Chapter 2
Rayna lay on her back across the rear seat of Deacon's truck. She was aware of rain gently falling outside, could see the outline of the drops trailing down the foggy windows. The neon signs from the Bluebird cast a dim glow in the cab, making everything soft. Her shirt was unbuttoned and open wide. Her legs were spread just as wide and she was bare from the waist down. Deacon was snuggly positioned between her thighs, his lips caressing her neck. One hand supported his weight, the other traced lightly over her ribs and abdomen. He was bare from head to toe. Desire burned hot and deep in her lower belly. She could feel her body waking up, coming alive. Nerve endings sparked where his skin met hers. His worship of her with lips and tongue sent shockwaves of pleasure down the length of her frame. The feeling was exquisite. Rayna closed her eyes and let sensation take over. She thrust her hips and felt him meet her; moving within her, rocking against her, filling her. She brought her legs up to pull him deeper. She wanted more, to push harder and faster, but he wouldn't. If anything he seemed to slow down and pull away. She growled in frustration. She opened her eyes, prepared to speak, but Deacon was gone. In his place was Teddy. There was no softness or love in his gaze, only anger. He pinned her arms above her head, holding her wrists hard against the door of the truck. She strained against him. Her arms burned with the effort. The door bit into her trapped wrists. He pressed against them harder to hold her steady and ground his hips forcefully against hers, pushing painfully inside. She yelled out, begged for him to stop, struggled, bucked, and strained. Everything hurt. Almost as quickly as it began, it was over. The truck, the rain, the Bluebird parking lot; it all disappeared. She was running in a gray shroud of mist. She felt fear pressing against her chest, her heart pounding, trying to break free of her rib cage. She needed to run...she wasn't sure from what, but she needed to move. Her feet were heavy, like bricks. The harder she tried, the slower she moved. Suddenly she was falling. Her body bucked...
Rayna woke with a start to Daphne jumping up and down on the bed chanting, "Wake up Mama." She was disoriented for a second, feeling both aroused and disgusted at the same time. As she turned her focus to her daughter, the remnants of the dream disappeared from her consciousness like tendrils of smoke, details fading away. Rayna looked up at her energetic child. Her eyes were swollen and felt heavy, gritty, like they'd been rubbed with sand. A dull headache throbbed steadily against her temples. It felt like a hangover. The events and conversations of the previous night came rushing back, hitting her hard. She closed her eyes. Just breathe.
"Hey jumpin' bean," she said groggily. "Stop all that bouncin'. Give your mama a minute to wake up." She patted the space beside her. Daphne snuggled in. Rayna held her close, breathing her in, enjoying her wholesome presence. "What are you doin' in here so early sweet girl?"
"It's not early." Daphne looked up at her. "You overslept. Daddy told me to come in here and wake you up. He said that if you don't hurry, we're going to be late for school."
Rayna checked her phone. She had overslept and completely forgotten to set her alarm. Teddy would more than likely later use this small lapse in motherly duty to argue her selfishness and irresponsibility. To point out how Deacon was already throwing kinks in their well oiled operation, setting them on the fast course to ruin.
"I love you baby girl," she squeezed Daphne tighter.
"I'm not that little anymore Mama."
"Don't you remember what I always say? You will always be my baby; always. That won't change no matter how old you get." Rayna's heart contracted. The love for the child in her arms was overwhelming. The love she had for both girls was all powering and all consuming. The enormity of that love struck at random times and she never ceased to marvel in amazement. This was one of those moments.
"Thanks for comin' and wakin' me up." She smothered her with kisses and tickles. Daphne squirmed and laughed. "Is your sister up yet?"
"Yep."
"Good! Let's go make you some breakfast. How about you get dressed and meet me in the kitchen?"
Daphne nodded, snuggled in for one last squeeze and bounded off the bed. Rayna watched her run out of the room then pulled herself into a siting position. The blood throbbed harder against her temples. She felt slightly nauseous. Coffee would probably help. She got up, quickly spread the bed and threw a sweater over top of her t-shirt. She didn't bother changing out of her shorts before running to the bathroom to wash her face, brush her teeth and run a comb through her hair. She had to hustle.
Teddy was dressed and appeared to be already halfway out of the door when she walked into the kitchen. He quickly looked up then continued to order his briefcase. Maddie wandered slowly into the kitchen. She was on the verge of entering her teenage years and the signs were already showing. Like Daphne, Maddie used to be up with the rising of the sun, but not anymore. She yawned loudly and plopped down on the counter barstool.
Rayna pulled her in for a quick hug and kissed the top of her head. "Mornin' sunshine."
"Hey Mom."
"Cereal or oatmeal?"
"Cereal."
"Daph," she yelled, hearing feet on the stairs. "Cereal or oatmeal?"
"Cereal."
"You two have just made my job easier this morning."
In between pulling out bowls, spoons, milk, and several boxes of cereal, Rayna managed to pour herself a cup of coffee. She took a grateful swallow. The hot liquid was strong and comforting. A few more sips of caffeine helped lessen the throbbing in her head, but a few Tylenol probably wouldn't be a bad idea. Teddy walked across the kitchen and kissed both girls on the cheek. "Alright ladies, (kiss for Daphne) I'm heading out (kiss for Maddie). I hope you all have a wonderful day. Looks like I may be late this evening so don't wait on me for dinner."
"Bye Dad."
"Bye Daddy."
