Chapter Two - 221-B, Baker Street
"Oh, dear Lord..."
I stepped into the room following our landlady, Mrs. "Lazy" Susan - of whom we did not actually know the last name of. She held one hand to her chest with surprise.
I trailed her gaze to see Pines hanging from the ceiling by a noose.
"Oh, don't worry," I dismissed, waving my hand unconcernedly, knowing exactly what she had been fearing. "That's not his style. He's far too fond of himself for something like that."
I calmly stalked over to him, and snapped as loudly as I could;
"Pines!"
"Hm?" I heard him mutter, and he opened his eyes. "Oh! Morning, Robbie! I was conducting a hands-on research on how exactly our criminal had managed to conduct his little escapade when I found myself in quite a state of sedation." He noticed Susan staring up at him as he explained this. "Good morning, miss."
"Oh, pray tell this amazing discovery." I rolled my eyes, knowing he would detail it to me no matter what I said to him.
"I'm glad you asked." He flashed a grin, spinning a little on the rope now that he was awake. "You see, the man... Oh, I can't feel my legs. Mind helping me down?"
"Oh, no, no, do go on."
"Well, as I was saying, the man had concealed a hook in the hangman's knot... Robbie, please, might this be continued at a less detrimental level?"
"What effect did this hook have?" I countered, completely ignoring his plea.
"I can't feel my cheeks..." he informed, attempting to move his arm in order to touch his face.
"How did this hook manage to stop him from demise?" I pressed.
"Well, he had the executioner attach it to a harness, allowing the distribution of the weight mostly along his waist, thus leaving his neck intact. Robbie, I implore you. Get me down from here."
We were knee-deep in yet another case, evidently. But that is a story for another time.
This time, I believe I shall tell you all about how we came to terms with a living arrangement, and how I had somehow been daft enough to accept residing with Pines.
- x x x -
Since the day of my ungraceful situating with the small sleuth, I had a long an uneventful week which included no less than two petty thefts and a runaway daughter who had eventually returned to her home when her hunger got the best of her.
And since there was nothing to solve, there too was no payment for me to receive.
Ergo, I was facing the serious threat of losing my house.
I'd lived alone for quite some time, and for almost as long I'd been rather low on sums. Taking this job was basically my last chance. And now, - as terrible as it sounds - I found myself hoping for some sort of crime. Not a horrible, dastardly deed, of course, but just something to make me enough to pay my bills.
I raised my hand and hailed a hansom, for I had a long way to go and not much time if I wished to reach my occupation without being tardy. I climbed in and sat back, my nerves blazing away.
Only upon the realization of my destination not being too far off, I checked my wallet and was despaired to find I had hardly enough money to pay the gentleman driver, let alone the upcoming landlord bill. I sighed deeply.
"Something the matter?" I heard, and glanced upwards from my funds and towards the sound of the voice. Embarrassed, I shook my head at the driver and ran a hand through my hair.
"No, no, nothing..." I chuckled nervously, wondering how the hell I could not have realized that I didn't have more than twenty dollars to my name.
Upon realizing my stop, I promptly paid the driver - although quite reluctantly - and leapt from the vehicle. I heard the familiar clopping of the horse's hooves as I made my way into the building, downcast at how my financial situation had turned out.
"Hey!" I heard the instantly recognizable voice and inwardly groaned. This guy again?
"What?" I snapped sharply, whirling around to see that small detective boy once more. He wore a delighted grin on his face that seemed just a bit suspicious to me - until I realized my wallet had been taken. "You little thief! You've gone and done it again!"
"Oh, please, do calm down," he implored, opening the small leather casing. "You dropped it. I was merely going to return it to you. Hm." He frowned as he separated the empty slit where dollar bills are meant to be kept. "You have barely two pennies to rub together."
I snatched the object from his hands indignantly and tucked into my back pocket, where it would be safe. "Thank you, I had no idea."
"You are welcome."
Again, it was blatantly clear Mr. Dipper Pines could not understand sarcasm to save his life.
I sighed irritably. "What do you want this time?"
"This is great!" He exclaimed, ignoring my question completely. "You're low on expenses!"
I opened my mouth in a fierce display of confused anger. "Excuse me? Just what do you think you're on about?"
