When Itachi was eleven, he was taken captive by Iwa. Two months in their possession, and he'd lost his eyes, the pride of his clan. They took them from him, leaving him only bloody, gaping holes. Eight months into his imprisonment he had eyes back, blue ones that saw in drab color and more light than Itachi had ever seen. He'd also lost hope of ever being released. He was going to rot in his cell, alone, cold, but at least he could see. Thank all the gods and devils he could see.

When Itachi was eighteen, after seven years of captivity, he was sent back to Konoha. He stayed in ANBU headquarters for a week, answering questions, and learning more than he told. His clan was dead. His cousin Shisui had done it. His brother was the only one alive. Itachi didn't want to be a ninja anymore. He told them that flatly, with his blue eyes cold, and they agreed. He wasn't fit to be a ninja anymore.

He was hardly fit to be a brother, but two broken people could put each other back together. They had to. No one else had the missing pieces. Itachi would never be whole again, but at least, with Sasuke's help, he could function. Nightmares became less, Sasuke stopped spitting hate every time he turned around, and maybe it was a life. Maybe it was peace. Maybe it was sanity rearing it's ugly, docile head. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Itachi hoped it was. He was sick of screaming inside his own head.

"Nii-san, I'm leaving," Sasuke said from the doorway. Itachi looked up from his position on the edge of the porch. Sasuke had a pack over his shoulder. It was another mission. Sasuke was a ninja, and he would never be swayed from that path. Itachi wasn't going to even try that.

"How long will you be gone?" Itachi asked, gathering himself off the floor with grace that his training and breeding had supplied him. He would never say it, but he hated it when Sasuke went away on a mission. He hated it. The house was an empty shell for days, and there was only Itachi to speak to the shadows. There were so many shadows, and they all reached for him and spoke to him.

"I don't know. We have to find Tsunade and convince her to be Hokage," Sasuke shrugged. "But Naruto's going to be there, and I can't see anyone standing up to his nagging for very long, can you?" Sasuke tipped his head to the side, and his sour face turned into an almost smile as he looked up at his brother. It wasn't adoration, as it had once been, but it was comfort.

Itachi hated the answer Sasuke had given him. "Be careful, and keep Naruto out of trouble." Itachi placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, and then, with a careful motion, as if afraid one of them would get hurt, folded his brother to his chest for a light hug. Sasuke's bristly hair poked Itachi's chin, and the smell of metal, sulfer, and boy pressed against Itachi's senses. Sasuke's arms came up in a stuttering motion, and he gripped the back of Itachi's shirt with the same hesitance Itachi showed. It was hard to know how hard you could hold onto someone.

"Sakura will be here--I told her it was okay for her to come visit you, if she got lonely," Sasuke said as he ducked his head and pulled away. Itachi looked at his brother, and he couldn't tell if that had been done for him, or for Sakura. Sasuke was, thankfully, much closer to his teammates now. They came over a bit, with their loud voices and bright faces. If there was something good for supper, Kakashi came sometimes too. Kakashi was a comfort.

"I'll be here if she needs me," Itachi promised his little brother as they stepped away from each other.

"Will you walk to the gate with me--to see us off? Kakashi-sensei and Sakura are going to be there..." Sasuke scuffed a foot on the floor. Itachi nodded, accepting the borrowed time.

"Let me get my shoes."

---

Itachi took a long walk before he returned home. He went to look at the destruction Sounds recent attack had brought down on Konoha. Buildings were going back up. What effected Itachi most was Sandaime's death, and Sasuke's absence, caused by the decrease of ninja fit for duty. Almost too often there was an empty house. Itachi felt the echos as he walked in. It was coming on dusk now, and the house was a study of shadows, eating up the walls, into the corners, under all the furniture.

Itachi slipped off his shoes and pushed his hair over his shoulder. He'd left it down today. The thick fall stayed in place well enough it didn't bother him much. It further separated him from the image of the ninja brother Sasuke had. He didn't look anything like the Uchiha genius anymore. Itachi sighed and moved through the house. He went to his room and grabbed up the block of ash he'd been working with and his knife. He took it out onto the porch to soak up the last of the sunshine.

