PART TWO
It was not Finn who came into rehearsal that afternoon, but an animatronic creation that looked superficially like Finn, but was clearly run by little toy mice. On speed. It was as though a cartoon of Finn had taken over his body – an animated body snatcher.
"I feel great!" he proclaimed, emitting more energy than a nuclear explosion. At least three exclamation points dribbled out of each sentence he spoke.
Puck stared at him, incredulous. Finn's eyes were wide and manic, his eyebrows permanently affixed to the very top of his forehead, the tendons in his neck stood out, and there was that smile, a rictus of desperate cheer and good will. That smile - it took up his whole fucking face.
Finn drove into the choir room, knocking all the other boys down ahead of himself with the force of his energetic, absolutely fantastic presence. "The nurse gave me some kind of vitamin!" he chirped.
Mike looked dumbfounded. Matt was shocked. Artie was appalled. Kurt seemed disgusted. Puck – well, Puck was just amused. He knew enough about taking drugs to recognize the effects."What kind of vitamin?" he drawled.
Finn's smile grew impossibly wider. "Vitamin D," he said, using every surface area on his disgustingly mobile lips. "And I brought you guys some!"
Puck was not going to turn down free drugs, and apparently neither were any of the other guys, although he did notice that Kurt looked closely at the box before popping two blue pills out of the blister pack and into his mouth.
"Great! I don't know about you guys, but I am absolutely pumped for this performance! We are going to rock!" Finn pulled up a chair and sat down on it for two seconds before popping up again, punching the air and woo-ing. Puck raised an eyebrow and grinned at Kurt, who was staring at the paper from the "vitamin D" box with a perplexed expression.
Finn started giving orders without pausing for breath. "Artie, let's try the mashup from the beginning. You be ready to switch from guitar to lyrics – just pass the axe to me and I'll get it out of the way until we switch back. Mike and Matt, you know when to come in front for your solo dance, right? Kurt, you got the high part, we really need those notes to ring out, got it? Puck -"
Finn grabbed a microphone from the table and threw it at Puck, planted both feet, and stared him down. "You and me," he breathed, panting a little. "We're going to work on some harmonies."
Then he nodded at Brad, always ready at the piano. "Okay, dude – from the top." He turned his gaze back to Puck, and the force of Finn's open, insane expression sent a thrill down Puck's spine. Or maybe it was the vitamin D. Either way, Puck's breath suddenly came a little shorter.
"You ready for this, Puckerman?" Finn hissed at him through lowered lids. He worked his hands over the microphone in a motion that was distinctly filthy.
Puck started, actually took a step back, then steadied himself and met Finn's stare. His jaw worked and he swallowed. "Bring it," he said evenly.
The eerie sound of the sample on Brad's synthesizer blended with the piano riff and Finn began, looking straight at Puck as they sang the close harmony, two mouths mirroring one another with ferocity.
And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud
Puck opened his mouth, letting the sound ring out, buzzing on Finn's stare and passion, feeling more alive than he had in a long time. And since when could Finn actually dance? The rhythm had possessed him, and his legs and hips were moving in a way that he couldn't remember Finn being able to do, well, ever. He felt suddenly, feverishly hot and wiped a line of sweat off his forehead.
It's my life
It's now or never
I don't want to live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life
As Artie took over the lead vocals, Finn and Puck moved out of the way, working through the backup choreography, but Puck could feel him looking at him, sweeping his gaze down along his - was Finn… checking out his ass? Puck stuttered, stumbled, but stopped short of actually turning to look. His face burned with unaccustomed embarrassment. No. It was just – he was watching the dance, it was nothing –
Anxiety crested into near panic as they broke it down into octaves, and Finn's intensity was turned on him again full force. The words smoking hot slithered through Puck's mind and vanished.
Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down
Finn's leg was beating time with the crazy rushing of Puck's blood, with his heaving chest. They faced each other and sang in unison, in two octaves, and Puck found himself thinking crazily, oh my God, I'm on top of Finn, he's underneath me – I'm – what the fuck -
The drums beat a tattoo on his skin and he flinched away from the image that did such unexpected things to his anatomy. He finished the rest of the song mechanically, looking at the floor.
When they reached the final phrase, the guys were all leaping and high-fiving and he responded in kind, but when Finn reached for him he leaned back, avoiding contact.
Finn's eyes glittered and he smiled at Puck, dropping his hand naturally to his side. "Awesome, dude," he said.
"Yeah," Puck said, looking over Finn's shoulder. It was all he could manage through the flurry of self-recrimination and bewilderment and lust tangled in his brain.
