"I wish you were here to see our children growing up. You would be so proud of them."

It was so hard to say 'No' to Sherlock when he pouted and when little tears were already filling his eyes, and they were dangerously threatening to go out.

"Locky, no."

Baby Sherlock frowned - he actually frowned and small tears rolled down his chubby, pink tainted cheeks as Jane put him in his cot so he was lying on his back. Right next to him was his and Hamish's favourite teddy bear.

"Mmppphhh...," Sherlock moved his limbs erratically as he tried to extend his arms as much as he could as if by doing so Jane would change her mind and actually made him sleep next to her on her bed as she had been doing a few times by now.

Jane shook her head as she straightened her bra and her nightdress. "Please, baby. I need to sleep. I've got a very important exam tomorrow... "

"Buuuaaahhhhh!"

Jane pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes tight as she heard her baby crying. She took Sherlock in her arms and cuddled him. She sat on her bed on her side of the bed and moved her books and notes to the opposite side. Jane was very tired indeed, she had been revising all day long while entertaining Hamish with some rented dvd's and Sherlock with some toys.

Hamish had gone straight to bed after dinner. But Sherlock...

Sherlock was the exception.

Sherlock was a very energetic, happy, lively and active little baby. He woke up very early in the morning and waited until Jane's alarm went off to either cry or sometimes just 'talk' using his baby speech mumbling incoherent things to make himself noticeable so his mummy would take him in her arms, off his cot and feed him. A little afterwards, when baby Sherlock was already cleaned, fed and dressed, and when Hamish had already have his breakfast, Jane would take her baby downstairs so Mrs Hudson would look after him. Then, Jane took Hamish to nursery school and then she went to uni.

Baby Sherlock did things easy for his mother; he never cried when Jane left him to go to uni and he liked to be looked after Mrs Hudson. But in the night, that was the moment when Sherlock made Jane realise how alone she was and how much she needed her husband. Jane sometimes imagined what Sherlock would do in such moments when Locky cried. Jane knew Sherlock would have loved their baby and that he probably would have been very much in love with him as well. After all, Sherlock had wanted and loved Locky since the moment of his conception.

Jane put her baby on her bed, on Sherlock's side, and then she placed a pillow next to him so if he rolled over he wouldn't fall to the floor. "Let me see your mouth..." Jane inspected Sherlock's mouth and she smiled when she found out the reason as to why her baby couldn't sleep. "You're teething!"

Baby Sherlock smiled and Jane ran a hand over his dark, wild curls. "Let me read a bit, Locky. This is very important to me."

Locky looked at Jane and giggled.

"I remember your daddy doing this when Hamish couldn't sleep," said Jane, standing up and taking her baby in her arms. She cuddled Hamish, letting the baby rest his head on the crook of her arm and she supported his weight with her forearm. Now with Locky in her arms, Jane walked two steps forward and then two steps backwards very slowly. She turned the lights off and repeated the process of walking two steps forward and then two steps backward.

"You are my baby..." sang Jane. "My dearest baby... daddy loves you so much... daddy loves you so much that he would give you his own heart for you..."

A few minutes afterwards, Locky was already sleeping very comfortingly in Jane's arms.

With a relieved smile, Jane placed her baby in his cot and returned to her books.

By the time Sherlock turned nine months old, he was able to mumble a few things and he had already developed his own language. Jane managed to understand a few things, but the one who became his official translator was Hamish. Hamish knew what his little brother wanted to say and he made himself sure everyone around them understood what Sherlock meant when he mumbled things. Hamish knew when Sherlock was hungry, when he wanted to sleep, when he needed a change, when he wanted his mummy or when he simply wanted to watch certain Disney films.

"Mwwwahhhhh... mmmmmmmmuuuhhh!"

Jane frowned. "What is it, baby?"

Hamish giggled. "He says he wanna ice cream!"

"He can't have ice cream," said Jane helping baby Sherlock to eat his smashed veggies. "Nor can you, poppet."

"I wanna ice cream, mummy! Please!"

Jane pointed at Hamish's food. "Eat your veggies."

Hamish ate all his veggies and then showed his mummy his empty plate. "Wanna ice cream."

"You need to wait a bit."

"But -"

Jane took the empty plates. "You can't have ice cream just after you have eaten your lunch. It's bad for your tummy," explained Jane. "Why don't you go and draw something for daddy?"

Hamish's eyes lit up. "Daddy?"

"Yes. We'll go and visit daddy tomorrow."

Hamish ran to his room upstairs leaving Jane alone and baby Sherlock who was sitting on his high chair. Locky's small t-shirt was now dirty after having lunch. Sherlock had the habit of getting his clothes dirty while eating, even when Jane helped him.

"Tomorrow we'll visit your daddy's grave," said Jane, wiping the rest of food off Locky's face. "D'you think he'll be happy after seeing us?"

Locky giggled.

Jane kissed his cheeks. Locky was so lovely, so beautiful.

"I'll take that as a yes. Now you'll help me. I'm revising babies' health today!"

Jane handed Hamish the bunch of white roses. She allowed her eldest son to place the roses close to his daddy's dark headstone as she knelt next to him and sat baby Sherlock on the green grass. Sherlock looked curiously at the dark stone in front of him and extended his arms, trying to touch the cold headstone with his father's name engraved on it.

Hamish sat next to his baby brother and placed his drawing very close to the headstone and the roses. "Mummy look!"

