The Doctor, covered from his messy hair to his sodden, converse-clad feet in mud, tumbled through the doors of the TARDIS, laughing like a loon, followed immediately by a breathless Rose, who was in much the same state. The Doctor closed the door behind her, turning, standing on his soggy laces and falling face first on the cold grille flooring. A hand grabbed Rose in an attempt to keep his balance, but only succeeded in bringing her crashing down on top of him and they both landed in a filthy, giggling pile.
'Oh! My! God! That was the best concert I have ever been to!' Rose laughed crazily, trying helplessly to disentangle herself from the Doctor's long brown coat. 'We so have to do that again one day!'
'Get up. You weigh a ton!' Was the muffled response from the uncomfortable pile of bones and brown material beneath her.
'Oi! Watch it!' she said, making sure to elbow him on her way up. 'Unless you want a slap from a Jackie-in-training.'
'Ow! And you should watch where you're pokin me! I bruise easily.'
'Maybe it's a sign that you're getting old,' Rose grinned as she lent over to offer the Doctor a hand, which he took gratefully.
'Oof! I think we could both do with wash after a day like that. I'm getting in the shower first!'
'Err... about the shower,' the Doctor replied carefully, brushing dried mud off his coat and taking off blue tinted glassed and his tie. The tie that he had knotted around his forehead in the excitement of the concert.
'What?' she asked, knowing that look, 'what have you done now? You better not have turned it into a short range teleport again. I'm still showering in a bikini after the last time.
'No!' he assured her, but still pulling at his ear lobe in obvious nervousness, 'It's just… when I was rewiring the Ion dissuading crystals, I may possibly have mistakenly damaged the emersional heating system, resulting-'
'In English, please'' Rose interrupted, rolling her eyes.
The Doctor sighed, his head dropping in defeat. 'I broke the water heater.'
'Oh you are so kidding me!' Rose said, hands on hips.
The Doctor didn't look up, instead scuffing his filthy shoes on the metal grille flooring, his hands clasped behind his back as he swayed slowly. Her heart softened at the child-like action, her hands dropping to her sides.
'Well,' she sighed, inspecting the large lumps of dirt in her hair. 'I think mum's just gonna have to call a plumber after I've got all this mud out of my hair.'
'Oh, do we have to go to your mother's?' the Doctor cried out, his head shooting up to look at her in horror. 'Of all the places in the universe that I can take you! I can take you anywhere, anywhere you want! We can go to the planet Aquarquan! 99 of the entire planet is made up of water; the most amazing waterfalls that you have ever seen, and the water is half alive, so it won't ever let you drown! And before you ask, no it won't try to eat you. But I'll take you anywhere that you want, but for the love of Rassilion, not there!'
'"There" is where I was born if you don't mind,' Rose said, giving him a poke, affecting at a hurt expression. 'Why are you in such a mood? I'd have thought this would have been one of the best days of your life. Werewolf last night, Knighthood in the morning and Ian Dury and the Blockheads in the afternoon! And I even let you get ice-cream. C'mon, give us a smile. Please!'
She stood there for a moment, giving him a pleading look; the big, eyelash batting puppy dog eyes. For a moment he refused to look at her. 'I don't wanna,' he wailed. 'It's boring!'
'Please Doctor. If you do this for me I'll…' she closed her eyes, breathing in deep. This needed the big guns. She was really going to regret this. 'I'll tell you where I've hidden one- and I say one! - box of Jelly Babies.'
That made him look up. His face broke into a crooked grin, grabbing her in an ecstatic hug and swinging her around, placing her feet back on the ground before he bounced excitedly over to the bronze mushroom in the centre of the impossibly huge domed room, spinning a little wheel here, doing something energetic with a bike pump there and before long the room was filled with an unnatural blue light that signified the flight of the TARDIS, laughing all the time, spinning himself as he whooped for joy at the prospect of sweets.
iWhat have you done?!/i The TARDIS whispered in her head, true fear in her voice.
iTell me about it./i Rose replied, swallowing hard. But as she looked up at the Doctor, a grin came unbidden to her mouth.
She could never resist smiling at him.
'Now you're gettin' it!' She followed to stand next to him, watching him skipping and spinning around the control panel like a hyper, sugar-high kid. iIf this is what he's like now, what is he gonna be like when he gets his hands on those sweets? /iShe shuddered.
The Doctor stopped in his excited dance to dazzle her with his most fabulous smile. 'Next stop, the Powell Estate, London, Earth!' He beamed, pulling one final lever before both of them were thrown savagely to the floor by a particularly violent tremor as the ancient ship took off.
Jackie Tyler, bottle blonde and smoky eyed filled the kettle for yet another cup of tea, having only just finished her daily twenty minute phone call to Bev from down the road when she heard the key turn in the lock and the front door open.
'Mum, it's us!' she heard her daughter call from the hall, her voice accompanied by the rattling of her keys dropping into the metal tray beside the door. 'We're back!'
'Yeah, we're back,' ihe/i continued, sounding considerably less happy about the fact.
