We Are The Requiem

Ned I: Pisces Setting

Disclaimer: I do not own A Song of Fire and Ice or Game of Thrones.

The bitter heat of whisky laced across Ned's tongue as he carefully took the virgin sip of the evening through pursed lips. Cigarette smoke hung thickly in the air like poison. He took a long look around the pub from his secluded corner, watching patrons slip out words to coalesce into one lilt of meaningless chatter. How lucky they were to wrap themselves further and further into their own little worlds, to give into alcohol's sweet promise of temporary reprieve. The brunette had often wondered why drinking had held such little temptation in his eyes. It certainly wasn't for lack of trying – he could still remember sneaking into his father's drinking cabinet at family gatherings with his cousins as teenagers. They'd pour half a glass each of the first wine bottle they could reach before trading awkward smiles and downing their prize, only to cough and splutter the very next moment. How he wished he could surrender to the numbness, even just for one night. "Starks are too valiant for such behaviour" he thought acidly, recalling his father's words the one time he got caught red handed. He rewarded himself with another sip of molten brimstone. "Valiant – the best euphemism available for failure."

The brunette gently shoved his glass aside as his thoughts heavily turned to the evening's earlier events. Admittedly, two sips of whisky did little to dull the breathless melancholy he felt soaring through his head, but at least he had tried. He needed to feel this pain in all its blackened glory. Three years had done little to temper his son's anger: if anything, the immature blaze had evolved. Ned felt burnt and frozen all at once, paralyzed by his son's steely resolve to reject everything he had come to be. The elder Stark felt the hope die somewhere inside of him – reconciliation was nothing more than fool's dream, and at this point, who was a bigger fool than he? Ned smiled sadly as a burst of afternoon sunlight unfolded across his memory like a golden rose, crystallized by the warming notes of laughter falling softly into place. The nausea returned; an acquaintance that was fast becoming a best friend over the course of mere hours. "It wasn't supposed to be like this" he whispered softly. The weak apology fell onto no one's ears, not even his own. His guilt had completely deafened him.

"Lost in your own world again?" The businessman's head rose to follow the quiet voice, acknowledging the woman now edging her way into the seat next to his. Her hair fell in dark straw cascades about her shoulders, swaying ever so slightly from side to side as she positioned herself with the utmost attention. Hollows of beauty lined her cheekbones, leading down to the nude sensuousness of her lips. Her eyes ignited hauntingly as she modestly smirked backed at him. God, how he loved her eyes, those pools of infinity that stopped time whenever she graced him with them, so deeply sapphire they were almost violet. He was ashamed how easily rich red twirls gave way to midnight velvet, how perfection became so malleable every time she was this near to him. It was this very orbit into such divine madness that saved him from himself and made his secrets just that much heavier.

"You've been drinking" she said softly, her voice barely registering above the pub's bustle. "It must be a special occasion."

"Every occasion is special if it includes you, my love" he said quietly. "You should know that by now, it's been twenty or so years."

"Twenty-three to be exact, but it's not like anyone is keeping score Ned."

"My wife would, if she ever found out about us" chuckled the businessman darkly, his stomach twisting in anxious knots as his thoughts turned red once more. He attempted a change of topic to distract his remorse. "How is Arthur doing?"

"He's fallen head over heels for Sydney. He said he doesn't know why he never emigrated sooner. Madeline and the kids are... less keen about the whole situation."

"Typical Arthur; always leaving everyone fifty feet behind in search of his next big adventure."

"Well, my brother has always been liberal in love and even more so with his enthusiasm" said the woman, her lips curled into a honeyed grin. She reached out a hand, laying it tenderly across his loose fist. His heart instantly fluttered in a forbidden tattoo against its flesh and bone prison. "Ned, why am I here? We both agreed to lay low for a while. What happened?"

"Why does something have to have happened for me to see you?"

"You and I don't do small talk about the weather Ned. We do kisses in the moonlight when no one is around and keep our secrets hidden well inside the dark." She arched her brow placidly, gazing right through the pretence of smoke and mirrors he offered. "You've been working in that hospital for too long" was his curt reply. He hated how well they knew each other, like old scars marked with equal parts of fondness and fury. He couldn't bare her sympathy. "We have a problem" he muttered, lowering his gaze to the endless mahogany swirls of the table in front of him. "Something that we need to deal with urgently."