Whittling had become Itachi's hobby. He needed something to do, and the wood work required dexterous hands and a comfortable feel for a sharp object. Itachi had that, and a sharp eye for detail. He mostly made children's toys--animal figurines and small people. Sometimes there were flowers, trees, and nonsense shapes that could be strung on string. Sakura liked to play with those, putting them on braided leather or ribbon. Itachi let her. She was a darling little child, and indulgence was all right.

Itachi sank down onto the sun warmed, for worn boards of the porch. He breathed out slowly, finding his center and washing himself over in calm. It was hard sometimes to do that. Mostly it was hard after the nightmares yanked him from sleep and left him with the taste of dirt in his mouth. Today, in the afternoon sun and the empty house, it was fairly easy. Itachi placed his knife on the wood, and glanced sideways, senses picking up on movement.

Itachi froze.

A man stood on the porch. His black hair stuck up in unruly, curly, spikes. His face was pale, his eyes outlined in heavy lashes. His frame was hidden under a cloak. His red eyes were wider than normal, swirling pupils in their depth. Itachi took a sharp breath, and his mouth opened for a word or a name.

Shisui beat him to it. "'Tachi."

---

Sasuke opened the door and stared up into the face of Shisui. His sharingan activated, his body tensed and drew back. Fear flew through him, and he wanted to slam the door and go hide. He didn't. He looked at the black and red cloak, mouth pressing into a tight line.

"Ne, Sasuke, who is it?" Naruto asked coming to his friends shoulder.

Sasuke leaned back, putting his shoulder against Naruto's. "Uchiha Shisui."

Shisui's mouth couldn't be seen behind his cloak, but Sasuke remembered the pleasant smile that had to be spreading across it, crooking up the corners of his eyes. "Sasuke-kun, my how you've grown."

---

Shisui approached, feet rapping at the wood as he approached. Itachi didn't move, just watched the inevitable approach. Shisui looked down at him.

"Blue eyes."

"Yes."

"They took your eyes."

"Yes."

"You told them how to use the sharingan, so they gave you new eyes."

"Yes."

Shisui knelt down. His hand came out to touch Itachi's chin. He caught it between calloused fingers and thumb, turning Itachi's head to the side as he looked at the blue eyes in a different light. Itachi kept those eyes on Shisui's face. Shisui's eyes wandered down to Itachi's hands, which were gripping the whittling knife and half formed block of wood.

"A hobby?"

Itachi took a short breath. "I need something to do with my time." He didn't say he wasn't a ninja anymore. He could tell Shisui knew that.

"Ah," Shisui's fingers released Itachi's chin. He looked down at his younger cousin. "Fugaku-sama said you'd be useless after what they put you through. I argued you wouldn't. I thought you were stronger than this."

Itachi turned his head up. "Strong enough for revenge, Shi-nii-san? If that's your measure of strength and worth, I'm nothing."

Shisui glanced back. There was no one behind them. Shisui settled onto the porch. Itachi turned his eyes back to his work, fingers moving without a quiver. There was silence before Shisui spoke, words forming in the air in a jumbled tangle Itachi had been waiting to hear. Shisui painted a clumsy picture of greys and reds that made Itachi feel like a priest at confession.

He looked over at his former favorite cousin--now his only and favorite still by default. "How long can you keep it up, Shisui? How long before you break wide open and spill it all out? You don't love Konoha enough to keep this up."

Shisui's face was haunted by a smile. "I never loved anyone enough to keep this up. I just can't find a way to quit. I can't find anything anymore."

Itachi sat silent. If Shisui was looking for absolution, he was going to have to look elsewhere. Itachi was not one to forgive the sins that were committed to others. He didn't have the right. Itachi heard heavy feet on the wood of the porch. Itachi turned to look, and saw a hulking figure approach. The man's mouth split open in a jagged smile. Shisui looked back at the man and then looked to Itachi.

