Author's Note: I recently stumbled across the original file for this story and found out I had quite a bit more written for a possible chaptered story than I remembered. So I read it, kind of liked it (despite the writing being a bit clunky and the plot being absolutely preposterous), and awkwardly picked up where I left off. So if you guys don't object to a stupid little PWP one-shot turning into a stupid little chaptered story that may or may not involve a love triangle and sex with two impossibly handsome wizards, keep reading!

Merry Christmas!

Chapter 2

The next morning was awkward, to say the least. For her. Not for Sirius. She woke up to the voice of Remus Lupin, yelling at Sirius through the doorway, telling him that he better get a move on, or else they would miss breakfast. Hermione was mortified but thought she was okay, as the high backs of the regally upholstered furniture kept her out of sight. She felt Sirius shift underneath her and move to stand up, unashamed in his own skin, his flaccid cock bouncing against his thigh as he stood and stretched.

"I hear you, I hear you," he said sleepily.

"Did you pass out drunk on the couch?" Lupin asked with a laugh, not seeming surprised or embarrassed at the Defense professor standing in front of him in the buff. His voice was closer now.

Hermione pulled the blanket tightly around herself, her voice caught in her throat, her face burning bright red, but unable to do anything else, as she saw Remus appear near the fireplace. As much as Hermione's face camouflaged with the maroon blanket, it did not hide her from him. He took notice of her almost immediately and opened and closed his mouth in surprise, before he turned around respectfully so that she could throw on her skirt and button her top.

She couldn't find her panties, but that was the least of her concern at the moment anyway. She needed to find something to say to Remus, needed to get back to her quarters to change, and needed to figure out how to die on the spot.

In the sobering light of the morning, she felt more embarrassed than she had in all seven of her years at Hogwarts combined. And she'd sprouted hair and been a bloody cat-woman for a few months.

"Busy night, Pads?" she heard Remus whisper, as he followed Sirius into the bedroom.

"You could say that," Sirius replied in the smuggest voice she'd ever heard.

"I'll just run to my quarters to change," Hermione squeaked, shrugging on her robes, leaving them unbuttoned, and running out the door before either man had a chance to reply.

Leaning in the doorway to Sirius's bedroom, Remus looked back just in time to see the petite witch dash out the door as if her robes were on fire. He turned back to Sirius, who was gathering fresh clothing out of his already packed trunk.

"She's gone," Remus remarked casually. He watched his best friend put on clean boxer-briefs and black slacks similar to the ones that laid discarded on his floor by the coffee table.

"Can't really blame her," Sirius said with a laugh. "I don't know many witches who fancy other blokes walking in on them naked." He paused. "Well, actually I know plenty, but that girl is in a different league."

Remus stood silently with his arms crossed. He couldn't believe what he'd just witnessed. Hermione Granger naked on a couch with his best friend, the musky after-smell from sex still lingering in the air. His keen senses picked up on something in the air when he'd walked in, but he'd assumed that Sirius had fulfilled his own needs after a frustrated month of not having another woman to shag. Had he paid attention, he would have realized that Sirius's scent mingled with a much more alluring one. As if the scent and the scene hadn't been confirmation enough of what had taken place, Hermione's red face and eagerness to bolt out the door sealed it.

Sirius finished buttoning his shirt before he commented. "Don't give me that judgmental pout."

Sirius waved his wand at the living room, summoning the dirty clothing he'd tossed off in haste. In came his slacks, his underwear, his button-down, and finally, flying right past Remus's head, came a pair of lacy pink panties. Remus caught them mid-flight and waved them at Sirius.

"You were saying?"

Sirius frowned and snatched them back, shoving them in his pocket. Remus doubted she'd get them back. Or if she did, it'd be as some sort of display of dominance or a ploy to get her aroused.

"Listen, mate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen," Sirius said finally, after he gave into the glaring match first.

"She's Harry's best friend," Remus reminded, finally breaking down his wall. "You managed to go all year without touching her, all while knowing about her infatuation. And you had to go and bugger it up the last night?"

Sirius frowned, snapping his trunk shut forcefully.

