dread. She nuzzles Liv's cheek, pressing a soft kiss to it, but Liv's been pulling enough overtime to make her dead to the world right now. Alex gets up quietly and pulls on a bathrobe, packing all the clothes she brought with her except an outfit for the plane, then does a walkthrough of the apartment to make sure she hasn't left any belongings lying around. Whenever she checks the clock, the time is later than she expects it, and the knot in her stomach pulls tighter and tighter as her departure becomes more imminent.
When she walks out of the bathroom with her toothpaste safely contained in a Ziplock bag all ready for the airport inspection, Liv's sitting up in bed with the saddest expression she's ever seen. She opens her mouth but there's a lump in her throat that her voice can't seem to get around, and when Liv pats the empty space beside her she gladly crawls under the covers and back into the other woman's arms. Liv holds her silently for a few moments, stroking her hair soothingly.
"I can't say goodbye," Alex whispers.
"You don't have to. You'll see me for New Year's, and after that we'll take it from there. You're not losing me. You couldn't if you wanted to."
"I don't want to," Alex affirms, and Liv clasps her face and kisses her.
xXx
Alex leaves Liv at Jane's apartment ("I'll house-sit for a while – Jane has a bigger TV than I do," Liv explains, making her laugh in spite of herself) and climbs numbly into a taxi, directing the driver to JFK. She calls Maura because she needs a distraction, and the M.E. only needs to hear her voice for a second to know that something's wrong.
"I'm fine, Maura, I…" Alex cuts herself off because she can tell she's about to cry, and she really needs to get a hold of herself right now.
"Please don't lie to me. Your pitch is almost a full octave above normal, which would suggest you're grappling with an intense emotional reaction that's indicative of you not being fine, in fact, at all." Maura pauses. "And besides, you're my friend. This isn't very scientific, but – I can just tell."
Alex bites her lip. "Maura, I met someone."
"Well, that's great!" Maura exclaims, sounding slightly confused about why Alex doesn't seem happier. "Is it, you know, something you can see pursuing, or just for while you were there?"
"It's… I'm pretty serious about it. I know it's only been a couple of weeks, but I want it to last a lot longer."
"Alex, that's so sweet," Maura gushes. "Ooh, tell me everything about him! Where did you meet? What's his name?"
Alex is pretty sure Maura wouldn't care which gender she dated, but you can never really tell with people until you confront them with it so she's still a little nervous as she answers, "Olivia."
There's a short silence on the other end of the line.
"Olivia?" Maura echoes, like she's waiting for more information.
"Olivia Benson," Alex supplies. "She's an NYPD detective. I met her through Jane. Um, Maura… does that matter to you?"
"Does what matter to me?"
She rolls her eyes. "Us. Her."
"Does she make you happy?"
"Very much." Her voice only wavers a little, but it's enough for her friend to pick up on.
"You're really torn up about having to leave her, aren't you?"
Alex really didn't want to do this, but pretty soon the tears are spilling down her face without abandon. The driver looks at her in his mirror, and she avoids his eyes.
"Alex, no-one should be separated from someone they love at Christmas. Stay an extra few days," Maura says gently. "You told me Donnelly was pushing for you to take this week off too, right? What did she say? 'If you're gonna take a vacation once in five years, better make it a long one'?"
Alex sniffs. "Yeah, but Jane's leaving today, and…" She thinks about her schedule. Most of the stuff on her plate next week is desk work she could easily do remotely, and she has a couple of depositions but a fellow A.D.A. owes her a favor. "Wait, weren't we supposed to see each other tomorrow?"
Maura laughs. "Don't come back on my account. I promise, it's okay. I'll see you next week, Alex."
Alex nods even though Maura can't see her, and she feels a rush of adrenaline as she commits to actually doing this. "You're a wonderful friend, you know that?"
"It's what I do," Maura says airily, and Alex says goodbye before leaning forward to tap the driver on the shoulder.
"Sir, I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but would you mind turning this cab around?"
xXx
Alex had left Jane's keys with Liv, and it's a strange feeling not being able to walk right up like she always had. She buzzes the apartment, and when she gets an answer all she needs to say is Liv's name before the intercom goes dead. The next thing she knows, Liv's rushing down the staircase and into her arms.
xXx
Jane spends Christmas at her parents' and Liv comes along as planned, because she doesn't have any family left to spend the holidays with and Angela Rizzoli's like a second mother to her. Alex is a welcome addition, and later Serena drops by with A.D.A. Novak in tow, an attorney Jane and Liv know slightly as a prosecutor for the white collar crimes unit. Casey's confident and pretty, with deep gray eyes and lips like Angelina Jolie, and although Serena says she's only been dating the woman a week, it's obvious they've connected.
Jane's mother makes everyone laugh when she insists on calling Missi at her parents' place to see if she's "good people," and Alex and Liv sneak a quick kiss in the family's kitchen before helping to carry out the dessert. By nightfall, Jane's father is snoring on the couch while Angela's hard at work in the kitchen, batting away everyone but Jane, who she puts on dish-drying duty. The guests linger for a while, sipping cognac by the roaring fire, before Alex and Liv slip out to go back to Liv's apartment and make some sparks of their own.
xXx
A week later, Alex and Liv head down to Times Square to meet up with Serena, Casey, Jane and Missi, who'd got her assistant manager to cover at Merch for the night. It's as cold and crowded as Alex remembers from the last New Year's Eve she spent here all those years ago, but she warms up fast thanks to a flask of cider thoughtfully brought along by Casey. Alex had initially worried that the time would drag, but the sparkling presence of the five women with her makes the evening pass quickly, and before she knows it the countdown is starting. They stand amid the throngs of people, yelling out numbers as the vapors from their breaths mingle together in the cold air, and their midnight kisses give each of them hope for a happy new year.