His hand caught Itachi's throat. Shisui's eyes swirled and black bled over the red in a pattern Itachi didn't know. Itachi tense, instincts fighting in him. He had a knife in his hands. He could use it. Shisui knew it. He didn't.

"You're useless."

---

Sasuke hit the wall. Naruto was screaming. Shisui was looking between the two, bloody eyes politely impassive. He was smiling--Sasuke knew that. Shisui had that pleasant little smile he wore, and he was wearing it now behind his cloak. Sasuke staggered to his feet.

"I was surprised to find out you house wasn't empty, Sasuke-kun," Shisui spoke, and his voice was nothing but pleasant. Kisame had Naruto neatly taken care of, pinned under that giant sword of his. Sasuke felt his stomach drop out of his body. His heart stopped. Shisui hadn't--he couldn't have....

"I'm amazed you keep him around. He's only holding you back."

Sasuke's head was spinning.

"He was useless."

Sasuke's mouth was a dry. He'd expected anger--rage at Shisui's words. He didn't. He felt hollow and cold and terrified. If Itachi was gone there was only Shisui and Sasuke and the horrible revenge hanging between them. Sasuke knew that would be his only reason to live. There was Naruto, and Sakura, but he couldn't shove his clan's revenge in the closet for them. He wasn't that strong.

"No." Sasuke struggled with words around the blood in his mouth. "He wasn't...."

"He was hindering you. You only need one focus if you're ever going to get strong enough to beat me. He'd gone soft and was no help to you. He was making you soft" Shisui reported calmly. All the past tense was making Sasuke's heart ache. This was Itachi they were talking about. This was the man that had managed to will away Sasuke vengeful fervor even in his weakened state. This was Sasuke's childhood idol. This was impossible.

"Why did you kill him? What challenge was he? Why couldn't you just leave him alone?" Sasuke shouted through the haze of blood in his mouth. "Why did you have to kill him too?"

"He was hindering you," Shisui repeated. "You only have yourself to blame. If you had stayed true to your path as an avenger, I could have let your worthless brother live." The world fell out from under Sasuke, and Shisui's red eyes ate him up. It was his fault, and the hot press of those eyes twisting in his mind left no room for doubt.

Itachi was dead because of him.

---

This was all his fault. He was beginning to see it all now. If he'd been stronger, this wouldn't have happened. If he'd kept on with his path instead of curling up in the fetal position and taking the easy way out, none of this would have happened. He stared at the black hair across the white sheets. The skin of the body in front of him was only a bit less pale than the sheets.

He took a breath, swallowing the stale air. His chest hurt. He was twisted up in guilt and denial. He didn't want any of this. He knew--knew he was to blame, and he knew what he could do to fix this, but he didn't want to do it. He didn't know if he could anymore. It would be hard--maybe even impossible. He was scared.

Kakashi walked in. Itachi looked up at the older man. Kakashi looked down at Sasuke and looked over at Itachi. They both knew what had happened. Itachi looked over at Sasuke, his lips folding into thin white lines.

"I could have kept this from happening," Itachi intoned, eyes on his brother's still form. Kakashi said nothing, but he didn't need to. Itachi could hear the truth in his own words. "If I hadn't taken the easy way and stepped down from being a ninja, I could have stopped Shisui from getting to Sasuke, and he wouldn't be here."

"That's possible," Kakashi sais, and Itachi knew what the man was really asking was 'why is that relevant now?'

"Shisui still out there."

"He is."

"He could come back one day, and the same thing will happen to Sasuke." Itachi spoke, and again Kakashi was silent. Itachi looked up to Kakashi with his wide blue eyes. "I thought I could stand being weak, but I was wrong. I don't care what happens to me, but Sasuke...." Itachi looked back at his fallen little brother.

"They might not reinstate you," Kakashi observed in his ever absent voice. Itachi shook his head.

