Seasons by SLynn
Rating: PG-13 by default
Fandom: Heroes
Season: One/AU after Fallout
Characters/Ships: Nathan, Peter/Claire
Disclaimer: Not mine. Well, not all mine.
Summary: Nathan struggles to find his place during their first year in Maine. Post-'Revelations'.
"April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain."
T.S. Eliot
Spring
"Have you seen --"
Nathan stopped suddenly as he realized they were not alone.
"Have I seen what?" Peter finished, moving across the room to join Claire and Mohinder at the kitchen table.
"That it looks we'll get a storm soon," Nathan covered. "I was just outside and it's pretty threatening."
"We were just talking about that," Peter provided. "We're thinking that maybe we should all stay here if it gets too bad. How does that sound?"
"Smart," Nathan answered. "I know we haven't seen anyone in the area, but it doesn't mean there won't be. We could lose power and it would be safer if we're all in one place."
"When will D.L. and Lauren be back?" Claire asked Peter after a momentary glance in Nathan's direction.
"Tonight if the weather is good," Peter supplied. "I told you, didn't I? They went to meet Hiro in town."
"So Lauren went with D.L.," Nathan repeated quietly.
"Yeah," Peter answered, even though it wasn't a question. "They left pretty early this morning."
"What about the weather?"
"They took the ATV and a radio. They'll be fine," Peter returned. "Besides, if it does get bad they can hold up there. There are still plenty of supplies left behind to get them through."
Nathan nodded but, despite joining them at the table for the rest of the morning, he had nothing left to say.
They'd stayed gone a week, the storm being much worse than anyone could have predicted. Micah had been in radio contact with Hiro during the course of his trip, and D.L. as well, and had relayed the information that they'd be returning late that evening.
Since finding out, everyone had gathered in the main house as a sort of impromptu welcoming party. The group was so small now that any division, no matter how short, was felt, but add to that the fact that they weren't just welcoming home Hiro, D.L. and Lauren, but greeting four new strangers picked up a few towns away, and it left everyone feeling rather excited.
Soon Hiro and the whole party had arrived and after a brief, but warm, welcome home to the three that had left, Hiro began introducing the four who would now join them at least until the summer.
Nathan's attention waned as Hiro continued on. Everyone was gathered tightly around the front door, making it hard to tell anyone apart. After a moment of searching, he finally found who he was looking for; catching Lauren's eyes with his. She smiled at him before nodding her head off to the side as an indication for him to come meet her.
He wasted no time. Nathan nodded in return before heading towards the side door and avoiding the cluster at the front of the house. Lauren was waiting at the bottom of the steps when he arrived.
"How was your getaway?" he asked, genuinely happy to see her.
"Long," she admitted with a shrug. "It felt… long. I'm not great with new people and between that and the weather, I'm really glad to be back."
"Well," Nathan said, pausing awkwardly before her, "you were missed."
Nathan cleared his throat, dropping his gaze from hers. The moment dragged until Lauren swiveled her body, pointing towards the ATV just off and to the left.
"Do you mind?" she asked. "I could use some help."
"No, of course not," he returned, trying to shake off the uneasiness that had sprung up between them.
They unloaded the cargo in near silence. The basement had two entrances, one outside and one inside, so their work went undisturbed by anyone. It didn't take long for them to be done, and as Nathan sorted through the boxes, Lauren parked the ATV back in the shed.
"We can do that tomorrow," Lauren said, shutting the large doors behind her as she rejoined him in the basement.
"If you want to go upstairs you can," Nathan returned. "I've got this."
Lauren didn't reply, only fell in place beside him and began to sift through the goods. They riffled and redistributed the items into the appropriate bins, speaking only when necessary.
"I believe we are done," Nathan said, clapping his hands together and gesturing once around the room.
"Yeah," Lauren agreed, looking tentatively up at the ceiling.
"We really should go and at least appear welcoming," Nathan said, heavy on the sarcasm. "Well, I should. I'm sure you were perfectly pleasant to our new arrivals. I, however, have completely forgotten how to be hospitable, not that I was ever really any good at it. Not to strangers at least."
"You're stalling."
"Yes, I am," he freely admitted.
Lauren smiled, motioning for him to follow as she began her own way up the stairs, stopping at the top to hold the door open for him.
"They're nice people," Lauren said, lowering her voice lest they be overheard. "Really."
"So nice you escaped from them the very moment you could?"
"Nathan," she said, trying to sound admonishing, but hardly succeeding.
"You look tired."
"You're still stalling?" Lauren asked, serious now.
"I'm sure they're great, I can't wait to meet them," Nathan said in a rush, "but I'm serious. You look tired. You should go get some rest. Don't hang around here because you feel you have to. Go home. Get some sleep."
"I think I will," Lauren agreed, but remained in place with a steady determination.
"Goodnight then," Nathan said softly.
Lauren, seemingly decided, took a step in his direction and without hesitating he opened his arms in anticipation, only to see her fall back instead, looking mortified, and hurry towards the door.