"I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone," Remus lectured, watching Sirius brutishly force on his robes.

"We had a bit to drink, and it happened," Sirius justified, walking past Remus and gathering up his stash of liquor, orchestrating his final packing with his wand. "There's no use in dwelling on it now."

Remus felt a quiet anger bubble within him. This was the one thing that annoyed him about Sirius. Well, there were many things that annoyed him about Sirius, but this was the main one. He always managed to blow off matters as unimportant, shrug them off, and move on. Remus knew he dwelled too much on things he couldn't change and matters of the past, but Sirius didn't dwell at all, often times, and because of this, he repeated the same mistakes over and over again, demonstrating the same crass behavior.

"Maybe you should dwell a little bit," Remus said. "Stop yourself from defiling an innocent, young girl."

"She didn't act that innocent last night," Sirius muttered with that smug voice that made Remus want to hit him. "I gave her the chance to turn and go, and you know what she did? She hiked up her skirt and was as keen as I've ever seen a bird. Would you have left it, mate? I don't think so."

Remus couldn't believe the words coming from Sirius's mouth. He couldn't imagine sweet Hermione Granger doing that, and even if she did, she was an adult woman with adult needs, but she was still young and inexperienced - too inexperienced to know that someone like Sirius Black was wrong for her. He found it in bad taste for Sirius to bring it up.

"You're a prat," Remus spat in disbelief. "You know that? You're a prat for taking advantage of her and her misguided feelings, and you're a prat for telling me what you did last night."

"Pretend like that's what you're angry about," Sirius goaded, spinning around and facing him, a stony look in his eyes. "I said I was sorry, and I meant it. If the choice is between you and a bird, it's always going to be you. Last night, I had a bit too much to drink, I lost my self-control, and I slipped up. It won't happen again."

Remus clenched his fists and looked down. There was no point in denying that Sirius was right. In another drunken night, similar to the one before, Remus had confessed to his best friend that he had developed feelings for the little witch in question. He was fully aware of her equally inappropriate feelings for Sirius, but as long as both Remus and Sirius kept their toes in line, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that Remus had unfamiliar feelings of jealousy every time he saw Hermione practically radiate happiness while hugging Sirius in greeting, because Sirius never kept her in his embrace for too long. He let her go, he kept moving, and he did something unfamiliar to him as well - he tried to keep her at a distance. Remus recognized it was outside of Sirius's nature to refuse a shag, especially from a woman he actually got on with, and although Remus had never asked him to stay away from her, he knew it was for him. It wasn't for all the reasons Remus stayed away from her (she was young, she was pure, she was Harry's best friend, she deserved better, etc.). It was purely because Sirius respected the werewolf's burgeoning feelings.

"I've lost too many friends and too much of my life to be naive enough to have no misgivings about shagging the witch with whom my best mate is in love," Sirius said in a quiet, reserved tone. "I'm sorry for it, and I'm sorry for being short with you this morning. As you've rightly pointed out, I can be a prat when hung over. Forgive me?"

Remus tilted his chin up and surveyed Sirius. Sirius was... Sirius. But he was authentic in his apologies. Remus could see the scared little boy in his grey orbs, the one he kept hidden away to make way for the brash idiot that normally took charge. It was the same boy that came out when Lily had chastised him for treating weaker people and outcasts so poorly when he grew up in a family that taught him how horrible it could feel. It was the same boy that had been there in the shrieking shack more than ten years ago. And here he was now, afraid of the consequences of his actions, afraid of losing another friend.

Remus's lip quirked upward slightly, his eyes filled with warmth. He stretched apart his arms. "There's nothing to forgive."

Sirius embraced him like a brother and nearly squeezed the air out of his body. He was relieved, Remus could tell. When they pulled apart, Sirius had on his most charming smile, his eyes light and playful.

"I can see why she's drawn to you, though, you oaf," Remus remarked casually, as he started toward the door leading outside.

"Awww, come on, Moony," Sirius said, following him out. He swung his arm around Remus's shoulder and nearly broke his neck pulling him in toward him. "She's twenty-six. What does she know about anything?"