"What?"

"My picture's not here!" said Hamish, a bit upset.

Jane sat behind her children and patted Hamish's back softly. "Maybe daddy took your picture to Heaven."

"You sure, mummy?"

"Yes. He's an Angel, remember? He must have taken it with him. He also took Locky's photo when he was in my tummy," said Jane, talking about the last scan she got done after Sherlock committed suicide and before their baby was born. She knew maybe the wind had blown them away. It had been a while since Jane and Hamish had last been there.

Hamish smiled. "Okay. Can I tell daddy 'bout school?"

"Of course."

Hamish told Sherlock all about school, about his favourite games, about the films he'd seen and about his little brother. Hamish talked to the headstone as if he was talking to Sherlock. He explained to his dead daddy about how he played and shared his favourite teddy bear and other toys with his little brother.

"And he-he plays with it and then when he sleeps I play with it," explained Hamish. "And Locky can talk too! Look, daddy," Hamish turned to Locky. "Locky, say 'daddy'!"

Locky giggled. "Daaaaa!"

"Mummy, tell Locky to say 'daddy'!"

"He can't speak yet, poppet. He's still very little."

Hamish told his daddy about his grandparents, about Richard and the stories he read to him, about Elizabeth and his tyummy cakes, about his uncle Mycroft and his new umbrella and about Nan Hudson's knitting club and Grandpa Greg and his job.

"Grandpa Greg was on telly! He foun' a missin' kid!"

"It was actually a kidnapping," added Jane with a smile.

Hamish told Sherlock about his visits to the doctor and about how much he wanted his mummy to get him a dog. Jane had already explained to him they wouldn't get a dog as baby Sherlock was very little yet and having a dog meant responsibilities.

"Mummy... can I go and play?" asked Hamish once he had finished telling his daddy all about everything.

Jane pointed at the graves a few feet from them. "Stay close, okay? And don't touch other people's graves."

As soon as Hamish was out of earshot, Jane relaxed a bit and touched Sherlock's dark headstone. She wiped the dust off it using her sleeve and pressed a shy kiss to the cold stone.

"Hello, Sherlock," Jane smiled. "I know we haven't visited in a while and I'd promised we would. I've been very busy lately with these two and uni."

Baby Sherlock giggled and Jane kissed the top of his curls. "They are well; Hamish's going to a normal nursery now. The teachers say he's doing very well and Sherlock's very healthy... very heavy and big too! He's not a fat baby, but his weight is worrying me. His doctor says it's okay but well. You know, your father says he's going to be as tall as you..." Jane looked down at her baby and smiled. "I've named him Sherlock, like you. When I first saw him I knew 'Sherlock' was his name. I think I couldn't have named him differently. Everyone thinks he looks just like a mini you. I think that too.

"We call him Lock, Locky, Sher. Mycroft said those were your same nicknames when you were a baby too. You never told me. I'm breastfeeding him and he's eating some food too. He's teething so he's a bit grumpy most of the day," added Jane with a smile.

Jane turned her head and saw Hamish trying to catch a butterfly. "He misses you so much. There isn't a day without him mentioning your name and saying how much he misses you. He tells Locky stories about you and he likes to show him pictures too. The nightmares are not so frequent now, though. Sherlock, I... I miss you."

Locky clung to his mother and Jane pressed both palms to her eyes, preventing her tears from falling. "God, I miss you so much, Sherlock. There hasn't been one day in my life since you left in which I haven't thought about you. I still don't understand why you did this, love. Why you left me alone..."

Jane wiped the tears off her face and cuddled her baby. "I need you, love. I need you so much. I wish you were here to see our children growing up. You would be so proud of them," Jane smiled. "Hamish is learning the first ten numbers and Locky can get to his feet and he crawls all around the flat. He already mumbles a few things... I bet his first word will be for you... I'm sure his first word will be 'daddy'. Remember I told you?"

The tears rolled down her cheeks when Jane remembered that night at Bart's. Sherlock wrapped his long coat on her figure and they talked for a long time. Jane told Sherlock their baby's first word would be 'daddy'. Sherlock said he was going to be with her in the delivery room when the baby came. Sherlock said he wanted to help their baby to walk its first steps.

It was worst when Jane remembered when they danced their song together, in each other's arms.

And when Jane remembered Sherlock's desperate attempts to make her stay.

"Jane, please, stay."

"What? Mrs Hudson is dying and you want me to stay?"

"Jane please, I need you to stay. I need you to stay a bit longer, please."

"You said that alone is what you had."

Jane turned her back to Sherlock and left. She was angry with him and she now hated herself for that. Because maybe if she hadn't had left, Sherlock wouldn't have killed himself. But Jane had no idea why Sherlock committed suicide.

"You can't imagine how guilty I feel. I should've stayed with you, Sherlock. I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry," whispered Jane. "I'm sorry."

Jane stood up and placed her baby on his pram. She wiped the tears off her face and called Hamish.

"Say goodbye to daddy, Hamish."

Hamish kissed the dark headstone. "G'bye daddy! I pray every night to God to-to keep you good and to giv' you tea!"

Jane smiled and patted her eldest son's head. "Let's go now. You and Locky have to take their naps."

"But I wanna watch 'Findin' Nemo'!"

"Let's go home, poppet," said Jane and watched Hamish walking a few steps ahead when she turned to Sherlock's grave. "Goodbye, Sherlock. I love you. Look after them, would you?"