"Goodnight," she called out without looking back, leaving Nathan behind her in confusion.
"Nathan."
He turned at the sound of Peter's voice, surprised to find him standing just behind him in the doorway.
"I'm sorry if… I was just looking for you both," Peter explained, embarrassed at his own intrusion.
"Sorry for what, Pete?" Nathan said, harsher than he meant it. "You've seen two people say goodnight before."
Peter nodded slowly, without meeting his brother's eyes.
"Excuse me," Nathan said, dropping his own gaze and moving past Peter without another word.
When Lauren still showed up in the mornings for her coffee, Nathan was a bit taken aback. He'd expected her to retreat from his company altogether, but soon realized that that was near impossible. They all had to live and work together, no matter what their feelings may or may not be.
He could see now that he'd overstepped the invisible boundary between them. Lauren may act nice towards him, but it couldn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything; she'd made that very clear. She wasn't his friend; she was only a nice person. He meant, in the future, to remember that and act accordingly. After all, he'd had no intention of making friends with her. He'd only wanted to make her happy; to try and make her comfortable if he could, seeing as she was the only person he could do anything for. Nathan expected nothing in return; he deserved nothing in return.
"Good morning," he said upon entering the kitchen, seeing her alone at the table the way she seemed to like it.
"Morning," she replied, only briefly glancing his way.
Nathan stood in place, debating whether or not to go. He'd just started to turn towards the door when Claire joined them.
"Good morning," she said. "You're both up early."
"I assumed there would be lots to do," Nathan answered. "We still need to make that new house livable. If it's half as bad as the rest it'll take a month at least."
Claire nodded, not exactly looking forward to the task either.
"What about you, Lauren?" she asked, as she rummaged through the refrigerator for breakfast.
"I couldn't sleep," she answered.
Before Claire could comment further, two of the new arrivals, Tom and Alison, joined them, full of laughter and conversation.
Nathan watched from across the room as Lauren withdrew to the window, and then, not long after Hiro and D.L. arrived, she left the room altogether.
His first impulse was to go after her, just to be certain she was alright, but that wouldn't do. If Nathan was going to be indifferent, the sooner he began the better. So, even if it cost him some pangs, he let her go.
Tom, Alison, Cal and Bethany were all fitting in well. Hiro had met up with them a few towns over close to the Canadian border. Tom was in his early thirties, short and stocky with black hair and light eyes. Alison was young, the same age and height as Lauren, only built a bit heavier, healthier even, with blond hair and blue eyes. Cal was the oldest of their group, approaching forty. He was tall and lanky with thinning red hair and blue eyes. And Bethany, who had only just met the others herself a few weeks earlier, had short sandy hair and brown eyes. She was also in her early thirties with a slim build and, of all things, a dog named Pepper.
The four of them seemed nice, and were friendly enough. They were all willing to work as hard as everyone else, and asked little questions about the past. None of them were gifted, but it didn't matter. They'd decided to at least stay through the spring before planning their next move, and that was fine. No one would force them to stay if they didn't want to.
It wasn't unusual, most nights, for everyone to gather at the main house as they'd always done. Dinner was typically had there, and afterwards, everyone was content to sit and talk a few hours. It was a comfortable reminder of things that had been. There was usually some kind of music, lots of stories and laughter, with only a few people here and there breaking off from the main group. Hiro had even managed to procure a few board games during the last trip into town which tended to prolong the evenings quite a bit.
Most people enjoyed it, but for Nathan this always felt like the longest part of his day, and he was simply biding his time until he could leave. He hadn't always felt this way, but lately it was the case. After all, now there was no one for him to talk to. Lauren, for whatever reason, had simply stopped coming around and Nathan couldn't reasonably expect Peter to always be at his side. He still did his best to mingle, but only to stop his brother from worrying; he did enough of that already. Tonight was different though. Nathan couldn't bring himself to try, so instead sat in the far corner to read.
"Is it any good?"
Nathan lifted his eyes from the page and smiled.
"Not particularly," he admitted. "But it's keeping me awake."
"At least there's that," Claire said, taking a seat on the ottoman next to his chair.
"Did you need something?"
"Not really," she said, shaking her head as she looked around the room. "We haven't talked in awhile."
"Oh," Nathan returned, shutting the book and rubbing his eyes. "I see. Peter sent you over here."
"No," Claire immediately denied. "He did not."
"Fine," Nathan sighed. "He didn't. I believe you."
"Good."
"So what's he on about now?"
"Can't I just come over and talk to you without being forced into it?"
"I don't know, can you?"
"Okay, I'm just going to cut to the chase, Nathan," Claire said, stopping short of rolling her eyes. "I'm worried."
"Is this about…"
"No," she said quickly, talking over him. "That's…
"Have you talked with Peter yet?"
"It's taken care of," she said growing impatient.