Remus pursed his lips and eyed his best friend wearily. "She knows more than you do."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, then changed his mind. "Yeah, you have a point. The girl knows everything about everything, doesn't she? But that doesn't mean she knows anything about men!"

Remus nodded with a small smile on his face as he thought about the Potions Mistress. Remus had always been aware of her intellect. It was hard to miss from the very first time she sat down in a chair in front of him with her hand raised. He wasn't surprised she'd figured out his secret - his ugly, dangerous secret - but he was overwhelmed with gratitude when he found out she'd known for so long, had kept it secret, and hadn't really cared about it nearly as much as a vulnerable thirteen-year-old should have cared about it. He'd watched her grow, watched her live through a war, watched her come out of the war with what he thought would be her fairytale ending. She had a job that suited her, a brash but loyal set of friends, and a boyfriend whose intellect paled in comparison but was good-natured and just as pure-hearted as she was.

Somewhere along the way, her wants and needs changed, and she broke things off with the young Weasley, breaking his heart in the process, quit her job, and came to teach. His concern at that point was still wholesome. Even though he came to regard her as a friend because of the philosophical conversations they shared at Christmas time and her ability to subdue his loneliness by joining him for midnight reading during the rare celebrations where they shared the same roof, his feelings were untainted. It was when she came to teach that everything changed.

With few options for regular company, Hermione had awkwardly squeezed her way into his and Sirius's epic struggle of authoritarianism vs. marauding, shifting their dynamics in a way that wasn't wholly unwelcome. Their discussions had become more frequent, and on nights when Padfoot prowled the whole of the UK looking for his next conquest, they had a close, intimate feel to them. Unable to help himself, Remus had become smitten with the intelligent, beautiful young witch who found him worthy of her companionship.

It was only natural that she preferred strong, handsome, funny, light-hearted, and unburdened Sirius to him.

Remus was jolted out of his thoughts by a rather violent smack on the back of his head. He let out a groan and twisted his head to Sirius, glaring at him.

"Get out of your head," Sirius barked. "There's never anything good in there."

"At least I have something in there," Remus countered.

Both men glared each other down for a moment, before they burst into laughter and continued their walk to the Great Hall.

She squirmed in her seat next to McGonagall when she saw the doors to the Great Hall open. She knew it was them. The rest of the faculty was already seated, as were most of the students. They were late, but they didn't seem to care as they entered the Great Hall with smiles on their faces, chatting happily about something. Hermione didn't know what, but she didn't think it was about her. Neither would risk a conversation such as that being overheard by a student or another faculty member. They had more tact and more respect for her than that.

Besides, they'd had plenty of time to discuss whatever it was they wanted to discuss pertaining to her in the three-quarters of an hour since she ran out of the room with her tail tucked between her legs.

"Good morning, staff!" Sirius greeted rambunctiously as they approached the Head Table.

Usually, his boisterous greetings were met with disdain and annoyance from many of the other faculty members, but today they were all in high spirits and returned his greetings. Remus looked amused by these antics as always. When Hermione looked down at the empty two seats next to her, the only empty ones at the table, she hoped to Merlin that Remus would be the one to take the seat.

Luck was not on her side.

"And an especially good morning to you, kitten," Sirius whispered when he sat down.

He winked at her, and she fought not to blush.

"Good morning, Sirius," she mumbled courteously.

She saw Remus shake his head and wasn't 100% sure but could have sworn that she witnessed a movement of robes underneath the table which was followed by a momentary grimace on Sirius's face. All of this happened so quickly and so discretely that she could have been imagining it.

"Black, don't patronize the girl by calling her pet names," McGonagall scolded, having overheard his quiet greeting. "She is a colleague, and she is to be respected."

She had to have been listening particularly closely to have heard it, especially as she was in heavy conversation with Professor Sprout just moments before. Hermione realized that McGonagall was being protective, keeping an eye on her. This made her squirm even more.

"You're even lovelier when you're cross with me, Minerva," Sirius replied easily, winking again.

She wished he would stop winking. He was winking too much!

"And you're at your best when you're hundreds of kilometers away from me and in another country," McGonagall sharply retorted.

