A/N just imagine Nick with dyed black hair…are you getting the same hysterical image as me??
Denial Depression
2 Simply just hard.
Lily POV
"Lillian, breakfast" I groaned as I woke up to my mother shouting up the stairs for something that isn't even worth it…food.
I rolled over, my stomach rumbling, but I didn't want to eat.
I actually considered going down there for a second, then I remembered what I did yesterday, I knew my mum would throw a spaz attack.
(spaz attack…? I don't even really know what that means but anyway, why not use it in my story)
"Will you at least get ready for school?" It was Wednesday, I looked at my timetable, triple math, no way was I going to go to school today.
What is the point of Math's anyway? It's just useless knowledge that I won't need because my future job will NOT include maths. Ech, future.
I looked into my closet I pulled on the first things I could find, baggy Jeans and T-shirt. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes ached over the image of myself, stopping at my arm. I pulled the bandage off, grabbed a long sleeve shirt taking of my T and replacing it with the long sleeve shirt.
I grabbed my bag and went downstairs slowly trying not to draw any attention to myself.
My nose wrinkled when I smelt the food. My head spun.
I reached the bottom of the stairs. I wasn't quick enough. "Lily, we need to talk about what happened yesterday"
"There's nothing to talk about"
I walked fast to the door, my mother following me. I yanked open the door, walking though than slammed it., ignoring my mothers shouts from inside.
I dropped my bag behind the bushes in the front of my house. They are finally useful.
I walked towards that club.
It was not my ideal place to spend the day, but thinking about the boy I met there, I just, I couldn't not go back.
He wasn't much, at all, but I felt that when we were talking, that he got me, he understood.
I sighed.
No POV Jonas Brothers
"Come on Nick, remember we have to do that scene for Camp Rock today" Joe tried to get Nick to hurry up.
Nick looked at Joe blankly.
"We have to go" Joe said getting annoyed at his brother's unusual behaviour.
"Come on we gotta go now." Kevin said emerging from the kitchen walking towards the door.
The three of them slid into Kevin's car sitting in an awkward silence.
This car ride was different than all others, Joe didn't even try to say 'Awkward'.
Kevin stopped the car outside of the Camp Rock set.
"I don't wanna waste my summer at some camp" Joe said.
"Hey, man, we used to love this place." Nick said emotionless, with his voice low, his gaze was in the complete wrong direction.
"CUT! Nick, what's wrong with you?"
"Wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with me! I'm fine!"
Nick fumed for a second, looking at everyone in the eye, glaring. He walked off the set swiftly, still fuming.
The door slammed. Joe and Kevin glanced at each other as they exchanged expressions. They nodded slowly, looking down at the floor.
Nick had walked two blocks and was leaning against the wall of the building. He was panting, the two blocks seemed like a longer journey than the day before. He had a headache building up. He groaned pulling himself off the wall and continued making his way towards the club he was at before, his mind racing around the image of the girl he had met there.
Lily fazed back in when she saw a freak with bad afro-ish hair standing at the entrance of the club.
(omigod I dissed the hair…sorry, but it's true. I would crack up if a really saw a guy with hair like that)
"Lily!"
"Disney freak" She replied without a waver or the slightest bit of emotion in her voice.
Lily POV
I was happy to see him, I just couldn't manage to show it, it was….hard.
Simply just hard.
He looked down at my arms (I had my sleeve pulled up) just staring at it.
"The bandages…"
I looked down at my arms again, my ugly pale skin. The scars showing clearly. I quickly rolled my sleeves down and he dropped the subject.
(Nothing against pale people, I swear I am really really pale its kinda sad)
We sat there for a minute, breathing deeply. He looked at me, he was sweet, sad and cute. It sent shivers down my spine. I looked back at him, but I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes.
"Come with me" He nodded his head towards the door, standing up, he held out his hand waiting for me
I stood up, ignoring his hand and followed him.
"Don't you have celebrity things to do? Not just hang with…me" My voice turned sour saying 'me'.
He looked back at me, I could see he was thinking. "I don't care about being a celebrity, I don't even like it! Everyone always expects so much from me, I'm not that great. And there's nothing wrong with you" His voice lightened when he said the last line.
We walked for a couple minutes, glancing at each other. I looked over at him and he looked back.
I looked away, I saw a girl glaring at me, I didn't recognise her "ILUVNICKJONAS" (thanks for the rad review) She spoke the words so fast I could barely make out what she said. But I did manage to and I shot her a death glare.
Nick had also heard her. He looked at her, his eyes flashed with rage.
She stood there breathlessly. We kept staring at her. She looked like she was about to apologise and start crying. She started breathing hard, just standing there, she took a couple steps back.
"You said being celebrity was good?"
"No, I would never want to be famous" My voice was taken over by my breathing. Nick had finally stopped walking.