Finn raised one eyebrow wickedly. "Wanna go again?" he said, dropping his voice down into a register that caused Puck's heart to skip once, twice –
"I – I'll be right back," Puck gasped, dropping the microphone and running out the door of the choir room, heading for the restroom, slamming the door open and ducking his head, trying to catch his breath. It was coming too fast, he couldn't breathe. Too much.
He ran cold water in the sink and forced his neck and head under the freezing stream, shocking him back to a semblance of normality. "Fucking vitamin D," he groaned, and if there was a whimper in his voice, well, no one was there to hear it.
Finn left rehearsal later happy about a) not falling asleep during class, b) how they'd just rocked that song (dude!) and c) the hugest rush he'd gotten from singing with Puck. He wasn't sure where all that dominant crap had come from, but it had felt good, so he'd gone with it. His brain didn't seem to be in a state of mind to care about the ramifications of what he'd done, so he didn't.
The rest of the day went by in a tumbling daze. Finn was on top of his game. But the night after the mashup performance, not long after he'd collapsed from exhaustion, the second dream emerged. It featured scenes directly out of Puck and Finn's - confrontation seemed appropriate – and replayed them on constant loop. The difference was, at the point where they were singing in unison, Puck reached up to close the gap between them and pulled him into a brutal, tongue-tangling, blistering kiss.
He woke from that dream feeling aroused, but also abashed that he'd pushed Puck as far as he had. What had Puck done after he'd left the choir room? he wondered. Was he disgusted? Or had… had he…?
And then the third dream was hot on the heels of number two. Puck starred, fully clothed at the beginning, but ending with his hands on himself in the shower, soapy and shameless, moaning Finn's name. Finn still only watched Puck in this dream as he enacted a perfect strip tease for Finn – a strip tease which, to his amazement, addressed some kinks he didn't even know he had.
It occurred to him the next morning, as he was laundering his umpteenth set of sheets, that he should feel a little… weird about suddenly having pornographic dreams about a friend that he'd known all his life. Particularly because this friend was of a gender he'd never considered to be eligible for sexy times – at least, not with him.
But for one thing, he didn't feel weird (which might have been weird, too, you know? But it wasn't, so, cool). And for another thing, he had a crazy sense that this attraction had always been there, kind of under the surface, but he'd never been able to deal with it… until now. Now, apparently, his brain (not to mention other parts of him) thought he was ready. And he thought he knew, maybe, why that might be.
But what was most surprising was that he was starting to think maybe, just a little, that his super-straight friend wasn't so straight after all. If only there was a way he could find out for sure without risking their friendship. As he drifted back into the next round of half-sleep, he decided the next day he would ask the only expert on gay he knew.
"Kurt!" he called out, approaching him in line the next day in the cafeteria. Kurt turned, surprised.
"What is it?" He looked down, aghast. "Do I have something on my jacket? I thought I cleaned off all the mustard from yesterday's dumpster dive…"
Finn grinned weakly. "No, it's… I just, well… I need someone to talk to. Do you have a few minutes?
Kurt turned to Mercedes and whispered a few hurried exchanges while Finn tried hard not to fall asleep while holding his lunch tray. Finally he turned back to Finn with an excited smile. "I'm all yours! Where to?"
They went outside, into the semi-private courtyard where the stoners usually hid out to sneak a joint. No stoners were there at the moment, so Finn relaxed, set his tray on the stone bench and ran a nervous hand through his hair.
"You were really… um, energetic yesterday during our mashup," said Kurt.
Finn blushed. "Yeah, it was pretty crazy, huh?"
"Those vitamin D tablets – I'm thinking they weren't vitamins."
"No," Finn agreed.
"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked softly, putting a hand on his arm.
"No. I mean… no." Finn sighed. "It's complicated, and… I don't think I can talk about all of it right now. But thanks for being nice and all. What I was wondering was… is there a way to find out if somebody is… gay?"
Kurt was caught off guard by that question. He recovered quickly, though, and eyebrows did a funny little dance. "Other than asking him, you mean," he drawled.
"Uh… yeah."
"Well…" He thought. "You can watch his behavior, see if he's paying attention to people of the same sex. That can be a clue. Or sometimes guys – he's a guy, right?" Finn nodded. "Sometimes guys are good at hiding their feelings, so it could seem like he's a homophobic jerk, but really inside he's just frustrated and scared."
Hmmmm. "Does that really happen?" asked Finn, hopefully.
"Sometimes. Or sometimes, he's really just a homophobic jerk."
He took a breath. "Okay. Good to know. Anything else I could try?"
"Well… there's one thing." Kurt cocked a hip. "But it's just my personal observation, not scientific or anything. Although it's turned out to be remarkably accurate."