Hermione's eyes widened at the harsh response from the normally composed headmistress. It seemed, however, that Sirius did not take her attack on him too critically. On his face, a goofy grin sat undisturbed.

"I'll miss you as well," he responded, to which she scoffed audibly, "but don't worry. I'll remember to write."

"Heaven forbid I should be granted a moment's peace from your semantics," McGonagall said, turning back to her conversation with Sprout.

Hermione bit her lip anxiously, feeling somewhat responsible for the exchange that just occurred, and unsure of what to say now that she was left to converse with no one but Sirius, as the conversation with Sprout felt inappropriate to intrude upon (the woman in question was retiring, and she and McGonagall were discussing options for her replacement).

"So you want to know what my plans for the summer are?" Sirius asked her lightly, as if the heated exchange with the Headmistress hadn't just taken place. She blinked at him. "You asked last night."

"Oh," she said, composing herself. "Yes. I realize I hadn't asked before."

"Well, to answer your question, I plan to monopolize Harry and Ginny's time by spoiling little James rotten," he answered with a grin. "The rest of the time, I'll probably be holed up in my flat, mourning my best mate's decision to leave me for the hols."

Hermione smiled at the pout on Sirius's face and craned her neck to see Remus rolling his eyes.

"I'm not leaving you, you overgrown child. I'm merely going to France for six weeks to research improvements for the Wolfsbane with a world-renowned expert on lycanthropy - something which I reckon takes priority over drinking myself into oblivion with you."

This piqued Hermione's interest. Sirius opened his mouth to undoubtedly complain, but Hermione fervently beat him to it.

"You're going to France?" she asked enthusiastically. "Where abouts?"

"North of Montpellier," he replied with a perplexed smile. "Why do you ask?"

"My parents have a vacation home in Sausset-les-Pins," she said excitedly, and when he looked at her perplexed, she elaborated, "which is halfway between Marseilles and Montpellier. They're complaining they never see me anymore, so I've agreed to go on vacation with them for a few weeks. Maybe we can meet up!"

Hermione was oblivious to the sly look on Sirius's face. She did, however, see the taken aback expression on Remus's. She blinked a few times, before she realized how preposterous she sounded.

"Oh - umm - of - of course you'll be far too busy. What was I thinking?" she asked rhetorically. "I'm sorry I suggested it."

She wasn't sure once again if she imagined it or not, but she saw the same sort of movement underneath the table she saw before, out of the corner of her eye, but this time it moved in the opposite direction. Just a slight bulging and ripple of cloth moving and then a jolting on Remus's face - something which could have been just as easily imagined.

"No, not at all," Remus said suddenly. "I'd love that."

"Get him to relax a bit, won't you, Hermione?" Sirius said, winking at her again.

Damn that winking. What the hell was he winking for?

"I'd fancy a trip to the South of France, but he's banned me from the entire region while he's there. If you loosen him up a bit, maybe you can convince him to let me come down a bit," Sirius said, raising his eyebrow suggestively. "I fancy a bit of a romp on the beach."

Hermione flushed at the implication. Unbeknownst to her, so did Remus, but for a different reason. Sirius, meanwhile, had a rather pleased smirk on his face.

Three-quarters of the way through breakfast, Sirius watched in amusement as the object of Remus's affections ran out of the Great Hall in much the same manner that she'd fled his quarters this morning, although this time, she claimed it was because she forgot to pack something and wanted to get it in her luggage before the house elves magicked it away to her flat.

Although Sirius was sad to see her go (because he was having the time of his life subtly teasing both Remus and Hermione, now that he was in the clear with Remus and could), he wasn't sad to see her go (because she was in such a hurry that her robes flew up behind her, showing a rather nice behind he now regretted not taking advantage of last night).

"I can see why you fancy her," Sirius remarked, turning back to his friend once Hermione was out of the giant doors.

Remus choked on his porridge, then turned to Sirius in disbelief.

"She does make you smile, doesn't she?" Sirius continued, ignoring his friend's state. "And I'll tell you this - what she hides under her clothing is magnificent."

"Sirius," Remus warned.

