"Stop acting like you're so much better than me! I almost had it that time!"

"I was just trying to help you! You keep using too much chakra! Anyone with eyes would be able to tell!"

"I don't need your help!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

They both turn on their heels and stalk away to choose trees that are farther apart. Looking on, Tooru can only sigh, genuinely wondering if maybe the potential he glimpsed during their test wasn't something he imagined. Chibi-chan and Tobio have found a way to argue over and/or make a competition out of absolutely everything they've been doing the last two weeks, and honestly, at this point, teamwork seems an impossible dream.

"Were we this annoying as genin?" he wonders, then dismisses the thought with a shake of his head. No, these two are way worse. Team Sadayuki may have had the occasional argument (i.e. the same types of arguments Tooru and Iwa-chan have been having since they were six years old), but their teamwork was impeccable. When it came down to it, Iwaizumi and Yachi trusted him implicitly, and he, they. Working together had quite literally never been a problem.

The only comparative non-issue of Team Oikawa is Shimizu, who has had no clashes with her teammates thus far. She's serious about being a kunoichi and passionate, so she dutifully completes all D-Ranks and training exercises with no fuss. She's disciplined and has near perfect chakra control, too. Her presence is a godsend compared to the decidedly not cute male members of their team, and Tooru is appropriately grateful.

"Shimizu-chan, since you've got the hang of that, I'll start teaching you a super cool jutsu!" he calls, making sure his voice carries as he waves her down, cheerfully ignoring the twin cries of dismay ringing out from opposite ends of the forest.

Clearly excited, she yells out an affirmative and runs halfway down the tree before kicking off and landing in a crouch right in front of him. "I'm ready, Sensei."

"Such an adorably eager student I have," he gushes, patting her head. "So diligent, too. I'm sure she won't have any trouble learning my super secret mega awesome jutsu that I've never taught anyone before."

As expected, there's a crash and a groan, and then Shoyo is suddenly there, practically vibrating on his feet as he looks up at Tooru with stars in his eyes. "That sounds so cool! I want to learn it too, Oikawa-sensei!" he pleads.

Smiling smugly, Tooru tsks, wagging a finger. "Only students who learn the Tree Walking jutsu will be privy to such an amazing, super mega awesome secret technique. Looks like that's just Shimizu-chan." He shakes his head, feigning disappointment. "And here I had such high hopes for my new genin."

Having caught on to what he's doing, Shimizu shares a glance with Tooru, who winks conspiratorially. She hides a small smile, no doubt amused by not just the deception but the fact that it will most certainly work.

Case in point: Eyes blazing, Shoyo declares, "Just you wait, Sensei! I'll master tree walking before sunset!" That said, he shoots a dark look in Tobio's general direction and then runs off to keep practicing.

"So predictable, Chibi-chan," Tooru murmurs, but he's smiling. Kid's got determination in spades, at least, and he's not afraid of hard work. There's a good foundation there. More than enough to build from. But that's for another day. He turns back to Shimizu and says brightly, "Now for the fun part! I didn't bring any chakra paper with me, but unless I'm completely off the mark - and I never am - you're definitely going to be most comfortable with Earth jutsu."

Deciding a demonstration would be best, he takes a few steps back and then quickly goes through the hand seals (Tiger, Hare, Boar, Dog) before slamming his hands against the ground. "Doton: Doryūheki!"

A sturdy mud wall springs from the ground and tops out a little above Shimizu's head. Tooru walks around it and asks, "Think you can give it a shot?"

Shimizu eyes the mud wall for a moment and then looks up at Tooru and nods decisively. "I believe so, Oikawa-sensei."

With an expectant grin, Tooru gestures for her to go on.

Nodding again, she steps just to the left of Tooru's wall and carefully repeats the process. And just as Tooru's had, a mud wall forms from the earth. Unlike Tooru's, however, it loses its shape almost immediately.

"Good first try! You've got it down for the most part. Now it's just a matter of practicing how to coat the earth with your chakra, so it'll keep its form." He pats her head again, proud, and Shimizu ducks her head to hide another smile.

"Yes, Oikawa-sensei."

A loud cry breaks their serene bonding moment, and Tooru sighs. "If only my other students were so clever," he mutters. Louder, he instructs, "Keep working on that, Shimizu-chan. I've got another uncute student to see to."

With a last pat, he wanders over to his least favorite student, uncharitably wondering why the genius hasn't already figured it out yet. One would think, given his reputation, the kid would have already learned it on his own somehow when he was like five or something.

"Having trouble, Tobio-chan?" he asks, doing nothing to hide his amusement at Tobio's visible frustration. The poor tree he's been mutilating has small sections of the bark blown clean off as far up as halfway. He suspects that's as far as Shoyo has gotten as well.

Tobio glares at him, but coming from a brat that barely reaches his elbow, it's hardly intimidating. Besides, he's been dealing with Iwa-chan's glares for over a decade, and those are way scarier.

When Tooru just quirks a brow, Tobio huffs but grudgingly admits, "I figured out the right amount of chakra to stick to the tree, but making it stay in the tenketsu in my feet is proving troublesome."

"Well, the feet are the most difficult places to channel chakra, Tobio-chan," Tooru tells him, patronizing. "You're just going to have to practice. I know that's a foreign concept to you, but-"

"I practice!" he interrupts, indignant. "I practice every single day, even after you send us home!"

"Hm? I suppose I'm not working you hard enough if you still have the energy to do that."

"It's not about having the energy or not. I know you don't like me and don't want to teach me anything. I thought...I thought that things would be different once you became my jounin-sensei. I was actually excited. But whatever! I'm used to watching you and figuring out how to do things by myself. That's what I do after you dismiss us," he snaps, a glimmer of hurt in his stormy expression, and shit, this is why he didn't want to be a teacher.

Tooru is not a perfect person. He lets his jealousy and bitterness get the best of him sometimes, and while it's never been a problem in the field, there's a reason Tooru hadn't wanted to be put in charge of Tobio. He has a healthy hatred of geniuses, those shinobi who were able to blow past Tooru with hardly any effort in the Academy. Tooru worked his ass off to get to this level of skill, and he still works hard everyday to improve, to be better.

Despite all that, he's still never beaten Ushiwaka, and the losses burn. If it weren't for Iwa-chan… If he weren't so loyal to this village… Well, whatever Iwa-chan might think, Tooru would have made an incredible missing-nin.

Regardless, he is Tobio's jounin-sensei, and the excuses he used for not wasting his time teaching a random brat he didn't even like no longer apply. He's got no leg to stand on, and his pettiness will just have to find another target. Luckily, he still owes Makki for the Ushiwaka incident.

The promise of sweet revenge soothes him, enough so that he can look at Tobio and honestly say, "Things are different. I'll...treat you the same as the other brats, alright? So you better appreciate this once in a lifetime opportunity! Not everyone gets to learn from the great Oikawa Tooru!"

The blindingly bright smile he gets in return is unexpected but not entirely unwelcome. Maybe this won't end in disaster after all.

A much louder explosion than those previous echoes throughout the forest, followed by the unmistakable sound of a tree falling... and another and another. From the wreckage, Shoyo's sheepish voice yells, "I'm okay!" right after.

...Never mind. They're all doomed.

End Notes: Meilinfan, you asked, and so you shall receive. i wanted to write the train wreck that is team oikawa anyway. oikawa's & kageyama's problems aren't magically solved (neither of them know therapy no jutsu; that's hinata's thing in this AU), but they've reached something of an accord. for now. don't know if i'll add anything more after this, but i am kind of interested in team sadayuki's dynamics. regardless, please let me know what you think. ;)