Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER characters, I just like to have fun
with them!
Luka placed the lounge phone back into its receiver with an audible click, then smiled softly.
He knew he had to be careful not to overplay his hand. But they had really crossed a bridge last night, Abby had opened up to him and breathed new life into the sense of hope Luka had all but abandoned since their romantic falling-out.
The emotional intimacy he had felt the previous evening was more than he had dared even dream could happen when he had delivered his invitation for her to stay with him. The kindness of the offer, though, was but a thin veneer covering his selfish desire to be near to her.
An almost giddy nervousness pervaded the rest of his day as he mentally laid out his evening plans. After checking the nurses' schedule three times, he was sure Abby would be home that night. When he arrived from work, he would play it cool, at least until the flowers arrived at five- thirty. Dinner from her favorite Italian restaurant would be moments behind, and then they could relax to some blues or a movie. He would not push her, but he could not hold back his feelings anymore. Perhaps, if he was lucky, she would even confide in him what had made her so upset that night.
"Dr. Kovac? Dr. Kovac, did you hear me? Luka!" Kerry's voice cut through the thick of his thoughts.
"No, I'm sorry, what?" His distant eyes barely looked at her.
"I asked if you knew when Abby would be back."
"Back? Back from what?" That brought him crashing back into his present surroundings.
"I received a message from personnel this morning - she had a family emergency and would be gone for a few days, they weren't certain about her return." Kerry's eyes lingered on Luka's face, taking in the surprise and hurt. "Wish her my best," she relented slightly, returning her attention a chart.
"Yes, of course," he faltered. Just like that, it was all gone. Fantasies of hope and happiness crumbled around him; but, more than that, he was suddenly overtaken by a heavy shadow of fear - fear for what Abby could be suffering through.
She had been upset the night before, but a family emergency? What could have happened? Had he been too callous with her? Somehow he did not think she wanted to talk - what he had seen in her eyes was hurt and longing. She had just seemed to need him and he had tried to be there as best he could.
Before he realized what he was doing, his cell phone was pressed to his ear, a faint ring emanating from the earpiece; five rings, though, and his own familiar voice greeted him as the answering machine picked up. The cheerful greeting seemed to drag on far too long as he waited impatiently for the beep.
"Abby? Abby, are you there? Pick up the phone. Abby?" By the time he hung up he was already beginning to push the ambulance bay doors open. Trying to calm himself down he shoved his hands deep into his pockets - the terse tone in his own voice surprised him. Upset, yes, but he had barely been able to squeeze out the words; he could not think straight. "Kerry."
The redheaded doctor looked up from her stack of admissions papers, adjusting her glasses. "Go ahead; I'll cover your last hour." Her gravelly voice was music to his ears. Though she could be cold, Luka had always felt there was a deeper understanding between them.
Grateful for whatever degree of compassion she was showing, he hurriedly gave her a half-hearted smile. Without wasting any more time, he raced to his car.
The thing was an eyesore, even to him - who really drove a Viper? It was all a part of the elaborate shield of images he constructed around himself after he stopped seeing Abby.
Wasn't it funny how hard he tried. Perhaps if he had been able to convince himself he had his life together without her, then everyone else would believe it too.
First Nicole, to try and prove he was over Abby; he even tried to show Abby how over her he was by helping Nicole get a job in the E.R. But another woman did not free him of her; she still haunted his thoughts and caught his eye as she flitted in and out of his line of sight. He would catch his eyes following her and chastise himself, then practice again one of his many rehearsed and feeble attempts to try and draw her into a conversation. Before he could act on them, though, Nicole would appear and he was sucked back into the vortex of real life.
After he could not press any further into Nicole's dead end, he added to his bachelor pad - games, movies, and music galore to create the perfect party atmosphere. Perfect for seducing the hordes of women he despised for not being Abby or Danjella.
And what more perfect an item to finish it off than the classic symbol of male sexuality: a muscle car. Too bad all of it meant nothing. It was an empty, false identity. All of his exacting effort, and he wasn't even convincing himself. The only time he had felt real since arriving in the United States was when he was with Abby.
Now he was furious, with his car, with the traffic, but mostly with himself. For the first time, he realized how angry he still was about what had passed between them in September - the awful things he had said, and never taken back. They were so close - he was so close to brushing against happiness again, he could not let her slip away.
Luka pressed the gas petal down with renewed urgency. The quick response of his expensive car, though, was not enough.