We were in front of a giant hotel. I looked up, than at him. "I never actually thought suicide but I don't…" He cut me off
"This would be my house" Nick said unenthusiastically to me.
I was breathless, I had just walked a long distance, I hadn't eaten anything for about a day. My vision started going blurry.
"Lily?!" A confused voice came from the distance.
My vision focussed, my body wasn't working yet, I was lying down unconscious on a bed staring at the ceiling. My hand twitched, I could feel blood rush back to my brain.
I sat up slowly, my stomach hurting. Nick was there, just staring at me, fazed out. I felt like running out again. I stood up suddenly, but gravity pushed me back down onto the bed.
Nick had fazed back in, he picked up the guitar that was lying in his lap and played.
"Wounds cut clean, feel the pain. Cry the tears, think the thoughts, let the wound heal.
Let your heart beat, a little faster, let the blood flow through you. Feel life, feel love, don't let it cut you. Don't let it…cut you" He whispered the last two words.
(…just imagine it Nick Jonas style, and its not a rap! It's slow.)
I stared at him, open mouthed.
His voice, was perfect, the song made me feel bad. It wasn't the best song but it still got into my head. "You are really good" I said closing my mouth.
He shrugged. I sat there listening while he strummed cords.
"Do you have any songs? You know, just venting songs or something"
I thought for a second. "Life sucks! Foods crap! Sometimes I think it's not worth living"
He frowned. "That, was the worst song I've ever heard."
I smiled. I actually smiled! It felt terrible, but I managed it.
"Let's get out of here." I said, the nothingness of this room was getting to me.
We both stood up and walked to the door; he put his arm around me. My heart stopped for a second, and my breathing became shallow.
We stepped outside the building. The press was everywhere, taking pictures of Nick and I. "Fu--" I said quickly hiding behind Nick. "Nick! Please I don't want to be in magazines, I don't want people knowing me."
He took a deep breath. He walked, round to where the wheel chair ramp was and we ran down. We got to the taxis and jumped in. (A/N: a taxi is a cab if you don't know)
I saw the press running towards us and I ducked down. I blurted out my address and the taxi started almost running over some press on the way out.
The taxi pulled up at my house, I ran out of the car and into my house completely forgetting about Nick.
"Lillian!" I ignored my mother. Since my computer was gone I had to check my phone. I got to google on my phone and typed in 'Nick Jonas' then looked at images.
It was already there! A picture of Nick, and me together, with his arm around me.
I screamed!
I was never going to see Nick Jonas again.
My heart lurched.
I couldn't
I just can't!
I ran downstairs, ignoring my mother calling at me. My eyes were red, tears ran down my face. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I didn't even bother to look at my mother standing there. My heart was racing so fast. The tears kept pouring out of my eyes. I couldn't breath. My throat was clenched up. The blood in my veins was burning me, from the inside. I gasped through my tears and ran into the bathroom. I raised my unsteady hand, shaking as I locked the door.
I leaned against the wall in the bathroom, everything blurred from the tears. Sliding down into a ball position, a razor blade lay beside my hand. I was trembling. I looked at the knife. Feel the pain, cry the tears. Don't let it cut you. My mind was spinning. I looked at the knife, my hand trembling next to it, I heard my mum banging at the door, begging me to come out.
I felt my pulse beating fast, I felt the pain without any real pain. I was crying, my thoughts where spinning around my head so fast.
I heard my heart beating, faster than usual. The blood running inside me burnt. I felt it! I felt it all! I wanted it to stop!
I screamed again.
Wounds cut clean, feel the pain. Cry the tears, think the thoughts, let the wound heal.
Let your heart beat, a little faster, let the blood flow through you. Feel life, feel love, don't let it cut you. Don't let it…cut you
I kicked the razor blade away. I heard it scraping the floor, my hands were now gripping my head in pain, my eyes staring at the floor. The noise continuously repeating in my head. I sat in that position, my mind to cloudy, shaking for the whole night.
A/N See the song represents pain, making you think its about cutting but it's not…sweet P It's about what you feel when your in that state.
Iluvnickjonas I loved your review! and im hoping I didn't screw up this chapter…I like got up to page three…than deleted a page and rewrote it totally different.
LoveIsWrittenOnMyArms – I totally spazed when I got your review!! and yeh sorry if I screwed this up, im gonna edit it like three times, than get my sis to edit it before I post it.
Please Review! even if its just 'cool story' and if you have constructive criticism go ahead and tell me!!
Kay, I need an editor. For this story, co-writter or something please if you have good idea's for the story, and think you can help with my poor editing! please feel free (cause she doesn't want me, her sister, to edit for her :'( )
Des xx
Ps. Sorry for the lame chapter name, but when I wrote 'Simply just hard' it really stood out to me.