"Now THERE is the Ned Stark I know and love. What's the matter?" Ned bit his lip, nearly drawing out a crimson droplet. "What do you know about Jon's boyfriend?"

-xoxoxoxoxo-

Nine o' clock had barely died when Ned walked through the door of 45 Northern Avenue, his mind effortlessly lost within its own depths. Half-formed thoughts chased rabidly after each other across his head like senseless dogs, savagely biting into each other. He could feel his body growing weary of his struggle as he trudged along into the entrance hall. Today was the climax of a drama twenty-three years in the making and he had been responsible for every turn it took. Without knowing it, the businessman had pulled strings to strangle himself so elegantly. Every move he made was another karmic dagger he slid into himself, and now the pain had finally begun to show itself. The players had turned on him, but he had set them up to do so. "To think that I did this for love" he thought, feeling his strength ebb out of him. "The one mistake other people fight for... 'valiantly', I might add." He closed his eyes, wishing for the ground beneath him to open and swallow him into nothingness. "I wanted too much and now it's caught up with me."

A wet sniffle snuck itself into Ned's open palm, followed by an appreciative brush of rough tongue. The businessman turned his head to the side to see the Stark husky gaze adoringly up at him. The blue shards of her eyes shone wetly in the hall's dimmed light. The businessman afforded himself a brief smile in his darkness. "Hello Lady" he said softly, running his hand over her velvet fur. The husky gave a generous flourish of her tail before letting a quiet yelp escape her jaws, signalling for him to follow her. Ned complied with her request, his footsteps clicking off against the pristine ecru walls. He knew this routine well by now, he'd played it out too many times before. Clockwork didn't have enough precision as this – this was solid, something to always come back to... safe and suffocating all at once, he couldn't bear to face his own home, not after today.

Lady continued to pad her way through to the far end of the house, heading straight for the study. Ned noted the queer stillness delicately prancing about. Brandon and Ricky would be asleep by now, but there was usually venomous curses hurled between his daughters, both bold and under breath. He and Caitlyn did all they could to stem the hatred, but Sansa and Arya were as different as the sun and the moon and neither appreciated having to exist with the other. Silence like this was rare, though the businessman always loved the incandescent chatter from one room to the next. Having grown up with such an orthodox father, Ned had vowed to allow his own family to flourish in their own paths, nurturing each and every one of his beloved children. "Well, not ALL of them" he thought darkly. "Mistakes were made."

The tender pulse of light up ahead beckoned to him, pulling him into the study's hushed universe as if he were hypnotized. Concrete boundaries gave way to heavy lines of mahogany burdened with an innumerable army of books lined pristinely against each other. Notes of cherry wafted through the air, infusing with the warm leather of the two recliners at the corner of the room. The businessman grinned wearily to himself as he caught site of the waterfall of auburn silk hair peaking over the top of the chair. He crossed on over in soundless strides to let a kiss fall from lips against the rose-kissed supple cheek facing him. "Good evening, my sweet" he rumbled mildly, moving to take the seat opposite his wife. "I'm so sorry I'm late. Work was more complicated than expected." Caitlyn raised her head from the newspaper crumpled in her hands, throwing the brunette a benevolent smile, her eyes twinkling from behind her glasses. She summoned Lady to settle at her feet with a simple gesture of her hand. "Love, you're finally home. Do you want something to eat? There's roast lamb and potatoes in the fridge."

"Maybe later. Today has taken away my appetite."

"Rough time at the office?" The businessman considered her words carefully before slipping his head into a nod. He closed his eyes in an extended blink, his mind lost in the throes of guilty black velvet. "I could fall asleep in this chair." His eyes flew open. "Why are we blessed with such golden silence tonight?"

"It is rather peaceful, isn't it?" she agreed, setting her newspaper to the floor. "Sansa is gone to the movies with her friends and Arya is staying over at the Butchers tonight. You have to fetch her tomorrow morning at seven."

