A/N: Thanks to all you who reviewed, I'm glad you enjoyed the first half of this story. A second thanks to you readers who have been so patient for this update, trust me, I think it will be worth your while. Without any further ado, I present to you, the conclusion of Not As I Do.
Disclaimer: Mann, if I owned Grey's I'd do all in my power to end this writer's strike. Give the people what they want! Dont you agree?
The next morning Meredith Grey was sitting in her office looking over paperwork regarding the new interns but found that she was very distracted. She kept looking around in disbelief.
Meredith had been Chief of Surgery for a good couple of years now but on some days, days like today, it refused to make sense to her.
She gazed around at the office, an office that had belonged to Chief Webber and Chief Bailey way before it did her. Now this was her office. How did that happen? Meredith couldn't help but think to herself yet again this morning. What in the world was Bailey thinking handing a job like this to her?
Its mornings like these that make Meredith think that Cristina was more worthy of this position. Meredith had too much baggage for this post; all the McDreamy and the drowning, the countless screw ups and all the family issues clouded up her judgment years on end and yet here she was, sitting in the Chief's chair, giving out the orders.
"God, it should have been Cristina" Meredith found herself murmuring under her breath. How much Cristina needed this. She was so perfect for it too. Oh, how it had hurt Cristina, finding out that 'just Meredith' had trumped her, taken her dream job from under her. The hurt was so immense; it was enough to terminate a friendship.
Soon after that Cristina realized there was nothing left for her and departed from Seattle as did all the others:
Alex returned to his hometown to tend to his mother and word had it that he turned Iowa into a foremost area for plastic surgery almost single-handedly.
George had retired from Seattle Pres. not too long ago to be with his family.
Izzie was exceptional at neurosurgery; she had finally found her calling. She traveled all over the country, performing phenomenal surgeries and saving lives. Every once in a while Meredith would find her visiting at the Clinic and helping out. That made her smile.
They rarely talked anymore; best friends, in this together and none of them ever exchanged more than two words with each other. Maybe they were too busy; maybe they had finally grown up and realized that secrets and screwing around behind each other's backs would eventually cause them to drift apart.
Even Derek hadn't stayed and he was the one who truly wanted a happy ending. Looking back at it, Meredith understood that he finally got that… only without her. He tried dating and that never worked for him either and he began to feel that when he was around her he was doing more damage than good. So now he traveled all over the world. Meredith received emails from him every once in a while but despite the smile they put on her face, her heart still ached for him.
This job ruins you. The second you prove that you're totally committed is when your life starts spiraling out of control. Your first priority is your patients and right behind it is your career. Only then come the people you care about, your family and friends and partners but once you finally make time for them, they're tired of waiting and they've moved on. You become your last priority and sadly at the very end, you is all you have left when it all comes crashing down.
"You said five rules," Lisa stated to her resident in front of all the other interns, "that was only four,"
The resident's pager went, "rule number five: when I move you move,"
"Okay we have a multiple trauma coming and we need all hands on deck," the resident announced as she ran to meet the ambulance.
"Car crash victim, Andrew Miller, 38, deep gash to the leg; he was seizing on the way here,"
"You and you," the resident pointed to two of the interns, "page Dr. Fibbs in Neuro. You and you," She pointed to Lisa, "stitch up his leg and take him to MRI"
Lisa didn't respond. She couldn't take her eyes off the man's leg. It was bleeding profusely. Her stomach rolled over and she turned around to avoid it. Lisa was never afraid of blood before, she was not the slightest bit squeamish and she was always cool under pressure but she just couldn't turn back and face the patient.
Lisa was lost once again. Everyone was too busy to keep her safe. She was cold and wet and panicked but she refused to let it show; she refused to say a word. Even then she was strong. Lisa returned to the doctor who found her in the first place; she was nice, her eyes were kind ones.
She was treating a man who was lying on the ground and even from far away Lisa could tell he was in pain. He was scared too. Lisa tapped the doctor on the shoulder and before she could even respond, Lisa caught a quick glimpse of the man's leg. It was split open wide and he was bleeding badly. Lisa just stood there.
