Disclaimer: Still don't own Mass Effect. Still don't make money on this story.
Chapter 1
Raina Shepard, Commander of the SSV Normandy, Specter for the Council, and N7 ranked Alliance Marine stood quietly in the shadows of the Comm Room. With her back against the wall and her arms across her chest, she leaned her head against the cold metal of the inner bulkhead and refused to let the tears fall. Inside her chest a battle of emotions was tearing at her heart and making it hard to breath.
Through all her years of service in the Systems Alliance Military, she had never felt so angry, so frustrated, so utterly hopeless. Not when she lost her entire unit on Akuze where she'd had to use all her wits and skills to survive. Not when she had been forced into working for Cerberus, the organization responsible for said unit's deaths. Not when she'd had to make the call to destroy the Alpha Relay, killing hundreds of Thousands of innocent Batarians, and not even when she had faced the nearly impossible assault on the Collector Base where she lost crew and friends, including her lover Thane Krios.
None of those events, or countless others where she'd witnessed death, destruction, and injustice had made her feel as gut-wrenchingly sick in her soul as she did at that moment. Not since that day 16 years ago when she'd literally lost everything had she felt so much pain, so much despair.
They were so close! The Crucible was nearly finished. All they needed was the information about the Catalyst and what it was. She had been seconds, SECONDS, from possessing the knowledge that would allow her to complete their one and only weapon.
It was all just too much. It wasn't enough that the Reapers posed a near impossible threat, but they had to fight against Cerberus, too. She believed firmly that all races had to be united in order to triumph, but with a serious faction of humanity dogging their every step… She was only one woman. She couldn't force the galaxy to work together.
Shepard had done so much already, uniting the Krogan and Turian forces, curing the Genophage, ending the –centuries-long conflict between the Geth and Quarians, and she should have been able to beat Kai Leng, too. If only she had climbed faster!
She breathed in and out slowly through her nose, trying to wrestle her rage, her guilt, and her sorrow under control. It felt like there were red-hot bands of steal around her chest, tightening with every beat of her warring heart. As the swell up emotion rose up her gorge and tightened her throat she reached for something, anything to help give her the calm she desperately needed. She reached for Thane. The image of him sitting at his table down in life support, his eyes closed in meditation, a quiet strength permeating from every scale. She focused on the sound of his voice, the way it vibrated against her skin when he said her name, called her Siha. She imagined the way his body seemed to glide whenever he fought, weaving a dance of death for any and all who stood in his way, fluid and graceful and beautiful.
It helped. Slowly, but surely each new memory forced the overpowering emotions down, till they were a rumbling, but manageable background roar. She nearly gasped with relief as her throat relaxed and the bands around her chest faded. She took several deep breaths and forced her shoulders to relax somewhat. There was an echo of the pain sustained by her injuries from Thessia, and that she welcomed, as well.
After making their way back to the LZ, her and her team had been checked out by Dr. Chakwas. Her assortment of bruises and strained muscles where relatively minor, given the protection from her armor, but Chakwas had still applied a healthy dose of medi-gel and insisted she take it easy for 24 hours. The fact that the ships medic would certainly give her an earful if she didn't follow doctor's orders, and the fact that she had yet to file her report with the council, were the only things keeping Shepard here in the Comm room instead of down in the cargo bay taking her now repressed emotions out on Lt. Vega. Her hands started itching to punch something and her fists were slowly clenching and relaxing.
Shepard took a step away from the back wall and leaned her arm against one of the curving support beams, her head resting on her forearm.
She focused on her anger. Anger she could handle. Over the last year or so anger had become her increasingly familiar companion. She had always prided herself on her level head and ability to stay optimistic even during the hardest missions. Since she'd been brought back from the dead, however, the constant pressure of everything with Cerberus and the Collectors, the imminent threat of the Reapers and the attack on Earth had started grinding away at her composure. With each new shock, whether it was the death of a friend or the loss of millions was starting to wear her down. It was time she stop letting the weight drag her down.
She needed to be faster, smarter, and stronger. She knew what it took to take adversity and turn it into strength. She would take this anger and turn it into a weapon. A weapon she was going to take and shove up Cerberus'…
She glanced up from where she was leaning and noticed the incoming transmission alert flashing and beeping. The Commander wondered briefly how long that had been going on. Her anger drained away as anxiety and guilt moved to the forefront of her emotions. Moving slowly, purposefully she stepped towards the QEC. Hitting the accept command she centered herself, leaning on the panel in front of her for support.
After a moment the Asari Councilor's image appeared before her. "Commander Shepard, are you there? Commander?"
Shepard couldn't seem to look the beautiful alien in the face. She felt a bit of that despair come trickling back in as she struggled to find the words. "Councilor, the mission…"
The Councilor cut her off, words terse, demanding answers. "Contact with Thessia has been cut off. When will the Crucible be ready to use?"
Raina stumbled forward. "Councilor… I wish the news was better. We didn't get the information." She dragged the words out with a visible grimace.
"Why not?" was all the Asari could say in response.
A flash of white-hot anger rippled over her tongue as she spoke her next words. "Cerberus was there." Commander Shepard forced measured calm into her voice. "We were…We were defeated. We don't know how to finish the crucible."
The Asari's distress was evident as she folded one arm across her stomach. "I… don't know what to say. What was the situation on Thessia?"
"Deteriorating fast. The Reapers are there in strength."
"Then I should be going. Plans… must be put in motion… continuity of civilization has to be considered…" Shepard was surprised by the woman's calm. "I never imagined this day would come."