"What?" Finn asked, intrigued despite his exhaustion.
"It's the donut test," said Kurt.
"What's the… donut test?" Finn's newly awakened kinky brain was coming up with some creative interpretations of that phrase.
"You ask them if they like yeast donuts or cake donuts."
Finn looked confused. "What's the difference?"
"All the difference in the world, Finn," said Kurt condescendingly.
He sighed. "O-kay… so enlighten me."
"Yeast donuts are the Krispy Kreme kind – light, fluffy, with a spongy feel. Cake donuts are firm and heavy, like the ones you get at the cider mill." Kurt bent his head a little and lowered his voice. "What I've discovered is that people who prefer boys – that is, men – say they like cake donuts. People who prefer girls say they like yeast donuts."
"That's it?" said Finn.
"Yep," said Kurt.
"Wow." Finn thought. "So, you're a – that is, you like –"
Kurt nodded. "Cake all the way, baby. Can't stand those soft, squishy yeasty-beasties." Kurt turned a keen eye on Finn, who was staring off into space. "And what about you, since we're sharing a moment here?"
"Um. Well, I've always eaten Krispy Kremes," he began, then stopped.
"So a better question is," prompted Kurt, "is that because you really like Krispy Kremes, or because you've always been expected to like them?"
"Doesn't everybody love Krispy Kremes?" Finn said in a small voice.
Kurt looked at him piercingly – oh my God, thought Finn, he's piercing me with his gays, and he choked back a laugh that he was sure would come out sounding hysterical – and said, clearly and definitively, "No, Finn. Not everybody."
"Oh. Well… " Finn swallowed and rubbed his red-rimmed eyes. "In that case, I guess I've never really thought about… eating cake donuts… until recently, but I think I might be developing certain… tastes that are something I would like to… investigate further." He coughed. "With a particular person."
Kurt's "gays" became distinctly predatory. "Really," he purred.
Finn's eyes shot open. "Um, Kurt... I… "
Kurt started toward him, and Finn started walking backwards, matching him step for step. They held the look for another few terrifying seconds, and – was that a snort? Then Kurt was laughing full out, doubling over and gasping for air.
"You… should see your face!" he sputtered.
"Well, jeez," Finn started. Then he grinned. He imagined he knew how Puck might have felt yesterday, now.
Kurt's laughter trickled away to a giggle. "Seriously, Finn, I think you're adorable – and yes, I may have had a schoolboy crush on you at one point – but I've moved on. And I don't think my flair for drama could withstand a… someone who's not even sure if he likes cake donuts."
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I'll like them," Finn said earnestly. "It's just, I'm not sure if I just like one kind of cake donuts, or if I… might enjoy more than one kind. 'Cause right now there's only one person I can imagine… eating donuts with." He tried, unsuccessfully, not to entertain the idea of a chocolate frosted Puck.
"Ah, I see." Kurt put a hand on his shoulder and eased him back onto the stone bench. "Well, in that case, now all you have to do is give… this person… the donut test, and you'll have all the information you need to make a sound, rational decision about your next steps." He sounded so reasonable, Finn couldn't help but be reassured.
Finn turned to Kurt and quickly hugged him. Kurt looked startled, but pleased. "Why, Mr. Hudson, are you changing your mind about those donuts?" he teased.
"Thanks," said Finn, "for listening, and not judging me. I mean, I kind of knew you wouldn't, but it's not easy… talking about this. I appreciate you being there. It's really nice to know someone else understands."
Kurt nodded. "I'll be honest… I have a feeling it's going to get a lot harder for you, Finn. I'm here, whatever you need."
Finn sighed. "Right now, what I really need is a good night's sleep."
Puck seriously could not believe what his eyes were seeing.
Finn and… Kurt?
They were sitting very close, lunches forgotten, talking, laughing, and – that was definitely a hug. Initiated by Finn.
Puck gritted his teeth and his fists clenched reflexively. This was not happening. But it did explain the lack of sleep, the way Finn had been avoiding him, and even the freaky explosion of energy yesterday during their mashup. But Finn wouldn't… no!
He slammed his hand against the wall beside the window leading out to the courtyard. Quickly he glanced down the hallway; no one else had witnessed this exchange. He stepped over to the door to intercept Finn as he reentered the building.
"So you and Hummel are bumping uglies now?" he said caustically, catching Finn off guard as he let the door close behind him. Finn looked uneasy, but he didn't try to run or avoid Puck this time, at least.
"No!" Finn scoffed.
"Well, that wasn't how it looked from in here," Puck ground out, angrily indicating the window to the courtyard. "You guys were getting mighty cozy."