"Yes, this is excellent!" He continued, rambling excitedly. He looked up at me with his hands clasped to his chest. "Do you think you could see your way clear to moving in with me?"
I was completely taken aback.
"W-what?" I stammered, unsure of how to respond. "Are you -"
"For a while now I've been searching for someone to share the cost of living expenses with me! It's perfect!" His eyes shone with enthusiasm. "Living on my own is too much. You must move in with me, I insist!"
"I... I... Uh..."
His grin was so wide it reached both ears and I hadn't the heart to deny him at least the chance to inspect the area.
"Great! Let's go, right now!"
"But... what about..." I glanced back towards the department of law enforcement.
"Oh, it'll only take a minute! Besides, the most interesting thing happening today would be the dead pigeon in the alley." He took me by the coat sleeve keenly. "Come on!"
"Twenty-two-one-B..." I murmured under my breath. Pines drew a key from his pocket, fumbling with it a little in his eagerness, and finally managed to open the door. He stepped aside to let me in.
I must admit, it was a fine looking interior. The design was so homey and comforting. Despite the visible age on the walls and doors, I had to come to the conclusion that I liked this place in the end. It was highly better than the small apartment I had been maintaining, after all.
It was at that moment that I began to question myself. Was I really considering going through with this arrangement?
"Mrs. Susan, meet my new colleague, Robbie," Pines announced, glancing around expectantly until he heard the clatter of dishes and a woman appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.
"Oh, a visitor?" She exclaimed, holding the broken pieces of a dish tenderly in her fingers. "How lovely! I'd shake your hand, but, uh..." she held up the remnants of the plate apologetically. "Pines doesn't get many visitors. Most people would say he's undesirable." She laughed. Then her expression turned serious. "You weren't brought here against your will, were you?"
"What? Oh, no. No, I was not."
"Oh, good." She seemed very relieved once the notion was out of the way. "So what brings you here?" She continued pleasantly, retreating back into the kitchen. "I'll fix you some tea, you just have yourself a seat there." I could hear the sounds of her busying herself with a kettle as I obeyed and lifted myself onto a wooden chair.
"Robbie's going to live here," Pines stated matter-of-factly, as if it had been decided weeks ago.
"Is he now? Well isn't that something." The kettle began to hiss.
"What? No, I didn't decide anything -"
Pines pulled up the seat beside me and stared right into my eyes. It was quite uncomfortable.
"Uh... what are you -"
"Robbie. This house is obviously a lot better than what you currently reside in, and quite a great deal more affordable than your current, too. Remember when I first met you, and I took your watch? It was plain to see that whenever you'd bought it, you had had a large amount of money. A gold watch is quite hard to come by."
"Well... it could have been a gift."
"Ah, yes, but gifts such as these usually have something more. An inscription, perhaps. A "congratulations" or a "to" and "from", but not yours. No, yours had quite a few scratches and dents, as if you weren't handling such expensive gold properly. And judging from your reaction coupled with how you didn't notice at all until I told you, it didn't exactly have sentimental value to it either. Now, it was easy to infer from this that, if indeed you had as much money as I'd suspected, you could have gotten the gold replaced or fixed with no trouble. But to keep a watch in such a neglected condition, could only mean one of two things - you have so much money you don't care for it, or you have such little money you can't care for it." He smiled. "I think it's easy to see which theory I've gone with. And I turned out to be right."
"Hey, I could have plenty of money! You wouldn't know!"
"Oh, dear, have I insulted you?" He tilted his head quizzically. "I really must stop doing that. You are so sensitive to even the smallest of things."
I had the strongest urge to punch him in the throat at that moment.
"So?" He questioned, and I creased my brows.
"So what?"
"Have you decided yet?" His expression was expectant. "About our living arrangements?"
"Oh, yes, that." I sighed and ran a hand over my face. Despite all I would wish to argue, he was right. "Well... I guess I have no choice."
His face lit up with delight. "Great! Preparations begin as soon as possible - bring everything in tonight if you can manage!"
- x x x -
"In retrospect, maybe it was a bad move of me to be so excited about your agreement," Pines informs me. "You have proven to be quite the difficult house-mate."
"And you expect that you're any better?"
"Yes, quite considerably so."
Ah, he is a pain. But that's half the fun of it all.
Well, dear reader, until next time,
- Robbie V.