Wow...Thank you so much for the reviews. I totally wasn't expecting that kind of response.
Reassurance
Chapter 2
Sara wakes up feeling worse than she did last night. Dreams of Gil leaving her for Julia kept her awake, and when she finally did manage to sleep she was tossing and turning. She can feel him awake, he's probably been awake for hours worrying about her and wondering why she's acting out of sorts. She can't bring herself to open her eyes because it'll confirm that it wasn't just an awful dream, that it wasn't just her imagination. Curling up to him a little closer, holding him a little tighter and resting her head over his heart, she keeps her eyes closed and pretends to be asleep.
To keep herself occupied she counts his heart beats - two hundred and thirteen... two hundred and fourteen... two hundred and fifteen - and she almost smiles when she hears a double beat as her fingers softly glide across his chest, making him groan quietly. She can feel him playing with her hair as he removes the pins which are still in from last, allowing her curls to wrap around his fingers before he moves onto the next pin.
"You're scaring the hell out me, Sara. Please talk to me?" he whispers, knowing very that she's awake.
She continues counting as she tries to block out his plea.
Two hundred and twenty three... two hundred and twenty four...
She doesn't know how to talk to him. What is she supposed say? What if she talks to him and he realises that his mother is right?
She tries to swallow the lump in her throat.
Her closed eyes fill with tears at her last thought.
Don't cry, Sara. Count. Just continue to count his heartbeats.
Two hundred and thirty... two hundred and thirty one... two hundred and thirty two...
It's too late. One lone tear manages to flow over. She can feel it leaving a warm and wet trail down her cheek before it drops onto his chest. She tries to reposition herself so that maybe he won't notice her crying.
But he does notice.
"Sara?"
She feels him softly stroke her hair back from her face and take in her features as more tears spill over.
"I'm not good enough for you, am I?" she whispers out of the blue.
"What?" he asks in shock, hoping that he misheard her.
"I'm not good enough for you."
"Sara, you're too good for me. I'm the one who's not good enough for you."
"Why do you love me? Why do you love me and not somebody else? Somebody who'll be much better suited for you?"
He releases her from his grasp and pulls free from hers as he twists his body around to face her.
"Sara I..."
She cuts him off.
"Why are you married to me? Why not Julia Holden?"
"Julia?" he asks. "Sweetheart, what's Julia have to do with us?"
She pulls away from him and sits on the edge of the bed with her back to him. She feels exposed, vulnerable, so she wraps the bedsheet around her shoulders and finally talks.
"I met her last night. She's beautiful. She's perfect actually, although she does have a bit of an attitude problem. I hear that you two used to date?" she pauses, not really expecting an answer.
"Err.. yeah, a long time ago. Before I'd even met you." he says, baffled as to why she's asking him this.
"You know, she's the lead suspect in a car bombing which took place at the celebration last night."
"What? What happened last night? Why didn't you tell me? Were you hurt? What about my mom?"
Sara chuckles sarcastically and stands up to pace the bedroom.
"Everyone's fine, there was one death. I can't remember who though, my mind was somewhere else last night."
"What about Julia being the number one suspect?"
She rolls her eyes.
"Exactly what I said, she's the number one suspect."
"Sweetheart, I don't understand. What has this got to do with you and me?"
Sara stands at the window and stares out at the neighbourhood. She smiles a little at the children playing out on their front lawns whilst their parents talk. There's a young couple walking down the street hand in hand, laughing and smiling and looking so much in love, just like she and Gil do as they walk the streets of Paris.
She turns to face her husband and sighs.
"Do you love me, Gil?"
He quickly gets up from the bed and walks over to her and he takes hold of her hands.
"What? Sara, of course I love you. You know I love you. You're my world. Honey, please tell me what's going on. You're really starting to scare me."
"Did you love Julia?" she asks quietly.
"Is that was this is about? You meeting my ex? Are you jealous?"
She rolls her eyes and cocks her head to the side, telling him to answer the question.
"At the time I thought I was in love with her, but it felt nothing like what I feel for you. So I'd say no, I wasn't in love with her. I broke it off with her after around seven months, and we both agreed that we were better friends than...lovers. Sara, that was a long time ago. Well before I met and fell in love with you."