"Because, really Claire, it's not something…"
"Will you stop it," she interrupted. "This has nothing to do with me. I'm worried about Lauren."
"What about her?" he asked, his attention finally caught.
"Haven't you noticed?" Claire returned. "She's just… I don't know how to describe it. She's off. Tired. I think she may be upset or something, but I don't know about what."
"And what am I supposed to do about this?"
"Nathan," Claire said, this time with the eye roll, "I know you two talk. That's not like a secret, or anything, around here. You can't keep a secret like that around here. I thought you might know what's wrong, or you might be able to talk to her --"
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Claire," Nathan sighed, dropping the act entirely for once, "it just isn't. She's not going to tell me what's wrong. Yes, Lauren and I talk, but it's all idle. You're better off asking Peter or Hiro to do it. You're better off just asking her yourself."
"I've tried," Claire returned. "She just keeps insisting there is nothing wrong, but I know that there is."
"Then I'm sure I'd be of no help."
Claire shook her head at him, equally amused and exasperated.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm heading to bed," Nathan said, laying his book down and getting to his feet. "Goodnight."
"You're wrong," Claire called after him.
"No, I'm not," he answered without looking back.
Despite what he'd told Claire, Nathan did give it some serious thought. He still didn't agree with Claire, knew he was the wrong person for the job, but found the idea that something might really be wrong with Lauren too much to ignore.
So, Nathan waited a few hours, stewed on it, and then returned downstairs to a nearly empty house. He sat nearer the rest of them now, and after Hiro said goodnight, Claire quickly persuaded Peter that they should go to bed as well, leaving Nathan alone with Lauren.
"Goodnight," Claire said to them both, giving Nathan a significant look to which he rolled his eyes in return.
"Goodnight," Lauren called back to them both, looking up only briefly before returning to her book.
Nathan sat and fidgeted for a moment before having to say something.
"Is it good?" he found himself asking, the same awkward conversation starter Claire had employed on him.
Lauren lifted her eyes and gave him half a smile.
"It's alright," she finally said, laying the book across her lap. "I've seen the movie so I kind of know how it ends already."
"The movies are never as good as the books," Nathan said automatically.
"I take it you haven't seen very many movies."
"And I take it that you haven't read very many books."
"That's true," she said, smiling wider now. "I don't know. I just never had the time before now."
"Well," Nathan said, relaxing into the sofa, "you were young. Girls your age…"
"Would you stop with the 'girl' thing already," Lauren interrupted. "I'm not a girl. I haven't been for awhile now, Nathan. I don't know how old you think I am…"
"You're twenty-five," he cut-in.
"That's right," she said, but she couldn't mask her surprise at him knowing that. "I think we can both agree that that makes me no longer a girl. It's condescending."
"I apologize," he said sincerely. "I won't do it again."
"Thank you."
"Is that why you've been so quiet lately?" he asked after a pause. "Because I've been condescending to you?"
"No," she answered truthfully, aware he was only half-teasing her.
"It's not still that business with the list, is it?"
"No," she said. "No, it's not that. I've just… I have a hard time sleeping. And I have a hard time with strangers. It's… it's awkward for me."
"Ah," he said.
"You don't get it," she said, waving her hand at him.
"No, I know awkward," Nathan insisted. "My brother is sleeping with my daughter. I'm very familiar with awkward."
Lauren stared at him at a complete loss for words.
"Was that inappropriate?" he asked.
Lauren dropped her head into her hands in a fit of laughter.
"I can't believe you'd say that," she said, still laughing but slowly gaining control again. "You can't be serious… Nathan, that's awful."
"You didn't know?" he asked, completely unfazed by her reaction.
"I'm really not sure I want to," Lauren said with a shake of her head.
"It's not as bad as it sounds," Nathan assured her. "Peter and I aren't actually blood related, and I didn't find out about Claire until, well, until very recently."
"Why are you telling me this?" Lauren asked.
"I figured it's only fair," Nathan answered. "You told me some things I'm sure you'd have rather not, and so, in exchange, I've now told you some of the more sordid Petrelli family secrets."
"Thank you," she said, with a laugh. "But you didn't have to."
"Actually, you may have been the only one left that didn't know."
"Well then," Lauren said with mock-annoyance. "I take it back. What else have you got?"
Nathan mulled it over for a second before asking her to join him on the sofa.
"What is it?" she asked, skeptical but still complying.
"Here," he said, taking out his wallet and rummaged through it.
"You still carry a wallet?"
"Old habit," he returned. "It's familiar."
"How do you even still have one?"
"It was with my things back in Boston. When we stopped, I picked it up."
Lauren nodded, still uncertain what he was doing.
"Here," he said, taking it out a few pictures and handing them to her. "Look."
"Oh," Lauren said, leaning back in surprise.
"You shared about your old life and… well, this is what's left of mine."
"How old were you in this?" Lauren asked, smiling down at the picture.
"About your age," Nathan said with a melancholy smile. "It was taken at my wedding."