He headed towards the door. Rayna gave the girls a brief glance and followed him outside.
"Don't Rayna. Not now."
"I'm not lookin' for a fight. I just wanted to let you know that I'm plannin' to file outside of Nashville. We don't have to tell the girls or go public until after the election. I will stand by your side and support you in any way I can during this campaign. Like I said last night we need to be a team on this. I want us to have a clear plan so we can protect our family. But I am gonna get the ball rollin' and I didn't want it to catch you by surprise."
"I told you I wasn't ready to think about this. And I definitely didn't agree to it."
"I know. You didn't. But more time isn't going to change anything Teddy. We're not happy."
"You don't get to tell me if I'm happy or not."
"Okay, well I'm not happy and haven't been for a long time. We've just been goin' through the motions of a marriage. We deserve more. We can have more apart than we do now and still raise our girls together."
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. This was clearly not the direction he wanted the conversation to go. "File if you want. You're determined to do it and I can't stop you, but this process isn't going to be as easy as you think. I don't plan on making it easy for you to run to Deacon. I know you're used to getting your way all the time. It's gotten real comfortable for you up there on your pedestal with people snapping to at your every whim. But not this time. You're not going to say jump and have me say how high. You are betraying me and our family. You're breaking everything, risking everything and for what? An alcoholic who can barely keep his shit together? Real smart Rayna. I think you need to take those rose colored glasses off when looking back down memory lane. You seem to have forgotten what a mess Saint Deacon is. I'll personally see to it that that mess stays far away from my children."
Anger coiled tight in her chest. She wanted to slap that smug face right off of his face. It took all of her self control to keep her response civil. She was not taking his bait. "You know Teddy, I'm real sorry you feel that way. I wish I could make this easier, but I can't. And I'd appreciate if you'd kindly keep your mean spirited opinions and disrespectful comments to yourself. The same goes for your threats. This doesn't have to get nasty."
"Whatever Rayna." He turned and walked away without another word. She could tell he was very angry. It radiated off of him in waves. This was it. They had officially passed the point of no return. If she'd had any second thoughts about going through with her plans, this conversation ended them. Their foundation was cracked, the structure was compromised. Camelot was falling. Rayna had to admit that watching her marriage crumble this way was painful. She'd hadn't wanted to end like this. Both she and Teddy had put a great deal of time, energy and emotion into their relationship and it was a shame that the disassembling of it was going to be contentious. They would have to do better. She prayed they'd do better; they couldn't afford not to, for the girls sake.
Rayna knew she'd have to be somewhat patient and give him time to process. She had come to the decision to end things on her own. It had been sudden, but had definitely been on her own terms and in her own time. Teddy would have probably been content to carry on as is indefinitely. It wasn't a surprise that he was caught off guard or that he was angry, disappointed, hurt, and jealous. Jealousy never looked good on anyone, it always brought out the worst. She had to admit to herself that she was more than a little afraid of what his jealously could do. Would he try to take custody of the kids? Would he try to hurt Deacon or defame his character so that he would be deemed unfit to be around the girls? He'd practically said as much. Would he try to ruin her career? He most likely could do damage if he wanted to. Heck, her father would be on his side and she knew that Lamar Wyatt was capable of just about anything. He was nasty and ruthless when he wanted to be and had Teddy securely in his pocket. Yes, the fear was real, but at this point it wasn't enough to stop her from choosing a different life. She watched Teddy drive away then turned back towards the house and her waiting children.
The rest of the early morning flew by in a blur. By the time she got herself dressed, packed lunches, hustled the girls to the car, dropped them off at school, and drove the hour and half out of town to file the divorce papers, the day was well under way. Rayna walked through motions of filing in a daze. She much as she thought she was ready for it earlier, it was still hard to believe that she was actually putting the final nails in the coffin of her marriage. It felt unreal. Just yesterday she would have never considered this to be an option, but in less than 12 hours so much had changed.
The reality of allowing herself to acknowledge her love for Deacon had sent her down a completely different path; one she'd needed to take for a long time. Rayna owned then choices she'd made and was generally happy with her life, but somewhere along the way, she had lost herself. Deacon knew her. Really knew her. And he loved her. Completely. She didn't have to put on a show; didn't have to pretend to be someone or something she wasn't. She could just be herself; comfortable in her own skin. Last night he'd reminded her of who she was and who she belonged to.
This morning, Rayna felt more like herself than she had in years. It was exciting and it was scary. In some ways it felt extremely impulsive and in other ways it felt like it had been too long coming. This by no means fixed everything...in fact it would make life substantially more complicated, but it was a step in the right direction for her. It felt true to who she was. She had to admit that she couldn't be her best self in all other important roles (mother, businesswoman, artist) if at her core she was broken and miserable. It had taken the push from Deacon to make her see that. It was his love that soothed her battered soul, reminded her of who she was and what she could be. He made her better.
Rayna sat in her car outside of the courthouse. The documents were signed and filed. Teddy would be served with divorce papers in the very near future. She already had a trusted lawyer on retainer and had made contact on the drive to the courthouse to notify her of the situation. A copy of the divorce petition would be faxed to her for review. The ball was definitely rolling. Even though he had been warned, she knew Teddy was going to be furious when the messenger arrived in the next several days. Her father and sister would go ballistic. There would be cajoling, pleas to listen to reason, probably even veiled threats. Rayna leaned her head back against the seat and sighed. She felt a little sick. This was real. Holy crap!
