FYI, all of the cryptograms I use in this fanfic are decoded with Caesar cipher.


The most Pacifica could do without feeling too uncomfortable on the drive was look at her nails, which she barely had time to manicure before being thrown into this surprise trip. Candy was ogling the travel brochures while Mabel and Grenda were chasing each other around with what looked like more of her sweaters. When Pacifica had come out of the back room wearing one of Mabel's sweaters, it nearly sucked up her neck, much like what happened with Dipper when he first put on one of the suits at her mansion. As soon as Dipper saw it, he laughed and called it karma.

"How's the new outfit, Your Majesty?" Dipper asked.

"Oh, stuff it," Pacifica replied, loosening the sweater's grip on her neck, "For starters, I'm not being spoiled. I just rearranged some of your stuff to have a reasonable amount of personal space."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dipper said, "You didn't happen to touch any of my, uh...personal belongings?"

"And that brings me to my second point..."

At the same time, Mabel had been sitting up front with Grunkle Stan driving, trying to concentrate on the road without being distracted by Mabel's talk about her sudden distaste for unicorns.

"Kid, do you mind?" asked Stan, "I hate unicorns as much as the next guy, but if you keep talking, they won't be the death of us."

"Awww, don't be such a pouty-face, Grunkle Stan," Mabel said, "What's not to like about a long, long drive on an empty road with almost nothing but trees in sight?"

"Gas prices, cracks in the road, being trapped with someone you hate..." Stan answered nonchalantly.

"You know you like me and Dipper," Mabel teased.

"Of course I do," Stan said, "Fortunately, I wasn't talking about you two."

"Well you can't possibly hate Soos," Mabel said, "He's like a son to you!"

"Hey, I like the guy, but do NOT disturb the delicate relationship between an employer and his handyman!" Stan exclaimed.

Mabel gasped before saying, "Why Candy and Grenda? I thought you enjoyed having the, over! All those times the four of us watched Duck-tective together!"

"Jeez, Mabel, I'm not talking about them either!"

Mabel had run out of guesses, almost completely forgetting about one more. One that had been a bit last minute...

"You don't mean...Pacifica?"

"Bingo, kiddo," Stan said, not taking his eyes off the road, "Now be helpful and put this wrinkly old map in the glove compartment. Not gonna need it as long as I have my keen sense of tracking shady proprietors."

After doing what she was told, Mabel immediately went back to the previous subject, asking "But why?"

"You seriously have to ask?" Stan asked her, "I mean, she's been a brat as long as I can remember, but this summer with the two of you here? Something just cranked it up a notch in her."

"...but she's not like that anymore."

"Kid, as long as I've lived, there's one thing I've learned over the years, and that's people don't change," Stan said, "Take Ford, for example. He was an overachieving know-it-all when we were young, and he's the same way now. The Northwests are no different. Once a snobby scumbag, always a snobby scumbag."

"Then why did you let her come with us, Grunkle Stan?" asked Mabel.

"Easy paycheck," he replied, "Her old man paid me thousands to bring her along. But if she isn't bringing in the dough for me, she ain't worth my time or attention."

"Grunkle Stan, why are you being so..."

"Look, let's just leave it as me being a concerned family member; it's not easy watching your loved ones get picked on. I wanted to pummel kids who did that to my brother, and I definitely want to pummel kids who mess with you and your brother. I'm just trying to protect you; that's never going to change."

The R.V started to slow down as it made a turn onto the next exit.

"Look, can we just drop the whole subject, please?" asked Stan, "We're about to hit our first stop, and I don't want something sour like this ruining our revenge trip."

Ignoring the handicap sign at the parking spot, Stan parked there anyway. Pacifica didn't notice until everyone but Soos was off the vehicle.

"Um, Stan?" asked Pacifica, "Shouldn't you be saving that parking spot for..."

"It's Mr. Pines, kid," Stan growled, "And who says I'm not? As soon as Soos puts up my fake handicap permit, no one will know the difference. Speaking of which...SOOS! Put up the handicap permit!"

"Yes sir, Mr. Pines sir!" Soos called out from the van.

Mr. Pines went off to do his usual scheming as part of his revenge trip. Pacifica got the vibe Stan didn't enjoy having her along.

"You'll get used to it, dude," Soos said coming from the vehicle, "Everyone except Dipper and Mabel calls him Mr. Pines."

"And...you don't mind him ordering you around like a slave?"

"I'd do anything for the Pines family!" Soos replied, "And I mean ANYTHING. Even for his strange twin brother that came from the portal."

"What twin...actually, never mind," Pacifica said, "If it was important, Dipper probably would have told me."

"You dudes are getting pretty close, huh?" Soos asked.

"He's not so bad when you get your life saved by him," Pacifica replied, "But DON'T tell Mabel any of this! I just know she's gonna try playing matchmaker if she knew I liked D...uh, never mind, I don't know why I'm even telling you this."

"Mabel's a visionary, dude!" Soos exclaimed, "She could make cats and dogs fall in love! And those things fight like cats and dogs!"

"You can't make people fall in love!" Pacifica exclaimed, "It has to happen naturally, unexpectedly...maybe...maybe with someone you never thought you'd fall for..."

Pacifica stopped herself once she realized what she had just been saying, all of which came out a little too naturally.

"Well, not that I know from any personal experience," Pacifica said, "I just watch a lot of romcoms."

"Heh, whatever you say, dude," Soos said adjusting his cap.

"NOW!" Stan screamed.

All of a sudden, everyone started running back into the R.V, cuing Soos and Pacifica to do the same. At some point as Stan was driving off, Pacifica could have sworn she heard an old lady screaming "I'll get you, Stan Pines!" She wasn't quite sure what Stan did (until she looked out the window and saw a giant ball of yarn being unraveled with the string attached to their vehicle).

But she did know that if she couldn't control her feelings, it would be a very long road trip.

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