She lifts her head and looks into his eyes, seeing a mixture of confusion, sorrow and worry, and she knows he's telling the truth, she know he wouldn't lie to her about it.
"Sweetheart, what happened last night?" he asks.
Slowly she pulls her hands from his grasp and walks over to sit on the bed. She fluffs up the pillows and leans back against them, using her eyes to ask Gil to join her.
He complies and gets back into bed.
They sit in silence for a while. He knows not to push her, so he watches her, waiting for her to continue.
"Last night was awful, Gil. I knew I shouldn't have agreed to go. You shouldn't have pressured me into it."
"Tell me, Sara."
More tears spill from her eyes as she tells him almost everything from lastnight. She talks slowly as she thinks back, as if she's under hypnosis.
He doesn't interrupt her, he listens carefully as he watches her body language. She twists her wedding band a few times and then starts to pick at her finger nails and moves back to her wedding band. He notices that she's shaking, but he won't move to comfort her until she's ready. Anger surges through his body. He can't believe his mother would treat her like that. Julia, he can understand, Sara's right about her attitude problem.
"Anyway, as I arrived back to where we were standing, I read and heard your mom say to Julia, and I quote 'My Gilbert should be with you. You should never have split up.' It was awful, Gil. I practically heard your mother say that she hates your wife. Me, she hates me. Everything after that's a bit of a blur. I had to have Nick drive me home, and then you were here and all I could think about was what if your mother's right? You deserve the best, Gil, and I'm not good enough for you."
She starts to cry.
His heart breaks at the sight of his wife falling apart. How on earth can she think that? After everything we've been through together, how can she think that she's not good enough for me? It's the other way around. He shifts on the bed so that he facing her, gently he takes her face in his hand and makes her look into his eyes.
She shakes her head, desperate to free herself from his hold. She hates that she's being needy, but she can't help it. She loves him so much and the thought of losing him to another woman is killing her.
He's too persistent and her eyes finally find focus on his.
"I know how much you care for your mom, Gil. I'm sorry, but I don't like her and I'm... I'm not going to put myself out trying to get her to like me. I hate that she's making me feel like this. I've done nothing but love you with every fibre of my being and she hates me for it."
Her body's now shaking as she sobs.
"Sara, I need you to look at me and listen to me, okay."
She tries to pull away from him again but he doesn't give. "Listen to me, okay? I fell in love with you the day I met you and everyday since then I've fallen deeper in love with you. Even the years we were apart. You're the only woman I've ever really loved and I'll never be in love with anyone else. We were made for eachother, Sara. Nothing will ever change that. Do you hear me?"
"Gil..."
"Do you hear me?" he almost shouts.
A sob escapes her lips and she nods her head slightly. "Yes." she manages to choke out. "Your mom..."
"Sshh...I'll deal with my mom."
"I don't want... I don't want to cause problems between the two of you."
"You haven't caused any problems, Sara, I promise. Just forget about my mom."
He pulls her into his arms and she calms down a little.
"I'm sorry." she whispers.
"You have nothing to apologise for." he replies.
She buries her face in the crook of his neck and wraps her arms around his shoulders.
"I love you."
"I love you. Only you."
He cranes his neck to look down at her, and although her eyes are red and bloodshot they are no longer full of fear. Now all he sees is relief and love. He brushes his mouth over her lips, eliciting a moan from, and he smiles.
"Go to sleep, Sara. I know that you didn't sleep last night."
She opens her mouth reply but she knows that he knows she didn't sleep.
She nods her head and untangles the cream satin sheet from around her body. As Gil pulls the duvet up over both of them, Sara rests her head over his heart again, in hopes that his heartbeat will continue to soothe her.
It doesn't take long until she starts drifting off to sleep, feeling much better.
"How long are you here for?" she whispers sleepily.
"As long as you need me here."
"I need you here forever." she slurs
"Soon, very soon." he chuckles. "Now sleep. I do love you, Sara. Please don't ever doubt that."
"Love you, too."
They both fall asleep, both without worries and both without nightmares.
TBC...
Okay, sorry guys, this chapter is total rubbish. There's waaaay to much talking it.
My mojo is M.I.A again.
Lynne xo