The doctor turned to her in a matter of seconds. She looked shocked and quite puzzled to see Lisa still here, "Don't look. Turn around. I need you to be brave for me. Just stand right there and don't move. And don't look." The doctor was very brave.
"What are you waiting for?!" the resident shouted, "Move!"
Lisa stayed frozen. Her body just refused to budge.
The resident shook her head, "You," she directed the other intern, "take him, andyou," she glared at Lisa, "pit!"
How was it that one short word, could bring down the spirit of the ambitious intern so fast?
Working in the pit somehow relieved Lisa, like the pressure was off her, despite all the overflow of injured patient. Now the emotion that ran through her felt more like guilt.
She should have moved! She was a doctor for God's sake! She wasn't supposed to freeze up at the sight of a bloody leg! She was supposed to take action just like doctors are supposed to, real doctors anyway.
Lisa could feel silent warm tears streaming down her face. Focusing all her attention on making the tears cease, Lisa didn't even consider the possibility that someone was watching her, or that, that someone was Greg, the intern she had met last night.
No one knew it just quite yet, but Greg would turn into one of the world's most sympathetic surgeon one day. He couldn't bear to see Lisa crying. She was too good for that. She had one little screw up, one little hesitation. It's okay; it was only her first day.
Greg didn't know what to do. She wouldn't want to talk to him. But he couldn't just stand there; he had to take action, right?
'Two hours' Lisa kept repeating to herself. There were only two more hours left until this disastrous first shift would end. 'Just hang in there for two more hours'
Just then Lisa's pager had beeped. She looked down at it. The Chief was looking for her. The Chief? News of her screw ups had already reached the Chief? There was no way this could be good.
Lisa made her way to the Chief's office worrying every step there. Once she stood outside of the door, she let out a heavy sigh and wordlessly let herself in.
Meredith was staring out the window at her precious hospital; her back was facing the visitor for several moments before turning around.
Lisa couldn't take the silence, "Okay, I know, I screwed up and I shouldn't have hesitated over a patient. It's stupid. But there is no need to doubt me being in this program I assure you!" all her word were squished into one, "I can totally do better I can prove it, I know I can," This was the time, this was definitely the time to tell the Chief about their past meeting, maybe it would give her another chance.
"See when I was little, it was something like 20 years ago I suppose, there was an accident, a huge disaster with a lot of people. I was lost and scared," there were quakes in Lisa's voice, "and then there was this doctor who found me and saved a man and she was so brave, right up until—"
"Stop" Meredith ordered.
"Ever since then I knew I was going to be a surgeon! And a good one at that!" Lisa yelled in protest.
Meredith glared at Lisa for her outburst.
"Sorry" she muttered
Meredith took a deep breath "Right up until she fell into the water, right?" she finished, "I heard about you. I heard you were coming. I wasn't sure what to believe, but now I can tell that it's you. You're the little girl; I can see it on your face,"
Lisa nodded trying hard to hold tears back.
"So how have you been?" Meredith asked ever so casually.
"No complaints,"
"You know, there was this one time I asked Derek, I'm not sure if you remember him, he was a doctor here too, I asked him how he had known to rescue me that day. He said that the little girl who had followed me around all day must have been some sort of angel because she had no trouble at all leading him to me,"
"I just really wish I hadn't screwed up, I'd be grateful to become even half the surgeon you are,"
"Trust me, I'm not all that good," Lisa was skeptical, "you'd be surprised, doctors have done much worse than hesitate at a leg wound. It'll be okay, you're tough, I know, and you'll only grow tougher. Just a word of advice, if you want to make it: do as I say, not as I do," Meredith instructed.
Lisa concurred.
"Now go, finish your shift, go home, get some sleep. I expect to see you up and running tomorrow. No excuses,"
Lisa left the office feeling a whole lot better than when she came in. Meredith returned to her desk, reclining in the chief's chair. She picked up the picture frame that sat on her desk. In it was a picture of her and Derek that they had taken on a ferryboat once. How he had once loved ferryboats. How he had once loved her. Loved her enough to save her.
A/N: Review! That's all I gotta say. I'm pretty proud of how this chapter turned out, so please review and lemme know what you think.