"I'm not saying I'd have another go," Sirius quickly said. "I mean, I'd like to, but I won't for your sake. I've already told you that."

"Not just for my sake," Remus said adamantly. "For yours and hers and everyone's sake as well. Imagine if Harry found out."

"He'd get over it," Sirius said confidently.

His Godson could be stubborn, but he was also very forgiving. If he could forgive him for his parents' death, he could forgive him for this.

"Even if he did, you don't think she's clinging onto what happened last night?" Remus questioned fairly. "She's going to be hurt when she realizes you don't want to date her."

"That's for your sake, not mine," Sirius reminded.

Remus looked at him in astonishment, taken aback by his statement. "What? You mean to say you'd date her were you not worried about losing my friendship?"

Sirius thought about it for a moment. He didn't have the depth of feelings for her that Remus did - not even close - but there was something there. She challenged him. Even though her puppy dog eyes stared up at him with awe and admiration, she still called him out for his shit, for lack of a better way to put it. He'd always respected her, even if he used to find her annoying.

But the annoying part had gone with the war, and since then, he'd come to like her as a person. Thought she was completely wrong for Weasley, as he didn't think Ron was nearly strong enough to handle a woman like her, but he actually always thought she'd be spot on for Remus, when Remus drunkenly confessed his crush.

Then there was her body. She was definitely attractive. She'd grown into her looks the way a phoenix rises from ashes. She was a thing of extraordinary beauty, inside and out. That was why he had shagged her last night. He wasn't lying to Remus when he said that he lost his self-control. He'd been struggling all year not to shag her every time they wound up alone because she manufactured an excuse for them to be alone. With a long dry spell of no sex because of how busy the end of the term was (and his extra tutoring sessions for seventh years worried about N.E. that he would never tell anyone about, lest they get the idea that he was going above and beyond his normal responsibilities because he cared about his students, or something equally ridiculous and reputation-damaging), the alcohol that always made him horny had made him even hornier, and he couldn't resist.

There was no better way to get a sense of how well one person connects with another than sex, in his opinion. And he'd had some good lays in his past, but last night was magnificent. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, because if he was being completely honest, she hadn't done anything extraordinary, but there was something there - a spark.

And a spark for Sirius Black may have been a marriage certificate for most other people.

"Might have done," he replied after a long pause, shrugging.

Remus gaped, stunned, obviously not having expected those words to leave Sirius's still bruised lips.

"You're serious?" Remus inquired, incredulous.

"I am Sirius - Sirius Black," Sirius replied cheekily.

"Sirius," Remus warned again wearily.

"I am Sirius," Sirius repeated.

Remus shot him his most annoyed glare. "You think you're clever, do you?"

He did. And he could not have been more amused at the moment. Remus continued glaring at him, until Sirius finally gave in.

"Alright, fine," he acquiesced, although a grin was still gracing his face. "I am serious. And not as in my name but as in the adjective - synonym of earnest."

Remus regarded him silently for an extended time, long enough to make Sirius itch to make a joke, but he knew he shouldn't. This was a solemn conversation for the Marauder, and as a fellow Marauder, he was going to respect him and treat it as such. So he stayed quiet, until he could no longer control his impulse to do something and started tapping his fingers obnoxiously loudly on the table.

Finally, Remus seemed to regain the ability to speak, his cloudy eyes becoming clear again. A small, sad smile came onto his face, which cued Sirius to the fact that something self-deprecating would be coming from his lips any moment now.

"Do it then," Remus said. "Date her. If you think you won't get tired of her and break her heart, and you're serious - serious as in the adjective serious - then ask her out."

Sirius found the idea so preposterous that he chuckled so loudly and deeply that he saw his fellow faculty members craning their necks to see what the conversation was about. Unfortunately for them, it wasn't a conversation they would be privy to.

"Lunacy," Sirius said, shaking his head. "This is lunacy. And you're mad. Peeves was right about you all along. Looney, loopy Lupin."

"I take offense to that," Remus replied in a haughty tone. "I'm merely considering what will make two people I very much care about, who very much deserve happiness, feel said happiness."

