AN: I do not own Supernatural. This story is not being used for monetary gain. It is intended for creative expression. I only own my imagination and word choice. :)
*2 years later*
January 23rd-February 18th
Sam huddles next to the heater. The shelter is packed tonight. It's well below freezing outside. Two years, that's how long he's been living in this damn homeless shelter.
He closes his eyes. It's also three months to the day since Jess died. Jess had been the most amazing boyfriend ever. Sam still woke up crying most nights when he remembered seeing the gun shooting Jess. He can't even remember the last time he had a decent nights sleep. Every time he tries to sleep he sees himself holding Jess begging him to not die, to hold on until the EMTs arrived. Jess had died before the paramedics could even arrive.
Why is he still here? Life is too painful! Sam just wants to die. Jess's death was all his fault! Sam had needed a fix and Jess had gone to get him one. If Sam hadn't convinced Jess to go to their dealer that night he would never have been shot! Ugh! Sam is the worst fucking excuse for a human being. He should just end it! The world would be better off without him.
The winter had been brutal so far. Sam watches the sun come up. He hadn't slept at all. Stretching, he sits up and gets into line for breakfast. Oatmeal is the only option today, but that's fairly normal. Sam just keeps hanging on and hoping one day things will get better.
Another month has passed and Sam is realizing just how severe his depression has grown. All he thinks about any more is dying. He wishes he could just end it. He wonders why he hasn't done just that yet. It feels like he's waiting for something. But what? Nothing will ever get better.
Sam is done. He won't deal with this anymore! His hands shake as he sits on the ground behind an abandoned church. He holds the razor in his hands. He thinks about his mother. Dean had told him that she used to pray to angels and Sam thinks he might as well send out a quick prayer before he dies and that way he can think about her as he dies. Sam takes a deep breath.
I don't know if there really are any angels out there, but I really want Jess to know how much he means to me. I guess Gabriel would be the best to pray to because he is the messenger angel. Sam thinks.
Gabriel, my name is Sam. I just want to tell my boyfriend, Jess, who I know will be in heaven, if it exists, that I love him and miss him. I hope I get to see him, once I'm gone.
An odd sound, like flapping wings, reaches Sam's ears and a voice says his name quietly. Sam whips around and sees a short man staring at him.
"What the hell!?" Sam exclaims.
"Well, actually 'what the heaven' would be more correct!