Her thoughts turned to Deacon. She wanted him. Needed him. He calmed and grounded her. He would support her. She had to let him know what was going on. Today was an off day for the band; they'd be back at it tomorrow and she needed to talk to him before then. She picked up the phone and sent him a text.
"Hey. How are you doing?"
The phone must have been fairly close by because less than five minutes later she got a response.
"Everything I said last night is still just as true in the sunshine."
Talk about cutting to the chase. It was another thing she loved and appreciated about Deacon. He was always direct when it mattered. There would be no mind games, no second guessing. Not now. He'd said his peace and he would stick by it.
"Do you have time to talk today? I can swing by before I get the girls. Soccer and play date right after school so I have a little extra time."
"You're always welcome here Ray."
"Okay. See ya soon."
"See ya soon."
Rayna's heart pounded against her chest. She could hear its rhythm in her ears. Butterflies did flips and swirls in her belly. With slightly shaking hands she put the car in gear and headed towards her new future. Needless to say the drive back to Nashville felt like an eternity.
Waiting for Rayna to arrive seemed to drag on forever. Deacon had no idea that she was driving back from a courthouse in a town an hour and a half outside of Nashville. He had no idea she'd just hit the detonate button on her marriage and on her world as she knew it. What he did know was that he was nervous as hell. Her texts had been vague and gave no indication of her mood or frame of mind. She wanted to come by which meant she wanted to talk. Her wanting to talk meant that she had most likely come to a decision or at least had some kind of direction in mind regarding their future. This conversation could go one of two ways: really good or really bad. There wasn't any more room for middle ground.
Deacon had spent the morning trying to pretend that everything was normal. He went about the business of cleaning up, paying bills, and working on odd jobs around the house. He told himself that he wasn't waiting on some kind of contact from Rayna, wasn't expecting her to have figured everything out in less than 24 hrs. He knew this was a straight up lie but he honestly didn't want to put undue pressure on her. He knew that she'd need time and that, for his own sake, he had to avoid creating unrealistic expectations. So he tried to ignore his anxiety. Denial seemed like the best way to do that.
Sometime in the interminable hours of the morning Juliette called and asked him to write with her later that afternoon. He'd politely declined. It would have provided a good distraction...if he'd been able to think clearly which he most certainly was not. Getting into creative space would require an ability to concentrate. He was definitely not there today.
Since he had gotten up, Deacon had kept his phone in his back pocket. He usually left it around the house, more often than not misplacing it, but if there was even a half of a percent chance that Rayna would call, that phone would be on his person. When he hadn't heard from her by late morning, he pretended that the lead ball in his stomach wasn't because of her silence. That anxiety was still churning when he felt the phone vibrate. Her name and a message flashed across the screen. A sense of relief accompanied that first text. She was thinking about him; wanted to check in. He responded with a message to reassure her of his love and commitment. When she asked to talk he experienced a fleeting moment of hope, followed closely by fear. The fear settled in to stay. What if this was it? He couldn't sit down. Nothing would distract him. So he paced.
Rayna pulled up to the curb and cut the engine. This was it. The moment she had been waiting for...all night...all morning...ever since she'd left him behind all those years ago. Last night Deacon had planted a seed: one of hope, one of promise, one of joy yet to come. His leap of faith had given her the courage to water that seed, to take the first steps forward towards him. Now it had taken root. A tiny sprout was pushing boldly out of the earth reaching towards the sun. She looked at the house. He was in there. He was waiting. He was ready. "I know how to love you now...Everything I said last night is still just as true in the sunshine." His voice echoed in her mind. Those few words were everything that she needed to hear. They confirmed his love, his willingness to be vulnerable, his desire to work together towards a combined future. They spoke to his strength and his courage. If he could be strong then so could she. If he was willing to take the risk, so was she. In fact, she already had risked everything, she'd doubled down on their future in a big way this morning. Now it was time to tell Deacon. It was time to start their new life. This next part was what she'd bet the house against. He was the prize. All she had to do now was reach out and claim him. With one more deep breath and butterflies still in her stomach, Rayna got out of the vehicle. She closed the door: on the morning, on the past, on the fear of what was yet to come and walked towards the front door. It was a walk she would remember for the rest of her life. It took forever.l and yet it was over in the blink of an eye.
Deacon thought he heard footstep on the porch and then he definitely heard a knock. It was soft, but to his ears it was as loud as a crack of thunder. He rushed to the door and pulled it open. There she was.
Rayna's heart hammered even harder when she saw his face. There he was.
"Hey." The word was whispered. Almost as if it had come off of a sigh.
"Hey," he replied just as softly.
She was still having a hard time believing this was real, that this was actually happening. She stood there staring at him.
Deacon wasn't sure how to read her look. It was definitely intense. There was a lot of emotion swirling around in her gaze.
"You wanna come inside?" He swept an arm into the house.
"Yeah...yeah. Thanks." Rayna shook her head as if to clear it and walked into the house.
He closed the door and followed her to the couch They sat side by side, close, but not touching. Rayna sat straight. Hands once again clasped in her lap. Eyes focused downward. It reminded him of her verge of flight stance from the previous evening.
"Just talk to me Ray. It's me. You can say whatever you need." It was a gentle verbal nudge.