"None of us did. I'm…" When she looked up finally the image in the QEC was a dissolving display of chaos. "Sorry." She whispered to the now empty room. Part of her wanted to scream at the Asari, yelling that it was all her own fault. If they'd just told them about the hidden Prothean beacon sooner, if they'd been more concerned with co-operating then keeping their damned secrets this never would have happened. She'd never been one to point her finger and ignore her own faults, however, and she wasn't going to start now. She recognized that the fault was hers and hers alone. If she'd just been faster, more accurate with her shots maybe she could have taken down Leng, instead of scrambling to stay on her feet. It was her own weakness to blame for not being strong enough to stop the Cerberus operative from keeping her from fulfilling her mission. It was not something she planned on letting happen, ever again. She straightened her spine and wiped all trace of emotion from her face before she turned and went to face her people.
Shepard had good people. Not just good, the best. Thanks to Traynor and the rest of the Normandy crew, they already had a lead to follow. Out of the darkness of failure and despair, they had found one small beam of light to cling to. That was why they were going to win. She had the best and the brightest the galaxy had to offer and when push came to shove she was sure they had what it would take to take back what had been lost, from Cerberus, from the Reapers, from the devil himself if he decided to get in her way.
She set her jaw in a determined line and checked the heat sinks on her Krysae Sniper Rifle. She double checked to make sure the cryo ammo mod was fitted securely, and glanced across the shuttle to give Tali a nob before slinging the sniper rifle back into its slot on her left shoulder. She hadn't taken Tali down into the field a lot, preferring to keep the tech savvy engineer on board the Normandy where her expertise would come in most handy, but this was an intel gathering mission. She needed her best computer people at hand. Shepard, herself, knew her way around most software protocols, but it wasn't her specialty. Between Tali and EDI she figured there wasn't a terminal in the galaxy that was safe from their elite hacking skills.
From the front of the shuttle Cortez called out, "ETA one minute, we are on approach." Shepard powered up her Mnemonic Visor and stepped forward, her gauntlets gripping the handholds above as she balanced against the slightest maneuvers. Tali rose and stood next to her, her voice smooth and calm. "What do we know, Shepard?"
"EDI?" Shepard said, turning to the curvy AI incarnate.
Stepping closer as well EDI began her briefing, hitting the relevant highlights of what they knew. "The Sanctuary facility was devoted to aiding refugees from Reaper-controlled systems. The facility went offline recently, and no communications have come or gone since. It is unclear why Kai Leng or Cerberus would be interested in Sanctuary."
Shepard's fist on the handhold tightened and she looked at both her companions, hoping she looked determined, not desperate. "If there's a clue to Cerberus here, we find it." She was interrupted by Cortez as he spoke up again.
"Ma'am, I'm picking up a signal from the facility. It's weak, but I'll try to boost it." Shepard stepped forward and watched the pilot's fingers fly across the controls. Then a voice cut through static as the signal began broadcasting over the speakers.
"This is Oriana Lawson. Stay away from Sanctuary. It's not what it seems! Please, you must listen to me! They're using…" static cut over the voice again. The woman's accent reminded her of Miranda. She replayed the message in her mind and felt the connections slid into place.
"Oriana? That's Miranda's sister." She felt the familiar anger creeping back up her throat at the mention of the ex-Cerberus agent's name. Miranda had come to her, asked her for help. Raina liked to think she'd turned the woman down because she had refused to give any explanation as to the reason for she needed access to Alliance resources, but deep down she knew it was because… because she was still angry. At least now she could guess at Miranda's intentions. If Miranda had managed without help from Shepard, as she imagined the genetically perfect woman was capable of, chances were good they would run into each other. "If she's here Miranda can't be far away."
"That's our link to Cerberus," EDI commented, putting the pieces together as well. Miranda had mentioned she was being hunted by Cerberus assassins. Was that why Kai Leng was here? Had the Illusive Man sent his best guy after her? It wasn't too big of a reach. If there were civilian refugees here that could complicate things. If Leng was going to attempt an assassination in a public place… well, things were bound to get messy. Best if they locate Miranda first and work on setting up a trap maybe… It galled her to think of working with Miranda again, but she tried to push her resentment of the woman away. If this was the best way to get to Leng and Cerberus then so be it. It would be worth being around the one responsible for Thane's death if it meant a shot at the Illusive Man and getting the information they needed about the Catalyst.
"Approaching the LZ," Cortez announced. He angled the shuttle down and slowed as he approached the outdoors landing area. The scene that she watched through the windows shocked Shepard, thought she supposed it shouldn't have. "Seeing some damage, Commander, but not activity," the Kodiak pilot continued as they circled the pad. Cement rubble and flaming debris was scattered haphazardly across the entire entrance area. Other than the flickering of the flames there was no movement. The place looked deserted.
The Kodiak banked slightly and Shepard felt her stomach lurch slightly as the shuttle moved in to position to drop them off.
"Cerberus does not get the drop on us this time," she vowed, mostly to herself as she readied her Particle Rifle. The door opened slowly and she surveyed the scene below quickly. There were lots of places to hide, lots of areas perfect for staging an ambush. "Stay sharp, people." She leaped to the ground and walked forward, keeping her body low and her eyes moving. She was ready for anything.
AN: I know this story is starting slow, but we should get to the good stuff in the next chapter so hang in there! Reviews are always welcome. Let me know if you like it, or if you don't. Constructive criticism is, of course, encouraged.