"Peter looks so different," Lauren mumbled. "So do you. You both look so…"
"Young?"
"Happy," she corrected.
"I guess we were," Nathan said as she flipped to the next photo. "Aw, this is Heidi. My sons."
Lauren looked up at him, clearly conflicted.
"You didn't have to show these to me."
"I know I didn't have to," Nathan said seriously as he took them away again. "I wanted to."
"I wish… I don't have any pictures to show you," Lauren sighed. "The only thing I have… This was my mom's," Lauren said as she held up her wrist, showing him her watch. "It doesn't run anymore but I still wear it because it was hers."
"It's very nice," Nathan complemented. "I'm sure we could find a new battery for it in town."
"It's not the battery that's the problem," Lauren laughed. "It's me. I… I broke it."
Nathan took her by the hand and looked at the watch, seeing no outward signs of damage.
"It stopped working when I first started using my power," Lauren explained.
Nathan nodded as he met her eyes, uncomfortably aware of how close they were now sitting. His free arm was practically around her shoulder and his hand still closed around wrist.
"So," he said, clearing his throat and trying to relax as he let go of her and shifted subtly away. "So, is it all strangers or just this particular set?"
"All," she admitted. "I'm sure they're fine, I guess I've met too many… I think I just spent too much time alone, you know? Of course you know. You spent half of last year by yourself."
"That wasn't so bad," Nathan lied.
"But it does change you," Lauren stated, but her eyes were questioning. "Maybe it isn't the same. I could still get around. Go wherever I wanted. We were both alone, but you were being held prisoner. I still had my freedom."
"Were you always alone?" Nathan asked out of curiosity.
Lauren dropped her eyes and fidgeted uncomfortably before looking at the clock on the mantle.
"It's late," she said suddenly, scooting forward on the sofa. "I should be getting back to my room."
"Oh," Nathan said, surprised by the change. "Alright, what's the protocol here? Should I walk you home?"
"It's just across the lawn," she said, laughing more comfortably as she got to her feet. "I think I can manage it alone."
"Are you sure?" he asked, getting up after her. "You are a lady, and I like to pretend I'm still a gentleman."
"No, thank you," she said, despite which he walked with her to the front door. "I've got it."
They each said a quiet goodnight, and Nathan stayed out on the porch until he could see the door shut at the other house.
The kitchen the next morning was fuller than Nathan had remembered it in some time. Not only were Alison and Bethany there already, making breakfast, but Claire, Lauren, Mohinder and Peter were there too.
"So it's all made up?" Mohinder was asking Bethany. "All of it?"
"Well, there may be some contamination," she returned. "I went up through Canada to be safe. It was supposed to be all in the plain states. The border states were all considered safe enough, but I waited till now to cross back. But no one inside Canada that I've met had heard anything of it."
"I can't believe you've been traveling so long," Mohinder said, bemused.
"I didn't walk the whole way," Bethany said with a laugh. "And I stopped here and there. Had company some time. Pepper has been with me the longest though."
"I still can't believe it," Mohinder said. "We were so certain we shouldn't go west."
"Tom figures it was mostly propaganda," Alison added. "Them trying to keep us all in one place after the states began to break apart. I'd heard that California is it's own country now, Texas too if you can believe it."
"I don't know about Texas," Bethany said, shaking her head skeptically as she turned back to what she'd been cooking. "But California is definitely not. Oregon was getting refugees before I'd left. The floods and earthquakes. I'm not sure what's left there to be a country."
"There wasn't much left here and that didn't stop anyone from trying," Alison said. "Not that it did any good. It's all such a mess."
Peter shifted uneasily in his chair, unable to keep himself from looking at Nathan. Claire looked his way too, but at least she was attempting to smile.
Mohinder must have felt the conversation wasn't headed anywhere pleasant either and took the first opportunity he had to ask Bethany various questions about her former line of work as a veterinarian.
Nathan took the subtle hint and quietly excused himself from the room. They'd made their guests welcome, had learned as much as they could about them, but had no real idea how much their guests knew about them in return.
"Wait up!"
Nathan glanced over his shoulder briefly, but didn't slow his pace.
"Nathan," Peter called, finally catching him. "Wait."
"Walk faster and I won't have to."
"Listen," Peter said, keeping pace with him now step for step, "about that back there…"
"I left, didn't I?"
"Yeah," Peter agreed. "And, I was…"
"What is it, Pete?" Nathan said, stopping halfway from the main house to the one shared by D.L. and Micah.
"Maybe you should lay low…"
Nathan knew that as soon as the words had come out of Peter's mouth, he'd regretted them, but that couldn't stop him from being angry.
"Lay low," he repeated, jaw clenched. "For how long?"
"Not like," Peter started, sighing heavily and running his hands through his hair. "I don't mean like live in the basement or anything like that…"
"No, that's an excellent idea," Nathan returned sarcastically.
"Nathan," Peter said, fidgeting uncomfortably as Hiro and Tom came out of the nearest house. "That's not… I just meant that we should be careful."