It took her a minute to look up, to meet his eyes. When she did hers were glistening with unshed tears. The intensity in her gaze was overwhelming. Deacon's heart dropped to his feet. She was choosing to walk away. He broke eye contact. His thoughts were a scrambled mess. He'd already unconsciously prepared himself for disappointment. He'd been living with it for years and knew last night that statistically the odds weren't in his favor.
He swallowed hard and then once again lay his hand on top of her clasped ones. If he had to let her go, he was going to be as supportive and strong as he could. She deserved this. He'd promised her he was that man. And he would be, no mind that his heart was breaking.
"It's okay Ray...I understand. I knew I was asking too much yesterday. I shouldn't have done that...I shouldn't have let it go as far as it did..."
She grabbed his hand with both of hers, holding it tight. She turned her body so that it was fully facing him, her knees pushing into his, forcing him to look up.
"No. Deacon. I'm not walkin' away. I choose us." She squeezed his hand. "I was a little overwhelmed figurin' out where to start but I guess the best place is to say simply that I love you. I have always loved you. I can't clearly remember a time where I didn't love you. I'm choosin' us."
Tears streamed down Deacon's face. He wasn't sure when they'd started and only became aware of them when Rayna reached out to gently brush his cheeks. He grabbed her hand and held it to his face. She held fast to his other one.
"I'm done livin' without you. It's only half a life. I need more." Tears were flowing down her cheeks. She let go of his hand and swiped at them before reaching back down. When she looked at him again and spoke, her voice was steady, more deliberate. "I want you, all of you. We can't make up for everything we've lost. That's just the truth, but we can make new. I want to teach my girls what real love is and I can't do that without you. You're mine Deacon. You're my home. You're my rock. You're my music. You're my love."
He'd dreamed about this moment countless times for years. At night, in his daydreams, when he was writing lyrics, and all the times in between but not one of those fantasies could hold a candle to right here and now. Time, pain, and the wisdom from living had forged both of them into stronger versions of themselves. Deacon took a breath and squeezed her hand. This moment was real. It was the beginning of something new...built on old love and passion, but it was a new story. And it was going to have a very different ending. A happily ever after. Like all true to life stories this one would be full of ups and downs, disagreements, outright fights, hurt feelings...everything that comes with day to day living, but they would be doing it together. They were committed, they were stronger, they loved one another unconditionally. That in and of itself was their happily ever after.
"Ray..." Her name came out horse. He pulled her to him. Much like the night before they were a tangle of bodies. Mashed at weird angles but fitting perfectly. "I love you." He breathed her in. I love you so much. Baby, you're my everything. We're gonna get it right this time. So right..."
"I know." She pushed away a little so she could make eye contact. "I trust you."
His heart swelled. She couldn't have said anything more perfect. Deacon couldn't hold back anymore. He pulled her close and captured her lips with his. She responded in kind. There was a subtle desperation to their kissing, a need to take and be taken, but they took their time, reveling in the sensation.
Lips brushed. Her fingers traced his jaw and cupped his cheek. His buried themselves in her hair, pulling her mouth closer. The kiss deepened. Lips parted, tongues caressed and explored. Deacon pulled her body more firmly onto his, resting her weight on his lap, enjoying her her warmth while letting her feel his need. A moan caught in her throat. It was echoed by his own. Suddenly, mid kiss Rayna pulled back, breaking contact. She placed a hand on his chest. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, cheeks flushed, breath coming heavy, eyes dark and clouded with desire. "I want you to know something before we go any further. Deacon..." she reached up and cradled his face between her hands. "I forgive you for the past. All of it. We can't truly move forward with that hangin' over our heads...and our hearts. There's a lot that we're gonna have to navigate together and I need you to know that I'm not gonna be waitin' for you to mess up or fail me. That's in the past. No need to carry that guilt around anymore. I forgive you and I hope you can forgive me for the hurt I've caused you."
He felt the tears slide down his cheeks. He hadn't known just how important it was to hear her say those words until she did. As much as he's worked on forgiving himself, he couldn't truly do that until he had her forgiveness. And now he did. She'd said it and he believed her. There were no strings attached. He had hers and she had his...for leaving him...for refusing to let him go over the years...for making him watch her build a life with another man. He wasn't going to deny that she'd hurt him, bad. They'd both done damage and now they'd both owned it. They were free.
"I forgive you Ray." Tears welled in his eyes. "Thank you for sayin' that. Just when I think it wasn't possible, you go and make me love you even more. Baby, from here on out the past is just a marker for where we been, not where we're goin'. I love you Rayna Jaymes."
"I love you Deacon Claybourne...so much."
He kissed her gently on the lips and then slid his body out from from under hers. He stood and reached out a hand of invitation. She laid her fingers in his, allowing him to pull her up off of the couch and lead her to the bedroom. Their words had been healing balm to their souls, but there was more healing to do. Now they would let their bodies do the rest.
Deacon pulled Rayna close, so that her body was flush against his, the backs of her thighs pressing against the bed. He kissed her, fully, passionately. She responded in kind, wrapping her arms around his neck...pulling herself as close as she could. Somewhere in all the kissing Deacon managed to unbutton her shirt. He spread it wide and pulled back to stare at her appreciatively.