Putting the kettle back on the table top, Jackie ran through, tears shining in her eyes, 'Rose! Honestly, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, I bought you that phone so you could call me! Are you alright? Come here!'
She held Rose at arms length, looking her over before pulling her into a tight hug, squealing and swaying on the spot.
iOf all the languages the TARDIS translates, why not girly?/i He mused, trying to sneak past without being noticed before they permanently damaged his hearing.
'Oh, no you don't!' Jackie said, grabbing him by the arm and turning him on the spot and laughing as he tried to conceal the flinch of fear that racked his body 'Come here big fella!' she pulled him into a tight hug, before pulling his face down to press a hard kiss on his lips and pulling him back into a hug, winking conspiratorially to her grinning daughter. When at last she let him go and followed her daughter into the living room, the Doctor was standing in shock, wiping his lips in disgust.
It was then that he noticed Rose smiling at him smugly, her tongue poking out from the corner of her mouth as her eyes seemed to say ha-ha she got ya.
She winked at him before turning to her mother and grinning, 'Ya be'er watch it mum, it's Dame Rose now. And he's Sir Doctor of TARDIS!'
'What are ya babblin' on about now?' Jackie said, crossing her arms and sitting on the arm of the couch as the Doctor wandered into and around the room, keeping a weary eye open for any more Jackie attacks.
'Oh, you'll never believe it! We met Queen Victoria herself!'
'What? You mean, you actually met royalty… dressed like that?'
Rose looked down at her self, seeing the state of her clothes and the shortness of her skirt. 'Yeah, she did have a bit of a problem with that, but I'll explain later. But, anyway, not only did we meet her, but we saved her from these ninja… warrior… monk guys in 1879 who set loose this werewolf who wanted to bite her so it could turn the world into its empire, only we stopped it and, as a reward, she knighted us. And, talking of rewards, that reminds me!' she turned to face the Doctor 'You still owe me a tenner! Cough up "Sir Doctor!"' She demanded, rolling her eyes at the title, holding out one hand expectantly, the other placed firmly on her hip.
The Doctor patted his pockets 'No cash, sorry.'
'So, hang on, let me get this straight!' Rose said, putting the other hand on her hips and giving him a look that would make most people cower. 'If you had of won you would have made me pay, but as it is, I won and you get of scott free!'
'Ooh, you sound just like your mother. No offence, Jackie.'
Rose looked at her mum. 'You know mum. Sometimes I think you were right about him.'
'Why, what did she say about me?' He demanded.
'What are you two on about?' Jackie said, exasperated, looking between them, hoping desperately to get some sense out of them.
'Well, we made a bet that I could get Her Maj' to go: "We are not amused" and she did so this cheapskate owes me a tenner.'
'Right. Forget I ever asked. So, c'mon, tell me how on Earth did you get so filthy?'
'Well, you see, after Queen Victoria knighted us, she kinda... banished us from Earth, never to return, which is kinda difficult 'cause at the time I still hadn't been born so... it's all very confusing. So we went to see Ian Dury at the Top Rank, Sheffield on the 21st of November 1979, where we had been aiming to start with, until I let this muppet,' she elbowed the Doctor in the ribs, 'at the controls!'
'It's good to be a lunatic!' The Doctor sang happily before switching to his Scottish accent, 'and I'll teach you to mind your tongue, you wee timorous beastie.'
'Shut up!' Rose said, slapping him on the arm. 'Do you know where we ended up the first time he tried to land here, a few minutes ago? I'll tell you where. A little girl's bedroom, in the middle of the night, nowhere near here. Terrified she was, poor thing. We ended up telling her the old favourite; "You're dreaming." I just hope her mum and dad didn't come in and see us.'
'Oh, it's fine. Stop nagging would you. We got here in the end didn't we?' The Doctor said defensively.
'I give up on you. So, can we use your shower, mum? Only this useless lump somehow managed to break the water heater. He spends all blummin' day under that console, but does he have the time to fix something important like the hot water? Of course not!'
'For your information, Rose Tyler, I was in the middle of fixing it when you came out. Another few minutes and it would have been ready to re-attach to the heating mainframe.'
'Then why didn't you do that just now?'
'Because you promised Jelly Babies,' he pointed out, 'I wasn't gonna give up the chance of Jelly Babies by telling you that it could easily be fixed now was I?'
Rose sighed, dropping her head. 'I knew mentioning sweets was a bad idea. So can I leave you alone with this…' words failed her as she waved a hand at the Doctor, 'err… well, this 900-year old child while I use your shower, mum?'
Jackie sat down heavily on the arm of the sofa, dazed, her brain overloading with everything that had been said in the three minutes that her daughter had been home.
'Sure, no problem. Just don't use all my smellies,' Was all that she could say.
'Try not to kill each other, yeah?' Rose left the room, but came back a second later and casually added ' Oh... and before I forget mum... We think that there is a slight possibility that the Royal family are Werewolves. Just thought you should know.'
