Spain was sat on a bench, admiring a cloud that looked a little like a tomato, when a burlap bag was shoved over his head and he was yanked to the ground and thrown into what felt like the back of a van of the windowless variety.

"Who are you?" he demanded, "I can pay any ransom you ask for!"

Romano coughed up a strangled sounding laugh and started the van. Veneziano finished tightening the ropes on Spain's wrists and ankles. Spain wept softly. Because he was actually kind of broke.

Portugal also sat on a bench, also admiring the clouds, when England came strolling along.

"Hello England."

"Hello Portugal."

"Would you like some tea?"

"Ah, thank you for the offer, but it's very hot out…"

"DRINK THE BLOODY TEA! I WON'T ASK AGAIN."

"Okay! Jesus."

Portugal drank the tea and passed out in the sand, because England put drugs in it.

Monaco was laying her cards on the table and sweeping in her winnings when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned, unsurprised to find France behind her.

"Hello France. Is there anything I can do for you?"

France grinned sheepishly and twiddled his thumbs. "We've been conquered."

"Excuse me?"

"Uh…We. Have. Been. Conquered."

"You mean you've been conquered." Monaco sniffed.

"No, Monaco, we've been conquered. Get in the windowless van." France sighed dejectedly.

Monaco pouted and sat in the windowless van between Spain and Portugal.

Switzerland stared at Belgium and polished his gun, glaring menacingly. Belgium slowly chewed a square of her famous chocolate. Switzerland put down his gun and popped a square of his own chocolate into his mouth.

"Mine is better."

"I have a scary gun."

"Compensating for something?"

"NO."

"Um, yeah, actually, I think you might be."

"…"

"I'm leaving now. I think we both know who won this."

Suddenly they were both shot with sleeping darts and shoved into a windowless van.

"Arrgh!"

Greece punched Turkey in the face, straddling his torso, while Turkey tried his hardest to keep his grasp on Greece's neck. They rolled sideways in the dirt until Turkey was on top, half strangling Greece, who fought to flip them over again, writhing under the heavier nation. You see, they had happened to both be taking shirtless runs, and were covered in sweat, worked up under the hot summer sun. They, of course, immediately had to fight each other, compelled by the burning passion in their hearts. Uh, burning, passionate, hatred, of course.

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"Maybe if I rough you up a little you'll learn not to fuck with me!"

"I'll fuck with you if I want to!"

"So you want me to rough you up?"

"Give me your worst! I can take it and give it back!"

"So you'll return the favor, huh?!"

Once both nations were unconscious due to fatigue, they were carted off to the windowless van, which was starting to get very crowded.

The Netherlands rushed into the Villa's main entry, searching frantically.

"Emma!? Where are you? It's me!"

A figure spoke from the shadows. "If you're looking for her, you won't find her." A half-eaten bar of chocolate was tossed at Netherlands' feet.

"You." Netherlands spoke with contempt, "Was it you who kidnapped my sister?"

"No, but it is me who's holding your bike hostage."

Netherlands gasped, but then hung his head in defeat.

Belgium and Switzerland stepped out of the shadows.

"God damn it."

Lichtenstein and Luxembourg were informed that Switzerland, Netherlands, and Belgium had been conquered, so they quietly complied with the empire's demands.

There was a sharp rap on Austria's door.

"Spain? How nice to see you, do come in."

Austria sat down at his beloved piano and began to play, the music filling the entire room. Then Spain pulled a little mini axe from his jacket.

"I am going to smash this piano if you don't join the empire." Spain said, dully.

"Alright. Do it."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"Okay." Spain brought the axe up above his head dramatically; eyes boring down into the polished wooden surface.

"NOOOOOOOO! NO! STOP!"

"You said to do it."

"I didn't think you would!"

"Well…will you join now?"

"You have to spare the love of my life."

"Fine but you have to throw in Hungary or it's no deal."

"...Deal."

"Germany!"

Veneziano skipped around the much larger nation, curl bouncing jubilantly in time with his jumping.

"No."

"No…what?"

"Italy…I won't join the Roman Empire."

Veneziano's expression darkened. "Then I won't make sweet, passionate love to you anymore."

Germany shrugged and trudged away in the direction of his secret, underground sex dungeon.