"My gosh Rayna. You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
She smiled. Perhaps she should be embarrassed or self conscious about the way time had changed her body. He hadn't seen her in any state of undress in 13 years. But she wasn't. She was empowered by the pull she had over him and the need she felt for him. Her body was alive and it was all his. Rayna grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him close enough to work on the buttons and open it wide. She ran her hands across his chest, down his stomach, and back up to tug the shirt off of his shoulders. Once he was bare from the waist up she ran her hands over his arms, shoulders, and back. She allowed them to drift lower until they rested on top of his back pockets then pushed him into her body while thrusting her hips up. Deacon inhaled sharply. The quick intake of air was followed by low growl. His hands found her torso. They ran gently along the side of her ribcage and then inward, just under her breast. His touch was light and teasing. Goosebumps danced across her skin. While his fingers played games, his lips got to work, laying soft kisses along her cheeks, jaw, and down the column of her throat.
His ministrations brought a flash memory from her dream the previous night. Lips, open shirt, desire. This felt familiar. She gave a throaty chuckle.
"What? Somethin' funny?" He pulled back, searching her face.
"It's nothin'," she smiled.
"Tell me Ray."
"Well I had a dream last night..." her smile was coy and teasing, "and a little part of it just came back." She captured his lips with her own. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close. She deepened the kiss.
After several blissful minutes, Deacon pulled back for air. His forehead rested against hers. His hands once again began trailing up her sides...softly and slowly. "What was happenin' in the dream darlin'?" he whispered. His mouth returned to her neck, trailing kisses up towards her ear.
She turned her head to the side to give him more access and gripped his shoulders with both hands. The room was spinning. Her blood was singing in her veins. Desire coiled hot and deep in her belly. She could feel him hard against her. She needed more and was having a hard time concentrating on his words. "What?"
"Your dream Ray. Tell me about your dream." His breath was warm against her skin. She opened her eyes in an attempt to focus.
"We...uh...we were in the backseat of the truck...at the Bluebird..."
"Yeah?" His tone was teasing.
"Yeah..." she was almost breathless.
"And..." he ran his tongue over her skin.
"And...my shirt was open like this..." She whimpered as his teeth nipped just below her ear. "You were kissin' and caressin' me like that...Deacon." His name was breathed out, half sigh, half moan.
He smiled against her skin. "You tryin' to tell me you wanna go make love in the truck Ray?"
She grinned, tilting her head as he resumed his oral caress. "It was shapin' up to be a good...good dream from what I can remember. It's gets all fuzzy after the kissin' part."
"I bet we can make the real thing even better baby." He whispered.
I'm sure we could...Deacon..." she moaned as his hand cupped her breast, fingers brushing her through the fabric of her bra. "It's just that we're here, already in a state of undress...and...and the truck's out there..." He nipped her neck. She gasped. "...seems like a shame to put all those clothes on just to take them off again."
"You're probably right." He pushed his hips against hers. She pushed back.
"That's usually true," she breathed. He chuckled.
Rayna pulled back enough to meet his gaze. Her eyes glazed and heavy with desire. "Make love to me Deacon. I need you. Right here, right now."
No further invitation was necessary. He pressed his body fully against hers, prompting her to sit. He peeled her out of her shirt. Her bra was next to find its way to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor. Deacon stood back a moment allowing himself to enjoy the beauty of the woman in front of him. His woman. Telling her she was beautiful wasn't enough anymore. It was time to show her. He lowered himself and tasted her flesh. Nipping, sucking, kissing. She grabbed his head, cradling him close. His hands danced across her skin. When the their need became too great, he pulled back and gently pushed against her shoulder.
She leaned back and gave him access to her lower half. He pulled at her boots, throwing them haphazardly across the room. His hands traced up her legs and over her thighs until he reached the top of her jeans. With a quick flip of his fingers they were open. A few seconds later he was sliding them down. She was miles and miles of leg. He followed the jeans down with his mouth, kissing her newly exposed skin. The pants hit the floor. He reversed his direction, spreading her legs and kissing back up, working his way toward the inside of her thighs.
Rayna was ready for him. More than ready. She could feel the heat pooling between her spread thighs. Her body practically convulsed with every kiss, every caress. His breath was hot and heavy on her skin. Her nerve endings were on fire. He bent his head to push aside her panties. She couldn't take it. As much as she enjoyed this particular activity, and Deacon was especially talented in this area, she needed him inside of her. There would be time for this later.
"No, Deacon." She pushed herself up and pulled at him. "Not now. I need you...right now." She didn't wait for a response, but raised herself up to a sitting position and grabbed for the waist of his pants. Desire made her clumsy, but she somehow got her fingers to work. With the button open and fly down, she tugged his pants off of his hips. He was released. His desire was strongly evident. The sight caused a fresh hot wave of desire to shoot through her belly and pulse between her thighs. His boxers were next to meet the floor.
"Deacon," she breathed, looking up and down his naked body. "You're beautiful. I thought I had a good picture in my mind, but my memory wasn't doin' you justice." He chuckled as she pulled him closer, allowing her breath to caress him, to warm his already heated skin.
"Rayna," he choked.
"I'm right here babe. I'm right here."
He stepped out of the cloth pooling at his feet and grabbed her panties. She fell back and she raised her hips, eyes never leaving her very handsome and very aroused lover. The thin fabric left between them slid down her thighs and legs with very little resistance. He threw them on the floor. Rayna met his eyes. She pushed backwards on the bed making room for him. With one more seductive smile she lay back and opened herself to him, reaching up with a hand to invite him to take and be taken. He climbed onto her. Their mouths met, desperate for one another. She raised her hips, moaning into his open mouth. He ground down, feeling her against him; feeling her readiness. With a growl in his throat he lifted up slightly and guided himself to her. With one more frenzied kiss he pushed in.