By the time he reached his apartment, she was gone.
Luka placed the lounge phone back into its receiver with an audible click, then smiled softly.
He knew he had to be careful not to overplay his hand. But they had really crossed a bridge last night, Abby had opened up to him and breathed new life into the sense of hope Luka had all but abandoned since their romantic falling-out.
The emotional intimacy he had felt the previous evening was more than he had dared even dream could happen when he had delivered his invitation for her to stay with him. The kindness of the offer, though, was but a thin veneer covering his selfish desire to be near to her.
An almost giddy nervousness pervaded the rest of his day as he mentally laid out his evening plans. After checking the nurses' schedule three times, he was sure Abby would be home that night. When he arrived from work, he would play it cool, at least until the flowers arrived at five- thirty. Dinner from her favorite Italian restaurant would be moments behind, and then they could relax to some blues or a movie. He would not push her, but he could not hold back his feelings anymore. Perhaps, if he was lucky, she would even confide in him what had made her so upset that night.
"Dr. Kovac? Dr. Kovac, did you hear me? Luka!" Kerry's voice cut through the thick of his thoughts.
"No, I'm sorry, what?" His distant eyes barely looked at her.
"I asked if you knew when Abby would be back."
"Back? Back from what?" That brought him crashing back into his present surroundings.
"I received a message from personnel this morning - she had a family emergency and would be gone for a few days, they weren't certain about her return." Kerry's eyes lingered on Luka's face, taking in the surprise and hurt. "Wish her my best," she relented slightly, returning her attention a chart.
"Yes, of course," he faltered. Just like that, it was all gone. Fantasies of hope and happiness crumbled around him; but, more than that, he was suddenly overtaken by a heavy shadow of fear - fear for what Abby could be suffering through.
She had been upset the night before, but a family emergency? What could have happened? Had he been too callous with her? Somehow he did not think she wanted to talk - what he had seen in her eyes was hurt and longing. She had just seemed to need him and he had tried to be there as best he could.
Before he realized what he was doing, his cell phone was pressed to his ear, a faint ring emanating from the earpiece; five rings, though, and his own familiar voice greeted him as the answering machine picked up. The cheerful greeting seemed to drag on far too long as he waited impatiently for the beep.
"Abby? Abby, are you there? Pick up the phone. Abby?" By the time he hung up he was already beginning to push the ambulance bay doors open. Trying to calm himself down he shoved his hands deep into his pockets - the terse tone in his own voice surprised him. Upset, yes, but he had barely been able to squeeze out the words; he could not think straight. "Kerry."
The redheaded doctor looked up from her stack of admissions papers, adjusting her glasses. "Go ahead; I'll cover your last hour." Her gravelly voice was music to his ears. Though she could be cold, Luka had always felt there was a deeper understanding between them.
Grateful for whatever degree of compassion she was showing, he hurriedly gave her a half-hearted smile. Without wasting any more time, he raced to his car.
The thing was an eyesore, even to him - who really drove a Viper? It was all a part of the elaborate shield of images he constructed around himself after he stopped seeing Abby.
Wasn't it funny how hard he tried. Perhaps if he had been able to convince himself he had his life together without her, then everyone else would believe it too.
First Nicole, to try and prove he was over Abby; he even tried to show Abby how over her he was by helping Nicole get a job in the E.R. But another woman did not free him of her; she still haunted his thoughts and caught his eye as she flitted in and out of his line of sight. He would catch his eyes following her and chastise himself, then practice again one of his many rehearsed and feeble attempts to try and draw her into a conversation. Before he could act on them, though, Nicole would appear and he was sucked back into the vortex of real life.
After he could not press any further into Nicole's dead end, he added to his bachelor pad - games, movies, and music galore to create the perfect party atmosphere. Perfect for seducing the hordes of women he despised for not being Abby or Danjella.
And what more perfect an item to finish it off than the classic symbol of male sexuality: a muscle car. Too bad all of it meant nothing. It was an empty, false identity. All of his exacting effort, and he wasn't even convincing himself. The only time he had felt real since arriving in the United States was when he was with Abby.
Now he was furious, with his car, with the traffic, but mostly with himself. For the first time, he realized how angry he still was about what had passed between them in September - the awful things he had said, and never taken back. They were so close - he was so close to brushing against happiness again, he could not let her slip away.
Luka pressed the gas petal down with renewed urgency. The quick response of his expensive car, though, was not enough.
By the time he reached his apartment, she was gone.