"No, you meant I should be careful."
"Yes," Peter agreed. "You should."
"And I should stay out of the way."
"Just until we know these people better."
"Maybe I should just leave altogether."
"Nathan," Peter sighed again. "Why are you making this so difficult? You know I'm not saying this because I want to. I'm trying to protect you. I'm trying to protect us all. Why does it always have to be a fight?"
Nathan looked at him for a long beat before finally nodding and squeezing his shoulder.
"You're right," he said. "Of course you're right. I can keep out of the way for a few days. More if it means I don't have to wash dishes."
"Thank you," Peter said, pulling him into a hug. "It won't be long. A few days and we should know for sure if they can be trusted."
Nathan smiled on the outside, but inwardly cringed. It wasn't so much that Peter had asked him to do this, but that he had to ask him. Nathan did understand why it was necessary, he understood completely; he was only sorry for it being so. That once again Peter was being forced into protecting him, when it should be Nathan doing the protecting. He was the older of the two; it was his job, not Peter's. It used to be his job.
For the next few days, Nathan did his best to comply with Peter's request. He even managed to not complain about it unnecessarily, but it did put him in a rather foul mood. Nathan couldn't stay completely out of the way, it just wasn't possible given all the work there was to do, but he did try.
"Where are these going?" he asked, coming up from the basement of the house they'd been cleaning now for weeks with several boxes in his arms.
"What's in them?" Claire asked, motioning for him to set them down.
Nathan complied, opening the boxes and helping her rifle through them.
"The clothes we'll keep," she decided. "We can wash them later and see if anyone needs anything. The plates, I'm not sure? It can't hurt to keep them."
"Claire, have we actually thrown anything out?"
"I just want to be prepared," she returned. "We can't afford to be wasteful. It's not like we can just run out and get a new set of dishes or anything like that."
"Actually, we can," Nathan said dryly. "The store in town has boxes full of them. Brand new. Never used."
"What do you think happened here?" Claire asked pensively, ignoring his previous remarks. "The whole place is just empty. Isn't that weird?"
"Could have been a lot of things," Nathan answered. "The town wasn't big to begin with. We've only seen about twenty homes in all. May be they all migrated together, north or south or who knows where."
"It's creepy," Claire decided.
"Don't start that," Nathan sighed. "There's nothing wrong with this place. It's not haunted, or possessed, or cursed. There's no such thing as ghosts."
"People can't fly," Claire added sarcastically.
"Not all of them," Nathan said. "And you know what I meant. There's no point it getting worked up over --"
A loud bang from upstairs caused them both to jump. It was followed quickly by the sound of footsteps, racing across the floor and down the steps.
Nathan and Claire turned to find Lauren, still on the steps, looking up at the second floor fearfully, her face having gone white.
"What is it?" Nathan asked, quickly joining her and looking up as well.
"Rat," she squeaked, holding her hands apart and indicating a rather large size.
"And?" Nathan asked, certain there was more.
Lauren only shook her head, backing off the steps, rubbing the back of her neck irritably.
"You're afraid of a rat?" Nathan asked, still not believing it.
"Not just one," Lauren said, her back now up against the front door.
"Claire," Nathan said, turning to get her support on this, only to find she'd joined Lauren at the door. "Not you too?"
Claire smiled at him, meekly, looking as if she might be ill.
"Okay," Nathan said, seeing that he was going to have to do this alone, "D.L. said there were traps in the shed. I'll set them up, but it may take a few days before anything is caught. We still need to get this place cleaned up."
"I'll get the traps for you," Claire said, quickly exiting and obviously not wanting to stay inside any longer.
Lauren looked as if she was ready to bolt as well.
"Are you going to leave me, too?" Nathan asked, becoming annoyed.
"No," Lauren said tentatively. "But…"
"Then come on," Nathan sighed, leading the way back upstairs. "Where did you see them?"
"In the bathroom," Lauren asked, walking right behind him as if she was afraid the rats might attack.
Nathan went in first, as Lauren hung outside the doorway, and immediately laughed.
"Is that your rat?" he asked, motioning her inside.
Lauren peeked inside to where he was pointing at the bathtub.
"Lauren," he said, shaking his head. "That's a mouse. That's barely a mouse."
"I panicked, okay," she admitted. "I saw the tail and…" She trailed off, shuddering again. "I hate rats."
"Well, these houses probably all have mice," Nathan told her. "But not rats. The rats will be in the barns and sheds."
"Don't say that," Lauren said, shuddering again. "I practice in the barn."
"They're not going to hurt you," Nathan said dismissively. "You just have to keep away from them."
"Don't tell me that they're more afraid of me than I am of them," she said. "That's not true. They're mean and aggressive and awful."
"What do you know about rats?"
"They were all over the subways," Lauren returned. "In the streets. Everywhere. Night was the worst."
