If he was being perfectly honest for once Kakashi didn't feel that enthusiastic about the meeting he had scheduled later. Why? Because for those unlucky few today is Genin Pickup day. The day when the poor unfortunate souls that hadn't been quick enough to run when the Hokage was picking out Sensei 'volunteers'. He had only gotten stuck this year cause he'd been distracted by Jiraiya-sama's latest masterpiece, and it might have also been because he'd avoided his last Sensei rotation a year ago. It was also unfair that Hiruzen had picked him the same year he retired from active ANBU duty so he showed his displeasure by setting every team assigned to him to fail; it worked perfectly up until this genin team.
The civilian daughter of a wealthy merchant, the last loyal Uchiha, and Kohnaha's very own walking talking weapon of mass destruction. Just great, a really awesome batch of Genin this year. No really, and no he didn't think his tone was sarcastic at all. Fuck it, the damn team wasn't even official and it was already a garbage fire. One of his would-be students was spoiled by the village as a whole, the other was hated near universally by the civilian population, and the last was an underpowered nobody. He had his shit well and truly cut out for him. Kakashi sighed as he looked at the academy reports, psychological health evaluations, and general records spread out before him.
"Alright Hatake, it's just like killing bandits, just plunge in knife first and don't be such a bitch about it."
He reached over and pulled one stack in front of him. Haruno Sakura: civilian born, the first ninja in her family, father is one of the weather merchants in Konoha, mother is a housewife, graduated as Top Kunoichi of her class, only managed to pass the physical tests by the bare minimum, co-president of The Sasuke Uchiha Fan Club, psych eval says she manifested a second personality called 'Inner-Sakura' due to repressed aggression and anger management issues, values hair and appearance highly, small chakra coils due to not training. All in all: Haruno Sakura is an insane, weak fan-girl not even good enough to qualify as cannon fodder. Awesome.
Next up was Uchiha Sasuke: village darling according to the civilians, Top Shinobi of his class, above average chakra control, above average knowledge of ninjutsu, in the top three in his class on written tests, but psych evals revealed he's suffering from Survivers Guilt, depression, and battle shock and barely coping day by day, hyper obsessed with his brother, a true blue Uchiha Elite, a well documented flight risk with standing orders to stop or kill him if he tries to leave the village without an escort. Great.
And saving the one that Kakashi knew for a fact need the least work for last was Uzumaki Naruto. Daughter of the Fourth Hokage and the last of the royal bloodline of Uzushio, current jinchuuriki to the Kyuubi no Yoko. According to her Academy files, she was a slacker with attention problems that constantly goofed off or skipped class, but Kakashi knew the truth. After all, one the most sought after ANBU missions was doing a rotation as one of Naruto's bodyguards and as the last living student of her father himself, Kakashi was always happy to pull rank to snag a place on the team. Naruto was an extremely smart little girl that talked fast and learned faster, she soaked up whatever she could like a sponge that had been in the desert for a month. Raised by ANBU, the Hokage, and the hate of low ranked shinobi and civilians alike she was scrappy, mean, and unafraid to hit where it hurt to win. A perfect attitude for a kunoichi to have out in the field where a woman unaware could be captured and raped and tortured and then left to rot. He wondered how she'd grown since she'd stopped needing the guard after Hiruzen got sick of the treatment of his surrogate granddaughter and started fining people for every infraction against 'an innocent and helpless little girl'. Yeah right, some of her pranks could be easily modified to be lethal with ease and Kakashi knew Naruto knew it too still, even if he wasn't allowed to really talk to her publically yet her still loved her. If this wreck of a team passed Kakashi would receive a special summoning scroll from Hiruzen and Jiraiya that would transport two people from wherever they were to the Hokage's office in seconds. It was for the purpose of ensuring the secret Princess of Konoha never ended up in enemy hands, and to help he would also receive jinchuuriki level chakra suppression seals if she tapped into her Biju and went crazy on a mission. Naruto was honestly the only one he was happy to get but since the Hokage had already called dibs on apprenticing Naruto he couldn't just take her and tell the other two to fuck off which sucked. Like really sucked major balls. Well if these three pulled a true miracle out of each of their own asses he'd do the same and turn them all into shinobi to be feared and respected in turn.