"I'm not interested in Kurt," Finn said patiently. "We weren't doing anything. I was thanking him for something he told me. He was helping me with a problem."
"Helping you with a problem," echoed Puck. He could tell Finn was telling the truth, if not the whole truth, and the tension drained out of him as quickly as it had gathered.
"Hey, man… I'm sorry I was so weird yesterday during our song," Finn said quietly, touching Puck's shoulder. "Those Vitamin D pills strung me out. I really just needed a chance to relax and they didn't help."
Puck took a deep breath and let it out. "All right, man," he said, dismissing Finn's concern with a noncommittal shrug. He wasn't going to revisit it now – he'd done a good job of blocking it out last night, right? He went on.
"What you need is a good party to take your mind off things. My mom and sister are out on Friday. Why don't we have the guys over, have a few beers, chill out in front of the Xbox? I can make dinner."
This would have sounded fruitier coming from anyone other than Puck, who'd been cooking meals for his family since he was eight. This was familiar territory. Finn brightened, and he smiled as he said, "Yeah, that sounds great, Puck. Thanks." His lips quirked, and he added, "I'll bring donuts."
The fourth dream appeared that night. He was stretched out on a blanket on the beach with a naked Puck, waves crashing and rolling before them as Puck descended upon him with a hungry expression. (It was clearly a dream because there was no uncomfortable sensation of sand up his butt, which inevitably follows actual beach makeout sessions.) In this dream he still wasn't touching Puck, but Puck was noticing him; he paid attention to him, was touching him… specifically, one part of him. A lot. With his mouth, not to mention his hands and his – gahh! – tongue.
He tried not to think about this dream too much when he was awake because he was getting sore as it was from too much, um, friction, and he really didn't need any additional waking stimulation.
The next day, in history class, Kurt passed him a note, doing it so subtly that no one in the class would have noticed he was writing messages to Finn. Probably just as well.
I Googled it last night. It's not a vitamin. The package insert said common side effects include elevated blood pressure, sweating, dizziness, anxiety and insomnia.
Finn was pretty sure he'd experienced most of those things. Sounds about right, he wrote, passing it back. What's insomnia?
Trouble sleeping.
He snorted. Great.
Kurt passed the note back one more time. This time he was blushing furiously. It also causes constriction of blood flow, drying of mucus membranes. Typically used for relief of priapism.
Finn underlined priapism and put a bunch of question marks under it. Kurt's blush was seriously reaching epic proportions.
It keeps you from getting an erection.
Finn stared at the note, only a little embarrassed to be talking about erections with Kurt, but mostly with the sinking feeling that the vitamin – er, the drug – wasn't going to help with the other problem.
Yeah, he got all his stuff done – several weeks' worth, even - and he hardly felt sleepy. But when he did sleep, the dreams were still there, and they were more intense than ever.
And, though he had tons of energy and was flying through his day, his body was too exhausted to really appreciate any of it. He enjoyed Glee and football and school and his beautiful, popular, snarky girlfriend; he really did. But at the end of every day he could barely muster enough energy to take off his shoes before drifting into a hazy half-slumber… beginning the next round of personalized gay porn in his head. And this drug, whatever it was, had definitely not kept him from getting an erection.
He decided what would help the most was to stop worrying and start relaxing. Hanging out with his friends - never mind one of them was the object of his fantasies - would take his mind off the more complicated aspects of his life. He just wanted to remember what it was like to be friends, just friends, with Noah Puckerman.
Then he looked at Kurt, and he wondered if maybe Kurt could use some relaxing, too. Hey, what are you doing tonight? he wrote. Some of the guys are getting together at Puck's for dinner and drinks. You should come.
Kurt's eyes flew open and he put a hand to his mouth. Then he looked at Finn like he'd grown a second head. Are you crazy? he mouthed to Finn. He then did a very credible pantomime of someone throwing someone else into the dumpster.
Yeah, well, maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. He bet that Kurt's idea of a relaxing time probably didn't involve video games and beer. And, even though being in Glee had helped Finn see what a cool guy Kurt was, most of the rest of the school just saw him as that gay kid. (He felt a little uneasy at the thought that he might be identified before long as that other gay kid, and decided it was best to examine that thought only with the aid of sufficient beer.) He wanted Kurt to know he saw beyond the gay, that it didn't matter to him.
Okay, so what about you and me get together on Sunday? No beer needed, and you can pick the movie. Bring Mercedes if you want.
This time Kurt's eyes stared at the note for a long time before he picked up the pencil to write a reply. Save Mercedes for another day. I want this to be time we can talk about… your donuts.
Finn looked up at Kurt and grinned. "Deal," he mouthed, and nodded. He suspected there might be some talking he would need to do after this party.