Nathan felt suddenly foolish. He'd been chastising her for something she legitimately feared, with good reason having forgotten her time in Boston.
"Well, that little guy isn't going to hurt you," he said, pointing to the mouse that was safely trapped inside the bathtub.
Lauren nodded uneasily, but did not look convinced. Lunging at him when he moved forward, peering into the bathtub again.
"Don't touch it!" she yelped, making him laugh.
"I'm not going to touch it," he said, still laughing and not bothering to shake her off of his arm which she now held with both of her hands. "I was only looking," he continued, pulling her forward slightly, his arm sliding free and ending up around her shoulders. "See. It's not scary."
"For you it isn't," she said, but Nathan felt her relax into his side.
Nathan laughed, squeezing her closer as he did so. Then, as had happened the other night, their eyes met and the space between them seemed to shrink. This time, however, neither of them moved away and now there was nothing left to laugh about. Quite the opposite; it all felt very serious as their eyes met.
Almost unaware of his actions, Nathan brought a hand up to her face, slowly tracing her jaw line with his thumb before titling her head up towards his own. Nathan had forgotten what attraction could be like; that moments like this still even existed in the world. He wanted to hold on to it, to stop and savor it for as long as possible, but then the reality of the situation came crashing down upon him as Lauren let out a soft breath.
Nathan looked away first, moving his hand quickly to her shoulder and off again with an awkward jerk as if he was afraid to keep touching her.
"This isn't," he began to say, but couldn't bring himself to face her again or to finish.
"Guys!"
They both stepped apart at the sound of D.L.'s voice coming from downstairs.
"We're upstairs," Nathan yelled back.
Lauren looked around uncomfortably, blushing even as she moved out of the bathroom and down the hall.
"What's wrong?" Nathan heard Claire ask, followed by the sound of both women retreating back down the steps.
He didn't see either Lauren or Claire for the rest of the day. D.L. and Nathan were left to set the traps and do some minor cleaning, but agreed to give it a few days before tackling the heavier chores.
For the three days following, he continued to see nothing of Lauren. Nathan didn't know where she was keeping herself, and he did his best to not try and find out. In fact, it might have been more that he was avoiding her, and not the other way around. Nathan had taken to slipping out of the house early in the morning, taking his meals alone in the kitchen, and retreating to his room almost as soon as the sun set each night. He told himself that he was only respecting Peter's request, but knew there was more to it than that.
Finally, Claire caught up with him, barging into his room unannounced not long after he had snuck off after dinner.
"What the hell, Nathan?"
"Can I help you?" he asked, seemingly undisturbed by the intrusion.
"What are you doing?"
"Reading," he answered, holding up the book as if she might have missed it.
"You know what I mean."
"Obviously I don't."
"Nathan," Claire sighed. "What the hell?"
"You've said that already."
Claire sat down heavily on the side of the bed, dropping her head to her chest and shaking it in exasperation. "You have no idea why I'm here?"
"None."
"You're impossible," she sighed. "Really, sometimes Nathan, you're impossible to love. You know that right?"
"So I've been told," he returned, unable to completely suppress his smile at her comment.
"Are you going to apologize to her or not?"
"To who?"
Claire glared at him.
"I'm waiting," Nathan said, not bothering to look up from his book.
"I don't know what you did or said to Lauren," Claire said as she got to her feet, "but you had better make it right. I mean it, Nathan. Fix this. Fix this now."
"What did she tell you?"
"She didn't tell me anything," Claire admitted.
"So how do you know I'm to blame?"
"She didn't say anything because she didn't have to. I know you must have said or done something, Nathan."
"Of course I did," he returned sarcastically, not wanting to have this conversation with her or with anyone else.
"Don't," she snapped, her face so serious that Nathan had to pay attention. "Don't screw with me now. Talking to you is like being on some kind of psychotic merry-go-round sometimes, but not now. You know, I asked you to see what was wrong, and you did and she was fine for a few days and now… I don't know what you're doing, but it's got to stop. You have to go and apologize or…"
"Apologize for what? I didn't do anything so it's not like I can…"
"No, it's exactly like that," Claire interrupted.
"Claire," he tried reasoning, but she only shook her head at him.
His hands were tied. Nathan knew that Claire was never going to leave him alone until he promised to get it done. So he did. He'd come too far with Claire to just disregard what was obviously important to her, even if that meant making a fool of himself.
Nathan had no idea what to say that would make things better again between himself and Lauren. He wasn't sure there was anything he could say. He certainly couldn't admit what he'd wanted to do and apologize for it; what he'd almost done. Nathan could barely admit that to himself. He would have to find a delicate way to sidestep this mess he had made, and that wouldn't be easy. But, he'd try. If it was that important to Claire, and because it was obviously hurting Lauren, he'd try.
The very next day, he set out to find Lauren, starting with her favorite haunt, the kitchen. Disappointed to find only Alison and Bethany, Nathan meant to keep searching, only to be detained momentarily by their welcomes.
