Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters except Sean, he is mine. I also don't own the show. Mentions of abuse and rape and attempted suicide, don't like do not read.
My secrets were out, all of them, all of the ones I worked so hard to keep to myself. The situtation came crashing down around me, and I ran. This time both Sasha and Biel's ran after me. I was long gone though. Soon I would be forever. No and I mean no one was going to get hurt because of me. When they did find me they cringed at what they found.
Both coaches stared in horror at me, like they were unsure of what to do or say. Sasha was first to recover because he was the first to speak, "Emily, Emily, calm down please let us help you. This isn't the answer please we can help, he won't be able to hurt you or anyone again. Emily I promise you that," Sasha yelled this in wild panic!
I didn't even bother looking up at him, it didn't matter. I was going to end the mess I started. I tightened my already to tight grip on my knife. Pressing it more firmly to my wrist I replied, "You can't help me, no one can Sasha! He will hurt you, I can't have you geting hurt because of me, leave you can pretend you never found me. I'm begging you go," I screamed at both of them, fearful of the fact that they found me and that they would be hurt. He would hurt them both, I know it. This is how he always got me to stay quiet, threaten the people I care about. It always had a way of tearing at my soul, be selfish; tell everyone, or suffer in silence. I choice to suffer in utter silence, it was just easier that way.
Why is she moving closer to me, she hates me, completely hates me. Of course she has never said this to me, but it is obivious. "Emily," she whisphers "Emily we can go to the police, have him arrested, and he won't be able to hurt anyone if he's in jail." Biel's said this sternly but in a soft and gentle voice.
I was holding the knife close to my skin it was drawing blood and just then, the truth of those words sunk into my head. Sean plus jail equals no more hurt, no more pain. Sinking to the cold floor, I let the knife drop out of my hand, and when it hit the floor both coaches let out breaths of relief. Breaths they both didn't even know they were holding in. I watched them unmoving as they ran over to me. Sasha kicked the knife away from me, scared that I would go after it again. I didn't even care because I was crying so hard that it didn't matter anyway. Why the hell would they want to help me, can't they see how damaged I am, how worthless.
"Coach Biel's" I struggled to say, letting my lungs regain air before I continued. She nodded her head, encouraging me to speak. "Why-why help me. I thought you hated me."
I saw her sigh and her eyes grew sad but just when I thought she wasn't going to answer me, she did, "Emily I don't and have never hated you. Please believe that. I was hard on you because I believe you have the talent to go for gold. Being hard on you was to train you to do amazingly well under pressure. I never realized that I gave you impression that I hated you. Emily I am very sorry."
I just nodding and gave her a small smile because my voice was being uncooperative. I realized that I was crying again and tried quickly to wipe the tears away. Well that was a fail because Sasha stopped me. "Emily tears are okay, you can cry, you have every right to."
I looked at him like he had two heads, but did what he said. I cried for the first time in a long time. I cried and I didn't care who saw me. "Why help, I-I'm nothing, worthless and damaged. You both should be disgusted in me. You should hate me. I hate myself, I let him and all of them hurt me. I let them.
Sasha's eyes grew hard, but I knew his anger wasn't directed at me. It was directed at Sean and all the other men before him. "Emily none of this is your fault. You didn't let them do anything. Do you hear me? You didn't have a choice" he whisphered this into my ear, as a way of soothing those thoughts away.
"Emily you are not disgusting, damaged or worthless. Do you understand that. You have amazing strenth. Answer me this, how much pain are you in everyday?"
I looked at her, "Constant, why?" The question caught me off guard. I wasn't sure why she wanted to know this but I still told her the truth.
"Because Emily, you are in pain all the time, and yet you still train everyday. Don't you see that? Everyday Emily. All of the training you do must make the hurt you are feeling twice as bad. Yet you still do it. You are a fighter, and that takes courage Emily, not worthlessness."
Those words had the biggest impact on me and I realized something, maybe just maybe, I'm not worthless. Maybe I am someone. Maybe I will be someone. Just maybe I am not his.
What do you think? Should I continue or end here? Please review and let me know what you think I should do? Hope you enjoyed!