Rayna threw her head back and gasped, body stretching and filling. He stilled, enjoying the feeling of her adjusting around him. When her hips began to move, he met them with his own.
"I love you Deacon," she breathed.
"I love you Rayna," he replied back in a sigh.
They moved together, dancing to their own music. Weary souls finding comfort and completion; they were finally home.
Later they lay together, bodies still entwined. Rayna's head rested under Deacon's chin, her fingers lightly brushing his chest. He had one arm wrapped around her back, holding her close. The other was resting on her hip.
"I filed for divorce this morning."
"You what?" He raised up, pushing her up to meet his eyes.
"I told Teddy last night I couldn't do it anymore. It's been feelin' like a lie for a long time. After I told you that I loved you and I just couldn't keep goin'. So today I filed outside of Nashville"
Deacon couldn't believe what he was hearing. Rayna already filed for divorce. His heart swelled. There'd been no doubt that she was serious about being with him after this afternoon, but she'd already taken steps to make it permanent. He pulled her close. She snuggled back into him.
"Ray...I don't know what to say."
She chuckled. "You don't have to say anything."
"How'd he take that?" His voice vibrated against the side of her face She pressed a kiss into his chest.
"Not good. He's angry. Hurt. Feels betrayed. He promised me that he's not gonna make it easy for me...for us. I believe him. I told him that he and I needed to figure a way to make this work. We have to keep it civil for the girls. They love both of us and the life that we created for them. We owe it to them to do as little damage as possible."
"Teddy makes me want to punch his smug face. But I won't." He kissed the top of her head. "Things can go as slow as you need them to Ray. I'll do whatever you need. You'll get no pressure from me."
"I appreciate that babe. More than you know." It was funny how easy her go to term of endearment for him fell from her lips. It felt normal and came just as natural as breathing. Deacon's heart skipped a beat every time he heard it. "We will have to go slow. I promised Teddy we wouldn't make an announcement until after the campaign. I feel that I need to see him see through that. A divorce would damage his chances. As much as I think his runnin' is a bad idea, he's supported me through the years. He deserves this chance. We'll also wait to tell the girls until then. He's gonna need some time to process his feelings and come around to workin' with me on this. We have to be a united front for them."
"Makes sense."
"He's so angry Deacon. He's been blusterin' and throwin' out threats. He's capable of making a huge mess outta all of this but I'm prayin' he won't. For the girls sake if nothin' else...I know I caught him off guard. He was content in life. I'm not sure why, but he was. I'm just afraid he's gonna try to make something dirty out of something beautiful."
"I don't have no answers Ray. I can only guess at what he'll do but I can promise you that I'll be here for you. And the girls. I'm know I'm not their dad, but I do love them. I'll be sensitive to their needs and yours. We can get through this together."
She felt fresh tears sting her eyes. Her love for him was overwhelming...the guilt of her deception was pretty overwhelming too. It became very clear to Rayna in that moment that keeping Maddie's paternity a secret now that she was with Deacon was going to harder than she'd thought. Her mind set hadn't changed, but it was going to be hard. It was her cross to bear. She pressed her body close to his and placed another kiss on his chest.
"I love you so much. But speakin' of those girls, I have to go get them."
"Yeah. Looks to be about that time." He gave her one final lingering kiss and then disentangled their bodies.
"I don't ever want to get out of this bed." Rayna moaned as she stretched. Deacon smiled. He would love it if she never left his bed. He'd love it if she never wore another stitch of clothing either. He pulled the sheet off of her body, enjoying the view one more time. She smiled coyly and rolled to her side. "Duty calls darlin'," he swatted lightly at her backside. "Plus, if you don't ever get out of this bed, how'm I supposed to get you in the backseat of that truck?" He arched a brow and smiled.
She giggled and sat up. "Promises, promises." She leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He lay back and watched her shimmy into her jeans and throw on her shirt. Her hair was tousled with that 'just got laid' look. She tried to fix it with her fingers, but the look of love was all over her. He done that. "Good gracious girl I love you." She looked up and smiled. "I loved be you too babe." She pulled on her boots. "You gonna walk a lady to the door?"
Their parting had been quick. She had to hustle to get to the school before the end of Maddie's practice. On the drive across town she relived their last few moments.
He opened the door and stepped out onto the porch while she grabbed her purse. Before she barreled down the stairs to face the rest of the day, she pulled him close for one more lingering kiss.
"Bye," she whispered, smiling against his lips.
"Bye." He kissed her once more. "I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsal."
"Can't wait." With one last small squeeze she turned and headed down the walk towards the car.
"I love you Ray," he called out to her retreating form.
She turned and gave him a huge smile. "I love you too."
The smile was still on her face when she pulled into the school parking lot. She could see children congregating on the edge of the soccer field, but did not recognize any as her daughter. Maybe she was in the bathroom. No cause for concern yet. She pulled up to the edge of the field and waited. Several minutes passed. No Maddie. Rayna's heat began to beat double time. She glanced across the field again, spying several of her friends. She got out and walked over to the girls.
"Hey ya'll."
"Hi Ms. Jaymes." It was chorused around the group.
"I'm here to grab Maddie. Do you know where she is?"
"She's not here."
The panic set in full force. Her head began to spin. "What do you mean she's not here?"
The girls looked at each other. "She got picked up already," one said.
"Picked up already? By who?"