"We're going to have breakfast," Alison said cheerfully. "Care to join us?"
"No," Nathan answered. "Thank you, I was actually just on my way out."
"I think she's in the barn," Bethany offered with a sly smile.
"Excuse me?" Nathan asked.
"Lauren," she explained. "She just left for the barn. Said something about needing practice."
Nathan nodded slightly, turning to go without saying anything more.
Not bothering with a jacket this time, the days were becoming steadily milder this late in spring, Nathan headed out the side door and down the path towards the nearest barn which happened to be the larger of the two. He was a little surprised she'd gone back to practicing inside the barn, given their recent talk about rats, but she had to do it somewhere and the barn was the safest place for it to be done.
On the walk there he saw that several people were coming and going already, despite the early hour. Spring was making early risers of them all. Nathan didn't give them much more than a glance, except to see if Lauren was among them. Once sure she wasn't, he went inside.
"Lauren?" he called out, scanning the loft briefly.
The barn was extremely cluttered, filled with old machinery and the remnants of animals that had long since stopped living on the farm, so it took awhile to get around. Nathan was near to giving up, thinking she might have gone to the other barn, or might have simply changed her mind altogether, when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps.
Nathan turned quickly to see if perhaps it was Lauren, realizing if she'd gone back to her house first he could have beaten her there, but was disappointed to see only Tom instead.
"Have you seen Lauren?" he asked, not bothering with the niceties of conversation. "Bethany said…"
Nathan's voice faded into shock. Tom had simply never given him any warning, any indication of what was to come; he'd simply closed the gap between them and plunged a knife into his stomach.
His only instinct was to fight, but Nathan couldn't manage much of one. He wasn't the same man he used to be. He wasn't in as good of shape and he was certainly not prepared for this kind of struggle. Nathan fell to the floor and Tom went with him, still stabbing at him while cursing his name.
It was shock and adrenaline that kept him awake, that made it possible for Nathan to even struggle, but it couldn't last. As he felt himself finally sliding towards oblivion, a sharp scream brought him momentarily back to his senses.
Nathan could just register a flash of blue as Tom was pushed free of him. Tom's weight on him replaced by a much gentler kind; a light touch on his chest followed by a muted sob.
"Help," he heard Lauren say weakly. "Someone… Oh, God… help…"
Nathan's eyes fluttered open briefly, catching sight of Lauren kneeling next to him with both of her hands wrapped around one of his.
He tried to speak, but her attention became suddenly fixed on something else.
"No!" she screamed, jumping to her feet and running away without any reason he could discern.
The next thing Nathan was aware of was Claire, kneeling almost exactly where Lauren had been, with tears in her eyes.
"You're going to be fine," she assured him quietly, touching her hand to his face. "You will. I promise. I can do this… I can… Just hold on, okay? Nathan…"
Nathan tried to say something to her, but couldn't. All he could concentrate on was the fact that, not far away, he could hear a woman's scream.
The next time he opened his eyes, he was back in his room.
Nathan took a deep breath, his whole chest still tight with pain, before sitting up. Peter was right there, sitting beside him; lifting his head and trying to smile, but his eyes were bloodshot.
"You had us pretty worried," Peter said, his voice still heavy with emotion.
"What the hell happened?"
"Tom," Peter answered simply. Nathan was shocked to see his hands were shaking. "He… He recognized you and…"
It all felt so dreamlike, Nathan was sure it couldn't be real.
"They'll be gone soon," Peter continued. "They're…"
"Not the problem, Pete," Nathan interrupted harshly.
"Don't start. Not now, Nathan. Okay? It's taken care of."
Nathan gave Peter a hard look, not liking the sound of that at all.
"Please tell me you didn't…"
"No, I didn't," Peter answered before he could finish, but Nathan sensed that wasn't the entire truth of it. "Just, lie down and get some rest. It's handled. You lost a lot of blood and… Claire tried, she did, but…"
Nathan nodded, remembering now that Claire had been there; remembering as well that so had Lauren; and that there had been screaming.
"Where is she?" he asked suddenly sitting up right and startling Peter who thought he'd been compliant.
"Claire's next door…"
"Where's Lauren?" he asked, correcting himself. "She was there… She was right there… He didn't… He…"
"She's fine," Peter quickly assured him. "Just shook up is all."
Nathan nodded, and Peter once more relaxed; ready to keep watch on him for as long as it took. Then, to his surprise, Nathan got up entirely and began to get dressed in a hurry.
"What do you think you're doing?" Peter asked.
"I want to talk to her."
"Nathan, it can wait."
"No, it can't."
"You shouldn't be out of bed," Peter argued, already knowing it was no use. Nathan was not one to be easily dissuaded. "Damn it, Nathan. Will you listen to me?"
Nathan didn't answer, and he didn't look back, only moved quickly out the door, downstairs and into the kitchen.
"Nathan," Mohinder said, standing up in surprise. "What are you doing up?"
