Due to popular request, this is now a multi-chap! Enjoy dorky villain Natsu and superhero Lucy!

"You are literally the dumbest idiot I have ever met."

Gajeel stared incredulously at his cousin, who slumped under the stare. "You actually managed to capture your flipping archenemy – and then you screwed up the Monologue because you couldn't freaking grow some?"

"Shut up," Natsu mumbled from inside his extra-high, specially made supervillain collar. "Nobody told me she was going to be hot."

Gajeel threw up his hands. "Unbelievable."

"I did," Lisanna cut in. "I specifically stated, many times, that I thought you two would get together. I mean, love and hate go hand in hand, don't they?"

"You once shipped a snail with a cactus, Lis, you can't expect me to believe anything you say about romance ever again," Natsu mumbled. "But seriously – what do I do?"

"I'll tell you what you do – you go into your dungeon, apologize for everything you've done all these years, and then offer her some cake before allowing her to go free," Lisanna told him. "Honestly, Natsu, at this point, I don't know what else there is to do. She obviously already knows, considering your reaction to her true face."

Natsu buried his face in his hands. "Kill me now."

"Tempting," Gajeel commented. "Well, leave me out of all this. I just needed to borrow your secretary for a while. I've got a stack of paperwork to BS on, and it's not going to do itself, you know."

"Like you aren't going to spend the whole time sucking face instead of actually working!" Natsu shouted after him, but Gajeel was already out the door and slamming it shut. He slumped in his seat.

"So… Lisanna. Any tips on either suicide or love potions?"

He thought she was hot.

This was all Lucy's dazed brain was saying as she contemplated her actions.

It'd been a while since she'd last heard anyone compliment her that way. Of course, she was a superhero, so people did talk, but it was always Celestial Girl they were talking about and never Lucy. Lucy was ordinary, and boring, and normal. Celestial Girl was beautiful, and amazing, and great. And that was what bothered her to no end.

Because even in Salamander's case, it was Celestial Girl that he liked, and not Lucy. He didn't even know Lucy. Lucy was a person that would never gain his attention, someone that boys never even bothered with. Lucy was just… well, Lucy.

And she didn't even know why it bothered her so much that he would never know and could never like Lucy. She also didn't know when she started enjoying all these encounters with Salamander, because when she faced off against him, they'd exchange the stupidest comments and have the weirdest banters and it'd feel like she was Lucy again and not Celestial Girl, and that he didn't care that she wasn't some great, wonderful superhero icon. With Salamander, she didn't have to hold back. She could get down and dirty, and it was great.

Until he actually found out what Celestial Girl looked like, and thought she was hot.

That wasn't too great, actually.

Lucy took a deep breath. She'd tell him whenever he decided to visit her. Because of course he was going to come and visit her – no villain would leave their archenemy in the dungeon forever. Sooner or later, he'd show up. And she'd tell him that it was impossible.

He couldn't ever be interested in someone as boring as Lucy.

But how long would it take? Three days? One day? A month? She wasn't sure if she'd be able to wait that lo –

And then the door slammed open, and there was her answer: one second.

"Uh, hey, Celestial Girl?" Salamander's voice called out. "You decent?"

She snorted instinctively, responding with, "How could I not be decent? You locked me up in a prison cell. What am I supposed to change into?"

"Well, I don't know. You'll think of something, you always do." His footsteps grew closer, and all of a sudden, there he was, peering in through the prison bars. "Uh… So, want cake or something?"

"Cake? You're trying to poison me now?"

"I was trying to be nice," he grumbled. "So, uh, about earlier. Forget everything I said?"

Oh. Of course. Lucy felt her spirits sinking. Of course he wasn't interested. They hated each other. They were flipping archenemies, for Mavis's sake. He was a supervillain, and she was a superhero, and there was no way it could possibly work. No way. At all.

"Yeah, okay, sure," she sighed. "So, is this the part where you finish your monologue thingy and try to kill me already?"

Salamander fidgeted a little. "Uh, more like this is the part where I give you cake and debate whether or not to let you go."

"Let me go?" She stared at him. "Why in the world would you let me go?"

"Because… Because…" Salamander stammered. "Actually, I don't even know. Why should I let you go? We're enemies. Why am I even trying to be nice?"

Lucy paused for a second as realization dawned.

It was a crazy idea.

Insane.

Possibly suicidal.

But if it worked, then she might just be able to hang out with Salamander a little bit more and figure out all these weird feelings.

Win-win, right?

… Yeah. It was dumb. But she was going to do it anyway.

Lucy swallowed. "Actually… you know what? Don't let me go. In fact, keep me forever."

Salamander stared at her like she'd grown an extra head. "What?"

And that was when Lucy got to her feet and did the absolute dumbest thing she'd ever done.

"I'm joining you," she said firmly. "Teach me how to be a supervillain."