"Her dad I guess," sad another.
"Are you sure it was her dad? Where's your coach?"
"Coach is putting the soccer balls and stuff away over there," one said, pointing across the field. "We guess it was her dad," said another. We weren't really paying attention. She just said she had to go and got her stuff and left."
The sick feeling rolled in her stomach. Her ears began to ring, black spots danced across her vision. The urge to throw up hit hard. Where was her daughter? Rayna knew she'd clearly heard Teddy say that he would be working late and to not wait on dinner. He knew she was planning on getting both girls this afternoon. He wouldn't have changed plans without calling. Tandy wouldn't have picked her up without saying anything would she? Rayna was sure that Maddie wouldn't go with a stranger, but what if someone lured her over to a waiting car and then forced her to get in? What if she was hurt? What if...She managed a quick word of thanks to the girls and practically ran back to the vehicle to get her cell. Teddy's name was number one on speed dial. She punched the number. It rang...and rang again. Her thoughts were swirling, eyes filling with tears. Even though she put her children in private school she could never be one hundred percent sure that some obsessed fan or stalker wouldn't try to take them. It was one of her biggest fears.
Teddy finally answered on the fourth ring. "Hello." He sounded irritated.
"Teddy, do you have Maddie? I came by practice to get her and she's not here!" Her voice was two octaves higher than normal, words were rushed. The fear was evident.
"Yes Rayna. I got off early and decided to get the girls."
She felt instant relief followed almost immediately by strong surge of anger. "Why in the world didn't you call me? I was worried sick! Do you have any idea how scary it is to come get your child and to be told that she's gone and no one has any idea who has her?" She was practically screaming into the phone.
"Calm down Rayna. She's fine."
"Don't tell me to calm down Teddy. I was scared to death." Her breathing was regulating. She laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. She could feel the beginnings of a headache. "Okay. You got Daphne too?"
"I told you that I got both of them." He was clearly ready to stop talking to her.
She grit her teeth. He was seriously pushing some major buttons. Rayna suspected, though she hoped she was wrong, that Teddy did this purposely to take a crack at her. He was being true to the words he threw out this morning, he was not going to make life easy. "Well I'm glad she's safe. I'm gonna to run by the grocery store and then I'll be on home."
"Okay. Do whatever you want. They're fine." He hung up.
"Jerk!" She looked down at the blank screen and threw the phone into the passenger seat.
The girls were running around the kitchen singing when she walked through the door. She heard squeals of "Hi Mom" and "Mama," followed by a bombardment of hugs and kisses.
"Hi my sweet girls." She sat down her grocery bags and pulled each one in for a bear hug. She couldn't get close enough. Even though she knew now they'd both been perfectly safe, Rayna's body was still feeling the aftershocks of panic. She'd been scared and felt helpless; unable to protect her most precious ones. It was awful and it hurt. Rayna wrapped one arm back around Daphne who was still cuddled into her body and used the other to pull Maddie's face in to kiss her cheek.
"Mooommm. You're squishing my face."
"Can't help it baby. I just can't get enough of you. I love you both so much. One day when you're a mama you'll understand."
Maddie rolled her eyes. Rayna allowed her to pull away. "Grab one of these bags will you Maddie?" "Here Daph, you can carry this one and I'll take these," she said as she untangled herself from Daphne and passed her the smallest bag of groceries. Rayna picked up her last two bags and walked further into the kitchen with her daughters.
"Thanks for helpin' me out guys. Any preferences for dinner?"
"We already ate," Maddie replied.
"Yeah." Daphne sang out. "Daddy got us pizza and we have ice cream for later! He said it was a special daddy's day."
Rayna did her best making a happily surprised face. "Well...that does sound like a pretty special day. What did you two do to get so lucky?"
"We're just that good," Maddie smiled.
"That's about right,"Teddy said as he walked into the kitchen. He gave Maddie a side hug. "I just felt like I needed some special time with my girls." He looked at Rayna. "There's pizza still in the oven if you want it."
"It was good Mom."
"Okay." She looked at the girls. "Well there ya'll go again makin' my job easier in the kitchen for the second time today." She wanted to cry. It wasn't that she wanted to cook, but Teddy was pulling out all the stops. "So do either of you have any homework?"
"Nope," Maddie replied. "Did mine at school today."
"Daph?" She looked at her youngest.
She shook her head. "I didn't have any."
"Sounds like the two of you have just had an all around fantastic day."
"We're gonna go sing for a little while. We still have to practice for the talent show." Maddie grabbed Daphne's hand and started pulling her towards the stairs.
"Okay, but showers need to happen in about an hour. I'll remind you," Rayna yelled behind them.
"Okay." They spoke in unison as they walked away.
Rayna watched them until the bottoms of their feet disappeared. She turned to Teddy. "Can we talk about this afternoon for a minute?"
He rolled his eyes. "There's nothing to talk about."
"Yeah Teddy, I think there is." She turned, hands on her hips. "For about 10 minutes today I had no idea where our daughter was. I'm pretty sure I lost about five years off my life I was so sick with worry. We always call each other when plans change with the girls. Today should have been no different. Why in the world didn't you call me?"
"I just didn't think about it okay? I'm sorry you were worried."
He went to walk away.
"That's it Teddy? You just forgot? You decided to go out of your way to pick Maddie up early...to pick both of them up early when you were supposed to be workin' late and you just forgot to tell me? Teddy!"