Nathan scanned the room quickly; it was only Mohinder, Micah and Bethany. None of them looked well, but Bethany in particular was extremely pale from the shock.
"Where's Lauren?" he asked, ignoring Mohinder's question.
"She's next door, but..."
It was all Nathan waited for. As soon as he heard, he began to move, and Mohinder moved with him.
"That's not a good idea," Mohinder said, blocking his way to the door.
"Out of my way."
"Nathan," Peter said, coming up behind him. "Really. Just wait. Wait until Cal and Alison are gone and then, I swear, no one will stop you from seeing her."
Nathan looked around the room again; Micah was now on his feet as well, ready to try and stop him if necessary.
"You're not going with them?" Nathan asked Bethany.
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I didn't… I didn't know they were going to do this. I'd never… I don't care who you are."
Nathan looked at Peter who confirmed her story with a slight nod.
"What about Tom?" Nathan asked, finally agreeing to wait it out and taking a seat at the table. "I imagine he's going with the others?"
No one answered.
"Peter?" he asked, hoping he hadn't been lied to before.
"He's dead," Peter finally answered, gesturing towards the window.
Nathan stood up to look for himself. Halfway across the field was where his remains still lay; covered not by one sheet, but by two.
"You told me you didn't…"
"I didn't."
Nathan had learned most of the details in the time it took for D.L. to ensure that Cal and Alison were well on their way away from them. Tom had long thought Nathan looked familiar, but it was only in the last few days that he'd actually put two and two together.
Having lived under the rule of the Order, he'd naturally hate the very sight of Nathan and worked up a plan with Alison and Cal. It was simple really; they just had to get him alone. When Bethany had unwittingly sent him off that morning, Alison had left soon after to let Tom know. Despite knowing Lauren was indeed heading to the barn, none of them had thought her much of a problem given her timid demeanor. They'd been wrong.
No one knew exactly what had happened, but Mohinder was the first to hear Lauren's call for help. He'd made it outside in time to witness the force field Lauren had tried to put up to keep Tom from escaping. However, she'd miscalculated, and ended up slicing him clean in two. From that point on it was near chaos. Mohinder called down Claire and Peter, still not knowing what exactly had taken place, all while trying to keep Lauren calm and Alison, who had also arrived, under control.
Peter and Mohinder had both assumed Lauren had been the one attacked, but despite her shock, Lauren finally managed to convey that that wasn't the case and Claire came upon Nathan first. Unable to fully heal him, she had gotten Peter to finish the job as best he could. He'd managed to heal up most of his wounds, but Peter had never been as good at using Claire's power as Claire was herself.
"They're gone," D.L. said, returning after a few hours, and sitting opposite his son.
Mohinder stood up, and without saying anything more went to go and take care of the remains. Micah stood to follow, but D.L. put a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed his son back into his chair, choosing to join Mohinder himself.
Nathan stood as well, Peter moving to join him.
"I'll go with you," he said, didn't ask, knowing where Nathan was heading.
Hiro met them at the door of the house, shaking his head and still clearly upset.
"How is she doing?" Peter asked.
"Mohinder gave her a sedative and Claire's been with her since," he answered, "but I don't think she's well."
"Can I go up?" Nathan asked.
Hiro paused, clearly not certain, before finally relenting with a brief nod.
Nathan climbed the steps and stopped. Peter didn't say anything, just stepped around him and moved to Lauren's room; tapping gently first to alert them to their arrival.
Claire opened the door for them with a wan smile and several tears; stopping to hug first Peter and then Nathan.
"She's sleeping," Claire said before either of them could ask. "There wasn't really anything... It's shock, at least that's what Mohinder says. She should be fine."
"Do you mind?" Nathan asked.
"No," Peter answered. "We'll leave you here. Just let us know if you need anything, okay? We'll be downstairs."
Nathan nodded and Claire hugged him once more before she and Peter left the room.
When they were gone, Nathan pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and waited for her to awaken; holding her hand as he remembered her doing for him. It was hours before she began to stir; whatever Mohinder had given her was definitely strong. First she lifted her head, then opened her eyes, punctuated by heavy blinks, and then squeezed her hand inside his.
"What…" she said, her voice scratchy from the drugs.
"Take it easy," Nathan said evenly. "Don't sit up too fast."
Lauren's eyes met his in the semi-darkness of the room. They still looked glossy, but she seemed alert.
"I thought you were dead," she said after clearing her throat.
"No," he said softly. "No, I wasn't."
"I killed him, didn't I? I…"
"Don't worry about that," Nathan returned. "Don't think about it."
"I did… I killed…"
"Go back to sleep," he said, stroke her head his hand. "It'll be fine."
"I didn't mean it," she said, coming close to tears. "I didn't."
"I know," he said, shushing her and hoping she'd rest.
"It was an accident," she muttered, shutting her eyes and on the verge of sleep. "Like before. An accident."
"It's okay, Lauren."
"I thought you were dead…"
"I'm not going anywhere."