"If I'm still alive by then" mumbled the brunette, nearly losing himself to the ache declaring war against his body. He looked over, mesmerised by the redhead's clear aqua pupils sparkling in the study light. It was such a different shade of blue, so dependable and trusting. They had their passionate streaks, but for the most part, they were content to shine in all their limpid beauty. Ned's own liquid mahogany felt ashamed in comparison. He did not deserve such a saintly hue. "Dear, I-"

"Next week is Robb's birthday" Caitlyn interrupted, the smile fading from her lips. The brunette sighed wistfully, sinking further into his recliner. March 03rd had slipped from his memory with the night's earlier drama. Three years had taken that special day and turned it into another soulless passage of hours. "Oh."

"Ned... maybe we should go and see him. Just to say that he doesn't have to come back, but that we're here for him."

"I wish he were back here though" roused Ned. "He's our son; he should be here at home with us, with the people who love him."

"What do you think we should do?" asked the redhead uncertainly, her expression now shifting to maternal angst. Her hands wrung about each other lightly, a sign that Ned always picked up on when she was upset. Again, stillness fell between them before he spoke. He thought back to the pub, of near-violet eyes and ebony sheets; and even further back to the hospital. The nausea fluttered back into his stomach, forcing bitter truth to get caught in his throat. What was there to tell her? "I wish I knew" he said softly, closing his eyes to fight off the madness that threatened to drag him into oblivion. "I'd give anything to bring him home again... even my own life."

-xoxoxoxoxo-

London's Saturday sun was still newly orange in the morning sky as Ned's Mercedes hummed across the empty streets. Its owner could barely bring himself to look in mirror – sleep had been an elusive prey last night. Sansa returned home an hour after he did, blithering on and on about some handsome actor, but neither he nor Caitlyn to bring themselves to tell her that all that mattered was that she was home safe and that the shirtless twenty-something she was referring to could take a long walk off a short cliff for all they cared. After a quick check on the younger sons, the Stark heads finally headed off to the sweet sanctuary of slumber. Caitlyn had fallen asleep after three minutes or so, but the brunette had to pay a toll of three hours of restlessness. His son flitted in and out of his head, never once letting his conscience rest. "What a comedy of errors this has turned into" he muttered, feeling his molten frustration point its arrows inwards.

The Mercedes swerved left into a cul-de-sac generously covered with ivy before stopping before the Butcher house. He was actually ten minutes early, but Arya's free spirit never allowed her to be punctual, so he would be waiting for double that amount. There was a better use for his time, or at least a way to soothe his irritation. He shook his head sagely before pulling out his cellphone. "Dial Ash" he whispered into the speaker, as if someone might discover him if he spoke too loudly. His heart thudded dramatically with each ring, until the call finally connected. "This is early, even for you."

"Good morning love. Did you sleep well?"

"Well, given the time, I'm guessing about as well as you."

"If that is true, you should call in sick today. I don't want any dead patients on my watch; my conscience is already stretched to breaking point."

"Way ahead of you darling, I already got one of my interns to cover for me tonight."

"Let me guess – the fetching one that you've got wrapped around your stethoscope?"

"The very same, though I don't have the heart to tell him my love belongs to another. Besides, he's younger than Jon!" Ned shook his head again smilingly. Ash always made him feel better, even if she was just wit and voice for now. "Speaking of which, have you given any thought to my plan?"

Silence.

"Ash?"

"I'm here Ned. I just... it's awfully risky. You're placing so much on one big Batman gambit."

"Love, if you have any other way out of this without us losing everything, I am all ears." The brunette fell in love all over again with the melodious sigh over the phone. "I have a very bad feeling about this."

"We have to make this mistake right again."

"Jon is not a mistake Ned. He is our son." Ned gazed solemnly out of the car window, watching the early sunlight fall upon emerald blades of grass. For a single moment, he mistook blazing orange morning for late golden afternoon. Forgotten laughter rained once more, and the nausea rose like a tsunami. "I know."

Hello again! Thank you for taking the time to read this, see you next chapter!