Sirius scoffed again in disbelief. "At what expense? You fancy yourself some sort of martyr, giving up your happiness for others'?" Sirius paused, shaking his head. "Well, you're certainly not going to be one for me. If you don't think you're good enough for her - good enough to even try - then I'm not going to go there either."

"Pads," Remus said.

"Moony," Sirius mocked.

They showed down again, and Sirius was going to be damned if he continued giving in to his stubborn friend without a single win.

Remus John Lupin was a hell of a man and a hell of a catch, and his lycanthropy was nothing compared to the darkness that marred Sirius simply because of his surname. Sirius thought that Remus had gotten over his insecurities after the war, after people stopped caring about his lycanthropy because people like the witch in question and her best friend, the hero of the wizarding free world, spoke out on his behalf. However, his furry little problem and the psychological problems associated with it reared their ugly head once more, transforming his ridiculously intelligent, witty, and relatively attractive friend into somewhat of a pussy. This was ridiculous, and Sirius had to put a stop to it now.

Sure, he sort of wanted Hermione, but he didn't want her nearly as much as Remus did, nor did he deserve her the way Remus did. And although Hermione had a crush on him, he was relatively sure that Remus could woo her. They had much more in common, after all.

As if being sent a gift from the heavens, an idea came to him.

"I'll make a deal with you, Monsieur Martyr, which will, best case scenario, make you and Hermione happy, and worst case scenario, make me and Hermione happy, which in turn will make you happy as well, which, in terms of worst case scenarios, isn't all that bad."

"You're rambling, Pads," Remus said with a small chuckle.

Sirius ignored him. "You're going to Nice - "

" - Montpellier," Remus corrected.

"Irrelevant," Sirius said, waving him off. "So you're going to Montpellier, and she's going to some place I can't pronounce that's close by. How about you use that time to try to woo her - and shut up for a second to let me finish before you butt in - and if you don't manage to win her over in that time, and she doesn't get over her little crush on me in the time she's gone, then I'll ask her for dinner - yes, a proper dinner, not just a shag."

Remus closed his mouth again, stifling his smart arse remarks. He considered the idea, then shook his head firmly.

"No," Remus said, "I'm not good enough for her."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "If you're not good enough for her, then neither am I. But you can't have it both ways, can you? She's either an intelligent witch who can make her own decisions and can decide for herself who's right for her, or she's an ignorant fool who's undeserving of our time and efforts anyway. So which is it?"

"You know the world isn't as clear cut as that," Remus said, annoyed.

"Yes it is," Sirius insisted smugly. "If you can woo her, then obviously you're good enough for her, and you'll be happy. If not, then at least you tried, and you can use the remaining time of your hols to move on. I doubt she's going to be in France for six whole weeks, and even if she is, you still have a month to isolate yourself in my flat and drink yourself into a stupor. That part of the plan stays the same."

"This sounds insane," Remus said, pursing his lips. "She's not a toy to be played with."

"I'm not saying she is," Sirius said, shrugging. "I'm just saying that if you turned up the charm a bit, she'd realize you're more compatible."

Sirius could see the hesitation in his eyes, but somewhere down below, he could see something much more interesting - the fighting spirit and essence of mischief that had made him an essential part to their trouble-making foursome back in their school days. What Sirius saw in his old friend's eyes wasn't self-doubt or a lack of confidence; it was something he hadn't seen in a long time - the thirst for a challenge, the want of something exhilarating.

"Or how about this," Sirius said, an excited glint in his grey eyes. "How about, since I have the advantage, I give you a head start, and once I feel like you've put your best foot forward and really tried, I join in on the competition?" Remus opened his mouth to protest. "Yeah, yeah, I know she's not a 'toy to be played with,' but let's face it; life is competition. So let's have a little competition akin to the ones we had in the old days."

Although Remus tried his best to look affronted, Sirius could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He was just as excited about this as Sirius was. He just had a much stronger conscience to contend with than Sirius. Sirius just needed something to sweeten the pot a bit more, and Remus would be hooked. He could feel it.

"If you win, I'll serenade McGonagall with a love song of your choosing at the staff meeting prior to the start of term."

Remus's lip twitched.

"You're on."

Success.