"I don't care if they do. I don't want to be a ninja. I just want...." Itachi looked at Sasuke harder, and he took a half breath. "I don't want to sit here again, knowing if I hadn't crawled away to hide from the world and my scars, my little brother wouldn't be hurting.

"He's helped me so much, and the least I can do is protect him while he needs it."

Kakashi was silent for several long minutes. "You want me to help you train to get back in fighting condition--all to protect Sasuke from Shisui?"

Itachi nodded. "I hate fighting. I like not having to do it, but I've been a fool to think that was the right thing for me to do. It was selfish, and easy." Itachi looked up at Kakashi, his expression wry. "And you know the right thing is hardly ever easy."

It was Kakashi's turn to nod. "Tomorrow morning, then." He turned with a wave, and Itachi turned his blue eyes back to Sasuke. He was terrified of tomorrow.

---

Itachi wasn't unfit. He still kept in shape, but imprisonment had warped his mind and body. He wanted to flinch from blows instead of block them. He wanted to avoid pain. He wanted to get away from sight and threat. He was worse than he'd been as a gennin. He'd never been afraid to take a blow. He was fine with structured combat--the kata with its planned blows and politeness, but once Kakashi got serious it all fell apart.

Itachi whimpered and cowered from the punch Kakashi pulled. Itachi's cheeks flushed with shame, and it was all he could do to look up at Kakashi. Itachi felt lower than dirt. He hated the feeling crawling in his guts, and the fact he was shaking with fear. This was one of the reasons he hadn't wanted to be a ninja anymore. He'd spent too many formative years under the oppressive care of Iwa, and it showed. His mentality had changed, and this pressing of all his terrors and instincts to the surface was disrupting the perilous calm he'd managed to cultivate since arriving back home.

Most of that had been an act. If Itachi acted calm, he was a little calmer. He knew he was capable of panic attacks and mindless terror, but all that had been controlled since he'd come back. It was only the nightmares that plagued him--first nightly and then less and less. If he had one a week it was surprising--it had been surprising. The training with Kakashi was bringing everything out, and Itachi had nightmares more often. There was no Sasuke to wake him now. Sasuke was comatose in a hospital bed.

That image got Itachi off the ground--out of bed, and made him insist Kakashi come at him again, and Itachi would block this time. This was all for Sasuke. Itachi would do this for no one else--not even himself. He would have been happy to whittle away his life. He didn't like to fight, and he would have let people run roughshod over him if they wanted to. He could deal with abuse.

He could not deal with the sick feeling seeing Sasuke hurt and knowing he could have done something to prevent it.

Itachi flinched as another blow connected. He steadied himself and looked Kakashi in the eye. "Again."

---

Itachi hit the ground. Kakashi had changed tactics. He wasn't going to coddle Itachi. He wasn't going to coax. That was getting them nowhere fast. He might, however, kill Itachi.

Itachi was breathing hard, stinging all over from pain, and weak with adrenalin. He scrambled--scrambled like an animal to his feet and brought up a shaky defense that Kakashi beat down. Itachi bled--blood in his mouth and nose, flowing out of him like a bright stream of thought.

Kakashi was trying to break through the terror. Kakashi was trying to make Itachi deal with the pain and threat and respond like he was really going to die. Somewhere, buried under all of that fear was a ninja. Kakashi was going to beat it out of Itachi. Itachi was going to try to dig it out. Neither of them was having much luck. Itachi hit the hard ground again, tasting dirt and blood and he was frozen. He was in a dungeon, rocks all around, blood and vomit and dirt crushed and mixed in his mouth--

Kakashi's foot caught Itachi in the ribs, flipping him over. Itachi rolled to his feet, lashing out. He hit Kakashi's block, and for a moment they were stunned into silent stillness.

Then Kakashi brought Itachi to the ground again. And again. And again. And again.

Itachi spat dirt and blood and ground sand between his teeth, but, for every time Kakashi knocked him down, Itachi got back onto his feet.