Rose left the room in a stunned silence, the Doctor bouncing awkwardly on the balls of his feet and whistling through his teeth.
'I'll put the kettle on,' Jackie said finally 'I don't know about you, but I could do with a cuppa.'
'Just milk in mine, thanks,' he called, rummaging through the pile of magazines on the coffee table. iWhen was that replaced?/i He wondered, smiling at the memory of his first visit to 48, Bucknall house. Rose had fallen through the glass table, a dismembered plastic arm trying to rip her face off. Shaking the memory from his mind, he continued searching for something with a bit more substance than the glossy mags that talked of the Atkins diet, of the GI diet, or how this celeb had got married or had shaved her head or "What to wear this season!"
At the bottom of the pile he found at last a copy of the local newspaper, crinkled and with a tea stain in the corner of the page. His eyes scanned the front page in a second, seeing instantly why Jackie had been so relieved to see them. June 30th. It had been six months since they had fought with the Sycorax and left for New Earth.
He glanced over to where Jackie was patiently waiting for the kettle to boil, sorting out the cups and tea bags and he felt a small twinge of guilt. He had caused that woman so much pain, and yet he hardly ever took the time to think about it. He shook his head, turning his attention back to the newspaper and flicking through it quickly.
Just a few pages in his eyes alighted on an article about missing children in the area.
'Jackie?' he called, looking through the delivery hatch at her, 'How long have these kids been going missing?'
'What are you wittering on about now?' she walked through, handing him his cup and looking over his shoulder at the article. 'Oh, that. Yeah I heard from Bev that loads of the kids this side of the Thames have gone. Why? You're not gonna turn this into a big alien fiasco, are ya? I've only just got my daughter home and you're already looking for a way to steal her away from me.'
She went back in the kitchen, bringing in the jar of sugar, during which the Doctor took the chance to take a sip of his tea, only to quickly spit it back into the cup. Cheapo teabags, too much milk.
'Trust me Jackie, I would never turn this into something it wasn't,' he said honestly, hiding his disgust as she walked back in, 'you won't believe me, but all I've ever looked for is a quiet life. The thing is, the universe doesn't seem to like that idea. Seems wherever I go, trouble seems to follow.'
'You know, I think you're right.' Jackie said, nodding.
'I am?'
'Yeah. I don't believe you. It's like I said last Christmas; you two go looking for trouble.'
'Did I hear the word trouble? I wonder who you could ever be talking about,' Rose asked, affecting puzzlement as she walked in donned in a fluffy pink bathrobe, to which the Doctor gave a sly wolf whistle, 'I'd watch it if I were you. You're never too old for a slap and I can always withdraw that offer of Jelly Babies.'
'Now, Rose Tyler, that's cheating. You can't go back on deals after you've already got your part of the bargain, that's just not cricket.'
He suddenly seemed slightly distant, 'Ooh, I wouldn't mind a stick of celery right now.'
'What?' Jackie asked, her brow furrowed.
'Sorry, just a bit of connective thinking. Anyway, I found something interesting in the newspaper if you fancy a look.'
'I'll have a look after, but I'm just gonna get changed. I don't think this is a good look for running for my life, do you?'
The Doctor looked her up and down, 'I dunno, I think it could be the new thing. I can just see it; Lara Croft, swinging through tombs in a pink bathrobe. I'd like to see that, in fact I'd-'
He was cut off mid-babble by a sharp slap to the back of the head.
'What was that for?' the Doctor asked, rubbing his head, 'I was trying to complement you on your taste of-'
He ducked under another hand.
'Listen, I shouldn't be long,' Rose said, 'Just… don't talk my mum to death while I'm gone, yeah? I'll be two minutes.'
Twenty minutes later, Rose was finally ready to go.
'You see!' the Doctor said, standing up as at last Rose emerged from her room, fully dressed, made up and hair done, 'This is why it's such a pain travelling with women.'
'What's the matter with you now?' Rose said, rolling her eyes as she pulled her pale green parka over her powder blue top.
'You! You take more hours getting ready than there are in a Xanrith day!'
'That's because if I didn't then most people wouldn't igive/i me the time of day! Anyway, even if I'm gonna be fighting bog monsters from the planet... Zog, I've got a reputation 'round here that I need to uphold if you don't mind,' Rose answered calmly, flicking her curled blond hair from her face.
'I'll have you know, Miss Tyler, that the Zogrons are a perfectly peaceful race, and that it's a common misconception that their planet spawns creatures of evil.'
'Is he serious?' Jackie whispered to her daughter.
'Mum, learn from me. I've travelled with him long enough to just… smile and nod when he pauses for breath. Otherwise, you're just gonna get a head-ache that would slay a dragon. Anyway Doctor, Mickey said that he had some info that might interest you.'
'What? Wait, wait wait a minute! You've only been home for half an hour. When did you talk to Mr Rickey boy?' The Doctor interrupted, crossing his arms like a sulky teenager.
If Rose hadn't known the Doctor better, she could have sworn that he looked jealous.