"I'm not going to keep going over this with you Rayna. I said I was sorry. I won't do it again. What more do you want?"
"I just wanna know why."
"They're my kids too and I can get them whenever I want. I don't need your permission."
"You know that's not what I mean. I've never had a problem with you pickin' them up but you rarely ever do. And when you do get them, we're both clear that's the plan."
"Well, I wanted to get them today so I did. As for letting you know, you were clearly busy this afternoon. I'm surprised you were able able to remember the girls." The last part was spit out with disdain.
"What are you talking about?" Rayna was flabbergasted. "I wasn't too busy to pick them up. I got to practice on time, like I always do. It had just ended. The only difference was that Maddie wasn't there."
"Whatever Rayna." He turned to walk away again. It was in that second his words clearly registered.
"Hey." She walked towards him. "What did you mean by I was too busy?"
He stopped and turned around. His voice was low but there was clear disgust in his words. "Let's not play this game. I know you were at Deacon's. I know what you were doing over there. You couldn't wait to play his whore. Just like you did last night. And before you try to become indignant or go all mother of the year on me, just remember that you chose him last night over spending time with your children. How could I be sure that you'd remember them today?"
She stared at him for a minute, slack jawed. She'd almost have been less surprised if he'd reached out and slapped her. These words were not actually coming out of his mouth. There was no way that this was real.
"Teddy." She shook her head, eyes wide. "I can't believe you'd say that to me." He just looked at her. "Not that it's any of your business, but spending time with Deacon is not going to negatively affect my parenting. Nothing has ever nor will ever come before my responsibilities as a mother. Those girls are my top priority and have been since the day that they were born." She paused. Her next words were said quietly. "You wanted to say somethin' that would really hurt and you did. I hope that makes you feel better." She shook her head again. "Unbelievable."
Something about her facial expression or her posture must have seemed patronizing to Teddy because before she knew it, he came close, invading her personal bubble. There was fire in his eyes. He grabbed her arm above her elbow in a tight grip and jerked her close. His next words were a venomous whisper.
"Regardless of what you think or what you may have started by filing for divorce, you are still very much my wife and today you committed adultery." He looked her up and down. "You look and smell like sex Rayna. It's disgusting. You were in no position to be around my children in that state." She went pull away but he held tight. "I want to make it very clear that you have crossed a line today. I have proof of your infidelity. I have pictures of you being over there, proof that you broke our vows and I will use it against you. You know I have the resources. I promised you that this would not be easy and I meant it. You're not turning my world upside down without a fight. I've put your wants and needs ahead of my own for years. I've supported you and all you've done is shove Deacon in my face...every day for almost 14 years. How can I be sure that you haven't been running around with him before today? Maybe I need to get a paternity test for Daphne."
Rayna jerked out of his grip at that. All she could see was red. Teddy was making their past 13 years together cheap and ugly. He was belittling her integrity, questioning her fidelity, and threatening her parental rights. She seethed, but he wasn't finished.
"You can be as mad as you want. Stomp around, throw your weight, but you know I can fight you Rayna. We're more than evenly matched. You're not cutting me out of my family to put Deacon in my place. Hell will freeze over."
"I don't want to cut you out of your family, but you're doin' a pretty good job of it yourself right now. Let...go...of me Teddy."
He pushed her away from him. There was nothing left to say on either side. Rayna was mad, but her heart was breaking. This was everything she'd hoped it wouldn't be. But the battle lines were drawn. How in the world was she going to protect her children? How was she going to protect Deacon, not to mention herself?
After a long, hot shower...she'd sat on the floor of the stall letting the water pour over her and the tears stream down her face...Rayna walked up to the girls rooms. Everything in her had wanted to call Deacon. To seek comfort. To have his love and support act as a balm to her wounds, but that was definitely not a good idea for many reasons. Instead she sought solace from being around her girls. She could hear their sweet voices harmonizing together as she walked down the hall. She stopped outside of Maddie's open door for a minute to listen. Tears glistened in her eyes. Her heart ached. She drew a deep breath and wiped her eyes. Children were observant and she had to be strong, or at least put on a convincing show. She walked into the room. Bless their hearts, they'd showered and were dressed for bed.
"That sounds beautiful."
"Thanks Mom. We've been working pretty hard on it," Maddie said sitting down her guitar.
"I can tell."
Maddie smiled. She had been working hard practicing the guitar and was proud of herself for learning a new song. Like Deacon she had a natural talent for it.
Rayna crawled onto the bed and positioned herself in the middle, holding out her arms. "Come here sweet things. Come snuggle with your Mama."
Both girls cuddled up, laying their heads on her chest, pillowed by her arms around their shoulders. "Thanks for gettin' ready for bed without me havin' to remind you. You two are growin' up." She squeezed them both to her. "I missed ya'll today. Big time."
"You just saw us this morning Mama," Daphne smiled.
"I know, but it just wasn't enough. But we're together now. That's all that matters."
They lay on the bed together discussing the ins and outs of the day. Rayna loved listening to their chatter. She was already dreading the time when they'd start to feel too cool to discuss every nuisance of their lives with her. When they'd begin to keep teenage secrets. Maddie was already less chatty these days than Daphne, but she still willingly participated and enjoyed sharing highlights. She wasn't too big yet to cuddle with her mama. Rayna lived for these moments. No amount of career success could rival time with her children. She vowed in that moment while the girls talked and giggled that she'd do everything in her power to protect them.