---

Itachi dodged, his body shuddering with an aborted flinch. He was filled to the brim with a screaming hysteria that had him moving all the time. If he stopped moving then he would freeze up. His wide blue eyes tracked Kakashi's movements, straining to reached the clarity and quickness of his lost sharingan. It couldn't, but he tried. He tried everything these days, and he always faltered and fell short.

Kakashi knocked him to the ground. Itachi bounced back up, bruises and bedraggled but he was used to that. He'd never had to work so hard for anything in his life. He was so exhausted at night he didn't dream anymore. He hardly had time to think. Kakashi was pushing Itachi to and edge, and Itachi was pushing Kakashi to push him over that edge.

Kakashi took a hit. Itachi's muscles burned with fatigue, and his legs threatened time and time again to give out on him. They didn't. He and Kakashi had been at this for hours. Itachi was learning to get lost in the movement, and focus on nothing more than dodging, hitting, and relearning everything he'd known. He didn't know why Kakashi was still here, pushing his former comrade and now student's brother.

There--Itachi saw an opening. He grabbed Kakashi's arm, and in a disorienting pull and flip, he had his teacher on the ground, pinned. For a moment all he could do was breath, feeling Kakashi's muscle bunch under him. The man was going to try to throw Itachi off. Itachi jammed a knee into Kakashi's back, and he had the other man. For once, Itachi had won.

"Itachi-san!" Sakura's high voice shattered the air. Itachi turned to see her waving to them. "Tsunade's here! She's going to wake up Sasuke!"

---

Someone was crying. Itachi's head came up and around. He walked through the house, padding through shadows and scattered them with his candle. He opened Sasuke's door and found the boy fighting with his sheets, trying to get loose from them and the nightmare that wrapped around his mind. Itachi set down the candle and folded himself onto the floor. He grabbed Sasuke's shoulder, giving the boy a sharp shake.

"Sasuke!" Itachi snapped the name out, and Sasuke's eyes snapped open, body jerking into wakefulness. Sasuke went limp, gasping and red eyes darting around trying to find the threat his mind still insisted was there. Tsunade said there was only so much she could heal. The rest would take time. Sasuke's eyes landed on Itachi, and he stopped searching.

"You were having another nightmare," Itachi said, though that much was obvious and didn't need to be said. Sasuke gave Itachi a look, and his eyes faded out to grey. Itachi settled himself more firmly on the floor and looked his little brother over. Physically, Sasuke looked about the same. Mentally, he was still suffering from Shisui's Tsukiyomi. He had nightmares, and he looked haunted during the daylight hours.

Sasuke sat up slowly, back hunched and tired. He wasn't getting enough sleep, and it bothered Itachi to see his little brother so drained. Itachi reached forward and ran his hand over Sasuke's head, smoothing down the spiked back just to have it pop back up into its original position. Itachi smoothed it again and held it down.

"You really should to something about your hair--it looks like the wrong end of a duck," Itachi admonished, watching as the unruly strands began fighting their way back up into spikes.

Sasuke snorted. "Well, yours makes you look like a girl, so we're even."

"How is that worse than looking like a duck's back end?" Itachi asked. Sasuke's hair sprung defiantly back into position, and Itachi left it alone. It would never change. Sasuke would probably be an old man with his hair still the same. That was a comfort to Itachi. He knew Sasuke would change as he grew, but he would still be Sasuke in many ways. He would still be Itachi's little brother.

Sasuke gave a little shiver, and Itachi shot him a look. The room was filled with the hollow echo of a nightmare. Itachi knew the feeling, and the haunted shadows the candle danced across the ceiling were never going to help. Itachi stood, gathering his candle, and mussing Sasuke's messy head. "Let's go have some tea."

Sasuke gave Itachi an incredulous look, but he slipped out of his futon and followed Itachi off into the kitchen, where they made tea in silence, and Itachi made sure the kitchen was full of light. They sat on the floor to drink the tea, pot between them. Itachi nursed his like it was ambrosia, and Sasuke just sipping, soaking the heat into his hands.

"What happened to your fingers?" Sasuke asked, motioned to Itachi right index and middle finger, which were wrapped and sticking out awkwardly. Itachi looked at the fingers too and shrugged.

"I hurt them punching Kakashi-sempai in the face," Itachi reported blandly. Sasuke spluttered into his tea, eyes going round as saucers.

"Really?"

Itachi nodded. "It was not one of our better moments, but Kakashi's nose was not broken. He's taking a break until the swelling in his eye goes down." Itachi sipped his tea, and his lips curled around the edge. No one could doubt Itachi was finally getting some of his old skill back. He was beginning to see he'd never be what he had been, but he didn't want to be that anymore.

Sasuke looked horrified and vastly amused. He looked down at his hands and then back up at Itachi. His expression was changed. "Why're you doing this now? You said you didn't want to be a ninja anymore." There was an accusation in Sasuke's voice.

"I don't, and I'm not going to be a ninja," Itachi said softly. He looked Sasuke in the eyes, grey to blue. "I told you, I was captive too long to be trusted as a Konoha-nin anymore."

"So why are you doing this--going out to train with Kakashi and doing kata and all of that?" Sasuke pressed.

"Because of what happened to you. I don't want to be a ninja. I don't want to fight. If I only had myself to worry about Sasuke, I wouldn't be doing this. Because I was weak, you got hurt. If I had been able to stop Shisui, he never would have gotten to you, and you would never have believed I was dead." You never would have had to taste the terror of being utterly alone twice.

Sasuke was silent, and they drank their tea. He looked troubled, but Itachi couldn't find any words to ease whatever trouble was eating into his little brother. He didn't even know what was bothering Sasuke. Itachi poured himself another cup of tea and blew on it, waiting for Sasuke to make another move. Itachi had gotten very, very good at waiting. He'd done it for years.

"So you're just going to keep training so you can protect me from Shisui?" Sasuke asked.

"For the moment," Itachi paused. "You'll pass me sooner or later, Sasuke. Then, I won't be able to protect you. Then, my goal will be to not be a burden to you, and be capable of protecting myself from anyone who wants to hurt you by going through your weaker brother."

Sasuke frowned at his tea. He looked at Itachi with hard eyes. "No, if I can pass you, then you have to let me take care of you. If I get better than you, then you can stop fighting, and I'll protect you. If I can't protect the people I love, then I won't be strong enough. You shouldn't have to fight because of me."

Itachi sat in silence, and the words Sasuke spoke had an echo of Naruto in them. It wasn't a bad echo, not at all. Itachi hid a smile in his cup, and he nodded. "All right, but until them, let me take care of you, Sasuke. I'm your older brother after all."

Sasuke nodded and burbled something into his tea cup. He looked a bit mortified that he's done that, and Itachi smiled. "And now, little brother of mine, we should both be heading to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow."

Sasuke stood to place his tea cup in the sink. "We do?"

Itachi nodded. "Since your sensei and my sparring partner is out of commission, I thought you and your team could help me with my sparring. If I take all three of you on at once, it should be almost as good as Kakashi." Itachi placed the pot and his cup in the sink. He would wash up in the morning.

Sasuke's cheeks puffed out in an old sign of annoyance. "Heh, yeah right! You wouldn't even be able to take two of us on. In fact, we'd better stick to one-on-one so you don't get hurt, Nii-san. I could probably beat you myself."

They were walking down the dark hall back to bed. Itachi whirled around, fingers flashing out. The skipped across Sasuke's forehead, despite his dodge. Itachi smiled and turned away. "You've still got a ways to go, Sasuke."

Before Itachi got three steps Sasuke grabbed him in a grappling hold, and they both hit the floor in a painful lump. Itachi was laughing too hard to properly break his fall as Sasuke demanded Itachi take his jab back. Itachi reversed the pin and Sasuke tried to black his eyes with an elbow.....

It was a long time before either of them got to bed.

A/N: There will a third part focusing on Shisui!